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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:37:25 GMT 10
Hello, I’m Mage and being new to all of this, I hope it’s not a dumb question, but is it right that we’re all suffering from a repressed childhood?
(Madge is a Celestial spirit pretending to be a new member to the forum)
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:38:30 GMT 10
Welcome Mage, and yes, repressed meaning that we’ve all been in one way or another not allowed to fully come into being; which means, we’ve been stopped from being our true selves, or the full selves we’d have naturally become had we not been so interfered with by our parents.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:41:16 GMT 10
Mage: I had loving parents, and I love them, but still as I read more about all of this, there are some things that I don’t feel so good about, some things that happened to me during my childhood. My parents did make me feel bad at times but overall I felt good with them, and yet still, oh I don’t know, something doesn’t feel right and I don’t understand it. Can you help me?
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:44:08 GMT 10
We all want to love and feel loved by our parents, and we certainly do when we’re babies and just starting out. However our parents, even as well meaning and loving as they might be, still aren’t perfect, they are in some ways still bound up in their repressed childhoods and suffering from all the bad stuff their parents did to them. And what we tend to do, also a natural part of our wanting to survive, is when we can, block out all the bad bits, and if we can’t, then try our hardest to push them aside, and then stay with all the good bits. But the bad stuff has a nasty habit of creeping back in, or if as you seem to be saying you are feeling, being there but with you not understanding what it really is. If you were to do your childhood repression healing which is part of your feeling-healing as I call it, then you’d have to start to face all the not so good parts, focusing on them, allowing yourself to get more in touch with them and then see how that all makes you feel about your relationship with your parents.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:47:17 GMT 10
Mage: If I do as you say, and do my feeling-healing, and bad stuff starts to come up about my parents, how am I going to deal with that, as I don’t want it to interfere with my love for them.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:48:24 GMT 10
I’m sorry but it is going to interfere with it, it’s unavoidable, because your healing will bring into question your love for your parents. And if it’s true love, it will remain, and if it’s false, or loving feelings but ones based on untruth, then it will go. Our healing is what we do when we decide that we really do want to know the whole truth. And being when we are prepared to put it all on the line, and are prepared to uncover the whole truth of ourself, which might mean shattering all our relationships, turning everything in life on its head.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:49:18 GMT 10
Mage: I don’t think I could do that, I don’t think I’m ready for it. It sounds too scary and how would I be able to be with my parents if I start seeing things about my relationship with them that are not good. What should I do?
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:49:45 GMT 10
I can’t tell you the answer to that. We all have to come to it for ourselves and in our own way and in our own time. For myself, I had to decide whether or not I wanted to keep going feeling bad as I was by keeping all my habitual patterns of self and feeling-denial in place by continuing to be with my family. And as I didn’t want to keep hurting myself by living untrue and against myself, I had to turn away from them. I decided I’d not see them and work on myself by doing my healing, and see what happened, see what came up and deal with it step by step. I knew that I had to start caring about and looking after myself instead of keeping on putting myself aside for everyone else. I had to be the selfish person they accused me of, putting myself and my feelings first for a change. It was hard to do, and I would never have been able to do it by myself, but luckily I had met Marion by then.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:50:45 GMT 10
Mage: But what do you do if you don’t have anyone to speak about it all with? Is there someone I can go to for such help? I feel all alone, and this is all so new to me. I don’t know if I want to do it or not.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:51:16 GMT 10
I don’t know how you can do it if you don’t have anyone you can open up to and be honest with and share all your thoughts and feelings with. I do know you can get a little way by speaking out loud to God perhaps, or writing down how you think and feel, and longing and praying for help - help to see the truth of what you are feeling - the real truth, to really get deeper into yourself. And I do know that if you are really determined to uncover the truth of yourself through your feelings, then when the time is right, someone will come into your life to help you accept and express all you feel. It’s a deep personal commitment you make with yourself: to find the truth of yourself and to become true. And each of us has to make that in our own way when we’re ready. You are more than welcome to write your thoughts and feelings on the share your feeling-healing experiences forum and see if that helps.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:52:31 GMT 10
Mage: I feel scared about it all, too scared, and I don’t know what will happen. What will happen if I start doing it and too many bad feelings come up in me. And as you said, what if my life starts to change and I don’t like the changes, I don’t know that I want it all to be turned on its head as I like a lot of it how it is.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:53:11 GMT 10
If you want to begin your healing, you can start by speaking more (or writing) about such fears you’ve just mentioned, and whilst you do, long for the truth of why you feel them. The thing I’ve come to understand about the healing, and I hope it’s the same for others as it’s been for me, is that you are not given too much at once to have to deal with, you might feel pressured from time to time, and even as you get right into it, extremely pressured feeling very bad, but it will always be what you can cope with and never too much. It might push to right to the edge but it won’t take you over as there would be nothing gained by that. The whole idea of the healing is to reconnect with your forgotten early childhood feelings so you can understand why you had them, so all you will go through will only be as bad as all you’ve already gone through - all you went through as a child. And it’s a process, it takes time, you build into it, into your healing, into your growing in truth. it all being orchestrated by your soul. It’s a very important part of ones life experience, and to start it is a major turning point in ones life, one of starting to come out of the darkness into the light, but we have to be able to first see in the dark, seeing it for what it is. So if you start, you just focus on one bad feeling at a time; you accept it fully, you say to yourself: I am feeling this fear, or whatever it is. And then you start to bring it out, which is the speaking or writing about it, understanding that it’s a part of you that wants to come out and be known - the bad feelings need to come out and not be kept in. And you want to know the truth of it with all the desire and longing you can muster. And as the truth comes to light, as it will, slowly you will change. And if you reach a point where you are to give up something, you will naturally feel you want to stop it, you no longer enjoying doing it. We don’t have to give things up when we’re not ready to. And often you stop something only to start it again as there is more to do with it that you’ve got to see; then stop it again, and possibly start it again, and stop it, until one day it’s simply no longer part of what you want to do.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:54:39 GMT 10
Mage: I might be able to cope with that. I was worried that I’d be thrust into it, and into something that once I started I wouldn’t be able to stop.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:55:10 GMT 10
I understand. I used to worry that if I did open my can of worms I’d be swamped by all my bad feelings. And at times I have felt swamped, but still I’ve managed to keep my head above water. Mage, I don’t want to make it sound easy or try to convince you that you should at least start it, because for myself, doing my healing has been mostly a very harrowing experience, however nothing as bad as what my early childhood was, even though I’d blocked out so much of my early life believing I’d had a good and loving upbringing. I’d done a very thorough job on denying myself what really went on, what I really felt back then. However, as I said, it’s not going to be anything you can’t cope with. It took me five years before I really started to get into my deeper bad feelings, those first years being more about opening my eyes to the fact that things weren’t as right as I thought they were. I was my grannies favourite, she treated me well and loved me, so I believed and felt, and I remember one day five years into my healing with Marion helping me to see that my feelings were telling me what I believed was not right, and I could suddenly accept that in fact what Gran called love and what I thought it was, was actually the very opposite, and she was very controlling, manipulating me with her so-called love all for her own power. And that in fact, she didn’t love me. It was a huge one for me to accept, but not as big as having to fully accept that neither did my mother or father truly love me. And that all the love I believed we shared was really based on nothing, just fantasies, there being no true substance to any of it.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:56:04 GMT 10
Mage: I saw my mother today. We had an argument over something very trivial. And whilst we were having it, suddenly I realised that this is what we do often when we are together, and that I didn’t like doing it. And then later when I was thinking about it, I realised that I don’t want to do it anymore. But I don’t know how to stop doing it. Could this be part of it - part of my healing?
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:56:44 GMT 10
It sounds like it. Your awareness is opening up, you’re seeing yourself and your relationship with your mother, at least this one aspect of it, in a new light. And that’s what it’s like, suddenly the insights, realisations, even revelations just come up in you. It all happens naturally. Really it’s just life, how we should be living it, fully expressing all aspects of ourselves, and the truth would come up within us accordingly. I only call it a thing - “doing your healing”, because we have to make an effort to stop going the wrong way. So if you do want to understand yourself, what you really are all about, and right down to the core fundamental levels and not just superficially, then the truth will come you as you acknowledge and express your feelings.
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Post by James on Oct 18, 2013 21:57:46 GMT 10
Mage: I saw my mother again today and talked about our arguing, as we did it again. She didn’t want to know about it, she said she wasn’t even doing it! I could see she was taking it as a criticism of her, and she’s not good about being criticised - neither am I. I didn’t know what to do then, so just dropped it, but it left me feeling bad. I wrote in my diary all I was feeling, and I did ask God to please send someone into my life with whom I can share all my feelings, because I am wanting to look deeper into myself, that feeling is growing more inside me. So thank you James. I am more interested in seeing what happens between my mother and myself. It’s harder with my father, and he’s ill and I wouldn’t want to confront him too much anyway.
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Post by wesley on Feb 10, 2015 18:13:33 GMT 10
James I was wondering Mage being a Celestial wouldnt she have done her healing to become a Celestial? And is she in the same sphere with her mom and where could her dad be feeling ill?
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Post by James on Feb 10, 2015 22:24:19 GMT 10
Mage was making it up, pretending to be someone yet to begin her healing. When I first started the forum I thought about asking Celestials to pretend to be people new to all this and coming to the forum and asking me questions as no real people were coming. Mage obliged me and I'd forgotten what we'd spoken about until reading it just now. She did a good job, and I felt as I was reading it I want her to keep coming and talking about all she's going through. I even had to remind myself that she was just pretending.
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