Yes James I do long to the Mother and Father for that person and ways to express how I feel. And the oppourtinities did come with my wife and my brothers. My wife listened and agrees with most of it but can't agree with the total process of healing. But I really had a moment with my 2 brothers and really express how I felt about my childhood. They were shocked but they knew I was only saying what I felt and had been treated. My brothers wife said I was only wanting to rift how I felt being raised by my parents. I told them that I didn't worship their God. The god given to us by our parents with no question ask. I never can do it. It never made since to me. Their god told them to treat me like shit. I am not worshipping that. I didn't care as child then nor now. I was so grateful that they confronted me after I started my healing or I would have plead the fifth. Not wanting no one to be angry with me. But now it's the truth of how I felt during my life under my parents hell. So no family member what so ever can play with head anymore. I am healing and that's that. So now they can spread even more hateful things about me as they have always done. So now I am still waiting for that sole one who I can steadily speak and express my feelings. Which my Mother and Father will sooner or later will bring to me.
Hi James. What actually happened in your life that lead you to Soul healing? For me it felt like I hit a brick wall from Divine Love. I actually saw your Divine Love spirituality on the divine love site but I thought it was the fluffy stuff also. But right in my decision to let go of my commitment to Divine Love which I thought I'd never do I clicked on your site and immediately understood it because I felt pains through out my whole body. Was an awesome save for me as now I am not limited from anything.
Hi Wes, what happened that led me to my healing was: nothing happened. Having started longing for the Divine Love I wrongly assumed I was healing myself and ridding myself of my sins and errors. But that didn’t happen and instead I felt more and more demented until a point where I had something of a mini breakdown, which I can now see in retrospect was brought about because nothing was happening as I wanted it to. I just couldn’t get anything happening, didn’t know what I wanted to do, nothing seemed right anymore. So I ended my relationship with the girl I was living with, that too wasn’t right, and at the same time I met Marion, and as she was looking for a new place to live and liked all what was in the Padgett Messages, we decided to find a place together. So we lived together and things developed from there, namely she questioning me about my beliefs and behaviour, very quickly pointing out I was full of shit and away in my head trying to live out fantasies. She understood about Childhood Repression in that it was all from her unloving parenting, and all that was trapped in her and unexpressed, all her bad feelings, had to come out for her to feel better about herself. And that sounded reasonable to me and so my healing started from there - she was already doing hers. Then after a few months of being together it was obvious that all we wanted to do was heal ourselves by looking to our feelings and long for the Divine Love the best we could, and so that’s really how it all began. And nothing has changed since then, we’re still doing what we did back then only now we’re more aware of what we are doing. Or at least we think we are more aware... or at least I do, Marion just stays true to her feelings not getting caught up in her mind trying to work it all out.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
How I see it is, the soul being existential (Creation experiential), exists in what I call soul-land, and I don’t know where that is. But there is no time or space, some other reality I’d call soul-reality, but nothing like we’re used to in Creation, time and space being attributes of Creation. But it must have some form, and possibly a mass - but I don’t know, anyway a light, and within that light that is our soul, is our whole pattern or code for eternity. And part of that includes, the two absolute unique personalities it will express in Creation as soulmates. And I do feel our souls are separate, however I’m open to them all being like ‘cells’ perhaps within the Overall Soul that is God.
And so to get back to your question Sam, the soul upon it’s designated time expresses a light in Creation, or the light from the soul somehow does something to the light in Creation, and what it does is first create our will, or part of it, perhaps even a baby will, but the beginning of our will, our will being the deepest part of us in Creation. Barbara Brennon talks about the Hara line from the Eastern mystics, whereas I’d call it the will-line, but it’s a very definite part of us, which we perceive as our will, going from head to foot through us. So the will has a ‘body’ in Creation, through which the soul then manifests the rest of us, our spirit body, physical and all interconnecting experience bodies. The whole of Creation is about experience, so all our bodies are for us to experience ourselves. And this then means, that our soul expresses our personalities in Creation so we can experience ourselves - find the truth of ourselves through our feelings.
So the soul initiates a light that interacts with Creation, or even helps to create a bit more of Creation, thereby producing our will. Then by using our will, our soul literally ‘wills’ us into being. So the soul sends soul-light into our will in Creation, which the has the effect of activating our will to create all that the soul requires, so our spirit body and so on, right the way through to our physical body.
And the soul is continually shinning light into our will which sustains us in Creation - in life. So if you could look at your soul, which you can though your soul-perceptions, you will see it’s a blazing star of perpetual light, not unlike the Sun, as seen in space as a brilliant white star. And you can feel or sense how its like one massive continual symphony of light keeping us in Creation.
And then from what the Melchizedeks have told me, the soul sends it’s soul-light into Creation though our will, causes us to experience - which causes our personality to be expressed in all its ways, thereby generating experience. So we are living the experience of our spirit body, physical, all interconnecting subtle bodies, our thoughts, emotions, feelings, our actions, everything that we are and do, think, say and feel, it all being the ongoing expression of our personality. And then with every part of our experience on all these different levels, we generate Creational-light, and this light goes back through our will into the soul. So the soul upon receiving this light from our experience of the personality we are in life, then triggers more soul-light to come forward, thereby creating our next experience and all that entails on all levels of the personality. So this feedback loop: soul to personalty expression in Creation, to soul, to personality expression in Creation, is continually happening driving us through life.
So we can look at our soul as a star of light, as can we look at ourselves in Creation as another star of light, which is how people see the aura. So there’s the soul star willing us literally into Creation, as there is our personality or Creational star shinning light back into the soul as we experience life.
So it’s within our physical genes that the soul-light via our will keeps our physical body in Creation. And when the time comes for us to die, so at that specific moment, the soul stops shinning its light into Creation on the physical level and our physical body dies. Or perhaps even the soul sends the final light that literally ‘turns off’ the genes that keep out physical body ‘alive’.
So that’s about it, sorry Sam if it’s too confusing or complicated, as I’ve taken the liberty of trying to expand my understanding of it too, and if you don’t understand anything, please ask.
So for me the main things I like pondering about is the understanding that our soul is sustaining every part of us continually in Creation. So every aspect of us in Creation is a thing in perpetual motion, we are never static. So effectively our soul can change any part of us at any time. But I guess there are certain laws it abides by, which creates the whole structure of Creation that we can get to know and express ourselves in.
And regarding our wrongness, our soul has brought all that into being, which is all encoded within it, somehow taking from our parents from conception and then right the way along with them, all the negative we need, thereby causing disruptions in our will, which manifest on all our levels making us into the evil unloving people we are. And our Healing is really our Will Healing, for when you go down to the bottom or deepest parts of yourself feeling so dysfunctional and will-less, and also seeing how wrong you are and where your will is fucking you up, that is where the true healing takes place. The will is fixed or healed or brought back into alignment, which then knocks on through of rest of you making all the necessary adjustments. Which is why we might not think much is going on at times, we keep liberating all the feelings and pain of our will dysfunction, seeing more and more why we are like that as the truth comes up, but still nothing seems to change. But then you look back at yourself and you can see you have massively changed, all the subtle things that altered in you on all levels. Most of which we have no idea about.
And then there are those other explosive times when you crack deep into your fucked will, and up rips the light and pain up of it, as you liberate yourself from the wrongness.
And the last thing about it is, that we have a full will all the time, and so even though I say we have a dysfunctional will that makes us feel powerless and will-less, we still have a will functioning at full light, to full affect, only in this dysfunctional way, so we’re using our full will to will ourselves into feeling completely like we have no will. So we’re using all the power of own will to go against how it should be, which is a pretty mighty achievement.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
Do you think that if our Souls are always in Soul Land then we are connected to them energetically, like the cords that connect our physical to our spiritual then there must be a conduit/cord of energy that connects us to our Soul as well and when the Holy spirit connects to our soul in soul land we feel the love enter our soul in soul land then to us through those energetic connections. So our souls are not with us but in soul land connected to us via the cords that enable us to feel the contents of our soul, this is how I am seeing it. All the time being connected to our soul in its realm, so we are within our soul, all operating within the great oversoul of God.
Yes, that’s what I’m essentially saying Sam. The cords being light, which I don’t quite understand, however why not: cords of light. So the soul is always where it is, always manifesting us, and we can move within Creation, physically move around, die and awaken in spirit, move around in spirit, ascend all the way to Paradise, and we never leave our soul and neither does our soul come with us, as we’re simply just always connected to it. And we can’t disconnect from it, that’s impossible because, we, the personality, are its expression.
So yes, we are our soul as our soul is us. And if you like, at the end of eternity, in theory, all that our soul is will be expressed in Creation, so we’ll be able to look at the whole truth and personality expression we are as a wilful spirit, and what we’ll see is all our soul is.
And I wonder, is it that we are ‘in’ our soul, or is it that our soul is ‘in’ us?
The Holy Spirit is part of Creation coming from the Divine Minister. And then I wonder, how does it put or transfer the Divine Love into our soul, and what exactly is the Divine Love? Is it also a part of Creation, or is it that somehow the DM is the conduit for the our Mother and Father’s Love on Their soul level to move into our soul, it all being done in soulland, but somehow triggered by the DM in Creation? I’d have to ask the Melchizedeks for clarification on that.
Also I had a thought after writing the first post that our ascension to Paradise could possibly be likened to our going into our will, in that Paradise is the will or deepest part of Creation. So our Healing takes us near our will, which is pretty mighty in and of itself, albeit through bad feelings, and our ascension of takes us into Paradise, the Will centre of Creation, Creation thereby being something like the spirit, physical and subtle bodies of the Mother and Father?
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
Oh my God its all so amazing James. I am feeling it more than ever after reading what you wrote. I felt a true knowing of being connected to my soul, felt it. I feel that if we are all operating within the oversoul of God, like under it, in it then would God make it the same for our souls, all operating in the likeness of God making our soul operate in the same way as theirs and feeling the effects of our soul through the energy cords like the same way we feel Gods love, through the Holy Spirit, so we feel it in us on earth because we are connected to it energetically. Yes, We the person are the expression of our soul in soul land, that's the real us, I can really see that now. Thank you for spelling it out for me. Thinking you know it is ok but there is nothing like feeling it settle in your soul and that opening up that feeling brings, that opening made me cry.
I have been reading over some of the PASCAS library documents and have been reading about the spirit body and all the information that is given and it is helping me understand a lot more about the physiology of the spirit body. Johns vision is put together very well, I have really enjoyed the web site and feel very excited about it all, there is so much he has taken into consideration, every area of our lives, so good.
Thank you again James for the help you give me in understanding more. I have felt feelings of "oh come on Sam, you should know this by now" and it took me back to my school days of being scared to ask in fear of ridicule that I don't know something or understand something, so a lot to feel about as usual. I am feeling very child like today with all the disappointment I felt I brought to people when I didn't understand. Angry at myself for being so thick and stupid and why cant I be like the other kids who understand and get it so much quicker than me, why am I ME, I hate ME, stupid thick Sam, all of that self hate is coming up for me to feel. Thanks again James, speak soon.
Hello John, I didn't know you were on here. The information you have put together is a great source of support to me and all so inspiring. I am very excited about it and want to see it all come into creation, I cant express enough how vital I feel it is to heal the cause of our pain and suffering, all through feeling our childhood denied and repressed feelings. Meeting James and Marion and now you has changed my life and my life is my healing. Thank you for your great work.
Thank you Sam, and I hope you’re feeling a bit better. Yes, Joseph has put it together, it’s still not that well proofed and there are few bits of the truth that are a bit mucked up, but he wanted to go ahead with it, and so wow, you’ve got a copy! I guess I’d better add a link on here should anyone else want to buy a hard copy as he’s selling it at his Lulu site: www.lulu.com/spotlight/josephbabinsky
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
I am feeling really awful have reached a depth of powerlessness that is very dark so I am just feeling it to the core. I cant write much more because this fucking computer is delaying everything I write on this site. Feeling even more angry and powerless Grrrrrrr, I am off to scream.
Barillia: It was the duration of it for me. The sheer boredom of endlessly feeling how useless I was, how hopeless, and how I’d never complete it and attain the level of Celestial that I am now at. Every day, more of the same bad feelings. Over and over I would try and express them, as slowly - painstakingly slowly, truth came to me. It was agonising slow, or so I thought. I was used to everything happening fast, I didn’t have time to waste, I never had time to just relax and do nothing when on Earth. Which was all as I now know, because I was scared of the boredom, my racing around being a reaction and rebellion against how my parents treated me. So for me to sink back down into the truth of my unloved negative state and to feel oh so bored again, it was agonising.
I read this from one of your spirits you talked to James about their experience with healing and I am here so much of the time, feeling so bored and day in day out having to experience the same, more of the same Boredom. When will it change, when will I ever feel that I can move out of it, I feel that it is all so hopeless that I am going to be stuck in it forever, every day the same. Every day talking to God about it and feeling how hopeless I feel with nothing to do and staying in that place so I can feel it thoroughly but still there is more to feel about because I haven't got to the cause yet or I would be changing and coming out of it, so much despair in boredom. Can you tell me some more about your and Marion's feelings about being bored, do you still feel like it often or is it getting better for you. I feel just like Barillia like I am never going to get their, all such a lonely place.
Yes Barillia said it how it is for both of us, only we didn’t have the busy lives trying to keep it away. Really we’ve both felt chronically bored all our lives, and our Healing has been showing us why. As for how we’re feeling now, Marion has only recently said she’s not feeling bored anymore. And this morning she was saying how she’s feeling and seeing how everything in her life has been perfect for her and she’s even loved every part of it, and loves it all now, and even more so with every passing second, even though when she feels bad again she feels it completely the other way hating it all and feeling totally bored. To hear her speak now compared to how she used to feel, you’d think she’d found some happy love-inducing drug and is flying high, but no, it’s all real, and something I’m having to adjust to. The new Marion. And she just takes it all in her stride as she has done all the way along.
She still has periods of feeling bad, and boy, like yesterday, feeling that because her legs were so cold suddenly as it was a windy, no-sun, drafty-cold day, that she would get gangrene in them and they’d have to be cut off, like what nearly happened to her father when he was dying in hospital. He started to get gangrene because of his diabetes, and potentially, had he lived, he might have had to have one or both legs removed, and that fear and dread was in Marion, and yesterday it raced up within her, she was plunged down into it, feeling so scared, panic stricken with the fear of it happening to her, yelling and screaming with the agony of it going to happen to her, but then after ten minutes it was all over, she’d expressed it all out of her and her legs warmed up. So that’s how it is happening for her now, her bad feelings when they do come up, which is less and less often, she is feeling very intensely but for relatively for only a short time.
But over the years we’ve both felt very bored, and really we still do. But we understand that’s how we felt throughout our early lives so it’s what we need to feel and all the feelings it makes us feel.
But fuck, for myself, I hate it. Marion at least left home and lived with a lot of people having things to do, jobs and relationships. I have by comparison spent most of my life shut in a cupboard, all with this Gran-imposed belief that ‘One day James your life is going to...’ and so I’m still waiting Gran!
And I’ve felt bored to tears, with all my writing being a little amusement, enough to keep my mind off my boredom, so I don’t just throw myself off a cliff. And then my feeling bad has also kept me from feeling bored, as I’ve had to focus on expressing them, but I’m also so bored having to feel bad so often.
However overall, I too am changing in that I am feeling better about myself and all my yuk, and being stuck in my state that I can’t do anything about. Every day I’m realising more about how my pattern is so complete in thwarting having anything to do with the other person on an emotional and feeling expressive level, that which is completely anti-relationships in any loving way. Every way I go trying to express my feelings is closed off, and I feel so annoyed and so bored that I can’t break through, having to just give up, stop banging my head against the wall, falling in on myself, and trying to feel as bad as I do.
And the other big change in me lately is finally, after all these years, I’m beginning to take my Healing into my own hands more, I am not needing Marion so much as guiding, prompting, goading and forcing me to acknowledge by feelings and express them. And that is a huge relief, feeling like I can drive my own Healing without always needing the other person to tell me what to do and how to be and when to do it - which is all how it was for everything through my childhood.
So the boredom for both of us is always there, and at times we focus more on it, at other times other feelings are up front. But basically we both feel we wish we didn’t have to be here anymore, that we’re done with it, hate all it is, and wish we could go. However having said that, Marion has also starting saying that she doesn’t mind being here doing nothing and being bored to death, as much as used to hate it. She understands it’s what she needs and is feeling so in love and more at-one with the Father (she still doesn’t relate personally much to the Mother) all the time, understanding and feeling He is doing it all, and it’s all for her and the best that it could be.
And she’s still feeling better about herself, her looks don’t matter anymore, she doesn’t care if everyone thinks she’s the most ugly person in the world because she is feeling she is beautiful and that’s only what matters, something she has NEVER felt about herself. And she feeling happy, and so happy, she loves all her Arabian oils she’s buying from the Islamic shop in Sydney, swooning in all the smells, saying they are making her feel better and more loving of herself too. I still can’t believe that she can keep feeling better and better, surely it’s got to end and she’s got to fall back into her yuk... but no, everyday I get up and she’s been up already for hours, getting up now about 4am and sitting in the dark smelling gorgeous or writing to the Father, and says she’s feeling fantastic. And even her afflictions, not being able to see or hear very well, she’s feeling better about. She says she doesn’t want to see anyway - what’s there to see when it all only makes you feel bad; and what’s to hear when it’s all so horrible, and even nature she doesn’t need to hear anymore to make her feel good. She doesn’t need any outside thing, we don’t listen to music or watch videos, we do a little on the Internet yet without sound, and all of that is making her feel good too.
And as I said the other day, even though her body is still fucked and making her feel bad at times, still that doesn’t matter as much and she’s accepting it, and so what, it’s only the residue of her unloved life, and it’s not her, the real her is not of this world, so the body doesn’t matter, it’s what the Father wants so she even feels good that. And she is withdrawing more still everyday from the world and other people, if that is possible, she hasn’t been outside for months, not to the shops for about a year, she’s not spoken to anyone, doesn’t answer the phone, and doesn’t want to have anything to do with anyone and feels really good about it. She’s never just done what she’s wanted to, it’s always been what everyone wants, or what she thinks is expected of her, all to make them feel good, all to do what her parents wanted; so now suiting herself completely she’s feeling happier and happier. And as I feel good about doing all the shopping for her, I buy her all she wants, I’ve got good at buying the clothes she likes. She said she wanted a long thick black cotton loose roll-neck jumper she could put over everything else on the cold days, and suddenly I felt like going to Wonthaggi to buy myself some t-shirts, and the first rack in Target I walked past there was the perfect jumper she wanted. And they were on special, $25!, so cheap for the quality, so I ended up getting three of them in different sizes, and she loves them and all her clothes more and more; I get the pink and purple pens she likes to write with, find the cups she’d like to have her white tea in, and so on, and she’s more than happy with all of that.
So she’s completely withdrawing from the world, going against all how one is supposed to be. And she only eats what she wants to eat, and not what you are meant to eat. She is doing more so every day only what she feels, and so far it’s all worked out well. I’ve changed to accommodate her, and even like having to do all I do for her, I don’t mind being out and about by myself because I have never really done it, so having to make decisions for myself and her without being told what is right and best. So it’s all working well between us, even though we understand we don’t love each other how we’d like to be loved. And we talk about all those feelings often, Marion saying that when we’ve finished our Healing will go our separate ways... but then again, being open to we might change to suit being with each other even more so, even loving one another. And I’m concentrating on feeling my hatred of everyone, myself, and her, and not feeling loving, and honouring how I’ve never felt loving, as they didn’t allow me to. So it’s now my turn to scream at her and accuse her of being selfish and unloving, when I’m the one being unloving, and be the unsympathetic unloving arsehole that I am, and coming to terms with that truth about myself and how it makes me feel.
So it’s nothing as I imagined it would be like. I sort of thought she’d finish her Healing suddenly, I don’t know why I thought that, but now I can see of course that it’s a transition time and state as she crosses over from being untrue to being true. And I am looking forward to my feeling-expressing barriers and blocks coming down, as I feel they slowly are, so I too can really get into the thick of my stuff and move through it.
And whilst this is all happening, each day lots of little things about our lives and early life and our relationship keeping coming to us. Still the picture of understanding of what happened to us and how it all went in, how we took it all on and lived it, and how now it’s all coming out and how we’re changing, is growing. The whole thing is remarkable, and still is being proven by her, and slowly even for myself through my own changes and feelings. And I know you too Sam will get there, time, and keeping on going. And I completely relate to how you feel so bored and closed down, which is right because it’s all got to end and the truth be shone on how nothing being evil is. Being evil is boring, because it’s not life, it’s not growing and ascending and evolving in truth, it’s going against love and all life is meant to be, so it’s as boring as hell. And if it’s not boring whilst you’re of your negative state, then there is something very wrong, which of course we all have to find out for ourselves, it being the truth of how it feels having our mind in control of our feelings. The mind of itself is boring, it’s the feelings that are not boring, so as long as we’re feeling, really, how can we feel bored? So it’s just that we weren’t allowed to feel and express those feelings when we were young that stultified us into abject boredom, which is what we’re feeling now.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
I love hearing about Marion and yourself and this piece has opened up so much more for me to feel about. I loved the bit about Marion and her Arabian oils because I also used them and a few years back I went through a time of buying so many that if I didn't use them fairly quickly they would lose their scent and I would just be left with olive oil. I bought mine from Jerusalem a company that sent them to me called world of Judaica, my favourite is the Rose of Sharon. I originally bought them because I wanted something to make me feel closer to Mary and Jesus, to have something from where they came from I was so desperate to feel them in any way I could but it still didn't do it for me but it was all part of my Fantasy and search for them. I read that Mary Magdalene used them to anoint Jesus so I wanted to have a piece of her, to be close to her so I bought some beautiful anointing oil called spikenard which was used at that time and is a pain killer too but it smelt beautiful and it was in a Alabaster jar so I felt I had a piece of Mary because I had read this about her. I was so drawn to her I wanted to find her in any way I could never thinking I could connect to her through my feelings, her spirit of truth. I know this isn't Marions reasons for the oils but I understand how beautiful the can be, the scents are so exotic and not like anything we can buy here, I loved the beautiful bottles and the beautiful packaging to. I remember being so driven to find Mary, she had something for me and I knew it was her I had to find and didn't give up until I found your work James, my soul told me I had found her and it makes me cry now to feel that coming home feeling of joy and the relief of how Mary can help me heal through my feelings.
Back to Boredom After reading many times what you wrote my boredom began to feel more understood and very necessary to me because God has done this for me to feel. God wants me to feel how it was for me and I ask them to help me remember and feel the times of boredom in my forming years and I began to get pictures of myself as a child screaming at my sister because she had friends and went of with them and I was left on my own without her or anyone just alone and bored and I was screaming in rage and so angry at her for leaving me in my boredom while she went of to enjoy herself with her friends. I was livid and I can feel it now, the rage of being so unimportant and rejected. So many pictures of memories of my boredom that I have to go back to to heal and the great thing is that every time I ask for the help to see the truth I am shown, its all so amazing. I am going to go of and do the feeling work that I need to do because as I am writing this more is coming up in me so I cant leave it. Thank you James for all you have written, I use it all, not a drop is wasted.
Last Edit: May 30, 2017 22:16:27 GMT 10 by samantha9