Magic the Baby Magpie Jul 14, 2016 2:36:02 GMT 10
Post by samantha9 on Jul 14, 2016 2:36:02 GMT 10
This is a baby Magpie that I am looking after, after being attacked by the other birds. It couldn't fly or feed itself so I have taken it in and now it is feeding and looking so much better. I receive so many birds now I am growing in love with nature and this one walks around on my shoulder and just sits with me, so beautiful and I cant believe how it is so trusting of me. I feed it and give it water and now it is doing it for itself which is great to see, once it begins to fly I will release it although I have grown so fond of it and him of me.
He is showing me so much about how I feel about being responsible for another living being. I have felt how I love the good bits and hate the bad such as cleaning up after him, feeding him, having to be there for him, he is dependant on me or he will die. It was the same for my children, so dependant on me for there survival as I was with my Mum, not my Dad but Mum. The bird has released feelings in me that have given me dreams about Mum and me and how I depended on her totally, even expected her to give up everything for me so I could survive, as I am doing with this bird and my children, sacrificing myself so they can survive and I have a real terror in me that if I don't they will die, just how I felt as a child. My dream was all about the sheer terror I felt if Mum didn't sacrifice herself for me, if Mum ever put herself first I felt abandoned and I never knew this about myself before that I have a demand and expectation upon my Mum to save me and I see this demand also in my children, of me and have felt very trapped by parenthood.
My Mum has always sacrificed herself for everyone until she becomes ill herself and she taught me how to do it also, I am not as worthy as another, I have to do the will of another above myself, always put others above myself and I have done this all my life, as she has, especially with Men. Women are subservient to men and men are to be feared and obeyed.
Its all so confusing, on one hand I lived in fear that if Mum did not putting me first, above herself and I would die, but on the other hand I felt her pain at having to sacrifice herself and all of her desires for us and Dad. I will stop there as I need to go and feel more about this with Gods help so I can reach the emotion of it all. Speak soon.