|
|
Post by Passing through on May 21, 2015 11:00:36 GMT 10
One of our best defences as human beings is to guard true feelings from others, but also from ourselves. We are excellent liers and we use this force for good and bad. We value diplomacy, tact, discression and speak 'recorded' words to greet and converse to be polite yet these are fundementally forms of deceit. There was a time in my life several years ago when this charade jarred against me and I started to see WHAT I was saying and how this didn't match up to how I was feeling. My friends etc don't like unfiltered truth so I kept diplomacy, tact and discression and aimed to have integrity. Being aware of the truth of how I feel underpins this and being OK with myself ....that is, being able to process or be concious of the unfiltered truth as I see it. Now when I ask someone 'how are you?' I genuinly mean it about 30% of the time. Approximately. Hey! I'm proud of this!! Big improvement I'm telling you  As I strugged to bring more depth into my life, being OK with the truth of me as I am warts and all I seemed to naturally repel superficiallity and naturally attract honesty. Shallow friendships I nurtured fell away but then suprise friendships emerged. Being more honest in my own thoughts, even of self-taboo subjects was a liberation. The early phase of this growth was as awkward as any adolecent phase is (I wasn't adolecent in age, I mean it as a turn of phrase). I gently broke my life in places at the time but looking back I see it as a good thing now. One thing I noticed, I'm not taken aback as much when bad things happen so I can react better. I find this a very useful consiquence of not being in denial. Well, not being in denial as much as I can, I'm still on my journey and even the best of us are not at our best 100% all the time. Peace |
|
|
|
Post by James on May 21, 2015 16:50:02 GMT 10
Hello Passing through, it’s nice to hear of another person who is wanting to be true, instead of putting on the show and usual falseness. I like what you say, how you’ve worked it out and what you’ve seen because of your efforts, it obviously making you feel better about yourself.
It’s hard to do, hard to maintain and have real friendships unless you’re lucky enough to find other truth-wanting individuals. With Marion I am getting better at being real and dropping my falseness, being truer to all my yuk and bad feelings - my ‘bad side’, but I too have found it necessary to keep up the pretence to some extent when out in the real world with other people. I used to think I might be able to be how I am with Marion when with other people, expressing all I feel, good and bad feelings, but have not been able to do it because other people don’t understand and it causes too many problems, too many rejection reactions. And I decided I didn’t want to make people feel bad because of my not playing along. So now I play the game so to speak, but like you said you do with yourself, knowing what I’m really feeling, well at least trying to, it’s hard to do when in the throws of interacting. But I’m getting better at it the more aware I become of myself, whereas Marion finds it increasingly difficult to be with other people because less and less does she want to compromise herself. It is an interesting point as to how people who are wanting to become more self-aware and true are to relate to people who are still intent on denying so many aspects of themselves, something I guess we have to work out for ourselves, probably what suits best at the time depending on the situation and people involved.
Thank you for adding a comment on your way through if indeed you are only Passing through - James.
However, if you feel inclined to stay for a while before moving on:
You said, “There was a time in my life several years ago when this charade jarred against me and I started to see WHAT I was saying and how this didn't match up to how I was feeling.” Would you mind telling me what it was in your life that made you start to look more closely at yourself. Was it a certain experience or had it been building up?
|
|
|
|
Post by James on May 23, 2015 22:13:26 GMT 10
Doing ones Feeling-Healing
From this post of Passing through there are obviously people in all stages of doing their feeling-healing. Of course they might not call it that, but any sort of therapy (including personal therapy working on oneself) helping someone to look more truly at themselves through their feelings amounts to it. And if they understood how it all stems from their early childhood and that is the source of all their pain, then they might be able to keep going with it right through to the end. And not stopping once the immediate problem or trauma is fixed, settling back into their life denying other feelings they are as yet to become aware of.
|
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Nov 9, 2015 8:08:29 GMT 10
I am feeling very child like and very unsure of what is going to happen to me and I felt this feeling all through my childhood, am I safe, what is to become of me. I am feeling like a new born because of the changes that are occurring in my life and for the first time |I have no plans for the future. The shop closes on Christmas Eve and because I am closing I have not been able to make or create any more things to sell, I have felt lost without my distractions and I feel lost without any plans for my future, I was always told to plan ahead and have a plan B, I have not even got a plan A, It is all going. Everyone asks me what am I going to do, am I going to open up somewhere else and I say No, I have no plans and that ends the conversation, they have no idea what to say to me, they change the subject in disapproval, they are my parents disapproving of me not having plans and I feel the intense awkwardness of the end of the conversation.
I have made the decision to shut because I cant live the lie any more, helping others and myself to live in untruth and it all seems to be naturally falling apart anyway without me trying, I feel it so I am letting it lead me to where my feelings take me and I can already feel the truth that my Soul wants me to feel. The fear of not having a plan as I have been taught, I now have to let it all go and feel how it feels to be such a disappointment, to not strive to please my parents by being a success but let it fail and not fight against the natural direction it is all going in, be led by my soul and feel all I need to feel by letting it all fall apart, lose it all. People have been coming in with suggestion for me to carry on trading, do this Sam, do that Sam,, it will work, but this is just what my parents want, for me to be saved so they don't and I don't have to feel the loss and lack of losing it all, no one wants me to feel, they want me to succeed and feel good and not feel the truth that failing and losing it all brings, the very feelings my soul is leading me to feel and I trust my soul, my feelings, and my will to guide me to feeling all I need to heal. Before I would have fought to save it all but there is no fight in me now, I don't want to, I just want to be guided and led by my feelings to feel what I need to feel, all the pain that failing brings, all the loss and lack my parents tried to keep me from feeling, it is now my time to feel it.
I do feel scared about what is to become of me, I do feel scared that for the first time in my life I have no future plans to work for or plan for, I do feel sad that I will not be making and creating things for people to admire and buy occasionally, I do feel scared that I will be alone with no where to go every day and no one to meet, I do feel scared that I am choosing to end all that keeps me busy because I know that it is all a distraction from the truth, more denial, I am scared of the feelings that all of this loss will bring and the overwhelming feelings that will rise because of my will to feel them and heal them.
When I feel about it all I feel intense emptiness, a feeling of nothingness, like I don't exist all the feelings that the shop keeps me from feeling and every time I go to the shop I feel it is all wrong and my soul is not wanting to be there and when it gets to bad I have to shut or not even go in and just feel. I am following the desires of my feelings and trusting that my feelings want me to know something very important about my self and I need to experience those feelings and that means closing the shop and feeling the fears it all brings up in me. I do feel scared about having no future, nothing good to happen to me, no plans it is like a no mans land I am entering and I am feeling like a baby abandoned by her parents, just left to die alone because she has nothing to offer them, no future, nothing to be proud of just having her parents wanting to deny her, the runt of the litter. I am not living up to the expectations of my parents, friends, society but I am letting them all down by choosing to let it all go and feel how that feels, they don't understand why I am not fighting for it but I know it would all be futile to fight, I am accepting it and choosing to experience the truth that my feelings are guiding me to.
|
|
