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Post by James on Jun 15, 2014 20:56:51 GMT 10
Speaking with my Mother and Father.
Wednesday, 11 June 2014
Mother and Father, it’s time we had another talk.
Mother: Certainly James, anytime.
Still the question is the same: Why are You subjecting us to all this suffering, surely You both don’t like seeing us all in such terrible pain.
No James We don’t, that is true, however there is more to it than how you emotionally feel it, that which will come to light once you’ve healed yourselves of your pain. Your pain and suffering, although of course being a horrible thing to experience, is still not as bad as you feel it to be. When you are in the thick of it, yes, certainly it is bad for that is all there is, and such pain is very intense, however still it is not as bad as you feel and believe it is. Your Father and I would never subject you to anything you couldn’t deal with. And although you might feel you are all but soul-dead, or your soul is dying from such hurt, still, it is not, and is fully enveloped in Our love for you. Nothing can hurt your soul, and all the pain you feel is actually all only on the mind level (which includes your physical body’s pain). So as you give up your controlling mind, so the pain goes as you become more attuned to and connected with your soul. But still, We do feel for you, it is a torrid time you all have, however all I can tell you is that in the fullness of time, you will all be very grateful for having experienced all you’ve been through. Yet currently you can’t see this, and you are not meant to, but once you are healed of your evilness, then you’ll start to feel the truth of what I am telling you. But whilst you are still of your evilness, then it’s right that you will still feel the pain of that wrongness to the degree of wrongness that you are. So don’t expect yourself to understand why your Father and I are subjecting you to such pain and suffering when you are still in your pain and suffering, because there is no way you will understand until you’ve healed yourself of all your imperfection. As you understand James, there are certain things you can only understand being in a perfect state of love and truth, just as there are also certain things you can only understand being in an imperfect state of mind and will. And it’s these things that We wish you understand whilst you’re imperfect.
I am beginning to understand it. So in the meantime, what are we to do so as to deal with our pain when we can’t understand why You are subjecting us to it?
All you can do is keep going trying to ignore it, and deal with it by denying it the best you can. Or, you can do as you are choosing, that being to fully accept it, to fully take responsibility for it. This being done through your ongoing acceptance of all you feel whilst you seek the truth of such feelings. This being what you call your healing.
What would you call it?
We’d call it love - you coming to love yourself as your parents should have loved you. You are learning about natural love, your own self-love, and what happens when you are denied such love right from conception through your forming years and whole childhood. You are learning about what it’s like to live as adults in an anti true-love state - how it feels, and then what it’s like to heal yourselves of this love deprivation.
Okay, so for the sake of our mind trying to understand why You have incarnated us into such an unloving state, can you say anything more about that?
Your Father and I want you to experience such a state because of what else We want you to experience in future. We can’t reveal to you that which you are still to experience, however in time you will certainly come to understand Our reasons for starting you off in the negative. We want you to experience no-love, to live in a contrived mental or mind-love state so you will be able to understand the difference of it compared to how you will experience true feeling-love in your true and perfected states. Humanity from Earth is going to have a long involvement with true love and untrue love, you will never again be subjected to an untrue or anti-love state of mind and will once you have healed yourselves, but you will have work to do in the far off future with others who are of such a condition, so it’s vital that you understand it first hand for yourselves as you are currently experiencing.
But why will there presumably be other Rebellions and Defaults in future that we might be in some way involved with?
Because love needs to be fully expressed in Creation, both natural love and Divine Love. And for love to be fully expressed so there needs to be opportunities for anti or imperfect love, or the negative side of love if I can put it like that, for it’s all still love, to be experienced. You can only fully know what love is by fully knowing what love is not. And collectively Creation is to understand fully what love is, because that’s what it’s all about James - love. For you see, your Father and I want to also understand all that love is, which really is, all that We are. And we can’t just know ourselves by remaining just as Soul, so we need to express ourselves, express Our personalities of love, which is what Creation is. You are expressions of Our Personalities. You being in many ways micro versions of Us. So it is literally through you, through Our Creation, that We can come to understand Ourselves. And what better way than to understand yourself than to have interaction with your own children. So it is through all you who are Our beloved children, that We, your Father and I, can come to see the true nature of Ourselves. You might think that We being God would know all, and on certain levels of reality, We do, but still it’s not the same as actual hands on experience. And that We achieve and live through you - Our creations.
So just as our soul is unfolding - expressing it’s two personalities into Creation and we are growing in self-awareness and self-understanding through our experiences, so it’s the same for You and the Father?
Yes. And it can’t be any other way. We are not some other type of creature to you and one that you can’t relate to you. You my dear child are much more like Us than you realise. We, your Father and I are not as remote as many imagine Us to be. And as you will see, in time We will awaken into your daily consciousness as a very integral and loving part of your life. We will always be with you, with you in all that you do. And We already are, for it also can’t be any other way, but you are not able to perceive Our personal presence just yet, this being because you are living in your anti-God states. But once you’ve healed yourselves, this will change and then you’ll start to understand, then as your soul-perceptions start to awaken and evolve, then you’ll understand just how personal We are, and just how much We will be with you in life.
So we really are starting off as far away from You as can be, and not just as far away from Paradise our here on Earth, but also in terms of love, because of our denying love.
Yes. You are still not as far away from Us as you could be, you are not living subjected to a double rebellion, your Adamic Pair only defaulted and didn’t rebel outright; however, still from within such anti-love states, you are gaining a very reasonable appreciation and understanding of what full rebellion is like. And especially how it ends up making you feel.
Yeah well being of no-love can only make you feel bad.
Yes, and just how bad is what We want you to see, feel and understand the truth of. For whilst you pretend that you don’t feel as bad as you actually do, whilst you persist in creating ‘artificial mind love’ as I might call it, you will only succeed in prolonging such pain.
Yes, that’s all very well, but it’s You and the Father that are making people prolong it.
True, as that is what’s best for their souls growth, but still you understand what I mean.
Yeah, I do. And do You feel our longing for Your Divine Love; and why don’t You always respond giving it to us when we pray?
Father: I will take over now James and answer your questions. You see your Mother and I are always loving you, we can’t not love you. We have created you all to love, and being Ourselves of such love, so all we can do is love. And you are very loveable.
Even in our vile evil states?
Yes, even in your evilness. And in some ways, even more so because We sympathise with what you are going through, We draw close to you, and We understand your pain and why you do the bad things that you do.
Well You’re making us do them, we wouldn’t be as we are if it wasn’t for You both.
That’s right. And so We are always loving you, this We want you to understand. And We sent Mary and Jesus to you to tell you that at some point, when you desire, you can specifically long to Us for Our Divine Love, which will then transform your natural love into the same essence of light that We are. This you understand from what you call the Padgett Messages.
Yes.
And so you also understand that really this is all technical, all so that when you no longer want to live limited by your natural love, you can long for Our Divine Love and the Divine Minister will attend to your needs by directing Her Holy Spirit to you. And once you receive the ‘Light of Our Divinity’, then your soul of natural love expression will start to change into becoming divine, but all once you first have a perfect and pure soul of natural love to transform, hence the need for you to first do your healing.
Yes, I understand that.
So really in many ways you being Our children are always longing for your Parents love, and We being your Parents, are always loving you. And your natural child-longing, is simply seen expressed by a child loving its parents, wanting to be with them, wanting to be as they are. And as you fully and freely express such natural child impulses, so We are together in love.
I see what you’re saying, so really the actual longing for Divine Love is just as you say a technical thing that would naturally happen were of true and perfect natural love, which if we were, we’d naturally be longing to be at-one with You and our Mother.
Yes, that’s right, and so you’d naturally draw to you the services of the Divine Minister as you grew in the truth of yourself, all of which would move you out of being mortal into the immortal, and so guaranteeing, as The Urantia Book puts it - your survival.
I’d not made that connection in The Urantia Book. But yes I see what You mean. When it talks about our choosing survival, really that means choosing to long for and receive the Divine Love, so we become divine and immortal, just as You and the Mother are. Whereas should we choose to remain in our natural love state alone, then we have not as yet chosen survival because at any time natural love might cease to exist.
It might have evolved to the completion of its need for existence.
And so if we’re still of natural love at that time, so far as humanity will be concerned, so we’d cease to be as well.
Yes. You would not survive. However We will give you every opportunity to choose to come and be with Us.
So Your starting us off in natural love is really giving us the freedom to choose to be with You and the Mother or not.
That’s right. We don’t want to force you into doing anything you might not want to do.
Other than subject us all the pain and agony we’re going through.
You still don’t know that We’ve forced you into your negative state, you might have even been given the choice to embark upon such an unloving start to your souls expression in Creation.
Okay. I have wondered about it before many times. I can imagine that I might have wanted to undergo the experience for all that would come of it, but still, that’s at bit of stretch whilst I’m still feeling so bad. So I don’t know about that yet. It’s one of the many things I’ve got sitting on my inner shelf, waiting to see how I feel about such things as my healing progresses. And I understand I probably won’t understand them until I’m healed anyway.
That’s right. Whilst you’re blind to truth, it’s hard for you to grasp a lot of what is of what you might call - higher truth. But you’ll get there, We’ll see to it that you will. Because We want you to come and be with Us on Paradise, We want you - everyone - to experience all Creation has to offer you, so We will ensure that you all will come and be with Us.
And You being God, are you really a Father and Mother - my Mother and Father, two distinct personalities of the One Soul?
Yes James, We are for you. That is how you experience Us. And that’s all We can be, just the personal or individual expression of God for each person. We are as you experience Us to be.
Which is how You want us to experience You.
Yes, and which evolves and so changes over time.
So we experientially get to know our existential God.
Yes, personalising your relationship with us as in your case, currently, as your Heavenly Mother and Father. And so yes, that is what We want, how We want it to be for you James. And of course, other people are free to look to you or each other or whatever they like, to see how they feel about God. You are all to ‘discover’ Us in your own ways and in your own time. And no two such ways will be the same. We’ve made you all be too different for that to happen. And We want to relate personally to each of Our children of Creation; We want to have a very intimate and personal relationship with you - and one that is all through your feelings and with great feeling. Not one that is confined and so defined and limited by your mind, and by your wayward minds at that.
So Father, what about those people who might want to be with You and the Mother, who are longing for Your Divine Love, but still don’t feel like they are getting anywhere - is there anything You can say to help them?
Yes, to keep going looking to your feelings for the truth. Keep accepting and expressing however you can, all your feelings, and in particular your bad ones, as you’ve said James, all whilst longing for the truth. And by doing that, by embarking on your healing, so in time all such truth will come to light. And you will understand how it is for you, and so why you might be having such difficulties. And I will add, try not to judge your own experiences by another’s, by which I mean, you will have your own unique way of doing things, your own unique reasons for being how you are, and you are to uncover the truth of yourself through your feelings and in your way and in your time. And no two of you will do your healing in the same way. There will be similarities so you can all relate to each other about it, but your problems are unique to you, they are yours to nurture and even cherish, and so it is for yourself through your own feelings to get to know yourself. And by getting to know yourself, so too will you get to know Us, your Mother and I. But you have to always focus on yourself first - on all you are feeling. And as I said, in time, all will be revealed, and all such problems will dissolve away as the light of truth is shone upon them. But I say again, this being what you’ve extensively pointed out James, that only through your feelings will the truth of yourself come to light. If you allow your mind to control your feelings, to stop yourself from living true to them, and so freely expressing them as you feel them, then you will only compound your problems. You might believe you are overcoming your problems by using your ‘empowered’ your mind, but in this you will be mistaken.
And why have You made it so difficult for us to set ourselves free of our pain?
All so you will understand the complexities involved, and especially in what’s involved on the will level verses that of the mind, all involving true feelings and their associated emotions. You are very complex personalities James, there are endless layers comprising your depths, and many you will touch upon through the healing of your negative state. So it will take time and you will be worked this way and that by your soul, but all so you can bring to light all you need to understand about yourself and so currently about your pain and suffering.
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Post by James on Jun 17, 2014 22:05:23 GMT 10
Sunday, 15 June 2014
Last night Mother and Father I was furious with You both for making me feel so bad. My hips were aching so much that I could hardly sleep. And Marion was coughing with her chest problem, and I felt yet again so fed up with feeling so bad, always feeling so disturbed by my pain and so trapped in it, and feeling so alone and unloved and that You don’t care, You both making me feel so bad. And although I know now that really I’m just projecting all my repressed anger at mum and dad onto You both, still, I fucking hated You for making me feel so bad. And You are both well aware of my being angry with You, so how does that make You feel?
Mother: It greatly pleases us James that you feel free - and are feeling increasingly freer, to express your anger at Us. It doesn’t make Us feel bad. We understand of course why you are so angry, We’ve made you be in such pain, but We also want you to fully express ALL of yourself, so naturally all of your good and bad feelings. And so if you feel raging anger at Us, then don’t hold back, vent all your fury at Us whilst you also long to know the truth of why you feel so bad. We want you to uncover the WHOLE truth of yourself - of our soul, and all through your feelings, this you understand. So as you also understand, that requires you liberating all your repressed childhood feelings and every feeling you’ve had that you’ve not fully expressed, as all such unexpressed feelings are still within you - within your soul. So you can’t know yourself fully until you bring all those suppressed feelings out, and so when you feel angry with or at whomever or whatever it’s very important that you express them, even if they are to your Father and I. You will never make the pain go away if you don’t fully express all you feel all the time. The pain is only there, even in your physical body, because you are holding such bad feeling in. So as you proved to yourself again last night, once you had raged to and at Us, so the pain in your hips subsided and then went away. And today you have uncovered more truth about yourself, and your relationship with yourself - as in your mind verses feelings, and with Us, and with Marion. And you’ve felt generally better for it all.
I did, and I saw a lot more about all my problems, but then I felt bad again later in the day.
More repressed feelings surfacing James. They all need to come out, but not all at once, there is simply too many of them and it would be too traumatic should too many come at up the same time, it would be too much to deal with and would defeat the whole purpose of you gaining the truth you need to see and so live from them. If you were to have too much pain all at once, then you’d not be able to work through all the specific complex psychology We want you to understand. We want you to understand the truth of your relationships, including your relationship with Us. And by that We mean, all the ins and outs, all your beliefs that constitute your behaviour, all how such things have evolved and been put in place within your mind, and all how they govern and control your life. So when you feel any bad feeling, as you well now know, it’s vital that you express it, even if that just means saying how you feel in your mind. You didn’t want to scream at us in the middle of the night causing more distress to Marion as she was trying to get back to sleep after her coughing subsided, so you raged in the silence of your mind, and We heard you, truly We did, for We hear all your thoughts and know all your feelings - all the time. As I told you the other day, We are not so removed and remote as you might want to believe, and even though you might not feel Our presence with you all the time, We are with you, never doubt that, for it is true.
I go through periods of feeling You both with me more. It’s certainly become easier for me to speak with You over the course of my healing.
As our relationship is evolving James.
Yes, and I love it when I feel You both close. I just wish I could feel Your presence all the time.
It will come James, it can’t always be strong in you for the time being whilst you need to focus on your bad feelings and bringing them to light. Were Our Light bright within you, you’d get distracted from your bad feelings, using Us to hide from them; and so as you don’t want that, wanting to stop yourself denying them, so We are working with you in every way We can, and so will increase Our presence with you as required. And during those times you will feel Us close with you.
I want to feel you loving me, and intensely, that’s what I really want. And to feel You loving all my pain away.
You can’t feel us loving you whilst you’re still in an anti-Us state of mind and will. We do still love you, and very intensely, however you’ll not be able to feel Our love for you until you’ve completed your healing, as then you’ll no longer be denying Us.
So it’s right that even though I’ve received some of Your Divine Love, that I still don’t feel You loving me much. I do a bit, and sometimes more than at other times, but not as I long to feel loved by You both.
Yes, Our Divine Love is still within your soul, but it requires pure and true natural love so as to be expressed within you. So until you’ve finished your healing, you will not feel the full benefits of it. But slowly your soul-perceptions are awakening, and you can feel a new level of Our relationship with you beginning to unfold.
I can, it’s very subtle, and seems much deeper in me.
That’s right, you are progressively coming out of your mind and all you’ve been conditioned by it to know as love, moving more into your true feelings and starting to feel things differently, and indeed true love.
So if people have been longing for Your Divine Love and have felt they’ve received it, but still don’t feel very loving or loved by You, then that’s right for them.
Yes, if they are still within their negative state of mind and will denial. Yes, whilst you are of evil, whilst you are living denying truth, love and all that is good; so you can’t possibly expect to feel all that is love, truth and goodness. So you have to first heal yourself of your unloving way of existence, which you can only do through your Feeling- or Soul-Healing, as you’ve rightly pointed out James. And as there is a lot We want you to see about your unloving state, so it might take a long time as you continue working on yourself before you begin to actually feel loved and feel loving - those love feelings being true love feelings and not contrived mind-love feelings.
Okay, I understand. It’s just so hard for Marion and I slogging on with our healing and not feeling any love, for each other, ourselves, even for You. We have felt an increase of love for nature, but that’s all very well as we can’t just go out and be part of it.
Your feelings for nature will resonate with the natural nature within yourselves as you heal yourselves growing in truth. And in fact your self-love, and love for each other and even love for Us has grown enormously; only yet, because you are still overall in your anti love states, so you both can’t as yet feel such love. You are both vaguely sensing it, getting an occasional glimpse of the feeling of it, but not too much for if it were suddenly strong within you, then you’d latch onto it with your still truth-denying minds using it to sidetrack yourselves by furthering your self-denial.
Yeah, all right, I see what You’re saying. And You’re right, I do know that much about myself now. If I did start to feel love, for myself, Marion, or You and Father, then I would cling, and desperately so, onto it, going off on yet another feeling-denying tangent. I would use that love and all those good feelings to further bock out what’s left of my repressed bad feelings, and probably not even being aware that I was doing so. Yes, I can see that more clearly now.
And you would James, without a moments hesitation because you want to feel loved. It’s completely understandable, so contrary to what you might think your healing will do for you, that being to make you feel better, good and more loving, whilst you still need to work on yourself, so such good feelings will be delayed. Their light will still be in your soul, and We can see it steadily growing within you, however it won’t start to be expressed in earnest until you’ve finished your healing, or at least until you are coming to the end of it and so wouldn’t be distracted from completing your healing by feeling such good feelings.
I can feel something of what I might call a transition in me like that. Marion and I have both talked about it on and off, and lately we’ve been feeling it a little stronger, in that the good feelings we are having more of, we’re not using to deny what’s left of the repressed bad feelings in us. Mother, have we got repressed good feelings in us as well from our early life?
Yes James, however they’ve been tainted by your whole negative experience and love denial, so really you can put them in the same basket as your bad ones. And they too will and have been coming to light along with all your bad ones as you’ve progressed, but mostly so you’ve been able to see them for what they really are - not as good as you wanted to believe.
That has been happening, I know what you mean, it’s true. Often, and more so lately, as I’m now more familiar with my bad feelings, I’ll find I’m focused on what I have believed to be a good feeling, one I’d forgotten I had memory-wise, only to find that it’s not so good after all, once I’ve talked about it and all else I feel to do with it - once the truth has come to light. So Mother, we’re not actually going to feel better and better through our healing, and really we should look to even feel worse and worse, and certainly not more and more love and loving.
That’s right James. It will be different for everyone, but essentially should you take this approach and have this attitude about it, then it will help you be more accepting of yourself and your anti-love condition of mind. Like you have experienced, you will feel mostly very bad, and then very, very bad, and then very, very, very bad, but still as you have your momentary reprieves from your pain, misery, fear, anger and despair, you will feel something good is happening to you - happening deep within you. And that gradually you are feeling better overall, and even much better about yourself, and at least enough to know that you want to keep going with your healing.
Yes, that has happened all the way along, although at times those reprieves have been months apart. Even years apart back during our days at Harry Street. But now in some ways our healing is not so bad, not so miserable for us both, not as long the duration of each time we’re plunged back down our holes into our pain and darkness, and yet on other levels we’re feel much worse about it as we’re so tired of feeling so bad.
And it will continue to evolve, through all the different aspects of it James, as the experiences of it you need come from your soul. But I will tell you, as you understand but are yet to experience, you only need to uncover all the truth We want you to see from your current state of feeling-denial, and once that’s done, then you’ll quickly begin to feel all the positive effects of your healing - and you’ll start to feel loved and loving.
Intellectually I understand that, Mary and Jesus have helped me with it, as have You and Father - (I’m finding it new and slightly difficult saying it like ‘You and Father’ instead of You and the Father, I’m so used to saying the Mother and Father, or Mother and the Father), and I can feel - sort of perceive - it the more true I am becoming to my yuk-self.
Calling Us, Mother, Father, is new for you, you never called your parents that, and you’ve not liked it when others have referred to Us like that when those people have not been doing their healing and you’ve feel how contrived they are saying it. But you’ll get more used to it with practice James. You say it in your mind when addressing Us, you’re just not used to writing it and hearing it as you write it in your mind.
That’s right, I do address you Mother, Father in my mind, and I like that, it is of course being more personal. Relating out loud, even to Marion, calling God - You - the Mother and Father, still at times sounds odd, but I can feel too as you say, it just being not something familiar and approved of during my early life.
Approved of being the significant word James, because that’s how you learnt what was right in life. If it wasn’t approved of by your controllers, then you couldn’t entertain it. You’d then relegate it to your fantasy life and mind, however We weren’t part of that during your forming years and childhood.
No, You’re both only a fairly new addition to my life. Since reading the Padgett Messages and longing for Your Divine Love.
It’s all still evolving, your relationship with Us, James. The more you clear away your unloving parental relationships, so you are able to come out and be with Us and others as you approve, as you feel good about. It all being for yourself, and no longer for your mother and father. You are having to start life in many ways all over again, and this time around, finding out what it is that you like and dislike, how it feels to express your true feeling-self, all of which you’ve never done. And it will feel odd at first, all of which you must talk about, but in time you’ll feel increasingly better about those things that make you feel good, including how you articulate yourself, behave, and all you think and feel.
I’m am feeling more relaxed writing with You. I feel more able to deal with it. We’ve written together before, but I didn’t feel I knew about myself, You, the healing, or anything else for that matter, to really know what I was doing.
You were worried that you’d contrive it - making it all or some of it up. But you’ve always been true in your relationship with Us James. And sure, you’ve been tainted by your rebellion against the truth and love, and so against Us, but that’s how it is, and it’s all relative, and all to be understood and taken into account. And so now having come this far, you feel you are not as affected as you were, so you’re feeling more comfortable speaking with Us and allowing Us to speak to you in this way.
A lot of people say they speak with God, yet are they really? And a lot of what God supposedly says, I can’t bear.
It’s all relative to the individual James, to where they are in their truth-denial or truth ascent. And it should be judged accordingly. And it should also be understood that at any given time, it’s just a moment between too personalities, be that two good friends, a parent and child, two lovers, or between yourself and your Heavenly Mother and Father. So it is to be taken for what it is, and if it makes you feel good, then that is good. And if it makes you feel bad, then that is good too, as you know what do to with those bad feelings. And so in that light, there is no such thing as a ‘bad’ feeling, as all feelings are the way to truth.
Yeah okay, you’ve pulled a swifty on me. However I understand what you’re saying. The only trouble being, that although bad feelings are good for leading us to more of the truth of ourselves, they still make you FEEL BAD. You sure don’t feel good having them.
One day you might James.
Oh god, God, don’t confuse me, it’s hard enough as it is!
All right James, time to say goodnight.
Yes, You’ve tired me out with all those GOOD bad feelings You provided me with today. So goodnight Mother and goodnight Father.
Goodnight My child. Goodnight James.
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Post by James on Jun 19, 2014 18:10:48 GMT 10
Monday, 16 June 2014
Father, what’s going to happen to us - humanity? We seem hell-bent on destroying ourselves.
Father: I can’t tell you James anymore than Mary and Jesus have said to you. It’s not time yet for you to know, that would only distract you from your healing. Part of your longing to know the future and all that’s happening is what you need to heal - why you want to know such things, and all the feelings involved with such desires need expressing as you seek the truth of them.
Yes, I do that with Marion just about every second day as more bad things happening in the world making me angry. I understand I project onto the world that which I should look to mum and dad for, which I’m getting better at as more of how unlovingly they treated me comes to light - as I feel more unloved by them. But I thought I’d ask You the question - as part of my healing You understand.
Of course James, and why not, as it is all ‘part of your healing’.
But what about our poisoning of the Pacific Ocean with all the radiation from Japan, and all the yuk from everywhere else?
I won’t tell you James, for as I said, it would only distract you from your healing. And should you feel frustrated by My not telling you, then that is what you need to focus on expressing.
I don’t as yet feel frustrated with You, however I sure did feel frustrated with mum and dad for not telling me things and telling me wrong things. I am slowly getting more in touch with those memories and all the anger and misery and frustration they caused me to feel.
What I will say James is simply to reiterate what Mary and Jesus have told you. Humanity is coming up to a significant change, a fulcrum point, from which it will start to ‘turn around’ and end its rebellion. And so it won’t take much imagination for you to understand that it’s going to be a big change - many significant changes that will need to happen. And it has begun and will only accelerate now.
And how will it affect people who are longing for the Divine Love and doing their healing?
They will be looked after. They will feel many bad feelings of course arising from such changes, both changes on the outside in their lives, and changes inside themselves, just as you and Marion have experienced James, and continue to do so. But such changes, although at times exerting great pressure on them, will be all to help them become true to themselves and all they feel. So such seemingly bad things will in fact be good things for them, which they will see as they work through all the trauma that surfaces in them from their early lives bringing the truth to light. And such people will understand, once having made a full commitment to their healing, that having begun it in their lives now on Earth, should they not complete it before their death, then their death will simply be another experience that will give rise to many feelings, all to be expressed and the truth sought for. And then in their new spirit lives they will continue working on themselves and all help with be given to them, just as it will be given to them whilst in the physical.
So those of us who understand that we need to do our healing before we’ll ever feel truly happy, will in a way be living in a different ‘dimension’ to the ordinary person.
A different plane might be a better word. Yes, that is what will happen. You will still be of the world but also not of it, as your focus and attention becomes focused increasingly on yourself, your childhood, your relationship with your parents and family, and your current relationships, and with the Mother and Myself in the light of ‘doing your healing’. And you will find your values and reasons for living will change, and in some ways you’ll not be able to relate to those people about you who have not decided to work on themselves in such a truth-revealing way, those people who are still intent on living untrue to themselves. And you will be lead - guided - into different ways of looking at life, nature, yourselves, the world, and Us. You’ll start to see, and then relate, to life in the way it should be lived, that being, in a true way. And all you will do in the physical will also be preparation for all that awaits you in your spirit lives.
The more I write with You and Mother the more I feel it’s just like writing with another spirit.
Your Mother and I are another Spirit. So you should feel similarities. Only you can also feel that Our relationship is different from that of the spirits you’ve written with.
Yes, much deeper, and I get the feeling of there being a lot, a vast amount, You both are not relating to me with, or not telling me, and I so long to know, and to be with You both.
We understand James, but it’s only the very beginning of your relationship with Us, and you’ve got a long way to go - you’ve not even fully healed yourself of living in rebellion against Us. But once that is done, then things will start to unfold for you and you’ll be brought much deeper into being with Us, you’ll feel much closer to Us.
I keep thinking that because I am speaking with God, I should ask you what life is all about.
But you know what it’s all about James - at least some of it, and enough to keep you busy for the time being. You understand it’s about healing yourself of your rebellion against Us through your feelings, and that’s all you need to know for now. All the rest will come as you grow in truth.
But it all seems so easy speaking with You. Shouldn’t you be saying hugely profound truths through me, so when people read such words they are instantly uplifted because they have ‘read the words of God’. I mean, so many people believe the Bible are Your words, and get such a thrill out of them.
And James, how do you not know that people will also get a thrill out of the words you write. You might be surprised. And besides, as we neither wrote nor said most of the words in the Bible attributed to Us, what is the point of worshipping something that is wrong and only serving to take people further into their rebellion? Your words James are helping to take people out of their rebellious states, and there isn’t anything better than that. And the simpler the better, for then all people will be able to understand. If you talked and wrote using ‘big words’ then only a minority would be able to understand and follow you, and that is not what We want. We want you to be accessible to everyone, so it is better that what you say can be readily understood and easily applied. And as you know, it will be hard enough doing ones healing, so you don’t need to make it even harder for people by writing or saying things they won’t be easily able to understand. And truth being truth James is profound no matter when or where one comes across it, or who says it. And all you write is designed to help the individual to uncover the truths of their soul and life and of Us by themselves, all through their own feelings, and you can’t give anyone a greater gift than that. You are offering them the way out of their pain, and a way that will end it all, not just something that will bandaide it and prove to be yet more of the falseness. And you will see James, people will tell you of their healing experiences, as they are already beginning to do, and that will only increase, and they will tell you how wonderful it is for them to uncover the truth of themselves through their own feelings and without needing to adhere to any rules, just being free to do it for themselves and in their own way and time. You are offering them the freedom they never got as children from their parents. Their parents taking it away from them. You are giving it back - at least the way for them to take it back from their parents. And people will understand that, they will live it, it will be a real thing, and for that they will be very grateful. And their pain will eventually go, and then they will understand what it was all about for them, and their relationship with Us will blossom, and they will be able to ascend the Universe of Universes all the way to Paradise, and there to meet with Us in person. And We are looking forward to meeting you all. So James, you and all the people who are currently embracing their healing are a part of the Change. It is happening now, as it’s happening for you and for those people who have come to share their experiences with you on your forum. And it is the real change, the loving change, the expression of such truth-seeking and truth-loving souls. And all the outer world change is just what needs to happen to enable those people who want to live true to have all the healing experiences they will need at this time. So out of the ashes will rise the phoenix - those people doing their healing. So it’s a very significant time in humanity’s evolution. One of those major ‘turning points’, and in fact, the biggest one of all. And James, you’ll understand it all in time, you’ll see for yourself through your own healing. It’s difficult for you still presently because of so many bad feelings still surfacing in you, but in time you will come to see it all, and you will understand.
Thank you Father.
It’s all part of your souls growth James. You and Marion working it all out for yourselves through your own endeavours. We’re not telling you anything you’ve not already worked through yourselves, and that is how it should be. Your Mother and I are only putting into words for you in this way, some of what you’ve already touched upon within yourself through your healing. It’s all within you James, it’s all within you all, all that you will need to know and come to understand about yourselves. It’s the way We’ve created you. You are to be able to do it all yourselves. We want you to do it all yourselves. And you’re more than capable of doing it all for yourselves, as trying and difficult as your healing might be.
It’s so hard feeling so alone so much of time. So unloved. And although Marion and I are with each other and helping each other with our healing, as we both feel like shit and feel so alone and unloved most of the time, we’re not much comfort for each other, we’re too pathetic and hopeless. We can’t give the love to each other that each of us wants.
And you’re not meant to James. You are only meant to express all you feel about it all. And of course whilst you’re in denial of truth and love you can’t love, so you can’t love each other. You can only help each other the best you can, which you are doing, and that is all you can do. But you are both growing in truth and that is what you both need, so however you are together, that is helping you both evolve. So on deeper levels, there is love there, but as yet you can’t feel it. When truth comes there is love, and when there is love, so there is also truth. So as you are growing in truth so too you are growing in love, only it’s not yet time for you to start expressing it. That would be too much of a distraction for you as your Mother was telling you. You’d then feel good and use those good feelings to further keep your still-to-be-expressed repressed feelings at bay. So your love from truth needs to be kept on hold, but it’s growing within you as soul-light. And in time, when it will not distract you from your healing, it will start to be expressed. And small amounts of that are currently starting to happen for each of you.
But we want to feel loved - we want to feel good and happy. We’re so tired of feeling so unloved and unhappy all the time.
Understandably James. However it’s not time yet, still there is more for you to see about your anti truth and anti love condition of mind and will. And although you still feel very bad and have felt bad for a long time, still this is all too important, so the love will wait whilst you continue to uncover all the truth We want you to see. And all your bad feelings about not feeling loved and about feeling so bad for so long need to keep being expressed, for they are the way for you to eventually feel the love you want to feel.
You sound like Marion when she’s in one of her ‘being the fountain of truth’ moods.
Because she understands what I am saying, as you do too James. You both do, however I understand you wanted to ask Me to see what I would say about it.
Well you are inspiring me to ask You - are you not! You’re in control of everything.
True, it is as We want you to be.
I can’t write anymore Father, I’m fading out. I will go now.
Goodnight James.
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Post by James on Jun 19, 2014 18:13:09 GMT 10
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
Mother and Father, certain things happened to me last night which helped me to understand what you’ve been helping me see these past days. I have understood such things previously with my mind, and to some small degree I’ve understood also with my feelings, but now I know what you’ve been getting at, that being, I will not feel any love during my healing - as my healing unfolds, because I didn’t feel any love during my early life, as there wasn’t any to feel. I have wrongly believed there was some love, and still held that as my healing progressed surely I would become progressively loving, but as in that area nothing seems to be happening, and as Marion reminded me forcibly again this morning, I won’t feel any love until my healing is completely finished because love was not there in my beginning, so it’s not part of me, not part of my life pattern. And this I now completely accept. And I find in my further acceptance, I am letting go of yet more fantasy that I was feeling more loved and was more loving, particularly with Marion, and Linda and Dan at the Bush Bank. I had thought my relationships were more true, which they might have been, but no real love, that all being just my wishful thinking. A fondness in the new friendships, yes, and even with Marion as we move closer in some ways, but not love, not as she talks about love to be and what it feels like, which the further I go, I have to admit I’ve never actually felt. I still find it hard to accept that I wasn’t loved at all, and that love is so foreign to me, that I’ve not even truly experienced it. Just a very shallow mind-love, more my love of something, like the fish or a girlfriend, but mostly based on the beauty of the look and not of the real person. And then as Marion and I talked about it all this morning, I moved into understanding that ALL of me is mind, and a mental fantasy. I had tended to think the fantasy part of me was only part of my mind, and as I’ve given up so much of it, I’m being more true. Yet I understand now that all I’m being more true to, is that all of me is my mind and it’s all false - I am just one big fantasy. And this too of course I have intellectually understood, but like with all these things, now I know and understand it on much deeper feeling levels. And I find it astounding that all of me can be just mind and unreal, even including my body. And that really I, the soul-person James, doesn’t even exist, that it wasn’t wanted, and so was pushed so far aside and out of the way that all I am is just a fantasy, a mental construct, a delusion, a falsehood, something that is unreal and so also doesn’t exist. I am just a thought floating around in the ‘Cloud’ and that if the power is turned off at any moment, then poof, I am gone for good. And so I feel my life is a very precarious thing, something that I am hanging onto by the skin of my teeth, and shitting myself that at any moment the balloon with pop and that’s the end of me. I have no greater feeling of my existence than that.
Mother: And how does that make you feel James?
Very scared. I wish You and the Father would come and rescue me. I feel like I’m hanging onto the precipice with nothing, no security below me, and I am shitting myself, just as I felt all yesterday, so nervous, anxious, worried about everything, so scared, always so scared, and then so miserable being this way and also so angry that I am and no one is coming to help me - coming to save me. And I’m angry that it’s all up to me to save myself. I didn’t make myself be this way and yet I have to somehow heal myself, and bring myself out of being just a false thought, contrived by unloving and uncaring people, into being something real and tangible and who feels welcomed and loved. And I think how ludicrous of me being just a false thought that I could and did love, and was capable of receiving love. No way, what a delusion that was too. And I feel afraid that what if it turns out that that is all I am, and that really there is nothing to me after all. What if I am just a pretence, a fabrication of another’s mind, a thought of theirs; what if I am completely unoriginal, nothing other than existing because they have brought me into existence. And I live and so exist solely within their own fantasy thoughts.
Which is what We have done James, We created your soul with Our feelings, and on some levels you are Our thought, but not a fantasy one.
I know, that’s what I was feeling as I just wrote that. But that’s what I feel from mum and dad, that they have created me without any thought as to my wellbeing, just something there for them to amuse themselves with, and I don’t even think they gained much amusement from me. I think I turned out to be a flop, something that was more a pain in their arse and at the best of times a trial they had to endure. A bad smell they’d produced and wished would go away, but as they couldn’t make it, having regretted they did it, just had to put up with it until it passed. Yes, I’m just some bad smelling gas, nothing more, and not even gas that has a consciousness in its own right, like some Star Trek alien presence. I am just a nothing skin or shell of a thing, nothing more than that, and yet I am so scared all the time, and have all these terribly bad feelings, when I do wish they would go away and at least I could then just be the gaseous thought of theirs and could maybe float away or dissolve into nothingness and it would all be over. And it makes me feel very angry because of course I don’t want to be how I am. But what can I do. I’ve yelled at them, I’ve yelled at You, and all that happens is I move yet more into being that vapourous smelly (according to Marion) nothing that I am.
You are coming ever closer to the truth of yourself James, the truth of your negative, no-love state. Which is what We want you to do. That is what your healing is all about, so you can understand these things about yourself, so you can feel what feeling unloved feels like. Because feeling unloved means there is no truth, so there is no substance, there is only vacuous mind, thoughts, and fantasies composed of meaningless thoughts, just as you feel you are. And this is what evil is, this is what you are all having to contend with. And your meaningless world which you pride yourselves on does nothing for anyone other than make you all feel increasingly bad. And those people who feeling increasingly good are only increasingly deluding themselves, which they will come to realise one day.
So Mother, those people who did have some love in their early lives, will they feel some love during their healing?
Not necessarily James. Look at Marion, as she said, she felt some love from her Granny when she was young. But although it was there, it still wasn’t real and true and so doesn’t hold up under the scrutiny of truth. But it has given her some feelings of what feeling loved might feel like, and she can use these feelings of mind-love to reflect upon what true love might feel like; but as you’re discovering for yourself, you’ve got nothing to go by, so you can’t even begin to imagine what real and true love and a life with it might be like. And because of that, you’ve been forced to accept that how you are in your no-love state and all you have is the best of it, so you’ve accepted this, having no alternative, and then decided, as you were also told to, that how you are is loving and that you are loved, so you do, or rather did, feel loved. So you believed.
Yeah.
So it’s for other people to find the truth of their love, to see if indeed it is real and true or if it’s false mind-generated love. And as they look to their feelings and the truth of them, so they will uncover the truth of it. And if it’s not founded on truth, then it will dissolve away and be shown up for what it really is. But I am not going to generalise how it will be everyone who might venture into doing their healing because that is what they are to find out for themselves and I don’t want to interfere with that. So how it is for you might not necessarily be how it is for everyone else because you’ve all been subjected to different ingredients that have produced your negative state.
Okay. I’ve given up trying to compare myself, and having other people on the forum now speaking about their healing, it’s become very clear we are all going to be doing it differently.
So James you are to experience through your feelings the truth of your loveless state, and this you are now fully beginning to appreciate by FEELING the truth of it. As you’ve been seeing in your communications with Mary and Jesus, it’s one thing to be told all about it and to work it all out in your mind, but to live it and FEEL it, is where the truth lies. And this too you’ve understood with your mind, but now you’re also FEELING it.
Yes, it all has to come though my feelings, I am beginning to feel that as You say. I have worked it out, but feeling it is another matter. But it does feel good because now I feel I have a base, a foundation from which to work and relate to myself, Marion, life and You and Father, that being slowly formed on truth, and on the truth my parents stopped me from getting and revealing for myself through my natural feelings. So I’m completely giving up on love. I don’t feel it and I’m going down that track. I might feel good and even have fond feelings for Marion but I’m not going to buy into the love thing because as You and Father were saying, it is all too easy for me to get sidetracked by it, even if just believing it was showing me my healing was progressing, or even getting closer to the end. So I’m feeling able to stay more in my feeling-moments and not get carried away with any future thing or thinking I’m making good progress. I am just feeling what I am feeling at this point in time, and so staying with those feelings longing for their truth.
That’s right, and gradually you’ll give up all the control your mind has been made to have over your feelings, and gradually your feelings will become stronger in leading the way; and so you will transform yourself into being the real and true person you should have been all along.
So really it’s incredible that I can’t do anything in life, I’m a nothing useless thing, even doing the simplest things are too hard and I’d rather I didn’t have to do them, yet it’s no effort doing all this writing and speaking with You and the spirits and finding out about all of this, all that I couldn’t find out from the world. It all makes me feel more like I can’t be involved in the world as it is, so I will try and create my own world - probably yet another fantasy or extension of all the fantasy I already am.
And time will show you the truth of what you are saying James. Things are soon to happen to you both that will shed more light on all you are doing and all you’ve been through.
Things are always going to happen ‘soon’ so far as You and Father are concerned.
And so too are things always happening so far as you and your souls growth are concerned James.
Yeah, all right. It’s not as if I’m ever going to able outsmart God.
Why even bother?
Exactly, just as I said. Mother, I feel like I’ve come to the end of this writing with You and Father for the time being. So thank You both very much for helping me move yet deeper into accepting my no-love self more.
It is Our pleasure James, and we’re very pleased that you understood. And should you want to write more with Us at any time, do not hesitate to ask.
I’ll ask all right, You’ve no need to worry about that. Not that You’d ever worry.
Good.
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Post by James on Nov 5, 2014 22:05:42 GMT 10
Tuesday, 28 October 2014
I hate God and God hates me
This morning I’m back to hating you Mother and Father - really hating You, with all my heart.
We understand James, and as it’s what you are feeling, so that is what is true for you. And it is good that you are allowing yourself to feel such feelings because they are what you are feeling - they are your feelings.
And how do you feel about my hating you Mother and Father?
We want you to hate us James, because that’s how you’re feeling. I don’t feel bad about it, neither does your Father. We understand why you feel you hate Us both, and We support and love you for such feelings.
You’re the ones giving me the feelings. I’m not making them up for myself, like deciding today I will feel I hate God.
True, however it’s still all for you in your personal experience of life and in your personal relationship with Us. And as you have been doing, so you can long for the truth of such feelings and see why you hate Us so much.
I’ve been doing that, speaking with Marion about all I feel.
So tell Me more about what you discussed and how you felt about those things.
I felt I hated you Both for making us be so horrible, me personally, and all people. For making us do such bad things to ourselves and especially to animals and all nature. And I hate that You make me hate being how I am and not loving, with no love at all. I hate that You’ve made me loveless, unable to love, unable to receive love, being the stupid evil nothing person that I feel I am. And I felt how stupid it is to hate anyone else as You’re the ones who are making us all be so bad. We are not to blame, we’re only being how You want us to be. We have no say in it, we think we do but we don’t. And I hate that, You making us believe that we do have some say in our lives when we’re completely at Your mercy, completely controlled by You. We live in this stupid Rebellion and yet how much rebelling can we actually do? We can’t completely rebel going off having nothing more to do with You and Father. We don’t have a say, we’re Yours, we’re Your children and will never be free of You. And even though I can’t conceive of being free of You, for what would that mean, existing somehow outside of or in another Gods Creation, still it’s how I have been feeling. I feel trapped with You and within my shitty life with You making me feel so bad all the time and with so many bad things always happening to me. And I feel so angry and miserable about that, feeling even more powerless than I already do because how can I ever have more power than You. I can’t, You both will always be there more powerful than I, so I can and will only be always doing what You want me to do, and that sucks, that’s how I feel right now. I want to feel I am completely doing what I want to do, and not always doing what someone else says, all the while deluding myself that I am free and doing as I please. So how can I ever know if I am free, truly free, and what does being truly free mean anyway - free to do what You and Father are telling me to do? Free to be my evil yuk self - great. But I can’t be free to be true and loving because You’re not allowing me to, You’re still wanting me to be fucked. But why do You want me to be still so bad? Do You want us to hate You? Do You want to experience being hated? Is that it, that it is all for You, and we’re only in existence for You? But what about for us, that’s just how I felt it was for mum and dad, that I was there only for them, and nothing was for me - I wasn’t there for myself.
It is true James that We do want you to experience feeling hated and unloved and rejected by some of Our creations, and also by Us, even if such experience is solely based on your misguided beliefs. And We do want you to hate Us, as hard as that is for you to understand, because We want you to express and be true to all you feel. Your Father and I want to experience all that love is, and so all that no-love is too. And it is all for Us, how could it be any other way. We are Creating only for Our own pleasure.
And you get pleasure from us hating You, and from making us be so horrible?
Yes, however not the sort of pleasure you’re thinking of. We get pleasure from all that you do, all how you are, even in your wrongness, and even though as you rightly say, We’re the ones making you be wrong. So yes, we gain pleasure in you hating Us, in you rejecting and not loving Us, however it’s the pleasure of a parent who is allowing its child to be as it wants to be. And so whilst you are evil so We do gain pleasure from that, for We know you are fulfilling your soul needs, gaining the experiences We want you to have, so learning through direct experience all about love, and both sides of love, that being love and no-love as you say. We want to fully express Ourselves, and you being our Creations are doing that for Us. We can’t hate you, we can’t destroy you with Our hatred and no love, but through you We can feel and understand what being of hate is.
So we’re nothing more than Your little experiments?
You could look at it that way - feeling-less and devoid of the personal experience you are gaining within it.
In a detached impersonal mental way?
Yes. But We are not detached in this way from you and your feelings, We are them too, We feel all you feel and that’s why We’ve created you. We want to feel life through you, through all our Creations, from the most primitive to the most advanced. And We want to experience all the good and bad feelings. And so to experience all the bad feelings, for they are part of personality, so We need to feel bad, which We do through you.
So You do feel bad?
Yes, We feel bad for you, so bad through extension, and as We have part of our Spirit indwelling you, so there are many other levels upon which We also feel bad as you feel bad. And good as you feel good. But We ourselves personally do not feel bad as We are too loving, We can’t directly feel bad, We only feel love. And there is nothing that happens to Us or can happen to Us that would or could ever make Us feel bad, for We’er in control of everything. And as We weren’t parented unlovingly, so We don’t do things to Ourselves to make Ourselves feel bad.
So You feel bad through us Mother, but surely You don’t like those feelings, so why make us feel them?
Because as I said, it’s all necessary for you and I, for all of us, as we’re all to fully experience all that love is, and so also, all that no love is. We are Personality James, your Heavenly Father and I are Personality of Soul, and personality is very dynamic and complex and revolves around love. But for personally to be fully expressed and so experienced, so we all also need to experience what no love is, what that part of the personality expresses and experiences. And what being subjected to no love does to ones personality.
And so presumably those spirits who have not experienced no love - rebellion - will, like You can do, experience it to some degree through those of us who are in rebellion against You and ourselves - against the truth and love.
Yes. There is the individual personal aspect of all experience, then there is also the collective personal experience, so such spirits (including the Supreme Being) being part of the collective - part of Creation - can do as you say. So many spirits as part of their growth will be involved in rebellion of one form or another, all so they will be able to experience all that Your Father and I experience. We want you all to experience all We experience, so then you will get to know Us as we get to know you. And that really is what true love is all about, why We’ve set things up as they are. And the more you get to know Us, as you get to know yourselves, so the freer you’ll feel, feeling like it’s a nice thing rather than a bad thing that We are providing it all for you and guiding you in each step. And one day you will be so much as We are, so then you will no longer feel like you are little children unable to do anything for yourselves, always needing mum or dad around to help you.
I do feel I want You both - Mum and Dad, around to help me, far more than I feel You are around. I feel such a pathetic little toddler person unable to do anything for myself and so handicapped with fear. I want You both right with me in every step, in person, real people, not way off on Paradise or wherever it is that You are.
Which is right James because you were denied such feelings of love and support from your parents. Had you been given what you needed you’d then not feel you need Us to be so close to you, even preferring to get on with things yourself knowing We are with you but more in the background.
Mother I also hated You both for making us be so grateful to You all the time, grateful for the tinniest little scrap of good feeling that comes, or so grateful that I didn’t feel as bad as I could have felt, that the bad thing wasn’t as bad as it might have been. I feel so pathetic in this too, for why do I have to feel so grateful for such a piddly amount, surely I should have Your love heaped upon me with so many good things happening to me all the time that I can hardly keep up with them. And sure, I would love You and be happy and grateful to you, but surely that’s my birthright, isn’t it? Surely that’s what a child coming into its parents world would naturally expect of them, and not to be continually told off and punished when it doesn’t obey and then made to feel so grateful to mummy and daddy when they are not mean to it, when they do something nice for it once in a while, when mummy and daddy are pleased because it’s doing exactly what they have said it must do.
Of course James you should be showered with love, but that’s not your current experience, is it? It’s not time for that now; it’s time for you to feel what feeling deprived of all love feels like, and being made to be obedient and grateful when the number of lashes are less, this being what your current experience is all about. It’s about how it all makes you feel, all of which as you know is for you to express and uncover the truth of. You are to know if feeling unloved is really a bad thing - does it make you feel good or not. As you know in your confusion, you feel good, grateful, even love, when the number of lashes are less, and so, is this true love; and, so what is true love? This all being what you are to work out for yourselves.
Yeah, I can understand that, as that’s what Marion and I are wrestling with all the time - what really is love, and true love, as You say. And for myself, I have no idea, all what I was led to believe was love and what being loving was has turned out to be not love and is unloving. I felt ‘good’ when mum and dad praised me for being good, for doing as they said, for obeying their commands, and then I thought I felt love for them, but that all sucks now, and fuck them.
Which is what the truth will lead you to James. And you are to see it all for yourselves. There is no point in Our telling you, or even sending Mary and Jesus to simply tell you how you are meant to be, you are find out how you want to be through your feelings; what does truly make you feel good and bad. And there’s only one way you can do that, with your feelings and the truth that arises from them.
But Mother what if my being evil is how I am meant to be forever. That is something I was having to accept this morning. I don’t know if there is love and no evil, really all I’ve known is evil, that is my experience. And so all my believing that there is love and another better state might be wrong, and that really my true state is just always feeling bad. And that by living true to it I just accept it and so get on with feeling bad, not expecting to ever feel good. I believe and so keep hoping I am healing myself of feeling bad, and of being evil, but what if that’s a delusion and my true state is my unloved and unloving negative one. What if there is no ‘other side’ no positive, no being only of love?
Which is as I was saying, what you are to work out for yourself James. And this morning you allowed yourself to be truer to your evilness and unloved state, which is good, what We want you to experience.
Yes, I do understand I have to be true to my untruth, which is why I’m hating You, as that’s all part of it. We are told that You love us - God loves you; You sent Jesus and Mary to tell us that. So then naturally we try to cling onto that, we hope You do, we even make ourselves believe You do, and believe that we feel Your love, even when the Divine Love is flowing into our soul. But then we also naturally put that ahead of our feeling bad, using such beliefs and good love feelings to further block out our bad feelings, all making things only infinitely more difficult for ourselves.
Which is why James you are throwing off all of that interference and getting on with only your feelings at hand, your feelings of the moment - so you feeling unloved and very bad about that. Which in turn leads you to hating Us. You rightly hate Us because you don’t love Us. As you stop pretending you love Us, so you are allowing yourself to feel the truth of what you do feel: that as you are of no love so you don’t love Us, because how can you love Us when you are unloving. You can’t contrive love if you want to be true to your feelings. So you stop yourself making up such love by using your mind to obey your beliefs, beliefs that were not of your own choosing, beliefs imposed on you which you accepted by default.
Well at least I no longer feel scared of You as I hate You. I know You’ll still be there for me, even though You are both fucking me up and making me feel so bad. But I can’t as yet love You for making me be as evil as I am, and for fucking me up to badly. I no longer fear the ‘Wrath of God’ if I dare to say fuck off to You and yell and scream my hated at You. So I can now be truer to my feelings of hatred for You both. And I do hate You, I hate You will all my being.
And how else can you be, as I said, with no love so there is only hate, as you hate that state of feeling no love and feeling so unloved, feeling so rejected, unwanted and uncared about. And by feeling so unhappy about feeling this way, so it’s right and true and natural that you hate the one or ones who are making you feel this way, even if it’s only yourself. And you need to keep expressing such feelings of hatred until there are no more to express, and then see what happens.
And will they come to an end? How I feel right now is I doubt it. I no longer expect them to - at least, that’s what I’m trying to go with. I do still of course hope they will end, but still I am trying to accept that they might not.
It’s not a matter of whether they will come to an end or not James. It’s only for you to be wholly concerned with each feeling as you feel it, and not worrying about or investing any time in trying to work out your future. That is something for you to strive for in each feeling moment as you can. And they might come to an end, they might not, and what does any of that speculation do for you? It does nothing, as that’s all just moving away from yourself. Staying with yourself, staying true to yourself, is staying true and wholly focused in, on and with each feeling-moment. And by being so focused, then it’s only about what you are feeling at that moment, and that is all your life is meant to be about, the rest of it taking care of itself. If you take care of yourself by taking care of your feelings, by allowing yourself to fully feel them all as they come up within you, embracing and speaking about those ones you feel to, all whilst you want to uncover the truth they are to show you, then you won’t have anything to worry about, irrespective of whether you’re feeling good or bad feelings.
But it’s too hard to just allow myself to be sick, to feel such pain, each and every moment of the pain, I don’t want to feel such bad feelings, I don’t want to be in them like You say. Not that I have much choice, unless I try to deny them someway.
You only have to be in them for as long as you need to feel them - express them and uncover their truth, and then they will change. You are not be in them endlessly, however that is for you to find out for yourself through your experiences of them, as you do embrace them, express them and move with them.
That does happen, they do change, but mostly there are too many of them, I can’t stay focused on each one, and overall I feel like shit so much, and that too is almost unbearable to just stay focused on, not that I have much choice about it. And the truer I get to being able to go with my bad feelings the more they seem to come up, and the more painful they are, although many of them have gone as well. I no longer feel bad in many of the ways I did, but I still keep feeling bad, and then just to contradict myself, feel even worse than I did.
All whilst you’re working through the process James of getting to know yourself and so your bad feelings. You were made to feel an awful lot of bad feelings as you were forming, and all of these feelings are part of you, part of your truth, part of the truth of who you are. And they all have to known, fully experienced. So you have to bring them out so you can see how they are part of you. You only partially experienced them as a young child, you couldn’t fully experience them, you didn’t have fully formed circuits to do so, so now as an adult you are completing your experience of them. And part of that is putting them into perspective, understanding how they fit into your life, how they are part of you and why you felt and feel them. Which is all getting to know yourself, the truth of yourself, who you really are, your feelings being far more important than your minds beliefs.
Mother I’m going to have a break, I’ll talk to you later.
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Post by James on Nov 7, 2014 18:24:36 GMT 10
Continued:
Jesus came to us through James Padgett telling us that our Father wants us to long for His Love, that He loves us, but what’s that all about when we can’t feel that love and we can’t love Him or You Mother because we’re anti love? And so we try to do as Jesus says because that’s all very nice and very appealing as we so desperately want to feel love and believe we are loved, but in doing so jump over all our unloving love-denying feelings which only makes us feel worse. And we end up even more confused than we were. And the message from Jesus is still the same: Do this thing and you will be rewarded, you will feel good, so we still have to earn our good feelings. We don’t have them naturally, with longing for and receiving the Divine Love augmenting them and making us feel naturally even better. It’s all the same thing: that we’re being made to believe we love our parents, and if we don’t, bad things will happen to us. If we don’t love the Father and long for His Love, then we’ll miss out and the Love will be withdrawn and we’ll never know about such things (even though Jesus also says it will be made available again at some later date). So we’ll be punished if we don’t do what Jesus says.
All being interpreted by you James through your negative state.
But how else can I interpret it Mother! I am a negative state, so I see and feel and relate to everything negatively, I can’t step outside it, and yet You sent Jesus and Mary to us who were outside of our negative condition, who were truly loving, and we’re told we are meant to be as they are - follow them and we’ll be all right. All just to screw us up even more. It’s bad enough having the likes of Lucifer hissing in our ear telling us to go the other way and that way will be better for us, and now we’ve got Jesus telling us to go in the opposite direction and that will be better for us, and we can’t work out what is right for us because we’re so screwed up in our minds. And we can’t trust our feelings because they too are screwed up by our minds. So we’re well and truly stuffed. It would have been easier to just have Lucifer, one person, telling us what to do and how we should be, but now with two and so different, and with us being in a subjective state so messed up, Jesus’ coming has only added to our problems not helping us get out of them. And then Mary and Jesus tell me we can’t even be as they are and do what they say until we’ve healed ourselves, so what was the point of them coming. Was it simply, which it must have been, to make us go further into our confusion, to become more evil by using all Jesus said?
And it was James. It was another opportunity for humanity to further evolve its evilness, to go deeper as you’re saying, all because it was to help you experience more of it, expressing it through your personalities. And yes, all you say about you becoming even more confused is right, for you to deny Jesus and Mary and take all that they said as being true and adding it to your evilness is what your Father and I wanted. And I know it has made things worse for you, but this too is of great value as one day you will see, for it intensified the whole rebellion and default for you.
It’s sure done that, and I suppose from what You are saying it is a very unique experience for us (humanity) over these past two thousand years to have, to be able to take the Creator Pair and use all they are for our own evilness, as that can’t happen on every rebellious world. But still, it sucks, as being even more fucked up than we might have been because of embroiling all what Mary and Jesus said in it. It making things so much worse for us, so much more suffering and pain. And creating such a monstrosity of a perversion as the Christian faith and way of life, all based on such lies and falseness. Mother, when I say You and Father are making things bad for us on purpose, and You agree, I still feel surprised, expecting you to turn it around into being a good thing and not a bad thing.
We are only making it bad for you James because that is your experience of it. It’s not bad from Our state of love, it’s just as I said, all a part of the natural outworking of what personality really is. However of course it is bad for you as you feel bad, and We sympathise with you in it, however there is too much at stake in the long term for the benefit of your soul and personality expression that We ensure you experience your negative anti-love and evilness as fully as you can.
You make it sound like we should be grateful to You for doing so.
You can be whatever it is you feel James. It’s all for you, that much you can be sure about; and it’s all for your Father and I, that too you can understand. So it’s what We all need, as that is what love, true and pure love is all about, honouring the needs of ones soul. And We are honouring our Soul needs just as you are yours. We created you to be as We are, so we can get to know each other - understand one another.
I still hate You both.
Good, for that is what you feel so that is how you are.
But how are we meant to relate truly to You when we’re untrue?
You can’t, which is what you’re coming to understand. Jesus told you about the Divine Love, so you naturally believe that that is how you can connect directly with Us. Which is how you do, but only when you’re fully healed - as you’ve come to understand James. And this is what people are to understand, that their relationship with God is not good, it’s not true, it’s not right, and so if that’s the case, because it doesn’t actually make them feel good, then what is wrong and how are they to have a good loving relationship with Us. Which is then all about looking into your evilness and understanding what it’s all about. And by truth you should hate Us James, right the way through your healing and until you finish it; and as you now understand, you’ve always actually hated Us, for how can you not have hated Us when you are anti-love.
Yes, I’m slowly coming to accept that. But what about those people with the Divine Love and who are doing their healing who feel they love You so much?
That is their experience James, it’s for them to uncover the truth of their love, and the truth of their hate. And they will go, as you have done, this way and that, all the time looking to their feelings for such truth.
What I hate the most is how we feel all these feelings and yet are then told that we’re bad for feeling them, that we’re doing the wrong thing, being the wrong way, and that we must stop being and feeling them and be some other way. And yet our feelings were always true as we were growing up, we were feeling how bad and unloving our parents were, but then we’re made to go against those feelings and ourselves to believe a whole lot of rubbish, even to make up a whole lot of other feelings for ourselves. And we are told God is never wrong, and neither are our parents, our parents who are gods. But then we can’t understand why we still feel bad, even after doing all our parents said, and why and how can it be that God is making us feel bad on purpose. It hurts my mind, that our loving Parents are cruelly hurting us and making us suffer so badly. So what are these so-called loving God’s, my Mother and Father who I do so want to love and feel loved by? It’s like a bad trip, it makes me feel demented, I can’t deal with it. But the further I go and the more familiar and accepting of it I become, I am feeling, oh well, that’s just how it is, and I might have it all round the wrong way, yet... So how do we know You and our Father is Love, when we can’t feel or know love in our evilness?
You can’t James, not until you’ve reconciled your evilness and understood it for all the no-love that it is. And once you are healed then you can set about learning and experiencing what true love is. So in the meantime you go with your feelings, this way and that, expressing all you feel, looking for the truth of them, and see what happens.
So really we should be teaching that God is not love. Which is what the Rebellion is all about.
Yes, you should, but the trouble with that is you start to feel bad, and things then don’t add up. If it were true, if God was no love, then surely you’d feel good about knowing and living that truth. But do you feel good going down this road? Many people pretend they do, but they are only lying to themselves, just as did the Lucifers and other Evil Ones. So no you don’t feel good, it doesn’t make you feel good, so the opposite must surely be true. So God must be love. But then you are faced with as you said: but if God is love, then why do we feel so unloved, and why does such a loving God allow us to hurt innocent creatures and be so unloving to our children and each other.
I know, and so around in a circle I go, feeling only more demented.
Yes, because in no-truth and no-love you can only feel demented. You are living against truth and the orderliness truth brings to you, so things don’t add up, you can’t make sense of them, so you set about contriving beliefs to suit your mind and all the justifications and rationalisations you do in the misguided belief that things do make sense.
So being evil we should all feel demented, and those people who feel happy and stable within their evilness are seriously deluding themselves.
Yes, and so you have a whole humanity seriously deluding itself, with so many people saying they love life, even including all its hardships, and all because they are refusing to face the true feelings they feel about it, all because they don’t want to face the pain of the truth of their self-denial.
My hatred for my parents has been evolving, growing stronger as I’ve been able to divest my bullshit beliefs about loving them. And yesterday I realised that I do actually completely hate them. It was just one of those knowings, one of those truths that comes up in you when you’ve healed all that’s been stopping it from manifesting. And in understanding I fully hate them, so too then I understood I fully hate You Mother and Father. I hate You and them as much as my evilness allows or determines. And so now I can go more fully into the next step of accepting that You made us hate You. You gave me the unloving parents I had knowing there could only be one outcome, it all being part of Your ‘loving plan’.
That’s right James. We want you to hate Us, and to hate us as much as you feel you hate Us, just as We want you to feel all your feelings as much as you feel them. That is all We want and ask of you, to be true to yourselves, so true to your feelings no matter what they are. And by doing so, the truth of why you feel as you do will come to light, and that in time you’ll sort it all out, working your way out of the darkness We’ve started you off in.
So You are making us be as lost and confused as we possibly can within the limitations of evil as it’s manifesting on Earth. And You’re making us suffer as much as we possibly can within our evilness.
Yes.
So what a fucked job You’ve given me, revealing all of this, all that’s against what we’ve been led to believe. No one is going to want to face this - not many people anyway.
Which is all in keeping with what you’re experiencing James. We want to make it hard for you, so we’ve given you that role in life, to reveal that which no one will want to hear. Your parents didn’t want to hear you, so no one else will.
So what’s the point of my doing it?
That’s for you to find out. Experience. It’s all what you need to do to bring yourself out - to express your personality.
But what sort of revelation is it if no one wants it?
It’s a true revelation. And it’s for you to feel all you feel about it, the rest is none of your concern.
So potentially you’ll make people hate my work and reject it, or even worse, taking bits of it and turning it into something that will only work more against themselves and other people and nature - even further against Mary and Jesus and Yourself and Father.
Yes. Which is also not of your concern. But is your concern only when you feel feelings about it. And so if you feel them, you know what to do, and if you don’t feel any bad feelings about it, then there’s nothing for you to do.
And I’ve been thinking more about what I said earlier: who’s to say I’m not meant to feel bad forever, and that I might, and that how I am feeling currently will never change. I mean, why should it, there’s no reason for it to, is there?
No, not when you look at it like that. But there is reason something will change for you as you long for the truth of your feelings, however still you don’t know if that will be a positive or more negative change for you. And all you can do, which you will naturally do anyway, is keep going with that which you feel makes you feel better, and so far that’s how expressing and working with your feelings is making you feel even though still you feel bad a lot of the time.
So what’s the point of listening to any of the so-called great spiritual or religious leaders, or even to Mary and Jesus, or even to Yourselves?
The point is for you to feel things these people and spirits make you feel. Only feelings James, this you understand, because only from feelings can your truth come. And if you truly honour all the feelings these people make you feel, then you will work your way along in truth knowing if what they say is true for you or not. Everyone is to be self-revealing, you are all to reveal the truth of your soul through your own feelings. You can’t take another’s truth and live it. You can believe it as being true if you want, but you still have to come to it yourself through your own feelings.
So what about our trying to accept our evilness, going with it instead of trying to fight it, so even loving it?
You can try and see how it makes you feel. Your feelings will guide you, they’ll tell you if you’re heading in the right direction or not, all so long as you’re longing to live true to them - true to yourself. If you’re not, wishing to advance your evilness, then you might find you do feel ‘happy’ going with being evil, feeling it making you feel ‘good’.
So I have to bear having You make bad things happen to me all so I can keep feeling bad?
Yes, as there is no other way. The bad things are already happening to you, they happened to you through your forming years, so they are part of you, with you only continually manifesting such patterns through your adult lives, all to help you get in touch with such buried and hidden and forgotten and rejected feelings.
And I suppose we should be grateful to You for doing that, for you putting us in it and so making it still happen as our patterns requires.
You can be grateful if that’s how you feel. You don’t have to be grateful, you don’t have to be anything. You are ONLY to be your feelings.
I do like how You don’t say that I’m doing it all to myself, all because of my patterns, and that You are doing it to me.
It’s both. We started you off by subjecting you to evil through your parents, and now as you’ve become as they are, so you are also doing it to yourself. Or rather, We’re helping and making you do it to yourself.
Yes, well, thank you Mother. I’m going to stop now and have lunch. That was all I wanted to say for the time being, I might have more to talk about once I’ve digested all of this. I have enjoyed speaking with You and writing it all. But I still hate You.
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Post by James on Nov 11, 2014 21:53:56 GMT 10
Mother how does one love?
You love through your truth James. If you live true to yourself, then you’ll naturally be all-loving. If you are untrue, then you’ll be unloving. When you are true then all that comes into your life that makes you feel good you feel love for and so love, and all that makes you feel good makes you feel loved. You can’t make yourself love James, that’s not possible, it just happens as part of the good personality interaction you have with yourself, other people and creatures, nature as a whole, other spirits and angels, and when in spirit, other beings of Creation, and with Us, your Father and I.
What if we make ourselves be loving as so many people and the mind spirits try to do - as have I tried to do?
It’s ‘false’ love as Mary told you. It’s not love based on truth, it’s love contrived by your mind, so really it’s what you believe love to be, so what you believe it feels like, such beliefs being formed through your early life. So you feel such love as love, but when it doesn’t have the truth at its foundation, such love when the truth is shone upon it, will dissolve away, whereas true love, love coming and being derived from truth, will never fade. It will never vanish into thin air because you will always be of such truth. Only if you were to deny such truth would you then start to falsely create that which you’d call ‘love’.
So we don’t need to do anything to love?
No, not with your mind. Only live true to yourself by honouring and fully respecting all your feelings, as you understand. And when you do, the love will simply be there, another feeling for you to express and keep uncovering the truth of. What you have to try and avoid whilst you’re untrue is clinging onto that which you call love and think (believe) you know love to be, all that’s come about as a result of your anti-love state. And how you avoid it is once again simply living true to your feelings, and in time the truth of such love, whether it is real and true love or love you believe is love but is not true love, will come to light. So if you find yourself trying to love then you should ask yourself why are you having to try. If you believe that you can become more loving by apply or focusing your mind and energy in the right way, then you should stop and ask yourself why am I having to do something to love and feel loved, why don’t I just naturally feel it without having to do anything? And if you feel love, and are loving, then you should fully embrace such feelings longing for the truth of them, longing to see if indeed such feelings do stand the test of time, to stand the light of truth being shone upon them. And give yourself time. There will be times when We through your soul will empower you to feel love and to feel loved. Then We will withdraw such feelings as you progress in your healing and self- and feeling-acceptance. You will need to feel and not feel, be moved about in your feelings, gaining different perceptions about yourself and all you are feeling. So you will possibly feel intense love for some time, then it will come into question, then it might come back, but you may relate to it differently, possibly even more intensely, possibly less. And so on throughout your ascent of truth, but always becoming truer to what and who you really are.
It’s taken me a long time to be able to write like this with you Mother. We have written before but You and Father always felt so far away, like you were God way up there somewhere, but now you feel... well... like you are my Mother. I can even feel love from You, and myself loving You, even whilst I hate you. I am full of such contradictions, so just getting on with them. So, are these good feelings I am having about You from true love?
That is not for me to answer for you James. That’s what you’re uncovering within yourself through such experiences. And yes, We are able to come closer to you now, able to be more personal with you, all because you are becoming more true to yourself.
I can write okay with You and Mary and Jesus and other spirits, alright so far as I am concerned, but I still can’t express myself properly to Marion, always saying wrong words, getting things mixed up, forgetting so much, still not actively engaging and connecting with her, not ensuring I’m getting the right responses from her, and not respecting her in my communication. And I don’t feel love, or much of it anyway, for or from her. And for a long time now I’ve not received any Divine Love in answer to my longing for it.
It’s not time for love yet James, it’s more important for you to stay focused on your bad feelings and your evilness. The love would only get in the way, including your partaking of Our Divine Love. It’s far more important for you to keep recognising how unloved you feel and how unloving you are, as is being shown to you daily in your relationship with Marion. You need to get in touch with all the unloved aspects of yourself, all the feelings you’ve denied and kept repressed, so that’s what’s happening. The love will come from the truth you are growing in later.
So You through my soul can withhold love from me. I had thought that I’d love and feel loved in proportion to my growth of truth.
Yes, We are withholding it. It’s why you keep feeling so empty or vacant as you’ve said, so nothing, even though you know you are growing in truth. The emptiness should be filled by love from your truth, even by a love of the truth you are, but it’s not time yet as I said, it would only delay your healing. And you also need to keep wishing, longing, yearning and strongly desiring to be loved, all so it helps you get more in touch with your lack of love, with the fact that you don’t feel loved, and how bad that makes you feel.
I do feel so empty and flat, with so many bad feelings. I feel like I’m waiting for You to flick the switch in my soul to turn the love on.
It will happen, but not for some time yet James, there is still a lot of experience you need to live in your no-love state. There is all eternity for you to experience love and to feel loved in, but only a very small amount of time for you to feel unloved and devoid of all love. You’ll never have this unloving time again, it’s a one off, so We’re ensuring you make the most of it. We’re ensuring you’re having every possibly experience you can have of it. And by the end of your healing you will not feel like you missed out on one evil and unloving experience - that you’ve had them all.
Well that’s a new way to look at it. Thank you Mother - I’m saying that sarcastically.
And of course it doesn’t feel good James and of course you wish it would all end, and of course even though you might understand intellectually what I am saying, still feeling so bad all the time is not good, feeling unloved is not a nice happy state to be in. However as there is nothing you can do other than keeping on expressing all your bad feelings - anger, misery and hatred being the most up in you currently, so you can only keep feeling bad.
I’m still waking up to what a good job mum and dad did on me. What a good job You and Father are doing on me.
And so you shall until the end of your healing.
Today I was realising more about how much they stopped me from communicating normally with other people, and just how difficult it is being with someone like Marion who is very aware of making the connection in a relationship. I’m anti making it, wanting to be with someone but really just having them around for some sort of company, like having a pet, and then just getting on speaking to myself and not reaching out to make the connection with her.
Because that’s how it was for you James, as you’re also still waking up to understand. It will come to light, it’s all slowly coming up, as it will, as it will for anyone when they are serious about living true and uncovering the truth of themselves for themselves through their feelings.
Mother I would never have dreamed that I’d be able to talk on and on about the same thing for so long, over and over about expressing our feelings, but it always seems like new parts are being added or I’m understanding it more.
You’re relating it to more personally each day you progress in truth. So there is always more to see James, as there will always be more.
Will I ever move beyond my evilness Mother, or will it always be a part of my life even when I’m healed?
It will always be a part of it James, it has to be as it’s your beginning. It will always be a part for you all, because that’s how you are starting out in Creation. You won’t feel bad about it once it’s all been healed, but it will still be part of your life. And it won’t be the last you’ll have to do with evil, there are to be a lot more rebellions and defaults as the next phase of Creation comes into being. All that humanity has expressed and tasted of evil is only a small part of all no-love has to offer. As big as love is, so no-love is as big, and it’s going to be expressed James. However that is all a long way off for you, and such distractions only serve to keep you from your feelings.
I am going off less and less into my mind as I used to. Or perhaps I’m still going off just as much, as Marion would say, but just in different ways, without so much emphasis on certain fantasies. Anyway, thank you Mother, I’m going now, I’ll speak to you again later.
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Post by James on Nov 13, 2014 19:59:08 GMT 10
(Wednesday, 29 October 2014)
James, let’s write some more.
All right Mother, go ahead.
Following your thoughts on what love is and what love is not based on your experiences, I want to add that it is essential you understand that love is not something that can be manufactured no matter how hard one might try. Love will only flow or come from truth, so truth is what you need for love, and without truth, all you call love is something you’ve created for yourself, which is having control over something, some aspect of yourself that is not meant to be controlled. You are not meant to be in control of your feelings using your mind, which is the way of evil. You are to be feeling-free with your mind in complete support of your feelings. And if you live true to your feelings like this, then love will be there, you won’t be able to stop it being there, and it will readily flow between you and another person who is also feeling-free, and between nature and Ourselves.
And what about if I finish my healing and are feeling-free as you say, so loving, but the other person is still in their negative state, what happens then concerning the movement of love?
It all depends on the truth of that other person. If they are truth-less, they will not respond or ‘recognise’ your love. They will even reject you because you are too true and pure and ‘of the light’ of love. If the other person is of some truth, they having progressed a little toward healing themselves for example, then they will respond to your love to the degree of their truth. And you can see this from what you have read and how you understand Jesus was with people and how different people reacted to him. And also being in the Celestial spheres, those of a higher truth will love you with that truth, however you’ll only be able to receive such love to the level of your truth, and consequently love in return equal to your level of truth. Something like a parent experiences with the child, when genuine love is involved.
So how You and the Father are with us?
Yes.
I would like to feel more loved by You and my Father, Mother.
We know James, and as we’ve said, it will come, but first things first. Our loving you would only distract you from your remaining healing to be done, and because you are longing to be true, so We’re honouring your desire by not giving you too much of Our love. We’re giving you just enough for you to know We are with you, yet not enough for it to remove you from your bad feeling focus.
I don’t think I hate you as much or even at all today, not like I felt yesterday. And in fact I’m feeling better within myself today, I’m on more of an uptick, so feeling more love from You and for You. And I was saying to Marion this morning after I that dream You gave me that looking back over my life at what and whom I felt I loved, none of those relationships went very far, and all with my girlfriends failing relatively quickly. Whereas with Marion, coming together not loving each other but as more of an agreement to help each other work on ourselves, we have been together now a long time. So the people I thought I loved I failed with, and the one person I didn’t think I love I’m still with. That’s how mad I feel and how mixed up and confusing everything seems.
And being with Marion has helped you to see the untruth in your previous relationships, and how such so-called love wasn’t based on truth, it being based on untruth - fantasy, beliefs of your mind, so in effect was mind controlled, not feeling led. Whereas with Marion you’re letting go your minds control looking to your feelings more, and your feelings are leading in your relationship with her.
From time to time I’ve thought I’ve felt love for Marion, I do have a certain fondness and an ever deepening friendship, but each time I’ve felt such love I’ve moved into yet another unloving part of myself with such love feelings evaporating.
During those ‘love’ times you were slipping back into the remnants of your old ‘love-beliefs’, all so you could bring them to light. And as you did, so the so-called love faded away with your mind letting go of such wrong beliefs and so being unable to sustain your so-called feelings of love for her.
Yes, that’s what happened.
And you are also feeling some ‘love’ for some of the women you work with at the Bush Bank, feeling drawn and attracted to them for various reasons, all of which as you talk about with Marion brings to light yet more wrong beliefs.
Yes, I’ve been going through more of that today. One of the women I feel drawn too along the lines of wishing she had been my mother, and that I could have loved her and been loved by her. I know it wouldn’t work if we were together now, but I can feel the hurt little boy in me wanting to be with her so she will mother me and make me feel good and happy. All of which sheds even more light on my unloving relationship with mum. And recently a displaced group of magpies have taken up the old territory of the resident pair. And one of these birds has obviously been hand fed by people for as soon as I step outside there she is expecting me to give her something. And it’s very nice having her so close to me, I can almost pat her. And it’s so tempting to feed her, but having fed them all those years and knowing all the problems it causes, it’s too hard. But I can feel she wants me, albeit for food, but I never felt mum wanted me. So I want to be with this magpie forever, for it to even mother me as I father it in some way. More false love.
Yes, which is why the bird has come to you now so you can feel these feelings understanding them from your prior experiences with the magpies and with Marion’s feeding of them.
Yes, Marion felt so many feelings during those bird feeling years, so many of which I couldn’t relate to being so shut off from my feelings at the time. But now it’s me saying I feel such feelings and talking about them to her, so it’s helping me relate more to what she felt and went through with the birds, all of which was to do with feeling so deprived of love from her parents. So Mother, whilst we’re in our negative states, the love we feel, it being so strong at times, just shows us how strong our minds are.
Yes. Your mind if you give it control is a very powerful and dominating force. And you’ve grown up with it increasing its control over you as you matured, so it was well in place and in control of you by the time you attained adulthood. And it’s the same for you all. Which is why it’s so hard for most people to change in regards to wanting to find the truth within themselves, to start lessening their evilness. Many people as you know are more than happy to change if they believe it will benefit their wrongness, not that they would see it that way, but few people are prepared to make the changes truly growing in truth will cause in them.
Well from my experiences it does become easier to change certain aspects of yourself as your healing progresses. And yet other parts of me seem fixed in concrete and I can’t see myself ever being able to change them or make even the beginnings of any change. So what will happen to me Mother, how will I ever change such things about myself when I feel so powerless and bound up in them?
They will go James, everything that’s wrong within you will. It just takes time. As We’ve told you, there is a lot about it all that you need to see. And too much positive change too fast would again distract you from your healing progress. So We are preventing these problems within you from being fixed, all so they continue to keep applying pressure to you by making you feel bad. But once you no longer need them to make you feel bad, having expressed all your repressed feelings associated with them, they will go. Everything that’s not right within you will be made right.
Even our physical bodies?
Yes, to the degree commensurate with your age. You won’t be fixed to feeling like you’re a spirited teenager again.
I never felt like I was a spirited teenager, all my spirit had well and truly been drained out of me by them. I’ve been limping along ever since. So all my physical pain will go too?
Yes.
It will be a miracle.
And miracles do happen James.
Apparently so according to The Urantia Book, with a little help from the unseen angelic realms.
The miracle of you being able to heal your evil state of mind and will, that’s the most amazing part of all. Than along with the miracle of you being brought into evil and taking it on.
I’ve not progressed that far Mother, to consider my feeling so unloved and all the harm it’s caused me as a miracle. If I was a bit touched, perhaps, and full of love suddenly, then I could imagine I might consider the whole rotten then and healing it a miracle, but I’m not there yet.
Time for me to say goodnight James. You’re getting tired and have other things you want to do, and I’ve said all I wanted to.
This being a new phase for me now Mother, my wanting to only speak with You.
Yes James, more to help you with your feeling acceptance and expression. Your Father will be wanting to speak with you over the coming days. We both intend doing a little writing with you. Speak to you soon James - your Heavenly Mother.
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Post by James on Nov 16, 2014 21:51:41 GMT 10
(Friday, 31 October 2014)
Father, I want to know for myself if I love You and my Mother and if You both love me. I don’t want to believe that You do, all because someone like Jesus says so. I want to know about everything for myself, having realised that all I do know is only what someone else has told me. This morning I had a glimpse of possibly knowing and feeling that You do love me. It went beyond or deeper than any of the mental understanding about why You and Mother are subjecting me to such horror. All of my evilness and the worlds wrongness didn’t seem to matter, and I even felt a little of feeling that it was for my own good, that it is all helping me in ways that as yet I don’t understand with my mind, yet can sense or perceive on a deeper feeling level. And I liked these feelings.
It is what you say James, you are coming to the end of your evilness, both you and Marion. And the experiences We’ve been providing you of late are to help you understand that about yourself - what you do truly want; and showing you that you are now capable through your feelings of uncovering the truth of yourself for yourself. This being what you’ve been striving for. And We’re also helping you to complete your understanding of what is has all been about, how your parents unlovingly influenced you and their affect upon you.
This morning Marion said my mother was dangerous, they all knew that, so all they told me about not wanting to upset and antagonise her was to stop her from being angry and causing problems for everyone with her rages. And it wasn’t that she physically hurt me, but she cut through me with her aggressive unloving and unfeeling words. And as any raised voice was unacceptable to Gran, so I was made to believe it was wrong of mum to express her anger and that in some way she was not right in her mind, sort of sick or close to the edge, and of what edge I don’t know - possibly madness? But she wasn’t mad as in losing her mind, she was mad - angry - with everything that didn’t go her way, and everything and everyone had to be there for her and do as she wanted to please her. Marion also said it was like she kept me bound to a chair so I couldn’t express myself or do anything for myself, and then she as well as my father and grandparents told me that I was special and good for not complaining and not getting angry or upset, for not being miserable or sad, for not wanting to do anything but stay put in my chair. And that I was somehow a placating influence on mum, looking down on her as if she wasn’t quite right, whereas I was the special and important one they all looked up to. So ‘don’t upset your mother, she’s ill’, but she wasn’t sick, she was mostly healthy, she only had a very loud and hurtful voice and knew how to cuttingly use it. That was sick enough for she sure cut into me and screwed me up. And then as part of this, it all coming together for me now understanding mum was actively dangerous to me just as much as dad and Gran, Reg, Ita and Collis were passively damaging to me by not standing up to her and making me go along with her, putting myself aside for her. And I also could see that my writing is part of: ‘You must set the example James for your brother and sister to follow. You are the eldest and they look to you to know what to do’. So I believe the whole world is meant to look to me, everyone being my brother and sister as Jesus says everyone is to him; that I am meant to be the leader all so everyone can express all their feelings, heal themselves, and so no longer need to be angry and get upset and made a fuss and be as mum was. So my mission in life is to stop the world misbehaving, that everyone else is inferior and less important than I am, and so of course they don’t understand, but I have to somehow make them understand, however not by actually doing anything, just by being here, as I couldn’t make Nicholas and Suzi understand as I am really still strapped to my chair. So it’s all in my mind, just a huge fantasy, writing and writing and thinking people will take what I have written and do what I say and look to me as being the important and special one, all fitting in with the Avonal stuff. All whilst truly I’m the passive pathetic one, I can’t do anything at all, whereas everyone else has active lives being able to do all sorts of things. It’s all really sad. I’m a sad case.
All for you to understand James as it’s coming to light through your feelings. For you to understand how heavily controlled you were by your parents and grandparents.
I keep feeling like mum, Gran and Ita were like the Evil women spirits that were constantly speaking to Eve and Adam; whilst the men, dad, Reg and Collis, were the Evil men spirits all in the background telling Eve and Adam to do as the women spirits were saying. The men always telling me to do what the women wanted.
Which is also true James, it is how it is for you, all so you can understand more about the pressures Eve and Adam were subjected to. These pressures from the higher spirits were far harder to deal with and resist than any pressures being presented to them on Earth. And had they managed to stay true and reject the Evil spirits then they’d have easily been able to deal with the local tribes that were causing them difficulties. So you see James, this being what you are also to understand more about as you’re uncovering it within yourself, that most of your difficulties and pressures actually come from the psychic levels, those of the feeling and mental levels, and how they impact upon and affect you spiritually: by destroying your natural ability to grow in truth, by preventing you from expressing yourself, from expressing your feelings and acting upon them, by: ‘doing your feelings’. So that is why you were not so much physically hurt or abused, yet were so controlled by your parents and grandparents, how it was all done more subtly on these inner and higher levels, all of which is far more insidious and hurtful to your soul than damaging just your physical body, and far more difficult to see, relate to and understand. So you keep needing Marion’s more practical approach and connection with her feelings to confront your mind and its control over you, all so you can come to see the truth of just what is going on in your inner mind and feeling levels.
I see what you mean Father, that makes more sense. I was speaking with Doug at the Bushbank the other day and he was telling me about some of the physical abuse he suffered as a child, but of also the good times he enjoyed. And on the surface from the horrific stories he was telling it seemed like he had a much worse upbringing than I had. But then upon later reflection I felt I was in many ways worse off than he is, he can at least function in the world to some extent and is far more his own independent person, unlike me being so dependent on another person so as to know what to do, what is right for me, and even what I should feel.
Which was one of the experiences We are giving you at this time for you to see through the deception, as so many people look only to the physical and don’t give enough credit to the more subtle mental and emotional levels. These levels together with spiritual abuse are far more traumatic and serious than just physical abuse - even though you can’t have only physical abuse without the involvement of these other inner levels.
Father what is spiritual abuse?
It’s how you’re prevented from being the truth that you naturally are. It is a Spirit Rebellion, so really that’s how it affects you all, by preventing you from uncovering the truth of yourself through your feelings - the truth of your spirit, if you like James. However as I said, part of this spiritual abuse, of truth-denial, is to stop you growing spiritually, so you remain fixated on the physical, and so looking at physical abuse as being the more serious form of abuse. But the physical abuse only results from the spiritual abuse, so everyones healing will eventually take them into these higher and inner levels through their feelings. Spiritually you were crippled James. You were by rights to have had a full true and pure spiritual life, however all of that was stopped and kept from you. It was all denied making you have to go in other ways to survive on a feeling, mental and spiritual level, all whist seemingly very little abuse or survival difficulties presented themselves to you in the physical. So because you were ‘well looked after’, fed, clothed and housed, because your physical needs seemed like they were properly taken care of, so all the other neglect and abuse was glossed over.
I’ve now seen that my physical needs weren’t actually taken care of as I needed them to be.
That’s right, as your parents were incapable of giving you want you needed on all levels - giving you any love, only giving you a false mind-derived love.
Yes, I see, so the Evil Ones spiritually attacked Eve and Adam, which means, the set about making them change their minds which then interfered with their feelings, which in turn stopped their natural evolution of truth. They corrupted their spirit.
That’s right.
So what we call a psychic attack for example is just another way of looking to the spirits so as to help us deny our repressed feelings.
Yes, the spirits can’t actually attack you as such, they can’t psychically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or even physically attack you, forcing you to do their will. They can only influence you on these levels because you are already influenced on them by your parents and carers, so your patterns are already set, so you actually need the spirits to interfere with you as part of honouring your inherent mind patterns, as you ended up believing that your parents interference was good for you and what you needed.
So all my healing is really about mending the damage done to me on the psychic level.
Yes, all so you can then live true to your true spirit nature, be a true spirit in flesh, be truly spiritual. And being truly spiritual means growing in truth through your feelings.
And not all we attribute to it.
That’s right.
So Father, for Eve and Adam, they could see the spirits and inner and higher realities, that all being part of their physical life, that being before the Fall. But then after the Fall they lost that ability, no longer being able to communicate so easily with the spirits, angels and nature spirits. And so using them as an example, I’ve developed my fantasy world to replace these inner higher worlds of spirit that were lost to me, so adding to more of my confusion about my state of mind.
Yes. And were you parented truly you’d have grown up with a full relationship with spirit, so seeing and communicating with spirits, angels, nature spirits and other universal personalities all whom would have been part of your physical experience even though they themselves would not have been physical. And you’d have had no need of any fantasy life as there wouldn’t be the void of the spirit you are trying to fill. So to divest all your fantasy life is a big job because it was within you on those more subtle levels that your parents and grandparents controlled you the most.
I’ll have to think more about this, but I can see how I’ve been honing in on it slowly.
I’m only telling you what you already know James. I’m only helping you now bring it out of you so you can mentally understand it. On a feelings level you already know it.
Father thank you and I will go now.
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Post by James on Nov 22, 2014 14:27:44 GMT 10
Sunday, 9 November 2014
Mother, I’ve touched on this before but not gone fully into it, but after something Marion said last night I feel I’ve embraced it more now and want to talk with You about it.
Yes James.
I’ve speculated with Mary and Jesus that people doing their healing might die as part of their healing, however this would seem to go against humanity evolving in its healing if everyone who healed themselves died before they could have children with the truths then not being passed on. So I’ve reasoned that some people must surely remain alive once healed so as to be parents, with the arrival one day of the perfect non-evil child being born on Earth. But yesterday I went further with the thought of people dying who might do their healing with the destruction of their body being a necessary part of their healing.
So what do you want from Me?
Yes, I was just thinking that. I don’t know, to talk more about it with You I guess. Is it right, that people will die as part of their healing?
It is James, as you understand there will be all the different avenues of experience expressed. But to summarise your thoughts for you... Humanity will evolve its healing. So gradually there will be an unstepping of truth. And for this to happen people will advance in their healing at different rates - or to varying degrees. There will always be a minority pushing ahead and leading the way. Then more coming behind who will do some of their healing through their life but not all, completing it in the Divine Love mansion worlds. Then there will be a majority that touch on it in one way or another, mostly influenced to some degree by other people who are doing it. And these people will represent the bulk, or net advance of humanity’s healing, the slow but steady creep as humanity pulls itself out of its darkness.
So some people will then die as part of their healing, their death being just another step in their feeling acceptance.
Yes. People will come to their healing at all ages in life, and mostly in the beginning it will appeal to older people, and people who will not have the necessary years left to complete it all in the physical.
So it’s going to take most people quite a time doing it?
Yes, it’s very important, equally as important, and even more so in some ways, as your experience of being evil. So the healing of it is no small thing, as you’re coming to appreciate. So for some people it will take a long time, longer than their childhood took, but for other people, no so long, as again all variations will be experienced.
It does make sense as Marion was saying that as we’ve been destroyed, as that’s how she feels, so it’s right that as she heals herself of that destruction by becoming truer to it, that her body will manifest or express such destruction, thereby bringing about her death. She can’t see that she will or that there would be any point in continuing living in the physical if she did manage to fully heal herself, because how would she be able to live - by making a micro loving world within the unloving world for herself? Jesus had a mission and so was required to live true within the perfection, but not everyone will have such a mission, so what about those people?
Everyone does have a mission James, if you want to call it that. You are all equally as important to your Father and I, everyone single person. Mary and Jesus are no more important than Joe and Dora, you are all Our children, and your mission is to live as fully and truly as you can, which you are all doing anyway and mostly without knowing it.
So when we’re going against You and Father we’re still living as fully willed as we can to being evil, just as we will be when we’re doing our healing, and when we’ve finished it.
Yes, it’s your will you are expressing so it can’t be any other way. And each will has a vital role to play in Creation. If you look at your will as a force, then you are a force to be reckoned with, with your mission being to ‘force’ your way into life, into Creation, to ‘make your mark’ and to keep making it forevermore. And Creation wouldn’t be what it is without your force, so everyone is uniquely important to the whole. It’s a huge crisis when one person or spirit will is to be removed for whatever reason because that leaves (so to speak) a hole in Creation that has to be filled.
Usually by the Supreme Being if I remember from The Urantia Book; or that the Supreme Being would be denied that persons experience?
As too are We, your Father and I denied. So unless something extraordinary occurs, all wills will be honoured, as all are sacrosanct in Creation.
So getting back to dying of our wrongness that that is possibly the right thing to do. I’ve always thought - wanted to believe - that I will finish my healing during my life and by doing so will heal also all my physical problems, they only resulting from my wrongness. But now to go along the lines of thinking that my healing as it brings all my yuk to light might include more physical problems right to the end of them being too much and causing my death. Even the possibly as they end my life, it being the greatest expression of my evilness - that it kills me, and that also in that moment I complete my healing, arriving in spirit to begin my new true life - born anew as it were.
You’ll have to wait and see James as I’m not going to tell you.
I know you won’t but I still want to write all the bits I’ve been thinking and talking with Marion about. So as we submit to our evilness, no longer fighting it, by allowing all our pain to surface, that it will kill us, showing us, at least on the physical level, the extent of our truth and so self-denial. That our parents ‘killed’ us by making us becoming untrue - killed the truth we were, and so this is lived out and experienced in the physical through actual physical death as part of my self-acceptance of the truth of my evilness as I’m healing it. And of course it’s only my physical that would express the death as I can’t destroy my soul, as I now know - but I’m not sure how I know - that evil can’t destroy the soul?
Nothing can destroy your soul other and your Father and I. Your soul is exclusively Our department, and under Our care. We made it - it’s Ours, you are Ours.
And that possibly we can only live in an evil world if we too are evil, and that were we to heal, so no longer being evil, we’d not be able to live in an evil world?
Unless none of that mattered James, as it is only about the condition of your soul irrespective of the world it was manifesting you in.
So being healed we could live perfectly true like Jesus did whilst still on Earth surrounded by and even part of to some extent, humanity’s evilness?
Yes. And you can consider as well that it might be part of some peoples experience to go through the whole healing process whilst of flesh and then live a good time true and perfect so as to affect the evil world about them.
That was how I have thought it would surely have to be, for if it wasn’t, how would anything really change. So the soul being separate from Creation can express itself in any situation in the physical; so does that also mean, an evil person could express themselves equally well in the true Celestial worlds, as can a healed person - a person of Celestial level truth - live in the evil on Earth once they have completed their healing.
In theory it does, however in practice it doesn’t work that way because of other factors, namely truth. There are the Laws of Truth that all souls abide by, it’s how the soul ‘respects’ Creation. So a soul that is ‘home grown’ on an evil world can only express its evilness - it’s wayward personality - in evil, it being unable to live a higher truth as it’s truth-denying so preventing it living in the Celestial spheres. Only one already of a Celestial level of truth, should they choose to become evil, could continue to live in the Celestial worlds surrounded by such truth, but not one who was born into and grew up as a child of an evil physical world.
The Lucifers and other Evil Ones stayed in the Celestial spheres until their evil reign stopped. Ok I can see that, so it depends on the level of truth you start off in. I’m currently accepting (or at least thinking about anyway, as I know I can’t just accept things with my mind - that needs to happen through my feelings), and where my feelings seem to be taking me, is that I might die at any moment, and that would be part of my healing.
It’s wise to think this way James as you don’t know when you’ll die, not at least until you’re healed and of the level of truth that requires you to know your time of death or if you are about to die.
So ordinarily we would know when we were going to die, it not being something suddenly sprung on us, were we healed and of such a truth level?
Yes. There is no reason for Us to keep such a major even from you. The fact that people generally don’t know when they are going to die is all part of your truth-denial. You deny death, so you’re also going to deny your own death. And it might interest you to know that on deeper levels you knew of - were aware of - your conception, pending birth, and actual birth. So too were you true you’d know of your approaching death, your feelings would tell you.
The further I go in my healing the less I’m looking forward to death as a way out and escape from my remaining pain, and the more accepting of it I am that it could happen any moment, the more I’m enjoying not caring or knowing. And all my worry about my thinking I should read through all my other writing and bring it up to scratch, just in case I popped off tomorrow, I’ve let go, as I don’t care anymore. So what if I did die tomorrow and all my writing died with me.
If it’s meant to remain James, so it will, and you’ll feel moved to do whatever in order for it to remain as you want it to. If it’s not, so you will be moved to do whatever for it not to remain. All so long as you keep expressing all you feel every step of the way. All so long as you want to live true and are prepared to keep feeling bad so you can uncover the truth of that pain.
I am feeling more accepting of that. I am terrified of pain, and I dread wanting to go through a horrible end, or any time before, but I keep speaking about such worries, fears and anxieties as they come up.
And that’s all you can do James. Then it’s a matter of seeing what happens - just getting on with it you might say. Or just keeping on going with it.
Yes, trying to get more of my mind and its control out of it, just allowing my feelings to take me along.
Yes.
Mother, is there an earliest time age-wise that one can begin ones healing?
Once you are sexually mature then theoretically you can start your healing. However mostly, and at least for a long time for humanity, it won’t be until one is around their early twenties being the earliest, thereby allowing the full extent of ones upbringing to manifest before one start their healing work. However that’s also not to say that children of any age can follow their parents - as they will, taking on many of the healing aspects and truths arising from their parents healing progression. So thereby indirectly being positively affected by their parents healing. However as you can understand, that too might cause other problems and difficulties, with such children having to deal with their peers who have not had such positive influences.
Yes, I can see another whole world of problems and difficulties opening up there, I’ve not thought about that. But I see what you mean. So for all those people doing their healing with children, and all the children being exposed and so influenced by people doing their healing, or by people who’ve completed their healing, is yet another whole universe of experience to be had.
Yes James, that’s right, and an equally valuable part of it all.
Yes I can see that too. So part of humanity’s healing will be lived out by such children who are influenced one way or another by people doing their healing or having healed themselves of it. So we have the whole ‘universe’ of being evil to be experienced, and the whole ‘universe’ of healing it, and the whole ‘universe’ of those people coming into and growing up under the influence of parents healing themselves (and other adults having completed their healing); and I guess another whole ‘universe’ of children growing up being influenced by people who’ve completely healed themselves yet who will still be also be exposed to, and I guess even influenced by, other people who are still in their evilness. Well, I see what you mean Mother, there is a lot on offer through the healing of our evilness. So as we’ve spent all these thousands of years expressing and evolving our evilness, I suppose there’s thousands more years of people to evolve their way out of it.
Yes, it’s going to take humanity a long time.
Just as much time as it took to evolve it?
I’m not going to tell you James, it’s something humanity will have to find out for itself.
Anyway Mother, as I’m going to finish now, I can see that some people who begin their healing might complete it in spirit, so their death will be part of it.
Yes James. Simply another experience for them to express and seek the truth of.
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Post by James on Nov 27, 2014 17:17:16 GMT 10
Saturday, 15 November 2014
I was listening to two men building something on the house next door and enjoyed hearing them expressing themselves now knowing more about such things. They were expressing themselves well, so I thought, even saying the bad stuff when it came up, not shying away from any of their feelings in the moment, obviously feeling happy being together. And they were much better at expressing what they were feeling than I am. However they are not doing their healing and growing in truth, that I could tell from their conversation. But Father, if they are able to express their feelings well, why aren’t they growing in truth?
Because they don’t want to James. They are not focused that way in life, they are not wanting to live true to themselves. They might be better at expressing their feelings than you are, however that’s only a small part of their lives you are witnessing, and they will have other parts of their lives into which they refuse to go, so denying all the feelings associated with those areas. Whereas you are prepared to go into all the parts within yourself as they are made known to you.
Marion’s had to push me into them.
Still you’ve wanted to go into them, and even though you have resisted, you’ve still allowed yourself to confront and express the best you can such barriers, and have steadily eroded them away until they not longer cause you a problem. Many people can express their feelings reasonably well James, but as you understand, it’s not just about expressing feelings well. It’s about the TRUTH, wanting to sincerely grow in truth, which means, sincerely live true to yourself, and looking to your feelings for their truth. And you could be the best feeling expresser in the world and yet because you are not wanting to grow in truth are only expressing your way deeper into your evilness. And so James although you are perhaps one of the worst expressers of feelings in the world, still your heart is in the right place concerning truth, and so you are able to progress in truth even though you are so - or have been so - disconnected from your feelings and so yourself. So now you can listen to such examples of people expressing themselves understanding how really it’s the truth that’s the most important part of it all. And it is. The truth being in your cases even more important than love, because without any truth you can’t love. You can’t have love before or without truth, you can’t come to the Mother and I and have just Our Love and then live happily ever after, if you have no truth. You need truth to be able to love, you need truth to be able to grow in love; the amount of love you can feel and give is dependent on the amount of truth you are. If you could just be love without any truth, then that’s what you’d be and you’d not feel bad nor would you have lived subjected to rebellion - which is a truthless (and so loveless) way of life. Rebellion is the rejection of Truth, not the rejection of love. The Evil Ones were rejecting the Truth, that was their downfall, for then they had to make up another way to gain the love that stopped flowing from their truth. So they enlisted their minds to generate the feelings that gave them what they believed was love. But as you’ve been told, it was ‘false love’. It is real feelings of love, but they are being contrived by feelings based on erroneous beliefs, so on ‘false truth’ if you like.
I’ve not thought of it that way before, that by our trying to live true to our beliefs which are wrong, we’re making those beliefs be our truth, or truth substitutes, so as you say, in a kind of way, false truth; and so such love from them by not coming from truth could be classified as being false too. Yes, I know that, but I can see it from this way around now. So our great mistake is using our mind and its beliefs as a truth substitute, which is not the right way to do it.
That’s right, it’s the same as calling upon the Infinite Daughter Spirit and making Her be the Eternal Son, it’s not right, you can’t do it; or, you can do it, as in pretend you are doing it, so it all being a falseness and fantasy, something you’re entirely creating with your mind. So you are making up life for yourself, you are going out into Creation and making Creation be how you want it to be, which is not as you have been created or designed to live. We, your Mother and I, are making life be how We want it to be, We are the Creators of Creation, not you, and so because you are then going against Us by creating your own corruption of what is true, so polluting the purity of Creation, disrespecting what is natural, good and beautiful - your own soul, then you feel bad, your bad feelings coming up in you to show you you are not going the right way, you are straying off the path, the path of living true to yourself, the inherent true and natural path that We’ve put in your soul, the path to true and perfect love with Us. So you are trying in your own pathetic ways to create your own universe within the already existing universe, and with your inflated egos believe you’re doing a good job of it, which you can see is nothing more than a horrific perversion, all you call ‘progressing’ in life.
So we are trying to make it all up, replacing You both, and the Eternal Son and Infinite Daughter, yes I understand that better now. And god what a stuff up, saying we are making life better for ourselves and yet we’re just destroying everything that is good and right, screwing up the world and ourselves as fast as we can.
As fast as We allow you to. But there are limits James, of which humanity is yet again about to reach. Which is why things are going to be harder to do for those people who continue to go against Us. There has to be a boundary, you can’t keep going as you are because you’ll destroy everything, your whole world will become full of radiation that kills everything ending your existence on Earth. You have almost shown yourselves that you are too compulsive, you need to have your power and all the ways of gaining it even though you all can see that it’s killing you and further corrupting your soul. But like you with your own personal compulsions, what can you do about them, you know you shouldn’t do them, you don’t want to do them, you’d love to give them up and be free of them, but you can’t. And you try to stop yourself, you try to resist doing them, you try to use your mind to combat such unconscious feelings and urges, but it takes too much effort, all of which you have little of now James. So you James then go the other way falling into them, giving up battling against them, and saying fuck it, so what if I die, if they kill me, I am too fucked anyway and death might be the answer, the final relief from the pain. But then it might not...
That’s right, that’s how I am with them. So I don’t know what to do, I can’t stop doing them; and I can relate to what you’re saying on the global level, we can’t help ourselves, we’re unable to stop the runaway train, all just hanging on or putting our head in the sand not wanting to watch that dreaded end of the line getting closer and closer. And then so many people I think want it all to smash apart, they are fed up with it and their feeling so powerless to do anything about it. I often feel that way. As much as it all ending would be hard so far as not being able to have all the comforts I’m used to, still I want the End Times to come and do us all in, just to end the madness. I hope it will end the madness. At least set it back.
Which is all within you James, all you feel-
All thanks to You and Mother.
Of course, it’s exactly all We want you to feel, all of which you are working through as you bring out your untruth. It’s all wonderful stuff James, you have no idea how glorious every moment of your life, every moment of your current pain and confusion is, for yourself and Marion, and for your Mother and I. We are in rapture over it, it is far more wonderful than We ever thought it would be, We had no idea on the personality level that no-love could be so involving, so thrilling, so full of mystery and such intriguing depths.
It’s all right for You, but we’re the guinea pigs having to suffer it all for You.
It’s all only in your mind James, your souls are not really suffering. It’s all your mind fighting against itself, all your beliefs on how you should be that are in conflict, all of which you are sorting out through your healing. It’s all only a mental aberration, which some people and mind spirits have abstractly understood and tried to use their minds to overcome, to transcend. But it’s all there, real and true for you even in your untruth, and it’s all to come to light, it is what the substance of Creation is made of, all the feelings expressed by the creatures it contains. And so the more feelings you can liberate and express the more dynamic your personality becomes, and the more you are the full true soul-self that you’re growing into being through truth. And once all your pain has gone, then you too will be enraptured over the beauty of it all, the amazingness of all you’ve been through and experienced. Feel yourself as an important and integral part of it ALL James. You are Creation James, as is everyone, you are what it’s all about, and that’s the important truth you are to come to understand for yourselves through your healing.
Later: Listening more to the guys next door and talking to Marion about them expressing their feelings, she said that’s how most people are, they talk about what they feel but don’t go into their deeper feelings, don’t go into their childhood yuk, they don’t want to dwell on their bad feelings, so they quickly move on. No one wants to stay crying on the floor forever about how bad they feel. We’re not allowed to, we have to get up and move on, we have to get over it. And most people don’t understand there is anything else, so you keep trying to make yourself feel good and stop making yourself feel bad. Of course you get angry and say you feel sad or miserable but you don’t indulge in such feelings.
Which brings you back James to wanting to get to know yourself, all how you are. For most people the most important things about life aren’t focused on, and are mostly not even known about, which is why your Mother and send to humanity from time to time higher spirits who are focused on such truth and what life is really all about. All to help you see there are higher and deeper ways - truer ways to be with yourself, all of which will make you genuinely happy, should you choose to embrace them and do the hard work of healing your denial of them. Rightfully you should be born into a world that is already focused that way, one living true to itself and using every feeling experience to further truth, but that’s not how it is for you, so you need to understand the limitations that have been imposed on you.
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