Post by samantha9 on May 31, 2015 20:34:03 GMT 10
My daughter has had a septic finger for a few days now and last night she came to me asking me for help and how can she heal this awful pain. I was just waiting for her to come to me when she had had enough of the pain. I talk to both of my children bout feelings constantly and how every thing physical is a manifestation of an emotional pain and they understand that and they ask my what I write about constantly and I tell them it is how I heal myself by expressing all I feel to my Mother and Father, I only tell them what they want to know, when they ask me or see me doing my own healing and ask what I am doing, it is then their will to know, having asked but I make feelings the answer to everything in our house, asking them how they felt today to make feelings a natural part of life and the key part of life instead of what do they think, I am bringing it back to how do they feel in a natural way and part of our daily care routine, sometimes they sit and talk deeply about how they feel, other times they just say that they are ok or the day has gone ok, never forcing them or pushing them, its all about their will, not mine. I have done enough damage to them in their early life through wanting my will fulfilled as my parents did to me.
I talked to my daughter last night at length about how this pain in her thumb was making her feel, and she said she didn't really know it just hurts and she was scared she might have to go to the doctors and have an injection. She is terrified of injections so we went with that fear and I asked her how the thought of having an injection makes her feel and she began to open up to her feelings telling me of the terror of someone causing her pain, she went on to say she trusted the doctor to make her better but they will cause her more pain as they did when she was younger, giving her injections and taking blood from her, she no longer trusted them or me for taking her to the doctor and letting her go through more pain. There is no one she can trust to help her, which was also my pain as a child, those that were meant to help me, just made it worse and lied saying it wont hurt when they knew it would, I did the same to my children, all so wrong and evil. After much time of us both crying together and pouring out our feelings we got to the core of her pain and that was that she couldn't trust anyone she loved, every one she trusted causes her more pain, she feels alone and in fear and with no trust, just as I felt at her age to but now we were going to break this chain in our lives so it goes no further in the generations to come. We discovered together, that those we love lie to us and cause us more pain, our parents. We have no one in this life who will tell us the truth. I was so full of remorse and we cried together, I apologised with all of my heart and soul about the pain I have caused her and wanted her to be angry with me, I wanted her to feel the truth of her pain and anger with me but she cant bring herself to be like that with me yet, one day if she decides to read all I have wrote about my feelings in my journals she may find her rage and anger at me as she will see where her pain comes from, she will see what I have passed on to her. After much feeling healing last night she woke up this morning and the infection has begun to go down on her thumb and she was amazed at how better she felt inside too, less pain inside. She said she understood that her thumb was the manifestation of the emotional pain she felt about people hurting her, her Dad dying and hurting her, her friends hurting her, doctors hurting her with injections, me hurting her although she isn't ready to go there yet but I explained it to her anyway. She feels in pain and hurt in life by those she trusted and al through the fear of having an injection that will cause her more pain. She feels she has no one, there is no one she can trust and she felt so good at the end of our talk and learnt she can go deeper into her feelings she just needed a little bit of help to open up to them and if I can do that for her, if it is her will, it is the most loving thing I can do for her to turn the poles and begin to heal the pain I have caused her. It is all so hard James, I have my children showing me what I have done, they are showing me every minute of everyday what needs healing, it is an awful pain but also a great gift to help me heal the pain in me and them but to say to them all I have taught you is wrong, I am so sorry but I have done it all wrong with you and now I have to tell you to forget all I have told you and now do it this way, the right way. It feels so hard
but we are doing it, reversing it all, and I am very lucky that we have always talked about our feelings and been pretty open with each other so the damage isn't to severe but still incredibly painful to see the results of my evilness in them. They don't want me to feel I am to blame, it hurts them but I almost want them to be angry with me so they are no longer under any illusion about me and they are touching their truth of how they feel but like I said, maybe one day when they read through my books they will feel their own truth but most of all I want the books to help them heal their own feelings as theres will be much the same and they can read about how I got to the truth. As I said earlier, we have always talked very openly about our feelings but not really getting to the healing core and now we can do this through your writings James, we can go deeper to heal how we feel and I can now truly help them undo the wrongs I have done to them but only when they ask me.