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Post by samantha9 on May 31, 2015 20:34:03 GMT 10
My daughter has had a septic finger for a few days now and last night she came to me asking me for help and how can she heal this awful pain. I was just waiting for her to come to me when she had had enough of the pain. I talk to both of my children bout feelings constantly and how every thing physical is a manifestation of an emotional pain and they understand that and they ask my what I write about constantly and I tell them it is how I heal myself by expressing all I feel to my Mother and Father, I only tell them what they want to know, when they ask me or see me doing my own healing and ask what I am doing, it is then their will to know, having asked but I make feelings the answer to everything in our house, asking them how they felt today to make feelings a natural part of life and the key part of life instead of what do they think, I am bringing it back to how do they feel in a natural way and part of our daily care routine, sometimes they sit and talk deeply about how they feel, other times they just say that they are ok or the day has gone ok, never forcing them or pushing them, its all about their will, not mine. I have done enough damage to them in their early life through wanting my will fulfilled as my parents did to me.
I talked to my daughter last night at length about how this pain in her thumb was making her feel, and she said she didn't really know it just hurts and she was scared she might have to go to the doctors and have an injection. She is terrified of injections so we went with that fear and I asked her how the thought of having an injection makes her feel and she began to open up to her feelings telling me of the terror of someone causing her pain, she went on to say she trusted the doctor to make her better but they will cause her more pain as they did when she was younger, giving her injections and taking blood from her, she no longer trusted them or me for taking her to the doctor and letting her go through more pain. There is no one she can trust to help her, which was also my pain as a child, those that were meant to help me, just made it worse and lied saying it wont hurt when they knew it would, I did the same to my children, all so wrong and evil. After much time of us both crying together and pouring out our feelings we got to the core of her pain and that was that she couldn't trust anyone she loved, every one she trusted causes her more pain, she feels alone and in fear and with no trust, just as I felt at her age to but now we were going to break this chain in our lives so it goes no further in the generations to come. We discovered together, that those we love lie to us and cause us more pain, our parents. We have no one in this life who will tell us the truth. I was so full of remorse and we cried together, I apologised with all of my heart and soul about the pain I have caused her and wanted her to be angry with me, I wanted her to feel the truth of her pain and anger with me but she cant bring herself to be like that with me yet, one day if she decides to read all I have wrote about my feelings in my journals she may find her rage and anger at me as she will see where her pain comes from, she will see what I have passed on to her. After much feeling healing last night she woke up this morning and the infection has begun to go down on her thumb and she was amazed at how better she felt inside too, less pain inside. She said she understood that her thumb was the manifestation of the emotional pain she felt about people hurting her, her Dad dying and hurting her, her friends hurting her, doctors hurting her with injections, me hurting her although she isn't ready to go there yet but I explained it to her anyway. She feels in pain and hurt in life by those she trusted and al through the fear of having an injection that will cause her more pain. She feels she has no one, there is no one she can trust and she felt so good at the end of our talk and learnt she can go deeper into her feelings she just needed a little bit of help to open up to them and if I can do that for her, if it is her will, it is the most loving thing I can do for her to turn the poles and begin to heal the pain I have caused her. It is all so hard James, I have my children showing me what I have done, they are showing me every minute of everyday what needs healing, it is an awful pain but also a great gift to help me heal the pain in me and them but to say to them all I have taught you is wrong, I am so sorry but I have done it all wrong with you and now I have to tell you to forget all I have told you and now do it this way, the right way. It feels so hard but we are doing it, reversing it all, and I am very lucky that we have always talked about our feelings and been pretty open with each other so the damage isn't to severe but still incredibly painful to see the results of my evilness in them. They don't want me to feel I am to blame, it hurts them but I almost want them to be angry with me so they are no longer under any illusion about me and they are touching their truth of how they feel but like I said, maybe one day when they read through my books they will feel their own truth but most of all I want the books to help them heal their own feelings as theres will be much the same and they can read about how I got to the truth. As I said earlier, we have always talked very openly about our feelings but not really getting to the healing core and now we can do this through your writings James, we can go deeper to heal how we feel and I can now truly help them undo the wrongs I have done to them but only when they ask me. |
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Post by James on May 31, 2015 22:37:14 GMT 10
That all sounds so good Sam. As they are still forming into adults so it should all be left up to them as you say - when they are ready and asking. And perhaps they will want to work on themselves one day and what an incredible resource your writing will be. During my healing I’ve longed and wished that I had more material to go on to help me, more memories of being with my parents when I was young; letters and writings of theirs to know how it was for them, their thoughts and feelings, and what they were doing at certain times in my early life - a journal would have been great; more photos so I could place things better so far as working out the continuity as my memories have jumbled time up - anything. Ideally I’ve wished I could go back and observe myself with them, ask the angels to replay and angelic video of my childhood, which I hope I might still be available so watch when I’m in spirit and healed. And at times I’ve considered going to mum and asking her about things, what happened, how I was, how it was for all of us, but then I’ve not wanted to deal with her knowing she’d not be open to my enquires and that I couldn’t trust what she said anyway as I’ve been able to see through my own healing that she has distorted some of her own memories from what she had told me. But then I’ve also thought that it had been good, as hard as it is, to have no help like these things, to be able to do it all just with myself and my own feelings and any memories that surface, to do it totally alone and without any family, sort of bear bones healing. It is always so interesting all the different feelings that come up - and keep coming up.
What you’ve written Sam has brought up some more things for me to consider, as you’re taking the whole healing thing into another realm by involving your children. You really are forging a New Way for yourself and them, and one that feels so much better than anything I was exposed to.
You said she “She feels she has no one, there is no one she can trust” and that too has been a big issue for Marion and I. And as you know, it comes down to our having to rely on ourselves for there is no one else. Ourselves and the our Mother and Father, but really in our natural love, it’s just ourselves, which we would have naturally relied on and trusted had we not had such trust shattered and removed and interfered with by our parents. It’s the one thing about our healing we both keep coming back to when we go down this track: that no one is going to come and help us, no one is going to save us, no one is going to redeem us, that we have to do it ourselves, which in the end is the best for us. We have to save ourselves, reclaim what was lost by looking to our own feelings understanding that we’ve still got our soul, we never lost it, and it is what we truly are, so we’ve just got to sort out all the untruth we’ve covered up our true selves with, so we can fully trust and love ourselves. So we can fully trust our own feelings, for that’s about what it amounts to. Having been made to distrust them because of our minds interference. And so if your daughter grows up looking to her feelings and being able to trust them, then she won’t need you to be her mother anymore when the time comes, being then able to look to her Heavenly Parents should she want to. It would have been nice to grow up not feeling so needy and dependent on my mother, even knowing that she couldn’t give me what I wanted, and to have naturally grown beyond her (and my father) being fully trusting and confident in my own feelings and feeling expression. My whole insecurity and low self-esteem and self-worth has been all because I was made to disconnect from my feelings - my true feeling self, having to instead deal with all the bad feelings that have resulted from trying to rely on my mind for security and worth, all of which has been contrived, false and so non-existent.
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Post by James on Jun 1, 2015 22:36:06 GMT 10
Sam I am still feeling so good about your healing with your daughter, how you went about it, and all you said. I now feel that it really is the new way for humanity, and you’ve shown that not only can you do it by yourself, but you can also help your children live true to themselves. So that’s it, there isn’t anything else other than humanity seeing what can be done, understanding what’s involved, and people deciding they too want to live true to their feelings.
So I feel for myself in regards to my writing and from all you’ve said, that I’ve reached some sort of defining point, that even more than I already felt, I know it is the way we are to go, and it’s not just something that is personally for Marion and myself and our own little adventure in life.
So I feel like I can die now knowing that it can be done: couples can do it, individuals, and families. So now all I need do is finish my own healing and decide if I want to promote the healing and Divine Love Spirituality anymore. I’m still moving toward another blog, slowly, letting the feelings of doing it build in me so I can see what it is I want to achieve with it.
I very much like the sound of the New Way, and although not original in itself, as how many times have people said this is the ‘new way’, but it fits in very much with the Light, the Truth and the Love - and The Way to live them. And it is a new way - will be a new way for humanity to consider, that being the one way that will free it of its evilness, something a long time in coming. As you are showing, the individual can look solely to themselves, it’s all within us, all we need, and we can use - and ARE to use - our own feelings, mind and will, to heal ourselves of our untruth, sin and error; needing no one else: no manmade religion, no contrived spiritual beliefs or dogma, no fancy meditation or healing technique, just simple faith and trust in ourselves - our own feelings, along with simple faith and trust in our Mother and Father, as we long for Their Divine Love and want to be as They are - perfect. It is all what in essence The Urantia Book talks about: how the faith son and daughter - the ascending mortal soul - is to traverse the circuits from Urantia to Paradise, a very simple formula, it all being contained within ourselves. And to think that we’ve made such a hash of it for so many years, simply because we’ve refused to live true to our feelings; it’s bizarre in one way, and yet that’s how humanity was influenced by rebellious higher spirits, so the damage was done. But now we can undo it. And best of all, undo it ourselves. Yeah! The truth has been finally revealed in its fullness on Urantia, and you my dear Samantha are out there living it for all Creation to see! How thrilling!
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Post by samantha9 on Jun 2, 2015 1:33:16 GMT 10
Wow James, Its all very huge and amazing and it makes me feel like I know something that no one else does, its in me and wants to burst out to say to people, you can heal, you have the ability within you to heal yourself of your ills and you had the tools within you all the time, "Your Feelings" the very things you are denying as thinking they are of no use to you and just make you feel worse so, turn around, turn it all around, you are all going the wrong way in your denial and rebellion of self, those very feelings you are pushing aside as they make you feel bad, are the magic, the very tools we have been given to heal ourselves, right under our very noses, just stop what you are doing and go the other way, the way you don't want to go because its the "New Way" and the only way to truly "Know Thyself".
My daughter woke up this morning and has been constantly connecting to her fears and her feelings about her poison thumb and she came to me and said she had done it, she had healed herself as her thumb had gone down to the point of not being visible, when it was huge and very angry, as angry and scared as she was about it. I was so pleased for her and felt her amazement at her ability to heal in this way and not having to give in and get anti-biotics or worse. I felt very happy for her that she had even tried it and given it a chance and now has the proof that she has the power to heal all through her feelings.
I love what you have written, it has made me feel very good inside and I cant find the words at the moment but I have an incredible feeling inside me that no words describe, maybe the fact that healing in this way enables us to all achieve miracles of healing because that is how it feels to me. If others come and want to know as my daughter did, when they have truly had enough of pain, I will tell them how it has been for me. Its all wonderful James.
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Post by wesley on Jun 2, 2015 3:46:06 GMT 10
I love what you both are writing and revealing here to the world. Because it's the truth being revealed. It can't be said any better. And I get a feeling that readers will at least give healing a try. And being a testament on how your dealing with your daughter Samantha I know from my experience with my childhood teacher that spoke to me. That your daughter will forever remember the day you revealed to her about being true to your feelings. It's like the first day James help exploded in me that I absolutely knew that this way was the only way. I was thrilled to come upon James help and anyone who understood all those bad feelings and not just saying pray more sincerely to wipe the slate clean. I started playing with fire with Divine Love and not healing where the Truth came in like a cool river of water and lead me on the New way as you both say. And on it goes. Knowing we have so much healing to do. And it's good and the stumbling blocks are no longer there. There is one true way to live.
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Post by samantha9 on Jun 2, 2015 4:41:02 GMT 10
Hello Wesley, I love what you have written also and when I post on here I do it for others also, that one day someone might read my experiences and have a bit of a guide as to how I do it, as I did with James' experiences. I was already healing through my feelings but couldn't get to the core emotions so found myself feeling unfulfilled that I wasn't reaching deep enough having so much resistance to truth, I would turn instead to my decoys that kept me away from the core truth that I needed to reach to release and feel the freedom when you do. And what you said about Faye forever remembering that experience of healing a physical pain, yes, we will both remember it and it was such a hugely intimate experience for us both and we both learnt so much about ourselves. It brought me ever closer to seeing them as my Brother and sister instead of Mother and Child, God has trusted me with 2 of his children and I now understand what that means and very gently, and when it is of their own will, I am here for them to show them the "New Way" if it is what they want. I am looking after them for God and with the help of my Mother and Father I can help them grow closer to truth.
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Post by James on Jun 2, 2015 21:56:10 GMT 10
“It was such a hugely intimate experience for us both.”
Life IS meant to be hugely intimate, we’re missing out on so much, look at how intimate our Mother and Father are with us, even though we don’t have a clue about that - don’t feel it. And it would be if we were all so attuned to our feelings and free to express them with the full passion and power of our will. Look at how intense and intimate it is with a baby and young person, all because it’s all feelings, and it’s such a pity we have that closeness and affection ground out of us, all because we’re made to abandon those feelings - abandon our true selves shutting ourselves out of what our lives are meant to be about. It makes me so angry when I think of how much I’ve missed out on, how much I’ve lost of myself, and how much I simply never had, not even the negative of it, it just not being part of my early life.
And it’s all so simple to understand. We are so twisted and distorted wasting so much time and energy on meaningless things. Still daily I am shown more through my feelings and by my Mother and Father how removed I am from myself, how disconnected, and I had no idea. I’m still waking up to it, my eyes are almost popping out of my head it all being so astounding that I could be so far off track and yet not having an inkling that I was. I knew something wasn’t right as I always felt scared and unhappy, but had no idea about any of this. Feelings just weren’t part of my life, I vaguely felt things but never spoke personally about them, now it’s all I’m trying to do with Marion. I hear myself saying I’m fed up with all this feeling shit, sick to death of feelings, feelings, feelings, yet what else is there - how I used to be being shut off to them?
Thank you both again Wes and Sam, it’s so nice and refreshing to be able to read at least some things on the Internet that make sense and make me feel heartened.
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Post by James on Jun 3, 2015 21:56:38 GMT 10
Our suffering
As soon as a baby or child is made to feel disapproved of, of anything about itself, it feels it’s not acceptable, not wanted for itself. And the damage is done. It suffers - greatly. You can see it in the child, just as you can feel it in yourself when it was done to you. And we all spend so much of our lives thereafter trying to make ourselves be acceptable to those who we want to accept us. But all we do is futile as they will never accept us back when we wanted to be accepted, that unloving experience has passed, it is part of our pattern, locked away inside us. We can’t go back with them and relive it the right loving way. All we can do is recognise our pain and look to see what we’re doing in our vain attempts to be accepted. And to acknowledge that it’s never going to happen. And all we can do is work to fully accept ourselves feeling unwanted and disapproved of. And as we bring up and express and come to terms with all our pain and bad feelings, so we are accepting ourselves, giving to ourselves that which was not given to us by those who should have loved us. So we are endeavouring to love ourselves through the full acceptance of our pain and disapproval. By fully embracing our suffering we come to know its truth, and with the truth comes our full self-acceptance and also self-love.
How many times during your early life were you disapproved of? How many times each day? How much hurt have you suffered?
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Post by James on Jun 4, 2015 20:08:55 GMT 10
Sam I was wondering if you could please write more about being a parent, as in, how you've changed. And how your children have changed because of your healing focus. How you see your role in it and your affect you have now on your children compared to how you did before your healing. I don't really know what I am asking or wanting to know as not having children myself it's hard to imagine, but I guess anything that would help me understand how different you are now in your aims and aspirations for them and for yourself with them, your guidance - control/interference, how much freedom and how you define it you give them, and what impact has trying to focus more on your feelings had on you all, such as, what about taking the time to speak about all the feelings, and… whatever you feel you'd like say about it all.
Thank you.
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Post by samantha9 on Jun 6, 2015 8:12:54 GMT 10
I can hardly recognise the parent I used to be James. I thought I was pretty good then but now I can see how wrong it has all been for me in bringing up my children. When I think back I cringe and have to talk to my children about things I did and things I told them and just say how wrong I have been and explain why. Little things are always coming up for me, little memories of instances that occurred and it is so hard to face the wrongness I have showed them through my actions and the use of my will, so against love and showing them this being the way to be. Its all so tough James to have my actions come at me all the time, all the past and all the wrongness I have inflicted upon them in my asleep state, that which is called normal. I was just the same as most of the other Parents and in some cases better and in some worse. Harry was very strict with them, as my Dad was with me and I can see that I had attracted the same man as the one that brought me up, to bring to me all the feelings I had denied as a child, about my father. It was in some ways very similar for my children as it was for me with my Dad. Me and my children have always talked things over in quite a deep way but I could only really listen to them and never really give them the help I wanted to, just be there for them and I realise how much of my own fears I projected upon them which limited there experiences in there earlier years. I discovered that I have been so controlling in doing this to them and ruining their chance of growth, now, instead of telling them what to do, or rather what I want them to do to please me and my addictions, I now listen to them and their plans and ideas and let them make the decisions but I have found that we can talk about their plans and I offer them the consequences of their actions to consider, then they can make a clearer choice with out me taking over and telling them what I want them to do because I am scared and I think I know best, as I would have done. They have made better choices because their feelings are leading the way much more now when they are weighing up the consequences of choices they have. If they come to me and ask me what I think, I ask them to feel for the answers to their questions, if they decide to take one route of action, how does it feel, or to decide on the other route of action, what do their feelings tell them, what feels better to them and then go of and try it, experiment with their decisions as to what feels right for them. Sometimes they just want me to give them the quick answer but I wont do that any more to them because I want them to use their feelings to determine what feels right for them, not for me. I give them total freedom James but I always ask them to remember to feel the consequences of their decisions, what their feelings tell them about what feels right and if they deny those feelings then see what happens, see how it feels and how out of harmony with love their feelings show them that they are being. I want them to have full responsibility of their feelings James and discover them and trust them, which will be a long journey but they are getting it slowly, as am I. In my normalness of my parenting I have done so much damage to them that it feels like a unbearable weight on me and I sometimes feel it all to be so hopeless and have I got the energy to heal myself and help them to but I have now taken that pressure off a little as I never interfere or force them to do their feeling healing, it all has to happen naturally and when they ask me about anything then I take that as my invitation by their will to offer my help, if I feel them shutting down to me I stop as it would be unloving to continue once I feel their will pull away. We have incredible breakthroughs at times and other times I have to leave them to be as they want to be as they have so many distractions such as friends, music, they are both very popular as my daughter Faye is nearly 16 and my son is 21 so they are grown up really but the great thing is we have a strong connection and they are both very open with me which is something I never felt with my parents, I was very secretive in fear of getting in trouble, they are showing me how I would have loved to have been with my parents, just to have been allowed to make my own decision, to be trusted enough to do that would have been a good feeling and Fayes friends tell me that their parents would never let them do the things Faye does, like not going to school if she feels she doesn't want to, since I took the pressure right off she decides to go in more often, it being her choice. She said to me that she wanted to leave for good as it was making her feel very low and I could see it in her to, so I called them and told them she would not be coming in any more, she had decided and I support her decision and after a long discussion the agreed to it and Faye has blossomed in her self, she was so shocked when I told her that I had called the school and told them and it was all ok, she has now left and I told her that if she didn't want to take the exams she didn't have to but we did discuss the consequences, I left the decision to her and she has been going in for her exams quite happily, I asked her how does she feel and she said she feels so free. We have a long way to go James but my children have noticed the change in me and how much more harmony there is with us all, we live in much more harmony with each other and when that harmony breaks it is because of one of us being unloving to the other and I point this out when I feel it, I tell them that what was just said or done was unloving and I explain why, sometimes they don't want to hear it and walk away but they always come back to talk about it because they feel bad and they know that unloving feeling and they hate it, so we talk it out and thay do the same with me when I do anything that makes them feel bad, they always tell me, as I have told them to do, it has to be the same for us all. At times they have great resistance to me and they want to be in their evilness so I let them, and I watch how it all turns out and then they come and talk about the pain and the compensation they are now feeling for their actions taken so they are getting to know how things go and responsibility they have over their feelings and actions and what compensation they pay when it all goes wrong but it is only by experimenting without any interference that they will know for themselves, when they haven't felt the consequences but gone with the mind instead of the soul, they feel pain. I will leave it there for now James because I need to go and deal with the resistance I have felt in writing this and |I have to feel the pain this has brought up about all the times I have been so wrong and so evil in my denial of them both, like giving them away to other people whilst I ran business's. I told Alex my son about this the other day, that I put my business before him and I was so wrong and evil because all he wanted was me nd I treated him like some ball chained to my leg. It has been all so very wrong at times, but most people would call this normal living, to give your child to a child minder and go to work, it all feels so wrong now, all he wanted was me, all I wanted was to work, to avoid responsibility of having a child so becoming addicted to work all to deny my child. I am feeling truly awful so I need to go and feel this fully. I denied him as I was denied and it is evil.
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Post by James on Jun 6, 2015 21:44:36 GMT 10
Thank you Sam. Questions that came up as I was reading the first half you answered in the second half. It was really good all you said, thank you again.
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Post by James on Jun 7, 2015 20:05:54 GMT 10
One of the arguments for giving children total free rein is they will run amok, becoming very selfish expecting everyone to do everything for them, and especially their parents. So they are damaged with too much freedom (not that we even understand what true freedom is, as even in such ‘freedom’ we are still controlling), just as they are damaged with too much control. So where should the line be drawn, and should there even need to be one.
From what you’ve said Sam, am I correct in thinking that your feelings denote the line you make, that if your children cross it you feel bad and so express those feelings to them or with yourself. And rightly it would be the same for your children, with you all evolving together and growing in feeling-awareness, healing, and so with your lines being fluid and always changing, a dynamic relationship rather than a fixed inflexible one.
So it’s not about having to specifically give your children freedom or curtail it, it’s just about getting on expressing all your feel and naturally such things will take care of themselves. With freedom and control, how much of each to give and apply, being naturally a lot of what would be worked out through your ongoing feeling expression because of the nature of such a relationship, as such things have to be worked out in any relationship.
And that it’s not about having to go to school to learn how to control or how to be free with ones children, or with oneself, but to just keep working on expressing and staying true to all ones feelings and such things will take care of themselves.
What do you think about that?
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Post by samantha9 on Jun 8, 2015 3:13:19 GMT 10
Its all about feelings James, when either one of us feels pain from the other it is expressed so there are no boundary's put in force it just grows naturally like waves coming in and going out. Our lives are not controlled by rules or boundaries but by feelings and when they have been breached in some way, then a need comes in to express what has been felt and we work like that and it all happens very naturally. There is no pressure to be in at a certain time, or dinner is at this time and if your not in it will be in the bin as it was when I was a young person, they are doing things and don't want to have to drop everything because of my regime. My son and daughter know roughly what time I eat and if they are in I cook for them but if they come in later they cook for themselves as I told them it is unloving for them to expect me to be cooking all night so they know the consequences of not being here when I cook and they make a decision on that. I asked them to consider how it would be for me having to sort meals out at all different times, I wouldn't feel good. It is our feelings that lead the way and even though it is very early days for us and I am using no force for us to begin to live in this new, feeling aware way, just let our feelings dictate where they will lead us next and to do it all in a very natural way. We are all so much more considerate towards each other generally, by no means perfect, still having our family drama's but I can help them understand why such drama's happen by taking it back to there feelings although at times there is a huge resistance to do that and I have to just let them deal with it in their way, until they come to me wanting help. I have found that because they are becoming so much more ware of their feelings, they are beginning to understand how I might feel to and becoming more considerate so I am finding that we just don't need controlling rules and hard lines that mustn't be crossed, or else!!!! they are becoming more aware of the feelings that their actions and words create so \I am seeing that this is determining a lot of what they decide to do. For an example, last night Faye went out with friends to a party and she phoned me up and asked what time do I want her home. I said to her that I would leave it up to her to decide what time to come in, if she could let me know. She did and it was a good time so I was pleased that she had used her feelings to make a loving decision considering I had to pick her up. How she felt about coming home to late helped her make a fair decision, her feelings led the way in making a considerate decision. All the time they are feeling aware, they haven't got a free reign, they aren't out of control because how they use their will determines how they feel, in or out of harmony with love and when they are out of harmony, they feel it and both of them feel it big time and I am the first one they come to when they feel bad because of how they have decided to use their will. When we live true to our feelings there is no need for a line that mustn't be crossed, there are no lines in our family although when Harry was alive it was all different, he set the line that mustn't be crossed and it led to fear, resentment, arguments, unhappiness and all of those type oppressive feelings but now it is just me there is no need for any lines, our feelings are enough and being aware of our feelings and how we use them is all we need.
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Post by James on Jun 8, 2015 21:42:14 GMT 10
It all sounds so good Sam.
And what do you think about were you to have young children and babies again to look after, have you thought about how you’d do things differently? How would you deal with them and their feelings and communicating your feelings across to them? Do have any thoughts or feelings of how you’d be with them?
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Post by samantha9 on Jun 11, 2015 6:08:34 GMT 10
Its a tough one James and I have thought of it many times and how great it would be to begin again but as you know they would still be born with my injured emotions and would be displaying that right from the outset of life, all the time I am unhealed no matter how much I am healing myself they would still be damaged with what isn't healed, but all this you know. For me it would be all about letting them express themselves fully with no intervention of denial placed upon them such as dummies to shut them up, to fit in to a feeding regime that suites me but be their for them when they need me. Put them first and be their soul carer instead of giving them away and putting work first. No pressure from family and friends to potty train because of how I look to others if my child isn't trained quickly, bad mother. I would be there to fully nurture their will and help them understand about the power of their will and how it can be used, in or out of harmony with love and truth which has consequences, compensation for them and can cause pain for others. To have the knowledge that this is one of Gods children I am responsible for, changes so much right from conception about how I nurture myself while I carry a child knowing all that I feel, the child feels and becomes damaged, that for me is a huge realisation and a precious responsibility and makes me feel sad for my children I have now because I didn't feel that when I was carrying them, I have done them a great injustice and caused so much pain because of the pain I was experiencing when I carried both of them, so irresponsible to carry a child, being so injured emotionally and passing that on like a virus, we are all born sick James and it all feels so wrong and to see pregnant women now hurts me because they have no idea of the damage they are passing on, none of us being from love and truth. Only a truly healed being will produce a pure soul child in its full expression of Love and Truth, but not into this world in its unhealed, evil state, it would be unloving and cruel to subject such love into such evil. We need a new Garden James, in thousands of years to come maybe this new Garden will appear with healed beings starting again, a new way.
I don't feel I would be alone in the parenting of another child, I have its soul parents to help me, My Mother and Father. I would ask for their help and support and pray to them to help me bring the child up as they would. Connecting to the child emotionally and to God through my feelings. I would put the childs soul needs first, as mine were denied I will know what those soul needs are, Love, Truth and allowing the child to be heard freely, to think freely, to feel freely, express freely and all the other soul based needs that were denied in me, use my pain to know what the childs soul needs are. I think the most important thing would be to heal myself first, its the only way I could protect another child, if my own soul condition is damaged, the child will not be safe as it will be displaying and reacting to my denied feelings, reflecting my damage back to me through everything it feels, says, does, thinks so for the greatest protection that I could give another child, I would have to heal first as the child will act on my soul damage constantly, I would have to protect the child from me first and this can only be done by healing my feelings so I don't pass them on to it.
I think a great thing that I have learnt through my prayer to my Mother and Father is the desire I express in my longing so I would want to make sure a child learnt this "desire" too, to truly desire the things that it wants, to show it how a passion and longing from the heart is true and so much can be achieved through longing, as I have learnt with the Prayer for Divine Love. To just buy a child things is so unloving I feel, the child hasn't had to feel any emotion about what it wants so never knows the value of things, never feels it in their hearts. I have, and so have many of the friends I used to have, just bought presents for a child and never received any thanks or any excitement from the child for receiving it and that is because no longing or desire for it had been felt and the parent feels let down because the child hasn't met the parents emotional needs of gratification and the parent feels unloved, but that is the compensation of just giving in this way, the child has expressed no desire for it so is being true and the parent feels bad because of its unfulfilled injuries have not been met by the child, one of the many ways we use our children as tools to make us feel good.
I was constantly shut down from expressing any of my emotions and the soul damage has been huge for me so I feel that if I had a baby again, I would know that the child will be reacting and showing me all that is still to be healed within me. The child will be showing me all that I am denying and to shut it down, as I was, would be causing it the same soul damage as me. I have so much to learn through the child's pain and reactions and if I heal it in me, then the child will no longer react in this way, I will have a peaceful child because I am peaceful and have healed that particular feeling, it has no need to reflect it to me. When ever I chose denial over expressing an emotion, I am damaging the child and then I have compensation to pay for that damage I have done to the child and for my own denial as I have experienced with my children and my own feeling denial which has caused damage in them. I always have to experience the pain I have caused to them or anyone, I have to feel what I have done, and I do, very deeply.
I could go on forever James and this has twisted and turned in direction but I have just gone with the feelings I have felt and where it has led me but to live our passions and desires and not shut them down as it was for me as a child and still is the way for most children, is vital. If we shut down our passions as our parents did to us, then we teach our children to do the same and they teach their children. We were created individual with incredible gifts and to have them shut down and our lights switched off is a sin, a violation of our will, we have to give back the child to the children so they don't spend the rest of their lives healing their denied childhood Repression as we are.
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Post by James on Jun 11, 2015 22:32:19 GMT 10
Please write more about it all Sam, please go on and on, I’ve not read anything like it, and it’s all so relevant and heartfelt, genuine, nothing made up by the mind, all from your own experiences, all so personal.
I’m in the process of writing more about the family on the bigger picture level, and I’d like to say more about what you’ve written however my computer is playing up, it’s slowly dying and I can’t get a new one for a couple of weeks, so I might be a bit tardy on some of my responses. So I’ll keep it short tonight.
The whole crux of our problem, need I say it, is with our family and parents. I’ve been focused on this for about twenty years now, yet still I marvel at it, it’s still all so incredible to think that really the family is where our spirituality lies, not in religions and spiritual systems, but in the truth within our relationships within our family; and to think that nothing has really been done by humanity over thousands of years concerning tackling the problem all because mostly people don’t want to have to face the truth of their family.
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Post by Sam M on Aug 10, 2015 7:48:56 GMT 10
Hi James and Wesley, I m still around and reading the forum but I have had some very intense feelings to heal over the last few weeks. Realising that their is nothing and no one out there for me, I am feeling the change within me and the more I heal the wider the Gap between the world and me and everything and everyone in it. I have been feeling that there is nothing left for me, it all being so untrue, unreal. I have also realised that what my little shop has all been based on fears relating to money and people and how I expect others, such s my customers to look after me, give me their money so I will be safe, so I will be looked after as my parents looked after me, I am projecting my relationship with them on all my customers. The shop is a manifestation of all of my fears and I am seeing this everyday and the more I come to see more of my fears, through the shop, I can see my fears of Loss and Lack. I can now see why I needed to have the shop and it has all been about fear, I am so grateful for it and the revelations it has brought to me giving me so much opportunity to heal. The shop and what I sell now means nothing to me and I am ready to lose it all now as I feel I understand the reason why I needed it, all has become so apparent to me. All the other unit owners on the farm have the same fears as me so I understand why I have been attracted to them, so I can see, through them, more about myself, its all been so amazing in the way of revelations, loss of money which I have believed as being my saviour, I am safe as long as I have money but that has been taken away, for me to feel, no one even see's me most of the time let alone spend money. Now I know these things, the shop has been just for my healing and when it has shown me all I need to know about myself, I shall know when to leave and I can feel it coming soon, it earns just enough to cover the rent each month and no more so all the time it is paying for itself I will continue to learn all I can about myself. I also get a few women who come to me to ask about feelings and want to know more, that means more to me than everything else, if more came I would turn it into a healing house and that would be my passion. I will see what Mother and Father want for me.
I have been accepting that no one understands me and I have no one, everyone has dropped out of my life and I am alone, as it was for me as a child, not accepted, mis-understood, denied and unloved.
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Post by James on Aug 10, 2015 18:08:34 GMT 10
Hi Sam, good to hear from you, I was wondering how you were going. Yes, I understand what you’re saying about money and your shop, and how it keeps going just enough, but not enough to take away all the bad feelings it is to help you with, becoming another means of escape from them. Over the years I’ve come to value being unemployed and on the dole, but I still hate being dependent on it, however it has given me so much to work through none of which I’d have had any idea about had I been meaningfully employed. To be on this side of the fence having to accept that I just can’t do it, I can’t be how most other ‘successful’ people are, and working out why - daily I see more truth about myself. As well us understanding how alone I too feel, to think that I grew up surrounded by other people who were directly involved in my every activity during the early years, and I feel more alone that had I been able to occupy myself on a desert island. At least on the island I would have had nature for comfort, but to have nothing, and wanting so much from them, I wish I could cry more about it all.
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