|
Post by samantha9 on Jul 14, 2016 2:36:02 GMT 10
This is a baby Magpie that I am looking after, after being attacked by the other birds. It couldn't fly or feed itself so I have taken it in and now it is feeding and looking so much better. I receive so many birds now I am growing in love with nature and this one walks around on my shoulder and just sits with me, so beautiful and I cant believe how it is so trusting of me. I feed it and give it water and now it is doing it for itself which is great to see, once it begins to fly I will release it although I have grown so fond of it and him of me. He is showing me so much about how I feel about being responsible for another living being. I have felt how I love the good bits and hate the bad such as cleaning up after him, feeding him, having to be there for him, he is dependant on me or he will die. It was the same for my children, so dependant on me for there survival as I was with my Mum, not my Dad but Mum. The bird has released feelings in me that have given me dreams about Mum and me and how I depended on her totally, even expected her to give up everything for me so I could survive, as I am doing with this bird and my children, sacrificing myself so they can survive and I have a real terror in me that if I don't they will die, just how I felt as a child. My dream was all about the sheer terror I felt if Mum didn't sacrifice herself for me, if Mum ever put herself first I felt abandoned and I never knew this about myself before that I have a demand and expectation upon my Mum to save me and I see this demand also in my children, of me and have felt very trapped by parenthood. My Mum has always sacrificed herself for everyone until she becomes ill herself and she taught me how to do it also, I am not as worthy as another, I have to do the will of another above myself, always put others above myself and I have done this all my life, as she has, especially with Men. Women are subservient to men and men are to be feared and obeyed. Its all so confusing, on one hand I lived in fear that if Mum did not putting me first, above herself and I would die, but on the other hand I felt her pain at having to sacrifice herself and all of her desires for us and Dad. I will stop there as I need to go and feel more about this with Gods help so I can reach the emotion of it all. Speak soon.
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Jul 14, 2016 6:26:22 GMT 10
Feeling so much love for this bird, he wont leave my side, follows me everywhere and has helped me feel. My little GIFT. I just am so filled with love and emotion and crying constantly. xx
|
|
|
Post by James on Jul 15, 2016 21:57:34 GMT 10
We love the picture of you with Magic on your head - can you please post some more of you both? What a pretty bird - all the lovely blue, and all your pretty red hair. And all he’s helping you bring up between your mum and yourself - you talk about your mum and yourself sacrificing yourself for others and I can see it in mum’s struggles with herself, she was made to believe by Gran that that was how she was meant to behave, yet she fights it to the point of shutting me out so as to get what she wants and to keep herself in the position of power, all the way along pretending that she’s not in the powerless inferior position when really she still is. (And as a side point, and I think we’ve talked about this before, I can see how women carry - and have been made to carry by men and possibly even by women themselves? - the guilt of Eve. And Adam gets let off the hook. We fail to understand they were both equals in their relationship and so both failed equally in it, even though Eve technically brought about the Default first - but way before she did that, both herself and Adam had equally become untrue to themselves.) In some ways we men seem to have it easy by putting ourselves in the top place, however the further I go in my Healing the more I see that I too are not unlike yourself and Marion underneath my male arrogance and ego so-called superioriety. I too put myself before others in ways I never knew I did, all of which I’m working through with Marion and with such things coming up concerning how I conduct myself and feel about that at the Bush Bank with other people and even with nature. And I sure can relate to your confusion, as for me there’s always so many different ways of seeing it, seeing how everything relates in my messed up relationships, most of which - even though I’ve said a million times before yet it still never ceases to amaze me just what does come to light through my feelings - I’d never had a clue about.
Sorry I took so long to respond, I had to work at the BB yesterday and the day before and was too tired to scratch myself, along with feeling so despondent lately over the whole drag of my Healing. Today I could see/feel even more so just how every aspect of my life currently makes me feel the same as I felt at home with mum and dad all the way through my childhood. Marion is the only difference in it all. But really as far as how I am and relate to myself, her and the world about me, it’s still all in me as I was with mum and dad - so I’m still with them, and able to keep feeling all how I felt back then with them. It sure is incredible how the feelings just bring out the truth. Although my age is different and I’ve done things through my life, still nothing on the feeling level has changed - I’m proving that truth to myself on a daily basis. Even going to the BB is just going to kindergarten a couple of days a week. I achieve about as much as I did at kindergarten back then in regards to relationships I have, the level of dearth of intellectual stimulation I get from it, and how badly run and organised the whole thing is. I feel like I’m grinding to a halt, the same halt my parents kept me ground to. It’s so depressing realising that nothing is new, nothing has changed, that I’ve just been deluding myself all the way along that things did change.
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Jul 23, 2016 6:01:23 GMT 10
Hi James and Marion, well baby Magic is doing great and is right at this moment jumping all over the settee having great fun just like a child. He is still very happy and so connected to me, I feel like a mum again watching his every change with each new day. Today he took his first proper flight of a few feet and I was so overjoyed and he does this funny thing with his feet, like a dance where he stamps up and down, so funny. I am learning so much about myself from him and journaling it all, all it makes me feel and the huge feelings of love I feel for him. I am feeding him every 45 minutes until he goes to bed at about 9pm then its lights of for him and he just shuts down with nature and daylight. I will write some pieces from my journal tomorrow about the feelings he has brought for me to feel, all amazing.
|
|
|
Post by James on Jul 23, 2016 20:58:08 GMT 10
Thank you Sam for posting more cute pictures of you both. Gee, every 45 minutes, if that doesn’t drive you mad and bring up millions of bad feelings - it would for me. We started feeding our adult Australian magpies, again, four of them, just bread, and every half an hour so it seems they are back at the door squawking for more. And it’s so hard to refuse them, let alone stop it again. And it drives us mad that we feel so powerless having to always do what they want with them hardly giving us a break between feeds. So many bad feelings of which we’ve felt countless times now, with the only difference being each time we traverse what seems like the same circuit, we become more aware of ourselves and all we feel and understand, yet still the deep need for trying to get the love from the birds we couldn’t get from mum and dad remains. I so wish I could heal it all.
What do you feed Magic?
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Jul 24, 2016 0:47:44 GMT 10
Hi James, I feed Magic Powdered Egg food and mixed berry pellets all mashed up with water so its a paste and I hold it above him like his mother would and put it right down his throat with a special plastic spoon I filed down into the shape of a beak. He loves it and only today he has started to eat brown bread. He is so young still but every day there is a change, his tail feathers are really growing long so he is balancing better.
I have been so up and down with my feelings for him, one minute incredible love the next an intense feeling of resentment for controlling me and I realised all of these feelings I felt for my own children and their demand of me constantly. I have been expressing extreme guilt as these feelings have come up and feeling just how unloving I have been. I have had to constantly clean up after magic also when he is in the house following me around and this has brought up in me more resentment and shown me that I am still clearing up after my children and how by doing this all their lives has made them not responsible for themselves but relying on me to do it all for them, it has made them lazy as the very same happened for me as a child and young adult, I had it in the back of my mind 'Its all ok, whatever I mess up, Mum will fix it, clean it up' I expected her to sacrifice herself for me and my kids now do the same so I am having to really feel about this and see that only by healing this in myself will my children change, I am seeing how I self sacrifice just like Mum did with me, all so my children don't have to feel pain, its all so incestuous, so in the family, such damaging relationships and is something I want to heal NOW and my children are already beginning to feel the change in me as I start to love myself more, I never realised what damage I was doing to them and me.
I was speaking with Trevor about what Magic has brought up in me and he was shocked to hear how awful I am, how unloving I am, he was shocked to hear the truth of my feelings Magic has brought up in me. He cant believe I am truly that awful inside, that uncaring, that resentful of caring for my children when they were young. I felt his disappointment in me, like I was a let down, a feeling I had felt many times with my parents so another feeling to go and feel.
Magic is truly working his Magic with my healing.
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Jul 26, 2016 8:03:12 GMT 10
|
|
|
Post by James on Jul 26, 2016 21:03:53 GMT 10
You take our breath away Samantha - you really are amazing (voiced by Marion. She wants me to say ‘voiced by Marion’ because she hates me saying: Marion says... For she says, who is Marion, she’s no one, she doesn’t know anything. She doesn’t want to be put up on some sort of pedestal as if anything she says and her words are special... Oh Marion says... we must all stop doing what we’re doing because Marion just opened her mouth and words came out... we mush worship every word she says... So stop writing saying Marion says...!)
What a cutie. That’s a great shot of him standing on your foot, do you walk around with him like that? And then asleep on his favourite red blanket, god, he couldn’t be more gorgeous; and he looks so good being so eager to be feed. How artistic you are! And yes how amazing all he’s helping you with; gee, who wrote the script, it couldn’t be more incredible, could it? What a lovely way of providing you with someone to help you, a child, so you can relate as a child and parent. I’ve been thinking of late how important it is for you to do it all alone, whereas it’s important for Marion and I do it together. And of course I think it’s important ha,ha, I’m not as humble as Marion, but as to why it should be, I don’t know yet, but it might be something to do with the healing of unseen circuits, as I’ve said before, all the hidden feminine stuff. Or it’s just my wishful thinking that it is.
How did you find baby Magic? And why did you call him Magic?
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Jul 27, 2016 3:32:01 GMT 10
Thank you Marion for what you have voiced, to me you are someone, I value what You and James say, it all helps to open me up and feel. I feel you both to be very special to me and still cant believe I have found you both, such a gift. Baby Magic was found by my daughters friend, I was dropping her of at her friends house when he rang her to say he has found an injured baby Magpie and would I know what to do with him, could I have him. I pulled up outside Faye's friends house and the other friend with the Magpie lived two doors away so that was handy. He ran out with it in a bucket and I put the seat belt around it and drove home. Luckily I had a small cage Trevor had made previously when I had a baby sparrow to look after, so I put Magic in there. He grew to big for it so when Trevor came down to visit he made a bigger cage 3ft x 3ft and now there is an even bigger one in the garden 3ft x 5ft and he loves them, he sleeps in the 3ft one at night and goes out in the bigger one during the day. He has 3 perches to fly on all at different levels and is doing so well with his flying. I called him Magic because I felt him to be such a special gift to me and the feelings and breakthroughs I am getting from what he is showing me are like Magic, all so amazing to me, heaven sent to help me connect to the child in me and how I have treated my children, there is so much he has done for me he is a little miracle and this brought to me what Verna had said about the miracles that I will see in nature, all so true. I needed help and it was sent in the most perfect way, who would ever had thought a Magpie could be the most perfect messenger for me, but God. Its ingenious and so easy to miss if you haven't the awareness of your feelings, every thing he is showing me to feel would have been missed if I wasn't healing through my feelings and with the help of my Angels, Guides and Mother and Father, I am in such amazement. This is my son Alex with Magic, Alex was trying to leave to go to band practice but Magic was comfy and had other ideas for him.
|
|
|
Post by James on Jul 27, 2016 21:02:59 GMT 10
What a fantastic picture. Such a loving look on both their faces, what nice feelings, such a little bird, all the colours go so well. Thank you again Sam for going to the trouble of posting them. Magic reminds me of when we had Pots our little cat and how she’d stand on our feet with one of her back paws so we couldn’t move. She had us totally under her control - spell. Such good memories your picture evokes for me.
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Jul 28, 2016 20:24:53 GMT 10
Magic's fear of the dark has got me to really look into my own fear since childhood and it is a very common one for a lot of people.
I have had to go very far back into my childhood to discover what it was that caused this fear in me as soon as the light went out, I had to have the landing light on and my door open. I needed an escape and to be able to see it too, I didn't want to b shut in with the darkness. Over the last few days, seeing what Magic wants me to see in myself, I came to realise that it wasn't so much the dark that scared me but the dark spirits that came to me in the dark, when I wanted to go to sleep I was terrorised by their influencing thoughts and the projections of fear they put into my mind. Every time I went to bed they would start their reign of terror on me and this went on all through my 20's and 30's and I realised that Magic was telling me that I still have the feelings in me that attracted them in the first place or magic wouldn't be feeling it to, he is reflecting all of my feelings to me and I couldn't believe that I now have a wild bird that is scared of the dark but he is feeling my fears.
I have got into the habit of keeping the landing light on and it is in fear of those childhood demons returning to me and this could also have been a factor in me never wanting to be alone, so I have someone to save me where as if I am alone I am vulnerable to this attack. As a child and throughout my adult years I felt dark spirit with me and I felt their influences upon my mind, wanting to take over, terrorise me, telling me to do things against my will. I spent all my time trying to rise above their torment with my mind and I was left depleted in energy as this is so hard to do constantly. I was shattered and mentally ruined for much of my life. These spirits entered me often and caused me such pain, I tried so hard to over ride them, trying with my mind to get higher than them but this was just a game of cat and mouse denial, they were always stronger than my mind, I couldn't win.
I have had to revisit this fear so today, when my children went to work, I decided to feel that terror and felt one of these dark spirits return, his name is Jamie Quinn from Australia and he had beautiful blond wavy hair but the anger in his face and his red blood shot eyes were very scary. I didn't expect to have this experience today I just wanted to feel the fear but I understand that I needed to confront him. Today I stopped running from him, I talked to him and listened to his obscene hate, he was living in total blackness and rage and was surrounded by others the same, all men though, no women. He hated women, he told me I was easy, all my life I had been easy to attack and I deserved it, all women deserve it. Our conversation went on for 20 minutes or so, he never let up his rage for me and how much he wanted to hurt me and this was the voice that had influenced me all my life, telling me to do things to hurt myself. So much evil in him but I felt so much compassion for him, I wanted to help him James.
Our conversation went on mostly him telling me how much he despised me and all women, but I didn't despise him. I told him I understood why he was with me and doing all those painful things to me and we talked about his emotions and denied childhood feelings that were keeping him in this dark place and to feel them emotionally was a way out. I understood that there was an opening in me to this type of attack, I am so scared of attack that I had attracted an attacking male spirit because my fear is attacking men. The emotionally open wound in me from my childhood is I have to do what men say, I have to keep men happy, I have to give up my will to men or I will make them unhappy and they will get so angry and rageful at me and that terrifies me, they might even attack me physically as Dad did a couple of times by smacking me and the terror of this made me wet myself.
I was trying to hold Jamie Quinn off from his attack with my mind, I had been doing this all my life but it is only through experiencing the fearful emotion that spirits like Jamie had no hold over me. I talked to Jamie about spirit world and the higher spheres and he didn't believe me, I asked him if he had ever seen any light where he is and he said he had, very distantly and very fleetingly, I told him that any light in such a dark place must be a good thing, anything that is lighter than him must be greater in love than him and it can be trusted. He answered me with abuse and total disbelief, he doesn't believe there is anywhere else other than where he is. I explained that there is, and these lights are proof of that, they are beings in a better condition of love than him and he can trust them more than he can trust himself. I left him with the choice to experiment with it himself, long for help, long with all the truth he could muster in him and see if these lights get closer to him and as I was telling him this I felt the lights get closer to him and he saw it too. I told him these beings will help him and show him the way out and that they also were in the same condition as he was once, so there is hope for him, I could feel his resistance to me, his arrogance to a woman helping him. He left me in that instant but another took his place and was listening to our conversation and wanted help. I told him I will return to him and explain again but I needed to break for a while.
These dark spirits were attacked to me because of my fear of attack if I don't keep them happy (Dad). I don't feel as much fear any more but I do feel I want to help them. I really want to help them James, does this sound right? I want to help them get out of darkness and when I was speaking to Jamie I had a constant calling for Gods help and love to come to me and I felt peaceful with it all, not the fear I started with. I understand these dark spirits are attracted to my denied and suppressed feelings from childhood just the same way as people on earth are attracted to them, its just the same and when I feel them fully I wont attract them any more because the feeling wont be in me any more for the attraction to take place, it all seems so clear today. I am feeling now that these dark spirits that have played a huge part in my life have helped me heal a very open wound surrounding Men and the fear of them attacking me, they have showed me my fears and what type of me I have attracted all my life with the exception of a couple, they have been very angry, woman hating, abusive men, like the dark spirits and I have so much to work on now, so much has been exposed to me. More amazement in such a very unexpected way, all through Magic's fear of the dark, my fear of the dark, there are no words for me to describe the feeling of all of this, I feel it is a huge revelation to me.
|
|
|
Post by James on Jul 28, 2016 23:18:02 GMT 10
What immediately strikes me Sam is in helping these dark spirits to ascertain if they do want such help, to have them say they do, to admit that they don’t like being the way they are and want out. And if they are genuine in this, as much as they can be in their self-hating state, then I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t follow your feelings into helping them.
You probably already understand this, but it’s something I’ve always had in the back of my mind reading about people like James Padgett and others wanting to help these dark spirits, there always being the assumption that these spirits want to be helped simply because they are ‘dark’, that being dark is wrong and they shouldn’t be that way, and that of course no one wants to be that way; and so along come all the do-gooder mortals or other light spirits trying to make them ‘see the light’, when really it would be better for them to be left to rot. I know it might sound harsh and unloving, the opposite of what one might think, but unless someone is really sincerely asking for help, why should they be helped, for is that help truly helpful? And perhaps they’d be better left to help themselves?
However if someone is begging for help, is desperately appealing for help, then of course, it’s natural, your heart goes out to them and before you know it you’re helping in whatever way you can. And I think a big part of our growth is getting to the point of feeling so desperate that we beg for help, beg another person, a spirit - the Mother and Father. We have to beg for help with our Healing, and also beg to receive the Divine Love. So in that light, we’re the same as the dark spirits who reach the end and really do want to stop being how they are.
Anyway, I don’t know if this applies to you Sam, I’ve wanted to express these sorts of thoughts for a long time, and you’ve now given me the opportunity. What do you think about what I’ve said?
Obviously you’ve thought a lot about this, and I guess it’s been in the back of your mind that one day you’d have to confront them and give it a go and see how you feel about it. And as long as you stay true to your feelings, and should you feel like stopping, then you do, and understand that of course you’re not obliged to heal every dark spirit, and that there are masses of light spirits more than capable of helping; then yes, as it is certainly going to bring more stuff up for you.
Reading your post I would also advise that you understand, which again I’m sure you do, that it’s all really for you and about you, and I wouldn’t be surprised if each dark spirit comes offering you just as much help with your healing as you offer them, by causing the necessary bad feelings to arise in you and helping you to see things about yourself and the bad state we’re all in. So as long as you understand it’s all about YOUR healing, and not there’s, then you shouldn’t lose yourself in it.
I also wonder if doing it might be good for you to gain more practice and discipline with your inner communication, so you become more familiar with your limitations, how much to extend yourself and where overextension begins and then how to pull back, close off, look after yourself when so many are clamouring for your help. For being of the light yourself Sam, you might, should it be for you, should you even desire it, attract many in the end, and not just spirits, but people, who seek your help, so you will need to be very strong in honouring your feelings, and when enough is enough, then it is - and all that sort of thing.
It is incredible to think that Jamie has been in darkness so long. Personally I’d be very interested in understanding more about such states these spirits are in, where they live, how they relate to themselves, each other, to people on earth. It’s a lot of hate, but completely understandable, and it’s the hate that gives them power, and to let go of that power, to allow themselves to feel all those horrendous feelings of feeling so unloved that are fuelling such intense hate - hard work.
I also find it interesting how you as a woman have been made to be scared of men, believing you have to help and look after them... what about helping women spirits too? Does that make you feel anything? What about if you only helped women spirits and bugger the men as they are too awful? But it’s not that I’m suggesting that you do this, as I think you have to work with the men spirits for the reasons you say to do with your father, but I just want to put your mind over that side, on the women’s side, and see if that brings up anything for you.
Personally I’ve not had any bad experiences with spirits, not one. I’ve seen lots of other people have them, but they so far are not part of what I need. I have thought they must be around and possibly have tried to negatively influence me, but there’s obviously nothing in me from my early life that opens me up to them, so they’ve never been an issue. And I have on occasion wondered about trying to help them, but that too has never followed through. And as you know, so many of us have such ingrained beliefs that we MUST help other people, including spirits if we’re aware of them, but if these beliefs are damaging to our soul, then we have to give them up and not want to help anyone, which is what Marion’s doing and I’m trying to do. So if you start and then don’t want to keep going, or if you don’t even want to start, if you want to talk more about it before you do - more fears or bad feelings, or if you want to jump straight in, it’s all up to you Sam to follow your feelings. So go for it I say if that’s what you feel you want to do, but you don’t need my approval.
I also think Sam, the whole exercise will give you such an incredible understanding of how it’s all guided and controlled from the other side by your spirit helpers (and the Mother and Father) all in keeping with the needs of your soul. It will all be highly and personally orchestrated, all very and only specific to what you need.
And I’ve love to know what you think and feel about all I’ve said, for as I said, it’s not ‘my area of expertise’. And I hope you would... if you disagree with anything I ever say, or think or see or feel things differently, you will say, won’t you? Please.
This is a PS, speaking generally about people on earth helping dark spirits. Personally, and I’ve not been told this by Mary or Jesus or the Mother and Father, I think part of humanity’s Healing is to help these spirits, but by people who are doing their Healing or have done it. For anyone else it is not really helping them - it’s helping them further their negative state... which I guess is negatively helping them. I think that humanity has to clean up its own mess so to speak, and the fact that there are so many dark spirits all in need of help, and many who will listen more to someone on earth rather than a higher spirit because they relate to being of earth more being so ‘earthbound’, as it’s said in the PM (I think), suggests that a lot of healing help will come from people possibly like yourself Sam. And from what I understand about spirit, if you are speaking with one spirit there will possibly be many more listening in, so you’ll be indirectly helping them too. I think that because of people on earth who are longing to be true through their feelings and who open up to these lower earth plane hell-bound spirits, the ‘lines of light’ will slowly penetrate into such darker areas thereby lessening the control and unloving influences these spirits have over humanity. This is being part of the purification or rectification or Healing of humanity. So I think a lot of people will feel they want to ‘do their bit’ so to speak, but that’s too impersonal, for we are talking about these spirits who are in a very bad way. So like any relationship, it’s all to help with ones relationship with oneself, so ones Healing, to begin with.
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Jul 29, 2016 0:23:09 GMT 10
Thank you for all you have wrote James, it has opened me up to asking more questions and seeing things differently. I need to work through what you have said and see how I feel about it all, some of it I hadn't even given a thought about, like the women spirits and how would I feel having them come to me, am I more fearful of them than the men?? I have very little experience with Spirits but feel I need to learn and understand them and how they work with our emotions and their influence, it interests me just how much they have to do with us. I feel I need to have experiences with them to be able to able to understand what they are capable of instead of reading about it from someone else, it needs to be a truth to me because I have experienced it or I cant talk about it or know it for myself. I don't want to go in and think I have to save them all, all of those poor souls because like you have said, they have free will as Jamie expressed to me by choosing to leave and end the connection. This is all about my healing though and he has been a part of it, showing me the feelings I have in me that he was attracted to.
I don't disagree with what you have said James, I need to hear it all to help me learn more and ask more of myself and I am going to work with what you have written. I have family that are highly mediumistic but in terrible conditions and a lot of them are now dead, they died young due to illness and mental health schizophrenia, which makes sense that it is spirit driven with the voices and influences they felt but were put under electric shock treatment, all horrendous treatment and understanding spirit may help me to understand a lot of the mental health issues in my family. By healing our childhood denied and repressed feelings these terrible afflictions will stop.
I wont go on any more because I want to continue with what you have written and see where I go with it, I think this may help with my connection to spirit too, I have always been afraid of it due to the dark spirits I felt when I was young but today, talking with Jamie, even though he was raging I felt ok by the end of it, better in myself that I had faced him. I think this fear has always been a barrier to me connecting with guides and my other spirit band so there is a lot to feel about here for me.
If I disagree with you James I will say but I don't, I want to hear all you and Marion say because I value it all and what you both are doing, I have no one else to sound of on and I am humble to anything you say that makes me feel differently about what I have wrote, it expands me.
Thank you James, thank You very much.
|
|
|
Post by James on Aug 12, 2016 21:10:53 GMT 10
Hi Sam, I haven’t been feeling well lately, my mind is being broken down more and I’ve felt demented, so tired, my stomach and digestion has gone haywire, I’m hardly able to speak let alone do anything; all is a blur; the woman who runs the BB is so difficult to work with, so many plants keep dying from lack of water, she’s infuriatingly frustrating having no love for the plants and I can’t pretend I have some say or any control as I don’t, so I feel mixed up in a crazy world that’s idiotically maddening and doesn’t make me feel loved, good or happy, the same as it was with mum; and with all the beautiful plants slowly dying and being taken away from me, which is how I now feel about all the aspects of myself that got annihilated; and I feel crushed, like I’m being dragged along without any will, all how I felt back at home but which I’d forgotten and didn’t want to remember.
I’m particularly focused on my will feeling so ineffective, feeling so powerless and so miserable about it, so much like I’m the most vile putrid rotten person alive, I’ve taken over from Marion, never suspecting I ever felt anything as bad as this about myself.
And I feel so confused because the people at the BB seem to like me, but why, what’s there to like, I’m the worst most ugly, most useless person, they are all just being nice because they are nice people and probably like everyone anyway.
And Marion, well she is amazing, she’s feeling still better and better and more loving of herself every day. She’s delighting in all the perfumes she is buying and surprisingly they are helping her come out into good feelings about herself - she even loves her hair (and today also her body for the first time in her life!), and OMG that’s a huge change in her for she has always despised it, jumping up every five minutes to cut another bit off, always trying to find the right style, but now none of that matters, she’s no longer existing trying to please everyone else and feels she is the most beautiful person on the planet, not the most ugly, and doesn’t give a stuff what anyone else thinks anymore. She feels bad rarely now, and only for a short time and then she’s back up feeling even better. It’s all so surprising, even though it’s what we’d theorised should happen when you’ve brought out all your yuk, but living it, seeing in before me, it is amazing showing all the hard work she’s done is paying off.
I’ve also started writing a book called Divine Love Spirituality, one that simply states all the aspects of DLS so someone can read it and gain the general idea seeing if it’s for them, and if so, can then expand out into my other books, websites and the forum. It’s really the first book I should have written, but of course with everything being the wrong way around, it’s the last, or so it seems like that.
And the last niggling bit of the whole thing I finally reconciled with myself the other day. I’ve been receiving newsletters from some Urantia Book people who’ve recently set up a number of websites claiming they are the New Religion of Jesus that TUB speaks about that will surely happen one day. That TUB is the Way, that one, as Bonita says, can use the book to live this revitalised and true religion of Jesus as all you need is within the book. I’ve discussed all this before, and my insight was nothing really new, just coming at this time and slotting into place completing my whole picture. And this last bit being, that yes, there will of course be a new religion of Jesus so to speak, although it won’t be a religion as such as it will just be normal life, just how the Celestials and the whole of Nebadon live, they not needing to say they are living the religion of Mary and Jesus, just being as they are in the truth of their perfection. And so people when they have finished their Healing and therefor being of a Celestial level of truth will also naturally live the perfection of that truth on Earth, the same that Mary and Jesus lived. So this will be the revitalised ‘religion of Jesus’ TUB speaks about, not something people will establish who are still in their wrongness, because still being of such wrongness will mean they will only create yet another distorted and wrong ‘religion of Jesus’ just like the Christians are living.
And although I’ve talked about and said this before, it’s all firmly slotted into place now. I’ve finished with TUB, it’s now just a source of some good information but nothing more, and it certainly doesn’t contain the way to live how Jesus lived. And it contains just enough for mind-led to keep leading themselves further astray. One CANNOT heal oneself using only the TUB or the PM or them both or anything else. So I know 100% now that DLS is the gap-filler, it is the way for us to Heal ourselves so we can end our rebellion and default, and in doing so become of Celestial truth and so live as Mary and Jesus do in their Universe, completely in harmony with them and not against them as we currently are. So DLS is the ‘bridge’ to Mary and Jesus. So one can’t get to them, truly follow them and be like them in truth without first embracing DLS. That’s the missing part, that which humanity will possibly one day come to understand, even if DLS goes by the wayside and someone else comes along and brings it to light - it will all amount to the same thing: we have to first Heal ourselves of all our wrongness before we can truly live with Mary and Jesus in their universe.
So unless someone is living the principles of DLS, they are not truly healing themselves, only further advancing their wrongness. And I feel very good about this. So lately within my feeling in some ways the worst I’ve felt during my Healing, I’m also feeling the most happiest about all the spiritual stuff. And I feel happy to no longer even need to think about it all, it’s so good not having anything pushing or niggling in my mind as it has been for the past thirty years. And having healed the worry of: Now What, I’ll be so bored having nothing to work on; having given up my mind’s need to be occupied by distraction which working out the spiritual stuff satisfied, I feel content with the job, and even if I say so myself, I feel proud of the accomplishment. I have the words going around in my mind saying: I’ve done it, I’ve done it, I’ve done what I wanted to, I’ve cracked it, I’ve worked it out, I’ve put it all together, and I don’t care what anyone else says, even Marion saying it’s all rubbish and what’s the point of having to write about it all and make up DLS, I don’t care because I’ve done it; and I feel I can die now happy with my life’s achievement, because even thought I didn’t set out to achieve anything in life, I discovered that there was something for me to do resulting from Healing myself.
And now I feel I am waiting, even more than I have been, yet also happier to wait, for my Healing to work it’s way through, and then to see what the Mother and Father have in store for me and also Marion.
How is Baby Magic?
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Aug 14, 2016 6:23:57 GMT 10
I think it is all brilliant James, great that you are feeling so bad, confused, and unwell. Great that you are being so broken down and really feeling the truth of your pain and how it is making you feel, all such amazing messages in the pain to help you feel, I look forward to my next pain and what it has for me to feel, when I am in my bad feelings and my pain I know that I have touched the truth of my healing and the pain is my messenger of truth although it is very distressing at times, most times, its all working, its all in us and it all has to come out. I feel very happy for you that you are feeling this bad James, I want to feel as bad as you do, I want to feel the truth of my pain, the causes, I cant wait for the next bout of physical, mental and spiritual pain because its the truth that I have denied coming to the surface for me to release. So I congratulate you on the rising of your pain and your breaking down, its a great thing, so much progress,I want to feel bad. What you say about the people at the Bush Bank being nice makes me remember how Mum and Dad drummed Manners into us as children and how we had to be nice and respectful to our elders but they could treat Kids how ever they wanted. I spent my life being nice to everyone in fear of being attacked if I didn't, told of by Mum and Dad, shamed by me. I created such a façade that I was a nice person because I was so scared of being myself, The terror we all have inside us is the terror of being ourselves, if I am myself I wont be accepted, I will be hated, rejected, I have to be how Mum and Dad want me to be, they taught me to put on a false front no matter how much I disliked someone, I had to be nice, I could never tell the truth of how I felt about someone and my façade keeps me from feeling my pain, its my protection against attack. Nice is who we have to be to survive, Nice is the façade that keeps us from feeling the truth of the pain of the rejection of our true self. Marion is an absolute inspiration and seeing her come through the other side gives us so much hope and faith in the process, faith based on the truth, not blind faith. Healing through your feelings works, it is the WAY, the only Way. I am so glad to hear about the book, it will be so needed James. I would be very happy to donate some money to its production, I mean that. I have read all of your writings on the forum and the sites and received do much help from you so if I can help out I will. I have been dealing with some of my darkest feelings that I stupidly thought I had felt or got away with, but the dark spirits are showing me everything I have denied. Many of the suicidal thoughts I had when I was younger have been felt again and I now realise they were the workings of spirits acting on my denied and supressed feelings, heightening my fear and terror of being controlled to the point of suicide. As a young girl I felt I had no control over this although I didn't want to do it, something else in me did, spirit. I can tell you James, I have been through hell these last few weeks, terrified to be alone because these spirits are with me and when I am alone it all ramps up. They are bastards but all I can do is feel how they make me feel and keep expressing it to find the truth. I can handle it and God knows I can but I can no longer avoid the terror that plagued me as a younger woman. When I go into my terror and express it all, afterwards I feel a relief from their control and it is lessening. The unseen has been the most terrifying but I can feel it strengthening my connection to spirit and understanding more about it. Magic is amazing and healing so well. He lost all his flight feathers and couldn't fly but they are growing back now and he is feeding himself. I bought him an Aviary to heal in as he needed space but still wasn't able to live independently with him not being able to fly. I think another couple of weeks and he will be good to go and the aviary will be used again I am sure.
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Aug 14, 2016 22:05:01 GMT 10
Today I am feeling even more, the terror of Being me. How I have constructed a false façade so that I never have to be me, I can just play safe in the protection of my façade. I am not entirely to blame for its creation though, I was taught how to be it by Mum, Dad, teachers, society and then I believed in it. I believed it was me so I have lived in it all these years and its deconstruction through feeling everything \I have denied has left me weak, helpless knowing that it has all been a lie. Every relationship I have ever had with anyone has been false, they do not know who they have been having a relationship with because it has been with my false created self, nothing real in any of it, all so pointless and fake.
Why are we all so terrified of being ourselves? its a global fear, its the big one. Its so unloving of our parents to teach us that our true selves are not good enough or even wanted and then to go ahead and groom us into who the want us to be, who they believe will be acceptable in life and give them all the glory and honour for creating such a good child, what great parents they must feel they have been. We are terrified of being our true selves because of them, they told us it was no good to have our own will but to do their will, that is the correct way. I have now spent a whole life time doing the will of others because this is what I was taught, this is the way to be loved and accepted, by keeping everyone else happy, except for me, I come nowhere in all of this, how sad.
Today I am in some degree of anger at what has been taken from us all and the unawareness of that fact. We have been totally stupefied by our parents to believe what they created is who we are and never stray from that, you wont be safe, you wont be loved or accepted, God I feel so angry and sad about it all.
I can see the life of terror I have lived, the terror attacks that controlled my life and this was all because my soul knew I wasn't being me and I was so unhappy being the creation of others. My mind and my soul fighting it out, my parents fighting God, my parents wanting supremacy over God to control me. I don't know who I truly am and I am terrified of that, I have never been nurtured to find out so I fear being me, it is not safe, it cant be if my parents didn't create it, so I am now questioning how much I trust what God created, if I am in fear of being me, the child of God then I don't trust God but I trust the false me that my parents created, it is safe and accepted. I am in trouble here. I now know I have to go through this terror of being me, the child God created, really feeling the deconstruction of the façade that I have trusted to keep me safe into the unknown that is me. I can feel myself slipping into fear and confusion at a deeper level than experienced before. I know how terror feels and I have ran from it for so many years while at the same time it runs parallel to me, not letting me go anywhere but I can feel the time is coming where I have to sit with it to get through to the real me. It is very scary, I feel so angry at being this terrified of being me, something that should be so natural, this is the terror that everyone is avoiding by just being NICE, like those people at the Bush Bank. We are terrified that if we were our true selves no one will like us, we wont be accepted and so be alone forever. I am feeling a little bit crazy so I will end it there and speak soon.
|
|
|
Post by James on Aug 14, 2016 22:32:23 GMT 10
Thank you Sam for being so happy that I’m feeling so bad, it’s a great help hearing you say it; and it’s so good being freely able to express such feelings that are contrary to the norm and not getting rejected because of it, to bring up all the yuk and be told well done, it’s good, congratulations you’re going the right way.
I’m not feeling as bad as I was (what a pity! - NO, what a friggin relief!), however I’m changing so much currently that I can hardly keep with all the new feelings I feel about myself. Still my writing is changing, that being, my desire to do it. Thank you also for your offer of help with my DLS book but I don’t know about any of it anymore. I’m not writing for the reasons I have done, and I’m finding it a struggle relating to writing anything at all other than just like these small forum posts. Currently I feel more so every day that in fact I’m done with all my writing, and now I just want to BE it all. That my writing has only been a result of my Healing, so if my Healing finishes so too my writing, which I’ve said before, but really I think I mean it’s all the feelings I felt that motivated me before are leaving me, so my desire to write is not there as it was, even to the extent of I wonder how I managed to write so much, the same stuff, over and over, thrashing it all out. So this last book I’m not even thinking about it, just doing it whenever I feel like it, but it’s a labour more than a joy. And currently Marion and I are reading Dostoevsky, she’s bought as many of his books she can get, and I’m loving how involved he is with all the feelings, how the Russians in his novels and stories are so feeling expressive, so full-on loving and at the same time full-on despairing, and how so many of the women characters are so attuned to their feelings always looking for the truth of what they feel, with their feelings often faithfully guiding them. So I’m getting caught up in the drama of his books instead of writing mine.
But it’s all for my own healing. I hardly give the spiritual stuff a thought anymore, it’s so weird having spent these past twenty-five years ONLY thinking about it and nothing else, to now just plodding along doing all the daily living stuff like what to buy next at the supermarket, working with Marion on all the problems of my self-expression and eternal - so it seems it will be - ongoing difficulty of expressing all my feelings. I do feel I’m evolving into being the real and true me, but it’s so strange having never been it, and no longer doing all that I did with my mind, which was everything, I don’t really know what to do, so I’m not doing anything.
That’s a great picture of Magic looking at you sideways, what a character! I’ve read about how your magpies are characters and I think we even saw pictures of them sometimes carrying their young on their backs as they fly - is that right? And why did his feathers fall out, did he get a shock, or is that normal moulting in preparation for adulthood?
So Sam, why are these dark spirits with you, I don’t get that part? Are you saying they are keying into your unexpressed pain and because you are so open to spirits then they are using your awareness of them to get at you? So you fear they are going to take you over or control you somehow, even to the point of suicide - as in they want to destroy you, and why is that, is that their motivation? I’ve not thought along these lines before, that their might be malicious spirits simply intent on hurting or damaging a person in any way they can so even by destroying that persons personality expression, trying to destroy them - which now I’ve written it, I guess it’s obvious that’s what they are about for what else would they want to do but harm whoever they could and in anyway. I don’t think I’ve taken them seriously enough, for as I’ve said, they’ve never bothered me. So why do you think they are bothering you so much Sam, what part in you wants their attention, why do you think you should have it, why do you get it, and why do you put up with it, can’t you get rid if it and close yourself off to them? Or do you allow it now simply because you know they can help you feel bad and it’s yet another part of how you are healing yourself. I’ve not considered that sort of help coming from them either. Because I ask myself: why would your spirit guides allow them to come anywhere near you, as they are surely there with you orchestrating your experiences with these dark spirits, so it must be all to, as you say, help you connect with your repressed stuff; so how do they relate to your upbringing, to your relationship with your parents? Are your parents really these dark spirits, and so you need the spirits to be able to say to them all you really need to say to your parents, but as you can’t say such things to your parents as really it’s not necessary now, it was what you needed to say when you were young, so you can use these dark spirits as ‘parent substitutes’?
And are these dark spirits really fair dinkum dark spirits, or are they just Celestials pretending to be dark so as to help you? And how does one know - can you feel anything about that Sam? Are they sort of like an antagonist therapist in some way, goading you, making your feel scared, pushing your fear buttons? And what are you the most scared of, do you feel they can do something awful to you, have you been able to articulate what you’re terrified of the most? What will happen to you if they have their way with you? And when you felt like suicide when you were younger, was that because there was just too many unbearable bad feelings overwhelming you and you wanted out, to get away from them... or were there specific reasons as why you considered killing yourself?
And what about the fight you are having with them - how does it work, do you take them on discoursing with them, or do you just feel they are in some way making you feel bad and you just deal with those bad feelings? And do you think these spirits are aware of the sort of help they are giving you; do they think they are helping you - do you know; or are they just being their horrible nasty selves having no idea of the impact they are having on you other than making you feel very bad?
And when you say they are trying to control you, what do you mean by that - take your feelings over, or your mind, make you think and so act in a certain, like doing their evil bidding... or do they want to try and possess you, as in take over your body and sort of live through you casting you aside in their desperation to try and get back to some sort of physical life... or are they intent on ruining your moral self, destroying your personality just for the hell of it, just trying to do as much damage as they can, inflict as much pain and torment as they can just for the hell of it because they are angry, very disturbed and in need of asserting themselves hoping to have power over you because they are feeling so threatened - and what do they feel scared of to make them behave as threateningly as they are? Do they fear you, and if so, why? Do you intimidate and threaten them? And do they work singularly or in a group against you?
I just read your next post, I was about to post my post. I can fully relate to all you’re feeling so scared about Sam. It is terrifying, and it just seems to go on and on deeper and deeper. Whilst reading your post, as currently having gone through the last bout of horrible fears myself the other week, and now feeling more together, as I said, the real me sort of coming out more, all I can say from what I’ve been through is all you can do is keep going and in the end the fears do amazingly one day ease up and then end. Then you have these remarkable feelings of feeling okay about yourself, that you are right and good and true, and that how you are is how you are a meant to be. But it’s a process like osmosis, I can’t put my finger on any real changes, but looking back wow, have I changed! And I can sense myself changing now, but when I remember how bad I’ve felt so often through my Healing, and like how you’re saying, it reminds me of how scared I’ve been, and mad and like I’m losing the plot, how demented, and I shake with the terror of it all, want to scream and run away still as fast as I can - NO, I don’t want to go through any more of it; No, I can’t take it anymore; No, I hate feeling so scared, I’ve get every fear possible, and my nerves are shot and I’m falling apart and I don’t want to go back to the BB because of that horrible woman and how badly she treats me by never saying thank you for all your help, never being pleased and not caring about the plants. And the sadness is, we’re only terrified that our parents will be displeased with us for being our true selves, the world doesn’t care, it’s only them because they were displeased and rejected us and hurt us and made us feel unloved. The horrible woman at the BB is mum, dad and Gran all rolled into one - ahhhhhhh and I have to go there and be with her - them. She’s like one of those evil spirits. I hate her!
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Aug 16, 2016 7:58:56 GMT 10
Thank you for asking me so many questions about these dark spirits, I feel like they are suicide victims themselves and like me not really wanting to do it but had been influenced by dark spirits and then once passed over they realise that influence and are in deep anger and unfairness about losing their lives due to an ongoing spirit influence from previous suicide spirits. You see, I would never do it, I don't want to and never did want to but something with me wanted me to. I could feel the impression on my mind to do it 'Kill yourself Sam' and it wasn't me, I am beginning to understand why we hear of suicides happening out of the blue with people, one minute loving life and the next jumping of a bridge, spirit influence attracted to them through their unhealed, denied and repressed emotions, if they had felt all of their feelings spirit would not be able to attach to them, I feel they are getting in this way, its an open door for them. My Aunty had the same thing going on all her life and was hospitalised when she was 18 and is still there now, never been out because of spirit influence, she had regular Electric shock treatment which I thought was just awful but now I see the spirit release when the shock goes through your electrical system and the patient feels normal for a while, I never realised it was to get rid of spirit, I have never heard of that in the medical profession but through doing research about it I have found that it is so.
As a younger woman I could feel them around me and I would nearly black out or suffer with extreme Vertigo and dizzy spells and I could feel like I was falling off a building as they impressed on me how they died. Sometimes I would wake up with Vertigo and I couldn't even walk, I was in sheer terror with the feelings and I went onto prescription drugs for 15 years roughly, It was the only way I could cope although they didn't numb it completely, my life was a terror, and I was living the fear until I couldn't go outside the house. None of this I have really healed and I have been dreading having to revisit it all but with Feeling Healing there can be no denial, it will all come back to be healed and as I pray to Mother and Father to bring to me what I need to feel, this I knew, would eventually catch up with me.
I am very scared about them taking over me and what they might make me do against my will, how they will control me being invisible makes it even more scary, that feeling I had as a child, knowing they were there, being able to feel them but not see. I cannot control the situation when I cant see them, I am at their mercy. I have prayed for them in a way because I have asked Mother and father to show me all I need to heal and this is a part of it, I cant be selective with my healing and just pick and chose what I feel I want to heal, the easy stuff first. No, it is all of it, and this is the toughest for me because there is so much to it. I have asked for them to come back to me so I can feel the terror I need to feel so I can release it, then there will be nothing in me for them to be attracted to, my denial of the terror is what they are attaching to and I need to heal this. I feel that shutting myself off to them is like denying they are there and they are so important to my healing, I have a great opportunity to use the power of my feelings to get rid of them by feeling everything they are making me feel, not through my mind but my soul, letting my soul lead me through all I need to feel.
I am not sure about them maybe being Celestials helping me to feel so taking the guise of dark spirits as they have been with me on and off for many years, even as a child I felt the fear of them around me, not continuously but from time to time. I don't think they care about how they are making me feel, so weak and powerless and afraid of them, its just how I felt with Mum and Dad, doing everything they said and never answering back , or else, the fear is the same its all fear of attack. I have been so easy to manipulate because of the fear of not doing the will of others, the fear of getting attacked and these spirits are showing me that. When we let our minds be manipulated we are at the control of others, we are easy. The more I am expressing my feelings about them and how they make me feel, I feel them distancing from me.
I think I am going to go back to some of your writings about how the dark spirits influenced Amon and Aman, I need to learn more about this, I will read what the Urantia Book says to about Caligaster and Daligaster.
I have felt a disappointment with myself in this attraction of dark spirit, like the disappointment felt with my parents over my choices of friends and boyfriends and husbands. I am a let down, an embarrassment, the dark sheep of the family, the first one to divorce etc....... all things that are coming up for me, so much confusion and shame. So much.
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Aug 16, 2016 17:31:26 GMT 10
But because they lived more untrue to themselves each day, which meant, they became progressively evil themselves, it meant they were buying into the rebellion without even knowing it - by default. The evil spirits knew it, which was why they were so much trying to influence Adam and Eve’s minds to bring about their feeling and so physical separation. Read more: dlscr.freeforums.net/thread/121/adam-eve#ixzz4HTfqGDFOI just read the section you wrote about Eve and Adam and this hit me This is how it all feels. The evil ones are trying to stop me from healing through my feelings and taking me back to my mind and showing me how easy it can be controlled. They are trying to separate me from my souls feelings and stop me healing. Before I felt the evil ones return I had a dream of a lady trying to tempt me in for a Tarot reading and as I walked past she kept saying to me "Come in", "Come in" and she pulled out a card and put it up to my face and it was the card of 'Temptation' with a snake on it. It was a great message for me because then the spirits came and have been trying to tempt me to be under their control again, it is all beginning to make sense now. It must have been what happened to Eve and Adam with the evil ones influencing them and taking them away from their feelings, I really feel a bit of an awakening on this. I need to write more about how I feel about this James so I will speak later. I am going to read the papers about the evil ones and Eve and Adam in TUB.
|
|
|
Post by James on Aug 16, 2016 22:52:16 GMT 10
Sam your post and all this about the ‘dark spirits’ brought up some interesting points and furthered my understanding of things as I talked about it with Marion.
What’s become clearer to me, as I can see how I’ve done it myself, is I’ve transferred or projected my fears of mum and dad onto other things in the world. Everything that I’ve been scared of, and it’s taken years to get to see this, I’ve worked back to being able to put the blame on mum and dad. I can see how, and I think it’s the same for most of us, if not all of us, as we don’t want to, and can’t, as forming young children, face or put the blame squarely on our parents for scaring and terrifying us, and instead we look to anything else we can blame and be scared and terrified of. I have a fear of sharks, of trees blowing over and crushing me and the car, of a man creeping around at night robbing us, as well as millions of other fears, but all these I’ve been able to see come from mum and dad, they making me feel scared through their own actions and words and not making me feel loved by them, and then also scaring me with these other things, dad saying the ‘noahs’ - sharks, would get me, Gran going on and on about having to lock everything up so the thieves won’t get in, mum fearing the madness and wildness of the wind (her own inner madness) with gumtrees being notorious for dropping their branches. And what I understood today is that what I’ve done is convince myself that I’m not scared of mum, dad and Gran because they love me, they are doing what’s best for me (so they even told me), they are helping me grow up and understand life, and so with all the fear I had (of them), I had to put it somewhere, I had to ‘legitimise it’, it had to be attributed to acceptable scary things, so I transferred it from them to the sharks, trees and robbers. So it wasn’t something innocent like a blackbird that I’m scared of, it’s sharks because they are scary - everyone knows that. That is, everyone who’s been told they are scary, for there are lots of people who aren’t scared of them at all, many people diving with them and without cages for protection; I even met when I was in Perth two guys my age back then who went diving for a large shell in Great White water and often had them swimming around them but nothing happened to them and they weren’t scared of them, they hadn’t had their stupid unloving unthinking father carrying on about sharks that will eat you as soon as you step in the water.
And what I then understood, as I could so clearly feel it, was that in making myself fear these things in the world gave me some power. I know it sounds odd and opposite what you would think, but it makes sense when you work it through. By being scared of sharks for example, it all being in my mind - a fantasy, I felt I had something, it was mine, and I derived a sense of importance from it, I knew sharks were scary because I was scared of them, I knew you had to be careful of them going in the water, I knew all these important things about this sea creature and about how to be in life. I of course wouldn’t let on that sharks, as much as I loved them, scared the shit out of me, but my young boy self rode a lot on my ‘superior’ knowledge about sharks, not that I’d had anything to do with them personally, but still, I knew...
So perversely I derived power from the things I feared, which of course was my way of pretending I overcame the fear of these things. Mum and dad scared the shit out me making me feel so powerless, and I couldn’t tolerate feeling so powerless, so I had to do something to survive being in such a terrified powerless state. So I focused my fear on things the world said were scary and gave myself a false sense of power knowing I feared them, knowing all about them, all in vain attempting to delude and convince myself that I really wasn’t scared after all. And that in fact I was tough and brave, and I’ll show them, I went in the water with the sharks, I went surfing and snorkelling and later diving and didn’t get eaten once - that showed them! I was better than those scary sharks, even though whenever I was in the water I always had in the back of my mind a nagging fear of what if, what if a fucking big shark suddenly appeared literally out the blue... And in a way I longed for the confrontation, as much as I dreaded and and feared it even more, that the bloody shark would appear, would even eat me to get it over and done with once and for all so I didn’t have to worry anymore, or that I could somehow fend it off proving to myself - and hopefully conquering my fear and proving to everyone else, and especially dad, that I wasn’t a chicken, that I was in fact a HERO - that label granting or bestowing All-Power on me.
So why I’m bringing this up is because I wonder if you might be able to relate to your fear of the spirits in the same light as I’ve recounted mine. It’s not to say that your spirits are a mere fantasy, but that you are transferring fear and all your terror onto them when in fact it all should go, and presumably will go as you progress in your Healing, to your parents. And once again, I know that you know this, that it all begins and ends with your parents, but it will be interesting to see if you can feel when and how you took your fear of your parents and put it in the spirits, thereby drawing to you such dark spirits. And if indeed this even applies to you, because unlike me, it’s all real for you, whereas all my shark stuff was just in my mind. So I’d like to know what you think and feel about what I’ve said, if I’ve written it well enough for you to understand.
When I told Marion about your latest post her immediate response was it’s not the spirits it’s all Sam’s own doing, it’s all going on within her mind. But then she qualified this by saying that really she doesn’t know, for her, there is no such thing as spirits interfering with anyone as they don’t interfere with her; however that also has to be qualified because as she said, she might change her mind were she for example to speak to you directly about your experiences, and listening to all you’ve been going through might help her understand such things do happen.
And I’ve taken Marion’s line of thought and run with it because it’s worth of course always bringing it back to oneself and looking to see if it might all be just within our mind and imagination, and that in fact there is none or very little influence from spirits. And as you know, I’ve questioned myself about my spirit friends often trying to see if indeed I’ve been deluding myself as to their existence and it’s all just stuff I’m somehow making up in my mind, but in going along this track, there are too many things that confuse me, I can’t make it be black and white like Marion does, because for one thing, I’ve had so many experiences with spirits whereas she hasn’t. But still: are my so-called spirit experiences just my transferring my fears and delights onto yet another acceptable thing called ‘spirits in the spirit worlds’, when in fact I should be looking to mum and dad as to their giving me all that the spirits do. And although I don’t have the fear of and trouble with spirits, it all being a good thing, have I just transferred all the nice stuff I wished I’d had with mum and dad - as I they certainly didn’t given me all the good feelings I get from my involvement with the spirits - onto spirits... and are these spirits then real, or are the figments of my imagination?
Marion didn’t have any spirit stuff in her early life, she only had a bit of Protestant church stuff which in fact as far as religious stuff goes, was relatively good and helpful giving her a strong foundation and love for God and Jesus. My religious schooling put me off God and Jesus, but mum was open to the spirits, although she didn’t openly include that as part of our life until I was in my teenage years when she started taking us to clairvoyants, and later still when I came back from London telling her I’d changed what I wanted to do in life and could speak with the spirits and she saying yes well I can see them, I’ve always been able to see, but shut them off when I was young because I what I saw scared me too much. And obviously from what you’ve said Sam, the spirit side of things was part of your early life, whether out in the open or simmering underneath as in what your poor Aunt has gone through. So that would explain possibly your focus on the bad spirits as you were possibly made to be afraid of them and such things when you were young. So I wonder if you’ve used them in some ways to gain power like I used what I feared? When do your first memories with spirits start? And what were they, good or bad?
In Dostoevsky’s Humiliated and Insulted at the end there’s an interesting part where Nelly who’s a young teenager that is dying, in her delirium speaks about how her grandfather who’s only recently died a tragic death is constantly on at her to go out there and keep begging so as to give him the money he wants. And of course everyone puts such ravings down to her fever and all her emotional turmoil to do with her illness and her having to leave the people who love her, that it’s all in her mind, she’s making it all up, but is she? What if she in her altered state is communicating with her grandfather, and he being still in such a wretched state as what he was in when he died, is Earth-bound and as yet unaware that he’s actually died, being fixated on Nelly and all the drama to do with her mother, his daughter that he’d disowned.
Marion says it was all in Nelly’s mind, but I’m not so sure, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Dostoevsky actually captured faithfully the so-called ravings that were truly between Nelly and her grandfather which no one took seriously. The part was only very minor to the whole story, but very potent, and he didn’t dwell on it or go very far with it.
I think those of us who do feel they are influenced by or in communication with spirits have as part of our Healing and growth of truth to reach some sort of understanding about it for ourselves, we have to come to terms with it that we’re happy with; and like with all to do with our Healing, it all being so very personal, it’s not about generalising but having to work it out individually. And if one is intent on doing ones Healing, then so long as one’s focus is kept on the understanding that all that is happening, including anything to do with spirits, good or bad, is really to help you understand more about yourself and your early life with your parents, that being the most important part and point of it. And all the spirits might say, again be it good or bad, and including passing on information and understanding, prophecy, healing or anything else, is only secondary and shouldn’t be put as the main purpose and interest one has with the spirits. To put such things first are what people do who are NOT wanting to do their Healing, anything and everything to avoid facing the truth of the relationship with their parents. So as long we do want to face that truth, and keep longing for it, then no matter what one might become focused on or interested in, it’s all to serve the same end.
I also realised today, as again I could clearly see it and feel it to be true, that everything I had believed to be love was love derived from false power. It was incredible because suddenly it was like a picture reel of all the things in my life I’ve loved, the fish, our dog, a young girl, women, plants, sex, food, all rolled through my mind and I knew that the only reason I’d loved such things was because of the power they gave me. It was so clear, explaining once and for all my difficulties I’ve had in trying to work out what was real love in my life, and was any of it real, and did really I love mum and dad or not.
I loved the little fish because they were mine - no one else’s! Nicholas couldn’t have them like he could everything else, I didn’t share them, they were ALL MINE - such delicious power! And then whilst this was all happening I suddenly felt hungry - false hunger feelings, and cut up the whole loaf of bread, smothered it with the olive Nuttelex and down it went and it was lovely, sublime, wonderful, and I was ecstatic, thrilled and delighted by the sheer power that I could EAT IT ALL. That I didn’t have to share it, or only eat some of it because too much would make me sick, and Marion didn’t stop me or negatively comment, and I stuffed it all in and the power I felt was almost orgasmic. It was the first time I’d let myself really feel the power in my so-called ‘love’ for things, and in this case the bread. Which then reminded me of how it was the same at home, Nicholas couldn’t eat wheat, so the bread was ALL MINE, and when mum went out and we were left alone, oh the incredible sense of power and freedom to do as I pleased, no one to control me, I could eat it all! But I didn’t understand these power feelings back then or feeling them anywhere nearly as intensely as I felt them today. So I know all that I believed was power was not true power, and neither was it true love.
And then I could see the power and love speaking with the spirits have given me. But again it’s all been because I’ve felt so powerless, and not based on truth with its own natural uncontrived pure power. And the more I’ve uncovered the truth of my powerlessness, understanding how it’s all come from mum and dad, the less I’ve felt the need to speak with spirits, the less I’ve needed the power of feeling special and superior, of being able to do this thing that I think is incredible and not many people can do it. And the spirits themselves are becoming more like ordinary people, I don’t think I’m all-powerful speaking with people at the Bush Bank, they are just people, as are the spirits are just spirits - people, too.
Again I just read your next post Sam as I was about to post mine. This brings up another point I have wondered about, in that will such negative spirits actually try to stop people doing their Healing? Like what you’ve written here, it does make sense, and why not, they fearing people who want to become true, there might be a whole host or reasons why certain spirits don’t want people to do their Healing particularly as they might feel they’ll lose power.
I mean, in theory, people doing their Healing threaten the WHOLE status quo. If you are a high powered controlling spirit who feels very happy with his or her power over parts of or even possibly the whole of humanity, who are you going to be threatened by the most - people doing their Healing? The Divine Love healing spirits and Celestials don’t threaten such spirits because they stick to their worlds minding their own business, but people on Earth starting their Healing are going to eventually bring down the whole house of cards and so put increasing pressure on spirits, and even other people, when enough people are doing their Healing. There surely has to come a day when the majority of people on Earth are Healed or doing their Healing and so the minority left in their unloving evilness will surely feel the heat?
So what if such controlling spirits are putting up something of a fight through you Sam and will also through others who want to become true? They didn’t want Eve and Adam to heal themselves, so why would they want anyone else to heal themselves. They want everyone to stay firmly entrenched within the Rebellion and Default which is why they are no doubt quite content to sit back and orchestrate both sides to kill each other in the so-called fight between good and evil, knowing that really everyone is on the same side.
However then I ask myself, that’s all very well, but are such spirits aware of the Healing and those spirits in the Divine Love mansion healing worlds who are working on themselves - are they aware of the Celestials, are they that organised? Or is that they don’t really understand about the Healing, for how could they without possibly wanting to do it themselves, but for some reason feel threatened nevertheless by people who have thoughts and feelings contrary to theirs, and so would say people like you Sam are the evil ones who need to be dealt with and turned back to the ‘light’, their light really being the darkness they are in?
Or, am I giving them too much credit, and really they are just spirits that don’t have much of a clue, aren’t of any organised group that will try and prevent people doing their Healing. And are much more interested in all the regular well established goings on in the mind mansion worlds and their counterparts on Earth as represented by the End Times battle between the forces of Satan and those who believe in Jesus?
And this Temptation, that too is interesting for you Sam, for is the whole speaking with spirits a Temptation for you, and really you should just ditch it all and focus like Marion does on only her feelings and how they relate to her early life with her parents? Or, it is as you say, the Temptation to be led astray or back into the clutches of your mind with these spirits being your self-imposed ‘friends’ or even ‘family’ and you’re leaving the group and they don’t like that wanting you to stop and come back to being how you were - sound like your parents?
And did the evil ones return to you because they are to help you understand how you being a woman and symbolic of Eve have to heal the ‘Eve’ within you, as we men have to heal the ‘Adam’? Often I can see Marion and myself working through the legacy of Eve and Adam, which I think we all have to do as we’re all to heal the Default along with our Rebellion against the Truth, our soul and God. Healing the Default is what I see as healing our relationships, as all the untruth within our relationships with ourselves, nature, each other and the Mother and Father all stem from the breakdown and untruth of the relationship between Eve and Adam.
Yes, it will be good to see what you feel about it all.
|
|
|
Post by James on Aug 19, 2016 18:56:12 GMT 10
Sam you said the evil ones returned after you had a dream, and I’ve been wondering, when did they stop pestering you, how long ago was that and do you know why they stopped? And when did they return and was there anything else significant going on in your life?
I’ve been wondering about that for a few days, I’d have asked you sooner but Wednesday and Thursdays I’m too pooped from working at the BB to do anything else. I’m intrigued as why they should just suddenly return like that, or why they stopped bothering you for that matter.
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Aug 20, 2016 21:19:18 GMT 10
Hi James, sorry about the delay in writing back I have been feeling through my emotions brought up by our writings about spirits and how I felt by Marions comments as well, which were very valid and I have considered could be true. I have been feeling humiliation, shame, and how ridiculous and pathetic I am to be capable of creating this all to avoid my feelings with my parents, I have had to consider all you have both said to me, most of which I have thought myself and felt an insanity and craziness that I could have created an excuse such as dark spirits because I couldn't bring myself to blame my parents, that they were the dark spirits really, a creation of my mind.
Then on going through a review of my life I still have the feeling in me that they are very real but as I have been healing through my feelings, properly, since I have met you, I have had a much lessened influence from them. I feel that the darkness in me, the unhealed, denied and repressed feelings in me feed them, they have something to get to me through and when I have healed that emotion there is nothing left for them to attach to in me so they leave, still wanting all of their compulsions met through me. I feel its the same on earth with us living people, we attract the same people into our lives that are similar to us, that have similar compulsions, pain, and denied feelings, that is why we get on so well and we think it is friendship or love attractions but its not, its all based on our pain and how it loves company, if it happens on earth then could it also happen in spirit, with us especially when there are so many people crossing over in such bad conditions, still wanting all of their compulsions met and doing all they can to get their needs met. I see how people live their lives being influenced by everyone, beginning with their parents, they paved the way for everyone else to control us so will that end just because we die, will we stop wanting our needs met just because we die, or will earth bound and Hell spirits carry on doing it as they did on earth, pestering people to get their needs met, the more I look into it the more I think it is possible and this is why it is so important to heal ourselves of these feelings before we die, so we don't pester others on earth and can continue our journey in spirit, growing towards God. I feel the saying 'On earth as it is in Heaven' is right, taking all of our denial and repression with us until we decide to heal our feelings, our unhealed, denied and repressed childhood feelings from our parents.
I really believe in spirits and their communication, be that negative communication or positive, if I didn't believe in spirits or the spirit body then I cant believe in Me, in my spirit body or my soul or God. I will be a spirit one day and the spirit world and all its spheres have been created to house my spirit body and soul to grow in, my spirit and soul will have a perfect created place for its condition of love to go to and maybe one day my spirit body will no longer be needed and I am just Soul, I don't know, but it might be possible. This material earth is the perfect created place for my physical experience and the spirit world is perfect for my spirit body when my physical dies so if I didn't believe in spirits then all I would believe in is my physical body and that it dies and that is it, the end.
When I was in happiness or states of 'Love' I didn't feel so influenced, I felt relatively free but it never lasted for long, I have spent most of my life from about the age of 16, feeling out of my body, ill, depressed, watched over, one day I was fine the next I was someone else, my life changed forever. As a child I felt watched and was scared to go anywhere alone, especially sleeping. All of this sounds so fucking crazy but we are influenced by horrible people and toxic people all the time, every day of our lives, why should it be that the same cant be said for spirits doing the same to us, why is it so weird to believe that, I think it is possible. Spirits are just us but dead in the physical way, why cant they still interfere with us like they used to. And if it is our will not to heal the emotions in us that they area attracted to, like attracting like, can our celestial friends really interfere with that, our will. Can they help us by trying to make us aware of the emotion that spirits are attaching to so to help us release that emotion, do the celestials know that maybe the dark spirits are helping us by making us feel our feelings of terror, pain, fear, hurt so they know they are good for us. I might be really off the mark there James but it could be. If the feelings are in us that the dark spirits are attracted to then it could be of great use to us to have these spirits, to bring to the surface what needs healing. Even if it is all in my mind, it is still bringing up feelings and fears that are there in me and I am healing them intensely and not feeling the fear that I was, or the influence and I feel a feeling of encouragement from my helping spirits, like a real pat on the back.
One thing I know for sure is that all of this was created by the denial and repression of the feelings I couldn't express about my parents and how they made me feel. Whether its all in my mind as Marion says it could be or whether dark spirit influence is as real as it feels for me, what ever way it is bringing up the feelings I need to feel, all the craziness, insanity, fear, humiliation, what will others think of me, possession, obsession and all the others I have needed to feel are all being brought to me to.
I feel I have more to say but I have had enough so will leave it there.
|
|
|
Post by James on Aug 21, 2016 16:27:05 GMT 10
I had two very different days at the Bush Bank this week, both of which have helped me understand more about how I want to be in life, all from my feelings.
Wednesday was a shocker, all day I felt so angry at how the BB was run, how the plants weren’t loved and attended to properly, how the woman running it is more concerned with buying things and fussing with trying to get the new computer system working for the tiny nursery that if run well could all be done easily without any modern technology, all adding up to yet more neglect of the plants. The seed are sown but not watered, somehow the seeds are meant to germinate and continue growing miraculously without water. It’s so bizarre and everyone seems to be aware of the problem but the ‘board’ who has hired the woman to run the place isn’t capable of sorting her out or getting rid of her as no one wants to confront and deal with the real issues at hand. They are all volunteers, other than the woman who runs it, all retired and mostly just want a nice social get-together all under the guise of doing something to help the environment; whilst, when some of the seeds do get enough water, we produce lots of plants most of which are doomed to then die of lack of water and mismanagement through lack of care before they leave the nursery to take their chances in the wild, where once again, most of the people and farmers who plants them put them in without care and don’t water them leaving it to the rain, which at the best of times is highly unpredictable. So the loses are appalling - so much for being environmentally sensitive, caring and aware, the very place that supposedly is doing the right thing by nature and trying to propagate plants to revegetate the island is the worst hell hole and annihilation place for them. Anyway, enough of them somehow make it through each year to keep the place going. I’m only there two days a week as with the other volunteers so the few of us who do care can’t do enough to get things happening through the days we’re not there, and we don’t have any say in the running of the place.
So I was furious all day yet feeling so powerless to make anything be right, I can’t make the woman change, I can’t do anything, I’ve voiced my concerns and they are overlooked, no one cares what I think or feel about anything. So I stayed with my bad feelings all day, expressing them a little to the other volunteers who feel the same way, and then to Marion when I got home. All with the conclusion that as I am powerless, that as it’s not my place to make it be how I want it to be, to give up trying, to stay with my own bad feelings should I feel them, expressing them to Marion whilst longing for their truth, but not trying to assert myself over the woman trying to make her be how I think she should be.
And so with this approach on Thursday it was a dream, I loved being there, I still hated and felt terribly sorry for the plants that were suffering and dying, but enough are managing to thrive, and as I wasn’t trying to have power over the woman to appease my feeling powerless, as I wasn’t trying to have control where I couldn’t have any, so I didn’t feel bad.
And the two very different days helped me understand that when I feel powerless and I’m trying to assert myself to make myself feel powerful, I’m actually being the parent trying to manipulate the child into being how I want it to be. I hate how the woman does things so I’m trying to parent her to be how I think she should be, I make her the child whilst I’m mum, wanting to rip into her and force her to change, which of course I can’t do, which then makes me feel more powerless and useless being unable to assert myself and have things my way.
But then when I give all this trying to have control up, I am free, I am just all I feel, I feel sorry for the plants, I hate how the place is run, but it’s not my place to try and change it. So once I accept it as it is, understanding how fucked it is, but everything is fucked, including myself, so what’s new, and so I just got on enjoying being in and with all the fuckedness, not feeling upset by it all, even thoroughly enjoying it and getting along well with the woman. So instead of fighting her I accept her and went with her but not throwing my own feelings away, keeping them if I felt bad, which as it turned out I didn’t, so they weren’t a problem.
So I feel as I have no say in life anyway, God wants it to be as fucked as it is, so I am accepting it, and even though I can see how wrong it is and know how much I hate it, as I’m not trying to make it be how I think it should be, so not feeling let down when I can’t do it, then I can even feel good within the wrongness, as it’s nothing to do with me.
Sam, yes, in thinking about it more myself, I think what Marion says needs to be considered, which if one is trying to be true would do anyway, however when I assess my own experiences as to what I feel are with spirits I can’t discount them nor can I believe my mind is capable of making them up. Perhaps Bob is capable of doing anything... but still... for example, periodically I go through what amounts to a few days being with various spirits, angels, nature spirits, Bob (my Indwelling spirit for new people who might be reading this and don’t know who Bob is that I speak with) and the Mother and Father, with the latest about a month ago it being with my angels. For four days they were right with me all the time, I could sense their presence feeling their light pushing against me or perhaps, shinning on me, and I could easily speak with them, which I did going over many things about it all and myself and all how they are. But the nicest part was feeling their love and acceptance of me, their understanding of it all, and their peacefulness and strength, all of which if it is my mind contriving, well then the mind is capable of anything. However the more I give up my controlling mind, the more open I am to these unexpected experiences and as much as I’d love to keep those nice feelings feeling the angels with me all the time, suddenly they ended and I could feel them withdraw back to how I usually feel them - just there unobtrusively in the background.
Marion doesn’t want any such psychic goings on, it’s not part of her life, it’s not part of how she is, she is very pragmatic about life, it’s black and white and all the more subtle etheric stuff she’s not interested in. At times I have wished she was, wishing I could be with a person who is more creative in these areas of life, those being the ones that I love, but then had she been I’d have not done my Healing as she’d have been too much like me getting carried away with all the unseen stuff as we both floated off into our fantasies indulging in it all. So having her being so down-to-earth has helped me as I have helped her at times being more airy-fairy, although she’d dearly love someone more like herself who is just feelings focused on the practical daily realities than someone off in their mind having relationships with other spirits and not her.
And the bizarre thing is, a month back I pressed her to try and speak with spirits again as she was saying how much all my stuff was bullshit and she decided to give it a go trying to see if she could speak with one her angels. And as I suspected, not only could she easily do it, but better than I can! The angel was there full-on, she could easily see him and readily received his ‘messages’, she could easily speak with him and he helped her get more in touch with certain things, even as it’s turned out, helping her feel even more so that she’s absolutely not wanting to involve the unseen in her life, that she only wants to deal with her feelings to do with her physical life because that’s what’s she’s living in, and when she’s in spirit, then she’ll deal with whoever is there with her in that reality.
And as you say Sam, really it doesn’t matter whether your speaking with spirits is real or not, you’ll know the further you progress in your Healing, just as we all will about all the parts of ourself we’re expressing in Creation. But if it can help you feel bad so you can bring up those repressed feelings and uncover the truth of them, then that’s all that matters right now, with the rest working itself out further down the track.
What I’m slowly getting more used to is the truth that I don’t have to know it all and have it all under control NOW. I can be up in the air about whatever for ever all so long as it’s stirring me up making me feel feelings I’d not feel were I able to lock it all down and out of sight out of mind, all how I was taught was the right way to be in life. So I too am going with my mixed up feelings about the spirits and so on, wrestling with whether or not I’m making it all up when those feelings come up, deciding today yes they are real and not making it up, then tomorrow, doubting it again and going with those feelings, all the while knowing that it’s all helping me get more in touch with myself as the young child and my unloving relationships with mum and dad; and I think that possibly resolution about the spirits will come at some point and I’ll then be able to just get on with it no longer feeling any doubts, because there won’t be any such doubts left in me for it to connect with.
Another thing your post brought up for me was concerning how much spirit influence, good or bad, can we have as a child. What if it’s a huge amount, amounting to say a bad spirit having just as much influence on you as say a grandparent or even parent - can this happen, how much are we allowed to be influenced by spirits?
Because it then begs the question, well if one spirit could heavily influence us a child, why not two, or ten or a hundred or thousands, just as we all have two parents, up to four grandparents, then unlimited other carers. So do we all have these unseen spirit influences on us during our upbringing, so as it were a whole other unseen part of our family, and if so, do we need to identify (and how do we) all these unseen influences just as we do the physical family influences through our Healing, all so we can say for example, I can see it was spirit Henry and spirit Mavis who caused me to feel bad and influenced me this way, along with mum and dad and gramps and auntie thing and...
But going down that track makes it even harder... or really doesn’t it matter because it’s all still going to come down to ones mother and father influences with the others all just being extensions of them.
So are there Spiritual Laws saying that at this time in humanity’s progress this amount of spirit influence can happen to a child, so one or four or ten dark spirits and three or six or nine nice spirits can influence children, and on and on it goes... more mind stuff.
My immediate thought is to quickly ask Mary and Jesus as to how much spirits can influence us through our childhood - what is the current amount allowed by the current spirit laws. But then I think, no, I don’t really care, and I don’t want to use my mind like that anymore, so I’ll just see what people work out through their Healing. I’m realising more that I don’t have to know it all or work it all out, that I’m to only do my little bit as I feel moved to do, as I’ve said before, and others will do their little bits and together as a whole the WHOLE truth will come to light. And this makes me feel good, it let’s me off the hook, I don’t have to solve the all worlds physical and spiritual problems, I can even go the BB and leave it in the mess it’s in. I just attend to my bit as much as I want to, and let the rest go. I can work within the problems up until the point where I can’t any longer and so have to leave, just as I will continue being with Marion or anyone else for as long as feel I want to, and if my feelings change, then move on.
So with all this spirit influence, part of me, the old part, wants to understand it all - how far does it go, how much influence is there on young children from conception by such spirits, and what if there is even more influence than there is by the child’s parents? But then no, give it all up, say what I think and feel at the time and not try and work it out, let it go, move along, next feeling...
What I do think is that a lot of people who will want to do their Healing will have some spirit aspect to it, and to Heal. Whether it’s like us who speak with them, or like Marion who has had to work out whether she’s wrong by not doing it because everyone else does it - so whether she’s missing out and denying some part of herself which she should work on opening up because everyone else says how good it makes them feel. So either way, whether you speak with them or not, whether you have strange psychic experiences or not, you’re going to have to reconcile how you are compared with how others are. Because as much as our relationships with each other are fucked so is our relationship with those people in spirit, it’s all part of the problem with humanity because the whole Rebellion and Default was brought about by spirits, so we’ve all got to deal with some level of spirit influence as part of our Healing those parts of the Rebellion and Default relevant to us.
Also, and I don’t fully understand this, but with Eve, as we understand from TUB, being so heavily influenced by the Evil spirits leading her to default, and with Adam not so much, although he might have been (and I would assume he was) as well, still it seems in Marion’s and my healing that Marion has chosen not to have anything to do with the spirits working solely on the legacy of Eve’s default, whereas I am including spirits as I work on Adam’s legacy. So it’s sort of like the reverse or opposite, so as to turn our backs on how it was for Eve and Adam, and so how it is for all of us in our wrongness, thereby working in the opposite direction so as to Heal ourselves.
In the Adam and Eve story in TUB, Eve seems like the worse one, the one who’s out of control and a mess, with Adam being all right yet having to submit and go along with her impulsiveness when suddenly he hears of her fall. In Marion’s and my relationship, I’m the mess and impulsive one not knowing what I’m doing half the time, not in touch with my feelings, blundering along, whereas Marion is in touch with her feelings, has known all along what’s wrong with her, and is working to bring out all her repressed feelings about that. And I wonder if in fact how Adam and Eve were was in fact more like how Marion and I are, that Eve was very much aware of her feelings, which she was following but which turned against her as she listened to and allowed the Evil ones to influence her, whereas Adam was in fact the impulsive one rushing here there and everywhere having to fend off the invaders and in his mind believing he’s doing the right thing in protecting Eve and his family from the onslaught of the barbarians, when in fact he’s completely lost himself and so out of touch with his feelings that he leaves her all alone to face and deal with the Evil women spirits who are hissing in her ear day and night, not staying with her so she (and he) could express all their bad feelings working out the truth of them and so deciding how to deal with their problems through their feelings, all which was the unlovingness and breakdown of their relationship and so why they went wrong.
And so humanity blindly goes along following the Adam and Eve story as presented to us by the Bible and TUB - which is staying true to the wrongness by following its mandate, with men out there believing they are doing what’s right when in fact they are a complete mess and so out of touch with their true feelings leading us all further and further into annihilation, and leaving the women at home with the children, women who are very much in touch with their feelings but utterly powerless to express for the men refuse to stay home to listen. So the women, who are blamed for it, end up screwing up the children, but really it’s all because the man is off being the Great Man not giving a shit about his family’s personal feelings. So TUB rightfully gives us the picture of Adam and Eve we can relate to - and want to relate to, when in fact the truth, should we want to actually face it and live it, shows us another picture, one in which it’s the other way around, with even possibly Adam bringing about the Default more than Eve, by leaving Eve and giving her no way out as she couldn’t express all she felt, other than to keep acting on her feelings, so defaulting, but not knowing she is because she’s been forced into deluding herself with her own feelings.
Another thing I’m feeling better about is accepting that how DLS is, which means, the forum and the few other people reading and working on themselves, is all for my Healing, and so I’m not expecting it to change. And once I’ve finished Healing myself, then see what happens.
Also, I was reading a guys introduction to his book about using his feelings to do his healing. He’d become aware through life that he was disconnected from them and wasn’t expressing himself and his feelings as he’d like to. So he worked on himself, also understanding that all his problems came from his childhood and relationship with his parents. And he succeeded in expressing a lot of his repressed feelings and uncover the truth of them, still however nothing compared to anyone who is living DLS, but still managing to get to a place where he was happy with his achievements and felt a lot better about himself.
But then he said he realised that deeper within himself were yet more repressed feelings which were out of his reach and which he felt would probably have been too much for him to deal with, resulting in his putting these hidden feelings down to repressed feelings from his past lives. And as to how many repressed feelings he has from all his past lives, god only knows, and it was all too much for him, so he was happy believing that he’d work through all he had to this life, presumably putting off the rest until some future life.
And this made me think, imagine if indeed we did have to deal with all the repressed feelings from our past lives, and having many past lives, two, ten, hundreds, thousands, what an eternity of repressed feelings we’d have to work through - and how long would it take to work through them even if we could!?
And so thank god we only have this one life and don’t have to deal with our past life ‘Karma’, which amounts to all the repressed feelings of those lives. So people who believe in past lives and reincarnation have no idea what they are getting themselves into if they were to look it from the sheer endless volume of repressed feelings they will have to work through.
And when you think about past lives in the context of feeling-repression, it shows we can carry on with such erroneous beliefs because we have no idea about what having multiple lives would really mean.
And I suppose this man would believe that we only have to do, and can only do, so much feeling repression work during one life, ‘burning’ off a small amount of karma each life. So then is it that we’re having so many lives repressing so many feelings adding up to a mountain of them, then so many lives digging into the mountain slowly ‘processing’ them - god I hate that word, as in, “I’m processing my feelings”, it sounds like you’re on a conveyor belt being processed.
So thank god I don’t have to deal with all the repressed feelings of countless past lives, because I think, judging by all the ones I’ve ‘processed’ so far this life, that I’d have to beg for annihilation rather than face countless lives doing my Healing.
And this guy’s work on himself combined with other people’s experiences I’ve read about doing feeling healing work on themselves, makes me wonder if in fact one chooses to go down this road without embracing wanting to uncover the whole truth of oneself, one is limited in how much one can actually achieve. Such as with this man getting to a point where he can’t go any further so justifies that by saying it’s all past life repressed feelings, when all it is is all the deeper repressed feelings to do with his mother and father and family which as yet he’s not prepared to face, and possibly because it would smash apart too many of his beliefs and all those parts of his life that he’s happy with, such as having his belief in reincarnation. So for people wanting to COMPLETELY HEAL themselves, then as we understand, that means following your repressed feelings right to their end, which means the end of all that you’ve been.
|
|
|
Post by samantha9 on Aug 22, 2016 20:11:36 GMT 10
I really felt as I was reading about your two days at the BB, that this woman is just like Mum, not caring for her seeds, not nurturing them, giving them the attention that they need but seeing them as a pain, in the way of her most important stuff and nothing is to interrupt her in doing what she wants. The plants and seeds (Children) just have to wait until she has time for them, in the mean time they are dying, neglected and to scared of speaking up for what they need from her, I feel sad, very sad and feel so much compassion for being a child in need of nurturing. What you have written here has helped me to feel more sadness and sorrow and compassion that it wasn't my fault, I was just a child and I feel very sad for that child.
I love what you wrote about Eve and Adam James, so good to read your feelings about it all. I have thought about the state of Man and Woman and how they are today so that I can maybe get some sort of idea for myself about how it all came about with Eve and Adam. I feel that Woman, being closer to her feelings, has more fear than Man and this has manipulated Man to protect Woman and her Children, no matter how scared he really feels, Woman has made sure, she has made it her job to make sure Man protects her, how slippery woman is in her manipulation and lack of responsibility. I feel sorry for Man having to do the will of woman all because she wont face her fear and gets man to stop her having to feel. Adam felt Eves fears and took the fall with her, after her, so she wouldn't have to feel bad all alone so setting the way for woman to be able to get away with anything because Man will cover up for her, make it all better and what a load to dump on man, now he feels he has to be the bread winner, the protector, and take the fall for everything woman does wrong. I feel that having women in charge of countries, in that sort of power, the world will be in constant War because of this very reason, fear, woman has so much more fear that she would create war to protect herself and send the men off to fight it for her. Woman is a slippery dangerous creature because of her lack of responsibility to feel her way through her fears but get man to deal with it all so she doesn't have to feel. I think it has always been this way James, and that came from Eve's fear and Adam's cover up to protect her, both at fault and both of their fears attracting dark spirit to fuck it all up for humanity to keep up their reign of evilness, as the dark spirits are still doing today with all of us and world leaders, maybe the dark spirits want women in power to create more havoc because they know women fear more and man will defend and protect woman and her children so more war can occur on earth, with the push of dark spirits they can ruin everything all because woman's fear can be easily manipulated. It isn't any different from what happened with the first parents, dark spirits keep their power through the fears of woman, if woman is scared, Man will react. Both having so many emotions to heal before this cat and mouse game will ever end and inside woman is the feeling that she will be ok as long as she has a man to make her feel ok which goes back to Eve and Adam. I know for my own family I always felt my dads anger about having to provide constantly, but he felt it was his job to do so and mum had someone to blame if it all went wrong, leaving her as the good guy, the blameless one, the poor defenceless woman neither of them accepting their feelings or expressing them, just an underlying, unspoken anger and fear causing unloving reactions. All full of demand and expectation. Maybe if woman heals her fears man will have nothing to defend and protect so there can be some sort of equality and because woman has healed her fears, there will be no need for wars in the world so woman can get her demands met, her demand of not having to feel her fear for herself and her family and looking to men to do something about it, make it all go away, even to the extent of being prepared to go to war for it.
|
|
|
Post by James on Aug 24, 2016 21:01:51 GMT 10
I can see Sam that you relate to Eve and Adam and the relationship between women and men through your relationship with your parents, which of course is how it has to be. How you see it is new for me to really go against the woman whilst being sympathetic to the man, as in my life it was the woman who was hardly done by with the man causing her all the problems leading to mum casting out dad when she was finally able to become independent of him. However of course the scheming side of women is not new to me, but it’s interesting to read if from your perspective. And Marion is different again, with both her parents presenting a united front against her, rarely without conflict between then, and never making it so one was more kind and loving than the other which she or her sisters could side with, like it is in so many families.
So I can see that it is for each of us to work out the truth that’s relevant to our own experience, rather than just one person laying down the law and everyone else has to abide by it. And this coincides with where I’m currently at, feeling more relaxed about how other people see things, that being, other people like yourself who are doing their Healing and seriously looking for the truth of themselves.
And this leads me to how I’ve been feeling of late, which is, other than feeling chronically bored with everything now the spiritual stuff is no longer pushing up me, seeing more clearly every day just how right it is doing what we’re doing, and how everything else is just fading away from me as if - oh, Christians, now what are they... oh yeah, I dimly recall they are people who believe something about Jesus being their saviour... and the New Age, oh yes, that’s right, lately I read that they’ve taken their belief in reincarnation to new heights, now they say that people maintain the same eye colour through all their lives, now that’s progress, and I wonder how they found that out... and yes, something I remember vaguely about there also being so many different aliens walking amongst us, all the good ones helping us (help? where’s the help?) and the bad ones trying to ruin us... and the ‘Divine Love people’, oh yes I remember them, and they are still trying to work out ways to get the message of Divine Love out to the world so as to kick start the ‘Divine Love Movement’... yes, the same old, same old, and I feel like I’m floating away - hopefully away toward Paradise... and me, yes, what about myself... oh yes, I seem to remember I do exist, I think, somewhere, and I’m just the same as these people I scoff at, with my same old shit coming up and seeing bit by bit more truth about myself and how unloving and controlling mum and dad were, and how they gave me such a nothing life... and Marion keeps feeling she no longer cares about how she looks, feeling better and happier about that (which is another HUGE change in her), and I wonder... do I really have to stay here anymore in this hell hole - please Mother and Father how about taking me out, I don’t want to be subjected to it anymore, there’s nothing here for me anymore, I worked the spiritual thing out and there’s nothing I want to do, and I can’t relate more to the other people at the BB other than just to do with the work we’re doing...
And then again, I still want to complete my Healing whilst of flesh, just to see what that would be like... but then I think, I don’t care where I complete it as it might take a lot longer yet, so as much as I’m scared of a tree falling on the car, please Mother and Father make it happen!
And then I know I only want to die and move on into spirit so I’ll have something new to do, to go exploring and finding out about life over there, and yet I’ll still be the same person with the same amount of Healing to do... so then I come back to giving up just wanting a new amusement to take my mind off feeling bad... so it’s back to expressing my bad feelings longing for the truth of them...
And I go round this loop about ten times every minute until I’m even more bored brainless. I always thought by the time I got somewhere in my Healing and with DLS I’d be busy, finishing off my Healing with lots of people wanting to do it, so always with so much to do helping them and talking with them about it... but no... no, just like everything else that my Healing is showing me, as I didn’t have that when I was young, so it’s not going to happen whilst I’m working to uncover the whole truth of just how bored and how nothing and how few people there was in my early life, all to help me see how devoid of interaction and self-expression my childhood was.
So I sit as if still with mum and dad feeling how excruciatingly bored and painful and miserable and scared I am because there is nothing in my life, it’s devoid of any happiness and love and enjoyment.
And then the other day it all came together about out wills, as usual I’ve seen it all before in bits and pieces - even written about it many times, but suddenly it all slotted into place and now I feel I’m done with it too. It being very simply that when our parents interfere with our will they make us feel powerless because our will is what makes us feel powerful. So as soon our will is compromised we feel depowered and that instantly rings alarm bells, those being our bad feelings. Our bad feelings come up to say, stop, something bad is happening, this is not right, fix it, end it, don’t keep going this way. And if we were allowed to reassert our will we’d bring back our power by expressing and acting on all our bad feelings, and on we’d go having recovered from that down-draft.
But our parents keep the pressure on us not allowing us to regain our power, and so in our perpetual powerless state we have to keep going, and bury all our bad feelings because we can’t use them to help us regain our power, so we deny them as we’re being denied by our parents, and we keep feeling unloved and unhappy, but then have to pretend otherwise making ourselves by doing things with our mind believe we’re happy and loved, so sort of use our mind to step in and bolster our will making us believe we have regained the power we lost but it’s all false.
And having your will compromised means that if it goes far enough you’re going to die and cease to exist and that’s bloody scary, so the fear comes up in us making us what to run away, to go away from whatever is making us feel powerless and is thwarting our wills, but again we can’t, we have to stay with our parents and the damage is done throughout our childhood, so much will infringement, so many bad feelings we’re not allowed to express and act on, resulting in us being the messed up adults we are.
And our Healing is simply unwinding it all, so looking to express all those feelings that we weren’t allowed to act on, and as we do our mind breaks down letting go its control over us as we heal the need to use it to give us false-power. And true power gradually returns and our whole personality expression system rectifies itself all as our will comes back to function as it is meant to do.
|
|