Today I feel so Good. Amidst all the terrible fear I have been feeling of late, today I feel so good. It wont last but I am celebrating it. I have butterflies in my tummy, I am so excited and I feel Good.
I have been so deeply immersed in telling God how scared I am of him (Dad) so terrified and how I cant trust his love, I cant count on it, that today I feel that maybe I can. He isn't Dad and I feel a little closer to God today. I am so excited that my healing is my life and growing closer in my relationship to God, I feel excited because I do feel that tiny bit closer.
I don't want anything else but my relationship with God, its all my life is about, healing my feelings to grow closer to God.
YAY! You’re feeling really good for once! It sounds good Sam; and isn’t it such a good feeling when you are true to your worst stuff feeling so bad, and then suddenly feeling good about it? That’s the real healing, that’s what it’s all about, that’s how we are to come out of it - by going into it. Just staying true to the bad feelings, expressing them and wanting to know the truth of them, and then when all the pain is out for that part, so you feel good about it all.
I’ve been going through some deep stuff too. I fully connected with how scared I feel about being stupid and spastic, right to the point of feeling that I didn’t know if I were retarded or not, feeling how I felt like that back with mum. And all day the other day as I did the shopping, I kept saying to myself, and allowing myself to feel by worry and belief, I’m retarded, I’m mental, spastic, all which I fear being the most, and of being accused of being, and yet I kept feeling better and better about myself, ending up having a really good day and feeling like something deep and profound had happened and changed within me - which was my accepting my fucked up self more on those deeper levels.
Marion and I are mostly working on our communication - her helping me understand why my communication is so bad, seeing so much about our relationship, and getting right into the nitty gritty about why it does or doesn’t work. It’s all new to me, not to her, but it’s helping us feel much better about ourselves.
So yes, I hope you were able to relish the good feelings for a while at least... then to see where you’re taken next.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!