Ringing Cedars

I’ve again read The Ringing Cedars website which has given rise to some thoughts and feelings I’d like to share.

I do love the fact that all Anastasia says and how she lives is so different and more closer to nature then our horrible Western way of living. And the freedom of the children at the school - WITH NO INTERFERING PARENTS OR ADULTS, is very refreshing, reminding me of some of what A.S. Neill of Summerhill experienced by lovingly appreciating children so as to provide a freedom of will to grow up through natural self-discovery.

Immediately when I read such things I feel envious of these children, I wish I could have grown up free to explore myself through nature and with other children, without any of the control I was subjected to. But then having felt these feelings and all my anger and resentment again, I also felt a new awareness and appreciation for actually growing up completely controlled, and healing my way out of such control whilst still surrounded by it. And that this is a rare experience to have. And that in time as children are born to more prefect parents who are doing or have healed themselves, they will not be able to experience the full depths and impact of evilness as we can now.

So I felt better about still having to be subjected to our horrible way of living, and not being free to go and live on a commune somewhere where people are striving to live closer to nature and their true inner selves, ideally a place where everyone is working on trying to heal themselves of their wrongness through their feelings. And as much as I yearn to live in such a place, wishing I could make it happen or that somehow it was happening and I could move there, then I felt, no, I want to do all my healing ‘blind’, all caught up and fully immersed in the wrongness and without any help from alternative ways of living. I want to show myself that with ONLY my feelings I can live true to myself, that even in complete darkness I can look to my feelings to lead me into the light, and that it’s all to do with my soul and nothing to do with trying to use my mind to control anything.

Anastasia says we should be able to have complete mind control, so able to control ourselves inside and out and even affect other people psychically and so on, however even though we might be able to do such things were we freer in our minds, still I don’t want to live this way, having to use my mind to ritualise life; even such things as how and when to plant seeds, all so those seeds can supposedly pick up the needs of the person who is planting them, all to help that person with their physical health. I want to plant the seeds how I feel to, and sure, listen to the experiences of others, but not follow some formula or ritual, but to do it myself through my feelings in my deepening personal relationship with nature that is changing every day through my healing.

I feel increasingly that I am becoming more like a free child, determined to do things for myself as I feel to, and without any of the adult control from any mind level, and seeing what happens myself. Of course should I be a child growing up with truly loving parents I would aspire to be as they are, but all this business of being an adult and trying to parent a child more freely as she says in the books, is still for me all too mind controlling... just do this instead of that, be this sort of parent instead of that sort. I can only think of being a parent who has fully healed themselves, then they’d only need to keep expressing all they feel and the child would respond naturally freely expressing all it felt, and all the rest would take care of itself.

So for me as much as it’s a breath of fresh air reading what she says, still it’s all too much of the mind, which is fine if ones wants to go down that road; but for myself, it now gives me a headache trying to ‘get my mind around it’. I feel less and less do I know anything. I hardly think about things like I used to, and I’m increasingly enjoying just responding to my feelings even if I that means forgetting all that’s in my mind as soon as I understand it, yet knowing that should I need such information, it’s still all on hand within me somewhere. I’m giving up my controlling mind more so every day, and although I feel very odd not having it there as part of my security, still I am feeling much better within myself not being burdened by having to keep my mind refreshed and up to date. I was saying to Marion this morning that I realised I had to have all that’s in my mind, for example, all I understand about the spiritual stuff, continually being refreshed in my mind, so always having to think about it, because I was afraid that if I stopped thinking about it, the information and understanding would be taken from me. I had to have all my things with me and know where they were when I was young, because if I didn’t, mum would move them, give them to Nicholas, throw them away without my asking; and as I grew older with all that was in my mind becoming my ‘things’, so I wasn’t going to let her do that to them as well. I was going to hang onto all my thoughts no matter what. But now I no longer need to, now I can let go and feel instead of think.

And then I come back to wanting to get on evolving my soul as much as I can, it being the only thing I want to do in life. I don’t want to be able to live well in a natural love state, healthy and even extending my life on Earth, all by using my mind to control every aspect of myself. I want to move on ‘above’ the physical, still be right in it whilst I’m here and able to relate to it and communicate and express all I feel, but move on in truth, fully healing myself and becoming a Celestial in flesh, fully healed and full of Divine Love. So I want my soul to take care of everything, as it’s programmed to do, and I want to move along with it in answer to my feelings, all so I can be truly happy and full of soul-inspired love. And not mind love, as I see that is how it is in the mansion worlds, and from the little I’ve read about what Anastasia says, is how she says we can and should be.

And having written this, still I prefer all Anastasia says a million times more than the world I live in, and wish I was living in her world, longing for Divine Love, and doing my healing.