the Horror
Apr 13, 2014 10:00:15 GMT 10
Post by James on Apr 13, 2014 10:00:15 GMT 10
W: I don't say more than maybe 5 words to them even on a good day.
W: I stayed silent all the time because maybe I would be considered a good child.
S: My vocation is with Hell.
S: A void my soul has mastered.
S: they have no clue as to what you are going through and don't even really want to know because it will mean they will have to look at the part they played in their child feeling this way.
M: I wasn't left in my neglected state having to call upon myself to rescue myself. They never left me alone. I couldn't use my imagination to pretend it wasn't happening to me.
S: I began to understand so much about the pain and unloved state I have felt as an adult is telling me all about the years of my life that I cant remember, they are being played out to me within every situation so I feel I don't need to remember how things were then because my soul is communicating them to me now, as an adult through the pain of how I feel, it tells me how it was for me then.
S: I shouldn't have had to long for my parents to love me how I needed them too, it should have been natural but it wasn't so I was made to feel powerless, unloved, alone and evil
S: What has been the point of my life when it has all been a lie with my truth denied, a pointless existence, a pointless humanity because we are all the same feeding a false, pointless machine.
S: To feel nothing feels like you don't exist because that is the truth I don't exist in my evil state, their is nothing real in a lie which has been my whole existence up to today and having this realisation.
S: My parents taught me to be like this, this is how they wanted me to be and I am being like it with God, False trying to make them love me as I did with my parents
S: This led me to my incredible Fall into nothingness as I realised the Lies I had been built on, my existence being pointless all to keep me from this amazing truth that we contain, to keep us blind and deaf to our truth.
S: My fear of the outside world I now understand to be a distraction, not wanting to see that it was my parents control of me and without them I could not function in the world so the world seemed to be an unsafe place for me to be without them and the terror in the world is a reflection of the war that goes on within each one of us, Mind against Soul that being Satan against God, Man against Woman, Country against Country and thank God we have not found life on other planets yet because we would do what we do with our Evilness and create War spreading our Evilness Planet against Planet, its all we know how to do, it being our default setting programmed by our parents, to take the Will of another.
S: ...at times has felt like a war inside me between my mind(My physical parents creation) against my Soul ( My True Mother and Fathers creation) my mind not wanting to give up its control over me.
D: ...it is the primary one I have lived to stay away from my own emotions, desiring to be the world's garbage can that they can use to throw up in and then feel temporarily better about themselves.
D: We talk a little about how hard it feels when we are in the thick of shit, yet to live repeating in the cycle of control and manipulation with one another and not having any clue the way out...that despairing hopelessness, living in that is HARD!
W: I stayed silent all the time because maybe I would be considered a good child.
S: My vocation is with Hell.
S: A void my soul has mastered.
S: they have no clue as to what you are going through and don't even really want to know because it will mean they will have to look at the part they played in their child feeling this way.
M: I wasn't left in my neglected state having to call upon myself to rescue myself. They never left me alone. I couldn't use my imagination to pretend it wasn't happening to me.
S: I began to understand so much about the pain and unloved state I have felt as an adult is telling me all about the years of my life that I cant remember, they are being played out to me within every situation so I feel I don't need to remember how things were then because my soul is communicating them to me now, as an adult through the pain of how I feel, it tells me how it was for me then.
S: I shouldn't have had to long for my parents to love me how I needed them too, it should have been natural but it wasn't so I was made to feel powerless, unloved, alone and evil
S: What has been the point of my life when it has all been a lie with my truth denied, a pointless existence, a pointless humanity because we are all the same feeding a false, pointless machine.
S: To feel nothing feels like you don't exist because that is the truth I don't exist in my evil state, their is nothing real in a lie which has been my whole existence up to today and having this realisation.
S: My parents taught me to be like this, this is how they wanted me to be and I am being like it with God, False trying to make them love me as I did with my parents
S: This led me to my incredible Fall into nothingness as I realised the Lies I had been built on, my existence being pointless all to keep me from this amazing truth that we contain, to keep us blind and deaf to our truth.
S: My fear of the outside world I now understand to be a distraction, not wanting to see that it was my parents control of me and without them I could not function in the world so the world seemed to be an unsafe place for me to be without them and the terror in the world is a reflection of the war that goes on within each one of us, Mind against Soul that being Satan against God, Man against Woman, Country against Country and thank God we have not found life on other planets yet because we would do what we do with our Evilness and create War spreading our Evilness Planet against Planet, its all we know how to do, it being our default setting programmed by our parents, to take the Will of another.
S: ...at times has felt like a war inside me between my mind(My physical parents creation) against my Soul ( My True Mother and Fathers creation) my mind not wanting to give up its control over me.
D: ...it is the primary one I have lived to stay away from my own emotions, desiring to be the world's garbage can that they can use to throw up in and then feel temporarily better about themselves.
D: We talk a little about how hard it feels when we are in the thick of shit, yet to live repeating in the cycle of control and manipulation with one another and not having any clue the way out...that despairing hopelessness, living in that is HARD!