The Urantia Book

Hi Sam,
It's good to be back - it’s a relief! Have you been following my posts on the Urantia Book forum? I want to share some of what I went through and the resulting thoughts.

I've had a crippling headache trying to deal with all the metal understanding in the book from the quotes posted, and from particularly Bonita's grasp of it all. I realised that it was symbolic of being back with mum and Gran who just spoke at me and weren’t interested at all in me. So it’s been another chance to say no to them, no, I don’t want to listen to you anymore, I don’t want to do as you say, and I don’t like your way. It doesn’t make me feel good, and it’s not loving despite what you say.

And I've realised that not only do I not want to do that anymore, but I don't want to 'leave' Marion like that, as in going off exploring and even indulging in such mental activities like Adam going off and leaving Eve. And unlike Adam, I don't want to do that anymore. My feelings are becoming too strong so I DON'T WANT to do it. So I've come back to home, to my stuff, and being with her, feeling that I've done it all for now, I don't need to further understand how people can push the limits of their minds at the expense of their truer underlying feelings they are denying. There is not further truth-denying place I know of that I want to 'check out'.

What Bonita said about her mum I find is the perfect example of how far people can go to deny their pain by using their mind. I think she is so far away from her true feelings, so far off in her mind, seeking comfort from all her superior UB understanding, which leads me to understanding more about why TUB has been given to us, this being what I want to try and write about.

I asked Bob about why give us such a book, which on the one hand seems like such a help - and undoubtedly is, yet on the other hand, allows, encourages and helps people like Bonita who have an ability for high spiritual understanding to get seduced into the mental stuff missing out on uncovering the very truth she wants. But which she doesn't really want, only believes she does, because if she did, she’d then be willing to look to her feelings. So again seeing how people think the mind is helping them grow in truth when in fact it's only facts they are accumulating all the while denying their feelings, which I understand now even more so ARE the way to the truth. The telling moment comes when asked to share personal examples of their spiritual growth, such as what Rick was saying: Can anyone give an example of the Holy Spirit, Spirit of Truth and Adjuster working within them, which no one, not even himself, did. I can, I can feel them working within me, with such awareness growing in me now even more thanks to what Bonita said about those three things, and people who live with their feelings will be able to perceive and sense and feel them because we should be able to feel everything that’s going on within us. And these people, similar to the ‘Divine Love people’, have been working on themselves for years now and still they can’t share any real feeling and personal truth experiences. I find that extraordinary when daily I have three or four such experiences I could share. So I wonder, what really are they doing, and how come they don’t get bored with it, however I suppose they don’t because they are gaining some power from it so that’s why they keep going, being caught in the trap that if they let it go they will lose the very power they feel they are getting, falling back into the powerlessness and having to face and deal with all those dreadful feelings people intent on really healing themselves and growing in truth will face.

And upon reflection with Bob I understand how the book, just like how I also see the Padgett Messages, has been crafted to give us some deeper insight into everything, all however whilst not interfering with the Rebellion and Default, and also whilst strategically avoiding the truth about our Healing.

I see even more clearly now that it's not the place of those spirits and such books to reveal such truth, and I also see how at the same time humanity has needed to be able to push the Rebellion and Default to the extreme. And as many people are doing this in all the various feeling-denial ways, which are truth-denying, so too are these ways to be represented and so lived by certain people on the mind levels. So we have the Eastern gurus pushing the limits of the Sixth mind world, and we also need the West to do the same. Christianity does its best but is severely limited by all it’s moronic beliefs, and it doesn’t actually want the individual to excel at mind disciplines and distraction. And now we have the PM and TUB to help some people like Bonita and the people on the Divine Love forums, and my brother in particular, move even further and higher into the mind denying levels.

So many things TUB says that are to do with the mind I do agree with, many of which Bonita pointed out, however I see them applying to us when we are of a true and free and pure mind, so once we've healed our rebellion and default. So TUB as with the PM I see is really more for people ONCE they have finished their healing and are living fully truly with and to their feelings. And so to get all tied up in them, limited by them, looking only to them for all the answers, is only serving to move deeper into ones wrongness, something I don't think any of them would want to hear about.

Bob said in answer to my questioning him that it's all about maximising experience. That the Rebellion is unique, it's rare; and as it's now terminated in Nebadon so no other worlds in Nebadon can rebel, so it's about maximising the remaining time left with it on each rebellious world. That there is such a vast amount of very important experience to be had in such rebellious situations, so every step necessary has been taken to get the most out of that potential experience. Which, as hard as it seems, being in the pain an darkness wanting only to heal ourselves and the world of it, does make sense in the greater scheme of things. So with TUB and the PM helping to push people to such truth-denying limits by using the mind and information and even the Divine Love.

So for me it's more about what TUB and the PM don't talk about that is relevant to us - to our healing, because they are not allowed to reveal such information, that all having to be won and gained out of personal experience, which I see we are doing through our healing. So until people do their healing, the truths needed to do it, which will also put TUB and the PM into the right perspective, will remain hidden.

Today having read Bonita's latest replies, I felt to end it, a little ahead of time than what I thought. I thought I might have managed to hang in over the weekend, but no, I've had enough and want to get out. I don't feel good just endlessly discussing such stuff, particularly when I don't see it leading anywhere other than deeper into the sophistry of our wayward mind. It's just another allurement, all designed to use our mind to keep us from our bad feelings. And for me now as it makes me feel bad, so I have to stop with it to deal with them. And although I could argue that I should keep going so as to stir up more bad feelings so I can work with them too, fuck that, my head felt like it was breaking.

And as I was driving this morning musing over the past few days with Bob and feeling my feelings I felt how IMPORTANT soulmates are. That soulmate love, contrary to Bonita saying the adjuster love is the greatest and the adjuster is our soulmate and soulmates don't even exist and so there is no love there to be had between them, IS one of the greatest loves we can experience. And that it has been strategically downplayed by TUB, even leading one away from it as Bonita has been led, is all in keeping with the evilness of the Rebellion. Which I see now seeks to destroy the soulmate union as the Evil Ones did with Eve and Adam, and also by keeping Mary M hidden and downplayed, all the way to denying us the truth of our Heavenly Mother and the GREATEST SOULMATE PAIR.
And I even wonder: if we weren't in rebellion, being perfect and true, would we all find and unite with our soulmates on Earth, all so we could delight in perfect Natural love together, then to move on together with the Divine Love? So the Rebellion, and more so the Default, actually destroys any chance of our meeting up with our soulmate in flesh and the mind mansion worlds, all because the soulmate truth needs to be denied so as to stop bringing perfect children into being. (Perfect children I would even go so far as to say would come from perfect soulmate pairs. So would perfect Natural love people who are not soulmates have perfect children? Possibly perfect in a Natural love sense, but not so perfect in the soulmate sense.) And that the only chance we have of ever finding our soulmate is by doing our healing, with the healing of our truth-denial requiring at some point the meeting of our soulmate, however that could also be once we've fully finished our healing and even in spirit.

And the point Bonita raised about our soul starting its evolution with the arrival of the adjuster, that too denies the truth of soul so much, again which needs to happen so as to keep the rebellion and default going, just as Bonita and the others who believe such a thing are doing.

So the truth of soul and of soulmates are heavily denied, all the more reason why I think we need to look to them to understand more about what they are all about, all of which of course we can only do through our feelings, and which will come to us naturally resulting from fully honouring them and not just from speculation within our minds.

Sam, if you were following the conversations, what was your impression, thoughts and feelings about it all?

Sam, I can’t tell you how much I love what you wrote and agree with all you're saying, it’s a balm to my spirit. A breath of fresh air compared to wrestling with all that mind stuff.

Also, I want to clarify a point you made, it's just another technical one and doesn't change the essence of what you've written; and I haven’t focused on it much on the forum, and to be honest, I haven’t thought about it much for quite a while, however it is very relevant to you.

When our mind fully forms apparently around six to seven years old, that’s when our adjuster arrives to indwell our higher spiritual mind. Fusion with our adjuster happens when we finish our healing and attain a Celestial level of truth. Have you read about fusion with the adjuster in TUB, for it’s perhaps, so far as I imagine, possibly about the greatest spiritual experience we might have - other than arriving on Paradise.

On a true world, and one that is very advanced spiritually, when fusion occurs, the mortal is consumed in a ‘spiritual fire’ and literally translates in a flash of light - a Blaze of Glory, and it’s a cause for major celebration - straight from the physical world into the first Celestial sphere, he or she no longer needing to die how humanity currently does, going to ‘sleep’ and waking up in the first mansion world. So it’s a huge event, literally removing the person from the physical into their new spiritual life and bypassing the mansion worlds, the mansion world levels having already been traversed as the person grew through them to reach the Celestial level.

On our world, I doubt translation will occur should for example you complete your healing and attain the Celestial level. I might be wrong, and I haven’t asked for an update on what I was told some years ago, but from what I understand there won’t necessarily be a translation (however under certain circumstances there might be), yet still with the person undergoing an incredible ‘fusion’ experience whereby you will know that you have become at-one with your indwelling spirit. And that you are now a ‘different’ type of person, a fully qualified morontial spirit in flesh, if you are still to live on Earth, so I would imagine feeling very different from all other people within the spirit of your being, and also feeling so much more advanced and higher in truth.

The spirits have told me certain people who complete their healing will remain on Earth so as to further experience living with perfect love of the Celestial level, still growing in truth, all to help other people. And in time to even have perfect children. And the translation stage for humanity will start way in the future once the Morontial Temple descends, for translation begins through the Temple.

Anyway, how all this might concern you Sam struck me by you saying you feel more separate from people, pulling away, more cutting out on your own, moving closer to the Mother and Father and at-onement (fusion) with your indwelling spirit. The spirits have also told me that such fusion might be postponed even though one has finished their healing and attained a Celestial level of truth, but I don’t know; and anyhow, if you are not already looking forward to it, it is something very significant for you on your horizon, and something you might also want and strive to attain. And either way, it will be a very significant and defining moment in your life, in anyones life, for not only will they have completed their healing and know it, they will also feel so close to their indwelling spirit, which of course is feeling so close to the Mother and Father. Being perfect and true would be an incredible enough experience of itself, and hard to conceive of - at least I find it hard and wonder if it will ever come for me; and then along with it, the whole relationship with your indwelling spirit becoming so highly personal because once fusion occurs then it gains your personality - you give it your personality, you are effectively personalising a part of God by becoming the living Truth and Divine Love, and it no longer can come and go from you, that spirit part of God is with your forevermore, so once again and amazing relationship to be embarking upon.

So I guess one could see it like the icing on the cake when one finishes ones healing. And something of a forerunner perhaps to ascending in truth all the way to Paradise and then actually being with Them.

And as you are determined to go down this track, and against all odds, and at odds as you say with all the people in your life, and even your children, then I thought it might help you to know that once you achieve that level of being... well, who knows what it might be like.

Marion and I are in our small way with you, and do wish you all the best even though we don’t have much personally to do with you. As to our own fusion, if indeed we are to go down that road, I can’t even think about it as my head feels so done-in most days as I am breaking through the toughest of my mental controlling beliefs. I feel like a pathetic stupid little boy who pretends he knows things, like all of this about the adjuster, and who can sound all very important, but really I am just a quaking wreck having no idea about anything, let alone about what I should do in life.

And in reading your reply about what you thought about the people on the UB forum, I felt very small and pathetic, you summed it up all so well and from only a glimpse. I felt like I don’t know a thing, and that you’ve got it all so under control and are so true in your feelings and firm in your mind. I felt like I was in grade one and should be looking to you as my teacher. So I am very pleased for you even though it must be so hard with such negativity and non-acceptance around you.

Sam, today it came into my mind what you said about Trevor and the higher self, and then suddenly TUB slotted into place. Now I get it, I understand why it has been given to us and where it fits in the greater scheme of things. For me TUB is the sum total, a summary if you like, and them some, of the mind worlds, that being, bringing together all that the Rebellion and Default has achieved. So to adhere strictly to it will only lead one further into their rebellion and default, deeper into their mind and further up the mind worlds, which you said you felt the other day.

So now I see that it’s the perfect thing to sum up all humanity has achieved so far in its rebellion and default, and doesn’t include anything about the healing and feelings or even the Divine Love from the PM because those things are not about the Rebellion and Default, they are about healing them.

However still it does have much valuable information, as humanity has still uncovered a lot of truth and information throughout the Rebellion and Default, but it’s just that it will not really help you in anyway toward healing yourself, helping to keep going against yourself, your feelings and their truth.



I just visited the UB forum and read in a new thread where Bonita is picking apart that which I wrote about the soul, she is presenting what the UB says about the soul, and I hadn’t understood that it says - which I think is what she is saying, that we are all driven by our personalities, that it’s personality first and that then combined with the adjuster forms the soul, the soul being experiential - coming out of the experiences of our choosing with your personalities to live God’s will, which is following the leadings of our indwelling spirit.

Anyway, I don’t agree with it, and I didn’t understand this was what TUB said about the soul. I’d read certain parts but just thought I didn’t understand so let them go, but now I have to say either the whole book is mad, or I am mad if it is right, or perhaps some parts of it are right and others not so right and even wrong. Is it that there has to be a percentage that is always so screwy, like in the Bible, and even in the PM, and also the TUB? Is that just a function of our screwed up minds from the rebellion? And perhaps there isn’t even any rebellion, like Bonita says, we’re all created imperfect and the so-called rebellion has just mucked up things a lot more. Who knows, and I feel like bowing out of altogether. I want to sit on the fence now and see what happens. I’d love to be able to stop thinking about it all, my mind feels tired and I can’t even begin to think along the lines Bonita is talking about in TUB.

So I feel even more like pulling in, just ticking over my stuff on the forum, but nothing else.



This afternoon on my walk I felt that I no longer want to put stuff out into the world only to have it rejected. I understand my doing so has been my trying to appeal to the world - mum and dad - to like and accept me and to take me seriously and listen to what I say and do what I want, but as it’s never going to happen - it never happened with them, so I am now able to give up a little more. So no more BIN or blog posts or going anywhere else. I will keep attending to the forum should anyone come, and so really just posting to you Sam, but nothing more. So that’s how I feel at the moment. I want to pull in as I’ve been saying and just focus on finishing my healing, as I do feel an end is now within sight. And then once I am healed, should that happen before I die, and should I then feel like going out into the world, it will be under very different circumstances because I will have changed so much.

And I feel really good about feeling I am letting go of mum and dad even more, that I no longer need them to love me, or want or am trying to get them to. They aren’t capable of it, I never got it and never will as I needed it, this I know in my mind, but now I’m feeling it more with my feelings. I like the feeling of separating from them, I want it to completely happen so I no longer have to spend my days feeling how bad it was with them. I’m so sick and tired of thinking about my life with them every day, trying to go back and feeling how I feel. Of course I will still have to until the end of my healing, but at least now I can stop trying to get the world - them - to love me.

And it’s mad anyway, that I want the world to accept me - my truth, which is anti all the world is. That I want the world to suddenly drop everything and say: Oh, we see what we’re doing wrong, we didn’t know that, thank you for showing us, and we’ll do as you say and stop being wrong and evil. It’s never going to happen, as it never happened with mum and dad. And I’ve believed that if I just tell everyone - tell mum and dad - they will listen to me, just as I had to listen to them. Only no one does listen, just as I didn’t listen to mum and dad, so what’s the point continuing on. If I was in the world I wouldn’t listen to me either, I’d not want someone coming along and telling me I can’t be how I am, that I am wrong and that I should change, so I can hardly expect anyone else to.



Marion says she doesn’t feel her self-hate anymore. She’s just being as she was at home with her parents: powerless and feeling unloved. She believed she could go out into the world and get away from her parents and how they made her feel, but now she realises she couldn’t do that and so has given up looking to the world to make her feel good - hoping it would make her feel better than her parents made her feel. Now she feels good about herself understanding that she is good and it was only her parents that made her feel she wasn’t; but still she feels alone and unloved, wanting someone to come and love her, and wanting someone herself to love.

Marion also in her way is withdrawing from the world who is her parents. She is feeling so much better about herself, no longer needing the world to be her parents and approve of her. She is approving of herself.

And over the last couple of months she’s been feeling how much she wants a person, a man, to come and love her, someone whom she can share herself with and love and feel loved by. I am not that man as I am not functional as she wants her partner to be, she always having to try and help sort me out what I’m doing in my miscommunication and relationship dysfunction. I drive her mad and make her feel unloved, not the other way around.

Then today she suddenly realised that it’s her soulmate, surprise, surprise, she is wanting to be with. It was the feeling that came up in her and she now feels she is capable of meeting him and having a relationship with him although she is no hurry, even waiting until she gets to spirit if that’s how it’s to be.

So once again although intellectually she’s understood and wanted such things, it’s not until the genuine feelings are there that she knows what she really wants. And as to whether we might end up being soulmates after all, I don’t know, we can only wait and see and feel what we feel; and as I’ve said, as nothing has gone in my healing as I thought it might, so I am open to anything. We might be, we might not be, and as yet I don’t have the same soulmate yearning that Marion now has, and mostly because I’m still too full of yuk and confusion to seriously think and feel along those lines.

In thinking about it more, this morning I realised that if TUB did support the soul and soulmates as I understand it, then that would compromise what I think they are doing, that being, adhering to the tenets of the Rebellion and Default. And that it’s actually the soulmate truth they are having to deny and downplay, because if they said it was true then they’d have to disclose the Heavenly Mother, Mary M, The Evil Ones partners, all the way down the line; and including how a soul then expresses two personalities, so a soul is real and exists and is more then they are letting on, all of which is going completely against how the Rebellion has been. And even though certain truths about the soul and soulmates have obviously filtered down to humanity, still to fully disclose it in a major way like TUB, which is being presented by the higher spiritual authorities as an epochal revelation, means going against the whole mind control over feelings as we have been forced to live, with the soul being closer to the feelings and the real source of truth, than any other part of the mind.

So to put the whole focus on the adjuster, with it being ones soulmate, completely denies the loving personality interaction we are to have with our soulmate. So what better way to keep denying such love - the truth of such love possibly coming our way, all to stop us yearning for it. Those people on the TUB forum who believe that, will they ever yearn to be at-one with their soulmate, to feel the real human and spirit love between the two who are one? Or will they just be happy to live in their mind with their indwelling spirit and all the so-called love they feel in that mind level? Is mind-love enough for us, compared to feeling-love, and I guess that’s about what it comes down do. Because in the Rebellion and Default we are not allowed to feel and love feeling-love, we have to be content with mind-love, and that’s how I was parented and made to believe it was, and that I had to be happy and satisfied with that as there was nothing else, nothing greater or better or deeper or more satisfying love for me, just all the love I could muster between two thinking minds - all devoid of feelings! And can you relate to your adjuster on the feelings level anyway? And it with you through feelings - what it is feeling? And does it feel?

Bob, do you feel? I feel what you feel James, I don’t have feelings as such of my own, I’m not plugged into your feeling circuits. So I can only relate to you with love through the mind? Yes, there is a certain level of mind-love as you are saying, that which we can share, but it’s nothing what you can share on the feelings level between yourself and another person, spirit or creature. You can feel more feeling-love for your beloved pet than you can for me. Still, we can share a very deep and pure and true mind-love.

And as Jesus and Mary didn’t go against it, by not declaring Mary to the world and Jesus saying they are soulmates, then TUB certainly won’t go against the Creator Pair. And so it’s back to the question - well why didn’t they declare it? And so it’s what they’ve said to me which is the only thing that makes sense, it wasn’t their place to take over and change and disrupt the Rebellion and Default on our world. All because they were perfect and true and so couldn’t and didn’t as neither does the Father and Mother who are perfect and true, tell us how to be and what we should do. So we being in rebellion and default are left in it, with our supposed saviours coming and not telling us how to get out of it other than just to keep longing for the Divine Love.

So TUB was in a pickle about the soulmate thing, just as I see the spirits and Jesus in the PM unable to actually come clean and speak about our feelings and how they are the way to the truth. Which all seems so bizarre that Jesus of anyone can’t and won’t tell us the very truths we need to heal ourselves, but if that’s how it is, then it’s all up to the Avonals, for how else can humanity find out?

And I am so sick and tried of all this shit, of feeling like I have to work it all out to the nth degree, and yet who is say that I am right. I might be full of shit how I see it, TUB might be right, but I can’t change myself and can’t see it how they see it; but I’m so angry about it all having to be such a fuck-up. I mean, to give us a supposed epochal revelation, something that is such a big deal, and yet to have to screw up the key parts to it... but then I think, well Jesus came and only partially revealed to us the truths we need, and as you said Sam, you can sort of read between the lines or deeper into some of the Padgett Messages, particularly Ann Rollins and some of Luke’s messages I think, and see there is more they are not letting on about, and that it is to do with our healing and feelings. So again, if Jesus hasn’t come right out with it, a book supposedly from higher spirits certainly is not going to.

So I just go around in a fucking circle, over and over trying to nut-out all these bits, and how does this fit and why doesn’t that add up; and Marion’s not interested, she doesn’t want to know about it, doesn’t care, she just feels she’s right how she sees it and that’s that, but she’s also happy if no else ever sees it how she does, saying everyone is on their own path and so have to do what they will; she’s not me thinking she has to do it for the whole world so I have to get it right, and that I want everyone in the world to do as I say and believe what I do, and only then will I be happy.



Marion reckons TUB is the work of the Evil Ones, so the Caligastia’s and Daligastia’s, as the others Jesus dealt with. And on my walk this afternoon thinking it over with Bob I could see that perhaps she is right. I can build an argument for it, especially in light of all Bonita is doing with my post about the soul on the UB forum.

Bonita is systematically picking apart all I understand about the soul and soulmates, pointing out where I differ from TUB, and really it’s most enlightening, even though my puny brain can only understand very little of what she says. But I get the drift, and for me it seems like the book it’s a crafted work - which I do think even purposefully contains a lot of truth and good information - to appeal to those people who want to move deeper into their mind control up to the sixth world mind spirit level. Something that I could image the Evil Ones wanted, so as to maintain their tenuous grip on the Rebellion and Default, and particularly in light of the fact that Jesus came to James Padgett some years before TUB, and TUB doesn’t mention anything about longing for the Divine Love or anything else the Padgett Messages say. And I have wondered, why not?

So to look at TUB in the light of yet another book to go along with all the other religious books humanity has to deal with that keep the Rebellion and Default going, another ‘higher revelation’, something sounding very important - the fifth epochal revelation, and something that seems to support and adore and worship Jesus, shedding no doubt lots of good information about him and his life on Earth, yet like the Bible, it just doesn’t do it, it doesn’t gel, it doesn’t speak about longing for the Divine Love and how to uncover the truth through your feelings, the main things Jesus and Mary do speak about. And all it does is a celebration of the mind, the mind is king, the adjuster and mind create and evolve the soul, the adjuster holds the pattern of ones life, but don’t worry, being a good adjuster it will never interfere with the creature mind; still, if you don’t do as the adjuster says, you won’t live God’s Will and so won’t evolve your soul and will never link up with your soulmate at fusion which is with your adjuster, who it turns out, is your perfect partner.

So much of it sounds appealing, all very authoritative, and possibly a great deal of it is true and very helpful, but all the main parts about the soul and soulmates and all the personal stuff about personality interaction is missing, there is no ‘human’ element, no emotion, no feelings - all too much the mind. Facts and information and thought-food.

So now I see we have on the one side all the Eastern mind stuff - the gurus . In the middle the religious stuff with the Christians being dominant. And then on the other side, the Western mind stuff - TUB. So we have the mind mansion world side of things more or less well represented. Then countering this we have the Padgett Messages, and my stuff. And really I can see, if my stuff is to remain, that this will possibly be the set up going into the next age, so ultimately with the all that’s in the mansion worlds being manifest on Earth. So all the mind thought world stuff, and the healing Divine Love feeling world stuff.

And all that waits to be seen is whether or not the religions all go to town on each other and fight it out, thereby lessening their influence. Which I think has to happen, all part of throwing off the heavy control over peoples lives they assert. I think people will want to be freer in their minds, so the likes of spiritual systems and even religions that support the mind and feelings will be more to peoples liking rather than being told what to do by some cleric or priest or someone who doesn’t really know much more than the average person.

I still love TUB although seeing in this light does tarnish it a bit, making me more circumspect about it. And possibly in time like with the Bible and other spiritual and religious books people will pick the eyes out of it keeping the good stuff that does resonate with their feelings when they are healed and true, and discarding the rest. But I’m not going to try and do that. So I am happy to live with it as it is, use what I will from it, see what others like Bonita on TUB forum say should I need to have my mind stretched and messed around with, but basically just get on with the truth that comes to light from my feelings and see what I think, and more importantly - feel about it, as time moves on.



I just read your post Sam - great! Yes, I too hated school and feel a dumbo intellectually, but the most important thing you said is that if a child can’t understand it, forget it. And what could be easier than just expressing your feelings and longing for the truth of them - and longing for the Divine Love. How simple, and a child naturally does it, or would if it were allowed to; and as you say, all else will come as it’s required.

And all that TUB information can wait, most of it doesn’t do us any good in life anyway, and there will me more than enough time to find out about it in spirit; and as you said, it only leads us further astray into our minds. Yes, I hate all the mind stuff, I just can’t do it, I can’t read most of what Bonita and the other Clever ones say, I find myself skimming it, I can’t apply my mind to even begin to understand what they are going on about, just as I can’t read most of the Bible either.

So thank you for your post, it comes as a good support, interesting that we’ve come to the same conclusion all thanks to the Clever ones on TUB showing it up for what it is.



God it’s been such a stressful couple of week, what with Anonymous, and TUB stuff, and Marion’s been pushing me hard to go and see mum, to confront her - and how do I feel about that? And with all the conflicting feelings, the mental confusion, I’ve had so many aches and pain in my head. All that strange head pain business I’ve mentioned that had been going on for months - about a year? - all went away just before all this latest lot of stress, suddenly I could bend over without my head feeling like it was going to burst; but then this week and yet more head pains, god I thought I was being done in.

But today I felt at peace, no head pain! I just stuffed in a block of Aldi’s milk chocolate with hazelnuts - I’m hooked on the bloody stuff - more bad feelings!, and relaxed with my mind at ease having finally slotted TUB into place. And then with all the stuff affirming it more in the afternoon, and now with all you’ve said in your post, I feel like I’m ready for retirement! I feel like I’ve finally resolved all there is to resolve, that everything is in its right place in my mind - yet my soul and Bob and the Mother and Father probably feel otherwise, however for a few moments at least, I’m enjoying the peace. And the sea was perfectly calm too, so beautiful and mild weather, the sun setting through the thin grey-orange clouds, all the birds on the beach, it was lovely.

Thank you again Sam, and I want to re-read your last posts during the next few days, as I’d rather stay with you and all you say than be going off roaming about the Internet looking for other things to stress me out.



PS... And then I thought: You said Sam: “A huge awakening has occurred in me today...” and went to write about. A HUGE AWAKENING for god’s sake. I’ve never read anyone on the Divine Love forums or TUB forums, or another other spiritual forums for that matter, who’s said anything like that, and then gone on to show the truth and understanding that’s come to it, and all so much on a personal level, all with so many feelings involved. So that says it all as far as I’m concerned. The thing I hate, is when asked, no one on these other forums ever comes forward with one personal awakening or truth or huge spiritual experience about the very thing they are all supposedly there on the forum to talk about - or what I think should be talked about. They all go on about how incredible their spiritual lives are, all sort of, nod nod wink wink - you know how it is, but no one ever actually says how it is. I love all you say Sam, and all the huge insights and awakenings you’ve had have been incredible.

I’m still thinking about TUB, reading some of what’s written on TUB forum. And my mind is slowly accepting, and coming around to the possibility, that it is ALL the work of the Evil Ones. And that craftily so much good stuff has been included in it, even about the Rebellion and Default, things one would think the Evil Ones might not want to talk so openly about; yet then again, why not, it’s a perfect ploy to seduce and suck one in, taking you in along certain lines but then once in, looking to lead you astray and deeper into the rebellious and feeling-dominating and controlling mind.

So many of the quotes Bonita uses on TUB forum I can’t understand having absolutely no idea about them, and I’ve realised that, I, like we all do, just took what I could understand from the book, and all those bits that obviously resonate so well with her and her way of looking at life according to TUB, I disregarded, because I couldn’t understand them. So for me TUB was wonderful, full of inspirational stuff, and helped me understand so many things like about the Rebellion and Default and the indwelling spirit, Creation and Paradise and the angelic realms, but then I dismissed all the stuff about the soul being experiential and alluding to the fact that the adjuster is our soulmate, all with such a heavy focus on the mind.



I can’t help but feel TUB is like a book that’s been chopped in half, so with half of it unrevealed - missing. And then again the thought comes to mind: We are still in Mary’s and Jesus’ age, which is still an age within the Rebellion and Default - especially the Default as they officially terminated the Rebellion. So anything that’s come to light, like TUB and even the PM, are still contained within the Default and so can’t actually help one heal it. We can long for the Divine Love - that being part of Mary’s and Jesus’ age, understand lots of cosmology and interesting facts in TUB, but still can’t actually heal ourselves, for that truth can and will only be made available by the Avonal Pair, as they will end Jesus’ and Mary’s age and start a new one, and one that contains the truth of how we can heal our evilness.


And how do you actually live allowing the adjuster to guide you, thereby living God’s Will? How do you choose in each and every moment to carry out the adjusters plan for you instead of going off on your own track? Are we in each experience to say - ah, now which way do I choose here, should I do this or that, what is it that they adjuster wants me to do? It’s too hard, and all to much of the mind. How do the ‘Divine Love people’ reckon they are living God’s Will, and TUB people, and the Christians, and... and everyone has a different understanding about it, which surely is not how it’s meant to be. We’re all of the same type of creation, so should work the same way, so what is that way? And for me it’s what Marion says she’s doing: if you can live true to your feelings, then you’ll be true to yourself, and being true yourself you’re also being true to the One who created you. And you become true to yourself and true to your feelings simply by honouring them all, expressing them, and looking for their truth. And as I’ve said it before lots of times, that’s how is for me, I can feel it, and really I feel that I’m being true to my soul, not true to my adjuster. I believe that the adjuster comes with our soul pattern in ‘mind’, meaning, it knows the pattern that’s in our soul and works with our soul in helping our personality express itself all so we can uncover the truth we are to see about ourselves - our personality, our relationships with other personalities, including our soulmate, and also our relationships with our adjuster, God and our own soul. I feel my soul is leading me through life through my feelings and my adjuster is responsive to that. And it’s my own choice as to whether or not I honour and express my feelings, being able to use my mind to go against them, so not express them. And as I’ve been trained to live against my feelings, so against my true feeling-self, so I’ve got to work extra hard at honouring and expressing and seeking the truth of them. But once I’ve healed all my feeling denial, then my personality will be perfectly and truly self-expressive, so it will be how I live, being second nature just to express all I feel whilst longing for the truth and the Divine Love. And then I’ll be perfectly living my soul’s will, God’s will, and in harmony with my adjusters leadings. All through my feelings.

And the more I read TUB forum and think about the soul being experiential and morontial, the more I think they are not saying it all. I can understand that within the soul is an evolving part, in that although it’s existential, it is bringing its two personalities into being, and so is engaged in the ongoing evolution of that whole process, of expressing itself in Creation. And as the personality and soul are really linked as one, so the evolving part is a part of the existential part, if that makes any sense. So although I feel the soul is existential, I also have no problems with saying it’s also experiential, as in experiencing its personalities through its personalities as they are expressing themselves in life. And that it is the soul that is growing and evolving in truth, even though on the existential side of things it’s all already all truth, as it’s all already all things. And I can see that our soul and personality relationship with our indwelling spirit is of course very significant, and itself, as with all relationships, is evolving, hence giving rise to the notion of the ‘evolving soul’.

Anyway I’m still thinking about it, but not too much as I still feel like it’s all finished for me. I now understand where everything fits in, I’m more than happy with how I see things, it all makes sense and feels right to me, and I don’t care if no else ever reads my stuff or thinks and feels as I do. So from going from wishing and wanting the whole world to be as I am, now I don’t care, not wanting anyone to think and feel the same way about such things as I do. If someone does think my stuff has something to offer them, fine, but still it’s all only my opinion.

And more and more I feel I am now waiting for the Avonal stuff to happen, should it happen during my life, for I see no other way to start the complete ending of the Rebellion and Default and for humanity to heal itself, other than through the liberation of the Avonal’s Spirits of Truth. And all I want to do is complete the seven psychic circles as TUB says we have to do, which involves my becoming, so far as I understand it, aware of my personality - being fully personality conscious; so aware of all that’s wrong with my self-expression and fully aware of my inability to have loving relationships - so all that my evilness consists of; all of which effectively means I have to finish my healing; and then once healed, becoming fully personality-self-aware of my good, true and beautiful aspects. So we have to fully understand our negative yuk unloving self, before we can then understand our positive loving self.

Soulmates again...

Marion was saying how it is all about acceptance of each other. The child comes into being expressing itself wanting to be accepted as it is by its parents. And were they to, then it would naturally express all of its personality in life. It would love interacting and having relationships, understanding by feeling they were the most important part of life. For within them is love, and all the good feelings associated with love. And the more intimate your relationship, the more you are able to express all of your personality, all of your thoughts and feelings, knowing all the way along you are thoroughly accepted by the other person. All of which makes you feel good. (We need the loving positive feedback. It helps us to define ourselves.) With being with your soulmate the ultimate relationship and loving experience one can have intimately with another person. It’s mad to think as TUB seems to say that your soulmate is your adjuster, so you have this wonderful experience with it whilst you also live in a relationship with someone else: or, are you to no longer need intimate and very personal relationships because of the growing union and intimacy with your indwelling spirit. Somehow I don’t think so, it seems absurd. But understandable I guess when Jesus and the Father are always spoken of as being by themselves, so not needing a partner; so if they don’t need a partner, then neither do we. And yet if that were so, then they’d be severely limiting their relationship experiences and so not getting the most of life, which also doesn’t make sense. And when you bring in Mary M and the Mother, then there are many more good feelings, loving feelings being expressed and explored between the soulpairs, the same surely being for us with our soulmates.


It’s interesting having understood from TUB forum their definition of soulmate, and rejected it, that Marion has started to feel an ever growing longing to be with her soulmate. She’s been working out exactly how she’d like him to be based on her needs, and feels she is now waiting for him to come. She can’t do anything about going out to try and find him, and she understands that she’ll possibly be waiting a long time and even into her spirit life, however she feels very good being able to say all she wants in another person all based on what she feels. And for me to not feel rejected, to just accept her, and wish her good luck. I used to hate her talking about being with someone else because I wasn’t good enough with all my inability to express what I felt and converse through feelings, but I’ve healed all that, so I’m now supporting her in all she thinks and feels. And if we do end up being soulmates, we will both change accordingly so as to want to be together because of feeling soulmate love for each other; something that can only come, so far as I’m concerned, when we’ve both finished our healing.


Bob was saying to me today that Marion’s and my relationship is about fully accepting each other in our worst, evil, fully yuk, states. It’s not about love. Not love between two perfect people, but possibly love of a sort for surely acceptance of any sort requires some element of love? However it’s true what he said, our relationship has moved us deeper and deeper into expressing the wrongness that we are and all the bad feelings resulting from that, and with time fully accepting each other for being our horrible selves. So we can comfortably be together in our no-love states, understanding what we don’t feel any real love for each other, all because our early lives didn’t contain any.

Yet another wrong - New Religion of Jesus

I see even more clearly how The Urantia Book is presenting yet another untrue way to live following Jesus. The book doesn’t actually say this is how you should or can live if you want to live as Jesus did, but that’s what people read into it. So they are trying to use it to create a New Religion of Jesus as the book talks about happening one day. But it doesn’t say the book itself is to be the basis for this new religion.
    So once again it’s another untrue mind-deluded version of what Jesus is like, what he taught, how he lived. And as we understand, you can’t live or follow Jesus truly whilst you’re in a rebellious state of mind, the two states of being are mutually exclusive. Being rebellious together with the Default means you are doing all you can to reject and deny Jesus, even if you believe you are following him in the right way and being as he said you are to be. You are rejecting his Spirit of Truth, not embracing it.
So a million new religions of Jesus can spring up, yet whilst people have not fully Healed themselves, then they will only be more of the same untruth. And this also includes the ‘Divine Love people’, believing they too are living as Jesus said one is to live. Yet it is all the same, all with ones mind in control of ones feelings, and that is not how you truly grow in truth.

Yet more thoughts on TUB

Thinking about The Urantia Book, again, there’s still a few bits I haven’t quite ‘put to bed yet’. However I feel like I’m getting very near now.

To me it’s interesting that the book doesn’t relate to anything that I experience in what I’d call my spirituality, for example: perceptions about my existential soul and how I’m an expression of it; talking with spirits; talking with my indwelling spirit; auras, chakras, will-line etc; anything to do with Childhood Repression and the Healing of such trauma through feeling expression - no mention really about feelings and emotions and their importance, and in fact, downplaying them and writing them off as something that gets in the way of ones mind, not mentioning any of the feminine aspects related to feelings or our Heavenly Mother; longing directly for the Divine Love so as to have a personal, real, direct and tangible loving experience with the Father (and Mother). So all hands on interactive and experiential things that help me move more personally through life are negated or simply neglected, so why is that?

And all that is within the book is just facts, with the only real experience other than saying generally you can experience certain things spiritually, is the experience of reading the book. So very masterfully the book outlines facts that don’t actually lead to other spiritual experiences. Those people who love and only follow the book would probably disagree with what I’m saying, saying the book has given them masses of experiences, but I would argue that if you looked into those experiences, and even if they involved lots of feelings, they’ll still all be to do with increasing ones mind control over ones feelings so limiting ones true feelings and true spiritual growth.

So the book can’t talk about speaking with spirits, speaking directly with ones indwelling spirit, speaking with angels, speaking with nature spirits, speaking with your soulmate (because it doesn’t say we have a soulmate other than it being our indwelling spirit), nor can it talk directly about our existential soul because then that too would lead us off into other feelings and questions based on those feelings, all of which would take us away from the book making us have to look elsewhere for such truth.

And all these things I’ve mentioned I love doing, they are all part of my spiritual experience and they all involve personality interaction, and they all bring up feelings in me which I can long for and seek the truth of, all of which constitutes my spiritual growth, with my feeling focus and expression and seeking of truth all based on healing myself of all my pain and suffering.

So the book has provided me with a lot of good information that I agree with, some I find a bit dodgy and needs adjusting and a little I disagree with, but I can see it has to be that way if it’s designed to be fully in keeping with the Rebellion. It can shed light on the Rebellion, talk all about it, introduce a picture and understanding of it that’s vital to our Healing, yet it doesn’t cross the line into revealing anything or even suggesting there is anything we need to do that involves our Healing. So it doesn’t interfere with our wrongness, helping if anything to keep people firmly cemented in it.

And the last little bit I’d like to understand is really why was it written, and who wrote it, or who orchestrated it - was it in part of the Evil Ones doing as yet another ploy to subvert humanity and hook it yet more into the mind; or was it genuine Higher spirits who had been authorised to give us such ‘up to date information’ yet without in any way interfering with the Rebellion or Default?

Anyway, all in all I see the book specifically staying on the side of the mind, so all to help people evolve their minds control over themselves as can be seen by those spirits living in the mind mansion worlds. The book would fit perfectly into those mind worlds, giving such spirits a picture well beyond their limited view and understanding of the universe, yet at the same time not giving them the truth or ‘true way’ to attain Paradise by doing their Healing and longing for and receiving the Divine Love. So I guess such higher mind spirits would end up being frustrated with it, or simply convincing themselves like Bonita and friends on the TUB forum that they are progressing to Paradise.