I'm intrigued as to how the people who obviously have a great knowledge of TUB relate to it in their daily lives. I also want to air some of the discrepancies, oddities and contradictions I have with the book to see what they say. I intend to post some of my thoughts and feelings about the book and the whole experience here as I go along.
Hi Sam, It's good to be back - it’s a relief! Have you been following my posts on the Urantia Book forum? I want to share some of what I went through and the resulting thoughts.
I've had a crippling headache trying to deal with all the metal understanding in the book from the quotes posted, and from particularly Bonita's grasp of it all. I realised that it was symbolic of being back with mum and Gran who just spoke at me and weren’t interested at all in me. So it’s been another chance to say no to them, no, I don’t want to listen to you anymore, I don’t want to do as you say, and I don’t like your way. It doesn’t make me feel good, and it’s not loving despite what you say.
And I've realised that not only do I not want to do that anymore, but I don't want to 'leave' Marion like that, as in going off exploring and even indulging in such mental activities like Adam going off and leaving Eve. And unlike Adam, I don't want to do that anymore. My feelings are becoming too strong so I DON'T WANT to do it. So I've come back to home, to my stuff, and being with her, feeling that I've done it all for now, I don't need to further understand how people can push the limits of their minds at the expense of their truer underlying feelings they are denying. There is not further truth-denying place I know of that I want to 'check out'.
What Bonita said about her mum I find is the perfect example of how far people can go to deny their pain by using their mind. I think she is so far away from her true feelings, so far off in her mind, seeking comfort from all her superior UB understanding, which leads me to understanding more about why TUB has been given to us, this being what I want to try and write about.
I asked Bob about why give us such a book, which on the one hand seems like such a help - and undoubtedly is, yet on the other hand, allows, encourages and helps people like Bonita who have an ability for high spiritual understanding to get seduced into the mental stuff missing out on uncovering the very truth she wants. But which she doesn't really want, only believes she does, because if she did, she’d then be willing to look to her feelings. So again seeing how people think the mind is helping them grow in truth when in fact it's only facts they are accumulating all the while denying their feelings, which I understand now even more so ARE the way to the truth. The telling moment comes when asked to share personal examples of their spiritual growth, such as what Rick was saying: Can anyone give an example of the Holy Spirit, Spirit of Truth and Adjuster working within them, which no one, not even himself, did. I can, I can feel them working within me, with such awareness growing in me now even more thanks to what Bonita said about those three things, and people who live with their feelings will be able to perceive and sense and feel them because we should be able to feel everything that’s going on within us. And these people, similar to the ‘Divine Love people’, have been working on themselves for years now and still they can’t share any real feeling and personal truth experiences. I find that extraordinary when daily I have three or four such experiences I could share. So I wonder, what really are they doing, and how come they don’t get bored with it, however I suppose they don’t because they are gaining some power from it so that’s why they keep going, being caught in the trap that if they let it go they will lose the very power they feel they are getting, falling back into the powerlessness and having to face and deal with all those dreadful feelings people intent on really healing themselves and growing in truth will face.
And upon reflection with Bob I understand how the book, just like how I also see the Padgett Messages, has been crafted to give us some deeper insight into everything, all however whilst not interfering with the Rebellion and Default, and also whilst strategically avoiding the truth about our Healing.
I see even more clearly now that it's not the place of those spirits and such books to reveal such truth, and I also see how at the same time humanity has needed to be able to push the Rebellion and Default to the extreme. And as many people are doing this in all the various feeling-denial ways, which are truth-denying, so too are these ways to be represented and so lived by certain people on the mind levels. So we have the Eastern gurus pushing the limits of the Sixth mind world, and we also need the West to do the same. Christianity does its best but is severely limited by all it’s moronic beliefs, and it doesn’t actually want the individual to excel at mind disciplines and distraction. And now we have the PM and TUB to help some people like Bonita and the people on the Divine Love forums, and my brother in particular, move even further and higher into the mind denying levels.
So many things TUB says that are to do with the mind I do agree with, many of which Bonita pointed out, however I see them applying to us when we are of a true and free and pure mind, so once we've healed our rebellion and default. So TUB as with the PM I see is really more for people ONCE they have finished their healing and are living fully truly with and to their feelings. And so to get all tied up in them, limited by them, looking only to them for all the answers, is only serving to move deeper into ones wrongness, something I don't think any of them would want to hear about.
Bob said in answer to my questioning him that it's all about maximising experience. That the Rebellion is unique, it's rare; and as it's now terminated in Nebadon so no other worlds in Nebadon can rebel, so it's about maximising the remaining time left with it on each rebellious world. That there is such a vast amount of very important experience to be had in such rebellious situations, so every step necessary has been taken to get the most out of that potential experience. Which, as hard as it seems, being in the pain an darkness wanting only to heal ourselves and the world of it, does make sense in the greater scheme of things. So with TUB and the PM helping to push people to such truth-denying limits by using the mind and information and even the Divine Love.
So for me it's more about what TUB and the PM don't talk about that is relevant to us - to our healing, because they are not allowed to reveal such information, that all having to be won and gained out of personal experience, which I see we are doing through our healing. So until people do their healing, the truths needed to do it, which will also put TUB and the PM into the right perspective, will remain hidden.
Today having read Bonita's latest replies, I felt to end it, a little ahead of time than what I thought. I thought I might have managed to hang in over the weekend, but no, I've had enough and want to get out. I don't feel good just endlessly discussing such stuff, particularly when I don't see it leading anywhere other than deeper into the sophistry of our wayward mind. It's just another allurement, all designed to use our mind to keep us from our bad feelings. And for me now as it makes me feel bad, so I have to stop with it to deal with them. And although I could argue that I should keep going so as to stir up more bad feelings so I can work with them too, fuck that, my head felt like it was breaking.
And as I was driving this morning musing over the past few days with Bob and feeling my feelings I felt how IMPORTANT soulmates are. That soulmate love, contrary to Bonita saying the adjuster love is the greatest and the adjuster is our soulmate and soulmates don't even exist and so there is no love there to be had between them, IS one of the greatest loves we can experience. And that it has been strategically downplayed by TUB, even leading one away from it as Bonita has been led, is all in keeping with the evilness of the Rebellion. Which I see now seeks to destroy the soulmate union as the Evil Ones did with Eve and Adam, and also by keeping Mary M hidden and downplayed, all the way to denying us the truth of our Heavenly Mother and the GREATEST SOULMATE PAIR. And I even wonder: if we weren't in rebellion, being perfect and true, would we all find and unite with our soulmates on Earth, all so we could delight in perfect Natural love together, then to move on together with the Divine Love? So the Rebellion, and more so the Default, actually destroys any chance of our meeting up with our soulmate in flesh and the mind mansion worlds, all because the soulmate truth needs to be denied so as to stop bringing perfect children into being. (Perfect children I would even go so far as to say would come from perfect soulmate pairs. So would perfect Natural love people who are not soulmates have perfect children? Possibly perfect in a Natural love sense, but not so perfect in the soulmate sense.) And that the only chance we have of ever finding our soulmate is by doing our healing, with the healing of our truth-denial requiring at some point the meeting of our soulmate, however that could also be once we've fully finished our healing and even in spirit.
And the point Bonita raised about our soul starting its evolution with the arrival of the adjuster, that too denies the truth of soul so much, again which needs to happen so as to keep the rebellion and default going, just as Bonita and the others who believe such a thing are doing.
So the truth of soul and of soulmates are heavily denied, all the more reason why I think we need to look to them to understand more about what they are all about, all of which of course we can only do through our feelings, and which will come to us naturally resulting from fully honouring them and not just from speculation within our minds.
Sam, if you were following the conversations, what was your impression, thoughts and feelings about it all?
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
I didn't know you were posting on the UB forum but have just had a quick look at it and that was all I could manage, too much for me. Everything I read, only briefly I admit, just felt like a big load of excuses not to have to face their feelings, staying in the mind and with its control is easier than having to face all of their pain. I love the UB but I love my own feelings more and the truth they reveal to me which I could never get from the UB or PM, I have used the UB as an amazing source of information but the transformation cannot be made by the minds intellect alone and collecting information, the mind being a tool for the soul, the mind being of the spirit body like the brain being of the physical body and both being ways for the soul to express itself, all working for the soul to express itself in creation. I felt so much of their resistance from their comments to heal through feelings and healing cant be done through reading the UB, only intellectual growth, what I felt was that it was all just a load of parrot fashion UB talk, all intellectual and very much like how they had been taught at school, learning from books. That can only get you so far in the mind mansion worlds but to truly grow, it can only be done through our feelings and a relationship with God and none of what I read mentioned that, they are very afraid and resistive to feelings so I feel they will only stay in the mind mansion worlds. I feel they will get to a stage where they can progress no further without looking to their feelings and longing for the Divine Love of God, they may get to a stage in their growth where they reach a plateaux and may stay there for many 100's or 1000's of years as they can go no further without connecting to their feelings to proceed and then find themselves having to go back down a few spheres to feel their feelings at the true level of their soul condition and denial of feeling once they realize the only way to progress is to heal their denial and repressed feelings, so they will have to degrade for a while to the perfect place for them. I feel all that denial will have to be backtracked one day and the same goes for all the other great minds in the mind spheres, it will be a long journey.
I agree with what you and Bob have discussed, both the books have stayed away from telling us directly about how to heal although the more I read the PM I am seeing how it tells us in an indirect way, there are parts I read and I feel it, there it is, very subtle you wouldn't notice it at first but I have begun to see it written in the words like a very clever puzzle to unlock. My feelings are all I need though, and my longing to God for help, it works and it is all such a vital part of my growing relationship with God, the more I talk to them the better and closer I feel to them, I don't feel I need to read a book when I can go directly to the source, the ones who know it all and want to educate me and all their children, my Mother and Father. They are my only educators and through my feelings I feel them talk to me, in my dreams they put me in scenarios that I am resistant to, I ask them to do this for me every night and they never deny me. We have them to guide us.
What you have said about soul mates, I have heard this from Trevor too, he says that everyone that enters our life is a soul mate and the only true soul mate pairing is between our higher self and our mind. I am constantly denied by him when I state what I feel is true, but I go denied and it reveals an incredible anger in me that takes me back to my childhood and being denied by Dad so I have to go off and feel that rage, it is consuming and so intense and I feel so much hate come up, it really reveals the truth of how I hate being wrong and the rage this brings up.
I don't think we would know or feel our soul mate if they passed us on the street, we are to injured to feel them and this is something that healing our feelings will bring back to us, the sensitivity to our mates with us being so desensitised by denial and rebellion. Only when we begin healing all that keeps us apart from our soul mate can we begin to come together and I feel that as we heal there will be such a growing attraction that we will be naturally drawn together where ever they are in the world so that the soul can become one again as before conception but now fully aware of itself in truth and love.
I feel that the soul incarnates at the instant of conception, the soul needing the physical body to individualise itself and begin to know itself and grow through the spirit and physical bodies experiences. I feel that saying the soul only enters the body at adjuster fusion takes away a lot of truth about the causes of our damaged and leaves our parents with a clean slate, as the damage is done to us as soon as we are conceived as we take in all the damaged denied feelings of our parents and are pretty well injured by the age of 6, so by saying that the soul arrives with the adjuster fusion which happens at around the age of 6, clears the parents of all responsibility so in keeping with the denial and rebellion and our parents can shirk of all responsibility as to the cause of our denial and suppression, yet again all being in favour of the parents and blaming the child for the causes of its pain. Yet more child bashing, blame the child as it cant be the parents.
As I said James I haven't really read the UB forum, just got a flavour of it and I have responded to your post rather than to reading fully what was said on the forum, but what I did read was far removed from the truth of healing through your feelings and in great resistance and denial of it, it turned me off pretty much instantly when I felt the way it was all going and I thought it had nothing for me really in the way of truth and love all just a lot of intellectual stuff in denial of feeling. I come up against this a lot in my life and have been denied by pretty much everyone in my life, even my children now it would seem, as they grow the more they are shutting off to me, its the same with everyone. My parents no longer understand me and say I am fanatical about healing with God and I know everyone feels the same, I can feel them stronger than I ever could and their denial and repulsion of me. But there is nothing anyone can do or say to move me of my path, I know this is 'The Way' and I am no longer of their world, I have stepped out of it and that is how I felt about the UB Forum, yes they now a lot intellectually but they have yet to feel truth and love as an experience which can only be done through the healing of the feelings, the tools God gave us to heal with.
It is a denial of soul to say that it enters at Adjuster fusion, it is saying that it is not needed for our existence because to me, we cannot survive without the soul connecting to the two bodies at incarnation and to be soulless up until that occurs just doesn't make sense to me. The soul leads the way through our whole existence and determines our birth and death, our parents soul condition attracting the perfect soul for them as in a new child. Death being also based upon the condition of our soul and the Law of attraction in operation with the injuries we have. So no soul - no life, I cant see how we can exist without a soul up until fusion.
I will leave it there for now and no doubt more will come to me but I felt the change from soul to mind when I read the Forum and it felt wrong for me and confusing as I am now working so much in my feelings, the shift was not working for me and I couldn't feel it as truth just intellect.
I have Mary with me and feel her beautiful spirit, I have Jesus as my beautiful brother and my Mother and father educating me constantly and my guides and angels and spirit band, I have a new family, as well as you James and Marion. With much love Sam x
Last Edit: Apr 16, 2016 17:46:06 GMT 10 by samantha9
Sam, I can’t tell you how much I love what you wrote and agree with all you're saying, it’s a balm to my spirit. A breath of fresh air compared to wrestling with all that mind stuff.
Also, I want to clarify a point you made, it's just another technical one and doesn't change the essence of what you've written; and I haven’t focused on it much on the forum, and to be honest, I haven’t thought about it much for quite a while, however it is very relevant to you.
When our mind fully forms apparently around six to seven years old, that’s when our adjuster arrives to indwell our higher spiritual mind. Fusion with our adjuster happens when we finish our healing and attain a Celestial level of truth. Have you read about fusion with the adjuster in TUB, for it’s perhaps, so far as I imagine, possibly about the greatest spiritual experience we might have - other than arriving on Paradise.
On a true world, and one that is very advanced spiritually, when fusion occurs, the mortal is consumed in a ‘spiritual fire’ and literally translates in a flash of light - a Blaze of Glory, and it’s a cause for major celebration - straight from the physical world into the first Celestial sphere, he or she no longer needing to die how humanity currently does, going to ‘sleep’ and waking up in the first mansion world. So it’s a huge event, literally removing the person from the physical into their new spiritual life and bypassing the mansion worlds, the mansion world levels having already been traversed as the person grew through them to reach the Celestial level.
On our world, I doubt translation will occur should for example you complete your healing and attain the Celestial level. I might be wrong, and I haven’t asked for an update on what I was told some years ago, but from what I understand there won’t necessarily be a translation (however under certain circumstances there might be), yet still with the person undergoing an incredible ‘fusion’ experience whereby you will know that you have become at-one with your indwelling spirit. And that you are now a ‘different’ type of person, a fully qualified morontial spirit in flesh, if you are still to live on Earth, so I would imagine feeling very different from all other people within the spirit of your being, and also feeling so much more advanced and higher in truth.
The spirits have told me certain people who complete their healing will remain on Earth so as to further experience living with perfect love of the Celestial level, still growing in truth, all to help other people. And in time to even have perfect children. And the translation stage for humanity will start way in the future once the Morontial Temple descends, for translation begins through the Temple.
Anyway, how all this might concern you Sam struck me by you saying you feel more separate from people, pulling away, more cutting out on your own, moving closer to the Mother and Father and at-onement (fusion) with your indwelling spirit. The spirits have also told me that such fusion might be postponed even though one has finished their healing and attained a Celestial level of truth, but I don’t know; and anyhow, if you are not already looking forward to it, it is something very significant for you on your horizon, and something you might also want and strive to attain. And either way, it will be a very significant and defining moment in your life, in anyones life, for not only will they have completed their healing and know it, they will also feel so close to their indwelling spirit, which of course is feeling so close to the Mother and Father. Being perfect and true would be an incredible enough experience of itself, and hard to conceive of - at least I find it hard and wonder if it will ever come for me; and then along with it, the whole relationship with your indwelling spirit becoming so highly personal because once fusion occurs then it gains your personality - you give it your personality, you are effectively personalising a part of God by becoming the living Truth and Divine Love, and it no longer can come and go from you, that spirit part of God is with your forevermore, so once again and amazing relationship to be embarking upon.
So I guess one could see it like the icing on the cake when one finishes ones healing. And something of a forerunner perhaps to ascending in truth all the way to Paradise and then actually being with Them.
And as you are determined to go down this track, and against all odds, and at odds as you say with all the people in your life, and even your children, then I thought it might help you to know that once you achieve that level of being... well, who knows what it might be like.
Marion and I are in our small way with you, and do wish you all the best even though we don’t have much personally to do with you. As to our own fusion, if indeed we are to go down that road, I can’t even think about it as my head feels so done-in most days as I am breaking through the toughest of my mental controlling beliefs. I feel like a pathetic stupid little boy who pretends he knows things, like all of this about the adjuster, and who can sound all very important, but really I am just a quaking wreck having no idea about anything, let alone about what I should do in life.
And in reading your reply about what you thought about the people on the UB forum, I felt very small and pathetic, you summed it up all so well and from only a glimpse. I felt like I don’t know a thing, and that you’ve got it all so under control and are so true in your feelings and firm in your mind. I felt like I was in grade one and should be looking to you as my teacher. So I am very pleased for you even though it must be so hard with such negativity and non-acceptance around you.
“...but I felt the change from soul to mind when I read the Forum and it felt wrong for me and confusing as I am now working so much in my feelings, the shift was not working for me and I couldn't feel it as truth just intellect.” Yes, I relate to what you’re saying, it physically hurts my head now trying to ‘get my mind around such mind stuff’. It’s such a good feeling isn’t it feeling your feelings getting stronger and stronger and knowing they are right. God, it’s something I never knew I could feel, I have sensed and yearned for it but have never known what it is, and you’ve put the feeling of it into words so well.
“So no soul - no life, I cant see how we can exist without a soul...”
“I feel that the soul incarnates at the instant of conception, the soul needing the physical body to individualise itself and begin to know itself and grow through the spirit and physical bodies experiences.”
“Yet more child bashing, blame the child as it can’t be the parents.”
“I don't think we would know or feel our soul mate if they passed us on the street, we are too injured to feel them and this is something that healing our feelings will bring back to us, the sensitivity to our mates with us being so desensitised by denial and rebellion. Only when we begin healing all that keeps us apart from our soul mate can we begin to come together and I feel that as we heal there will be such a growing attraction that we will be naturally drawn together where ever they are in the world so that the soul can become one again as before conception but now fully aware of itself in truth and love.”
So I wonder why TUB doesn’t contain such truth, when clearly a truth-loving, truth-aspiring mortal such as yourself Sam, and the type of mortal the book is celebrating all the way along, uncovers within herself?
The truth is there within us. The authors of TUB know that, for how many mortals have revealed it to themselves. But they don’t tell us that truth, purposely leaving it out, helping lead us further into the wrongness of our mind by saying what they have about the soul and by what they’ve not said. You Sam have spoken more truth about the soul in this one short post than is written in the whole UB!
Sam, today it came into my mind what you said about Trevor and the higher self, and then suddenly TUB slotted into place. Now I get it, I understand why it has been given to us and where it fits in the greater scheme of things. For me TUB is the sum total, a summary if you like, and them some, of the mind worlds, that being, bringing together all that the Rebellion and Default has achieved. So to adhere strictly to it will only lead one further into their rebellion and default, deeper into their mind and further up the mind worlds, which you said you felt the other day.
So now I see that it’s the perfect thing to sum up all humanity has achieved so far in its rebellion and default, and doesn’t include anything about the healing and feelings or even the Divine Love from the PM because those things are not about the Rebellion and Default, they are about healing them.
However still it does have much valuable information, as humanity has still uncovered a lot of truth and information throughout the Rebellion and Default, but it’s just that it will not really help you in anyway toward healing yourself, helping to keep going against yourself, your feelings and their truth.
I just visited the UB forum and read in a new thread where Bonita is picking apart that which I wrote about the soul, she is presenting what the UB says about the soul, and I hadn’t understood that it says - which I think is what she is saying, that we are all driven by our personalities, that it’s personality first and that then combined with the adjuster forms the soul, the soul being experiential - coming out of the experiences of our choosing with your personalities to live God’s will, which is following the leadings of our indwelling spirit.
Anyway, I don’t agree with it, and I didn’t understand this was what TUB said about the soul. I’d read certain parts but just thought I didn’t understand so let them go, but now I have to say either the whole book is mad, or I am mad if it is right, or perhaps some parts of it are right and others not so right and even wrong. Is it that there has to be a percentage that is always so screwy, like in the Bible, and even in the PM, and also the TUB? Is that just a function of our screwed up minds from the rebellion? And perhaps there isn’t even any rebellion, like Bonita says, we’re all created imperfect and the so-called rebellion has just mucked up things a lot more. Who knows, and I feel like bowing out of altogether. I want to sit on the fence now and see what happens. I’d love to be able to stop thinking about it all, my mind feels tired and I can’t even begin to think along the lines Bonita is talking about in TUB.
So I feel even more like pulling in, just ticking over my stuff on the forum, but nothing else.
This afternoon on my walk I felt that I no longer want to put stuff out into the world only to have it rejected. I understand my doing so has been my trying to appeal to the world - mum and dad - to like and accept me and to take me seriously and listen to what I say and do what I want, but as it’s never going to happen - it never happened with them, so I am now able to give up a little more. So no more BIN or blog posts or going anywhere else. I will keep attending to the forum should anyone come, and so really just posting to you Sam, but nothing more. So that’s how I feel at the moment. I want to pull in as I’ve been saying and just focus on finishing my healing, as I do feel an end is now within sight. And then once I am healed, should that happen before I die, and should I then feel like going out into the world, it will be under very different circumstances because I will have changed so much.
And I feel really good about feeling I am letting go of mum and dad even more, that I no longer need them to love me, or want or am trying to get them to. They aren’t capable of it, I never got it and never will as I needed it, this I know in my mind, but now I’m feeling it more with my feelings. I like the feeling of separating from them, I want it to completely happen so I no longer have to spend my days feeling how bad it was with them. I’m so sick and tired of thinking about my life with them every day, trying to go back and feeling how I feel. Of course I will still have to until the end of my healing, but at least now I can stop trying to get the world - them - to love me.
And it’s mad anyway, that I want the world to accept me - my truth, which is anti all the world is. That I want the world to suddenly drop everything and say: Oh, we see what we’re doing wrong, we didn’t know that, thank you for showing us, and we’ll do as you say and stop being wrong and evil. It’s never going to happen, as it never happened with mum and dad. And I’ve believed that if I just tell everyone - tell mum and dad - they will listen to me, just as I had to listen to them. Only no one does listen, just as I didn’t listen to mum and dad, so what’s the point continuing on. If I was in the world I wouldn’t listen to me either, I’d not want someone coming along and telling me I can’t be how I am, that I am wrong and that I should change, so I can hardly expect anyone else to.
Marion says she doesn’t feel her self-hate anymore. She’s just being as she was at home with her parents: powerless and feeling unloved. She believed she could go out into the world and get away from her parents and how they made her feel, but now she realises she couldn’t do that and so has given up looking to the world to make her feel good - hoping it would make her feel better than her parents made her feel. Now she feels good about herself understanding that she is good and it was only her parents that made her feel she wasn’t; but still she feels alone and unloved, wanting someone to come and love her, and wanting someone herself to love.
Marion also in her way is withdrawing from the world who is her parents. She is feeling so much better about herself, no longer needing the world to be her parents and approve of her. She is approving of herself.
And over the last couple of months she’s been feeling how much she wants a person, a man, to come and love her, someone whom she can share herself with and love and feel loved by. I am not that man as I am not functional as she wants her partner to be, she always having to try and help sort me out what I’m doing in my miscommunication and relationship dysfunction. I drive her mad and make her feel unloved, not the other way around.
Then today she suddenly realised that it’s her soulmate, surprise, surprise, she is wanting to be with. It was the feeling that came up in her and she now feels she is capable of meeting him and having a relationship with him although she is no hurry, even waiting until she gets to spirit if that’s how it’s to be.
So once again although intellectually she’s understood and wanted such things, it’s not until the genuine feelings are there that she knows what she really wants. And as to whether we might end up being soulmates after all, I don’t know, we can only wait and see and feel what we feel; and as I’ve said, as nothing has gone in my healing as I thought it might, so I am open to anything. We might be, we might not be, and as yet I don’t have the same soulmate yearning that Marion now has, and mostly because I’m still too full of yuk and confusion to seriously think and feel along those lines.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
What a moment it is when everything becomes so clear James, what you have said, it all feels so right. I have been having a very frustrating and even angry time of it since I read the Urantia Forum. Angry at myself for not being one of the Clever Ones, just like when I was at school having to keep quiet because I didn't understand it all and I so longed to be like those clever kids who could retain information and do so well in exams because of it, what was wrong with me, why couldn't I be like that, I had so much shame and sadness because of that all through school. I wanted to be the intellectual one and speak so effortlessly. I felt all those feelings again with the Clever ones on the Urantia Forum and then reading the Book, some of it I got but most of it not and so feeling that grief again of being thick and dumb and never going to get this.
But then it struck me, that is not what it is all about, its about feeling the truth of my feelings and that is what the UB is doing for me all those people on the forum and the Book is making me feel all that childhood sadness of so much loss. That is my knowledge, feeling the truth of my feelings and that is all I need to know. I don't need any books or school just the communication of my soul through my feelings all to be expressed through the mind of my Spirit body and the brain of my Physical body I have been given all I need without the use of books. Through this expression and longing for Divine Love from God I have all the education I need right from the horses mouth - God.
If I connect to God first then all else will be brought to me and only through healing my soul, not expanding my intellect can this happen, it is through my feelings that I will receive this Universal education from the greatest teacher, the creator of it all, and all the information in every book. No more Books will be needed when we receive the Divine Love of God and no more schools unless they teach the way to Gods Divine Love and healing your feelings and understanding the soul condition and progress, those will be the schools of the future world, Soul School because through the understanding of the soul we can have all the knowledge that God knows, my God, that sounds so wonderful, I would want to go every day and the weekends.
It struck me that the people on the Urantia Forum are gaining mind growth and expansion but they will have to one day come back down a few levels to go back on themselves to do their soul feeling healing and all that knowledge will be great but not really necessary, to gain it all through the mind I mean because when you do your soul healing all that information will come to you anyway, the two go hand in hand as you become more at one with God you gain what God knows so time has been wasted because they will have to go back and do their soul healing when they realise they can go no further in the mind spheres, it is the soul that leads the way to God and the Divine Love spheres into immortality and eternity, it cant be done with the mind, the mind is finite the soul is infinite.
God made this so even a child could do it, even the simplest of minds could have a relationship with them, it was not for only the intellectual UB people, it was made so simple for us all to connect to our true parents and I think it is the intellectual ones that will find it hardest because their minds are leading the way and their self reliance is stead fast in keeping them away from God.
The UB is so hard to read in parts and it is keeping us away from God, I asked myself while reading it 'Could a Child understand this, No! then what are you doing Sam' I know it contains amazing information but it isn't about that as we will know all this information through our growing relationship with God and it will be given to us at the perfect time for our souls to digest it, when we have grown in love enough to understand it, that is the Law of Communication and Rapport, and God will not break his own Laws so by learning it all from the Book first is really going against God and his way. He will give it all to us when we are ready for it and he knows that will be the perfect time, any other time and forcing it is futile and so unloving because we just wont get it. Wasn't it like that at school James, we were forced to know things before our time and it didn't work did it! God wont do that with his children that is why school never felt right for me, it was against truth and love. It wasn't ment to feel right to the soul and the soul knew but we got forced to go.
The UB is keeping us from our soul relationship with God and keeping us in the Denial and Rebellion, its all so subtle and clever and a delight to the clever ones to gain more mind expansion and keep the Façade fed. Keeping us as far away from the Divine love spheres as possible and just keep us focusing on that mind of God, keep us believing that its the mind where you will find God. It all feels like a very cleverly orchestrated trick that could so easily be missed so to keep us in the Façade of this world and its ways of evil, knowing that keeping us from our rightful power that will be ours when we connect to our feelings and bringing us into harmony with Gods truth and love.
A huge awakening has occurred in me today about that all of my life I have had the sadness in me that I will never be good enough, never be clever enough, because I was trying to keep up with the Clever Ones and that was and is not me and God is showing me that fact. I thought I would only be accepted if I was clever but that could never be, I wasn't like that, I couldn't be, I wanted to make my parents so proud of me, if only I could be like those other kids so I studied and got put up a class and they were happy but I wasn't, I couldn't survive in a class that was not truly me, not the perfect place for my soul condition and this brought to me that this is what it is like in the spirit world, you will be put in the perfect place for your soul condition not being able to cope with anything higher or lower but just the perfect place will be ours, isn't that loving James, even though it may be the Hells, it is the kindest place for us and our soul condition so there is no lying in the spirit world, we will be repulsed by anything to high or to low as it was for me at school, I learnt all I could parrot fashioned for the exams and got put up but I couldn't maintain it, it was not in my soul but only in my finite mind. I have seriously digressed there but it came up.
A light has been switched on by what you have written, Iwas never meant to be like the clever ones as it was not the path of my soul. I was never meant to get it all in that clever, intellectual way of the mind and of what the world and society and my parents demanded. Mans way of self reliance, not Gods way. Gods way will give us what we need when we are ready for it. God is the perfect parent and teacher and knows just what we need and when. God waits for us to come to them and never forces us, its all at our pace when we make the free will choice to come to them in earnest aspiration. I am feeling this has all been a clever riddle and it has taken me 48 years to begin to get it and the UB is part of it, to keep us in the minds control and then the PM came to us to get us on the right track so a little bit of a battle there between them and now we have DLS with yourself, Marion, Mary and Jesus to show us the way and we have still been given the gift of free will to chose what way but all eventually coming into harmony with Gods Divine love to progress eternally until that to ends, the broad way or the Narrow way, its up to us. I now understand how the UB has been created to keep us on our Natural love path of the mind and to keep us from our Divine lOve connection to God and it all being a part of the Denial and rebellion to keep us from our true power and to keep us from our true parents.
In thinking about it more, this morning I realised that if TUB did support the soul and soulmates as I understand it, then that would compromise what I think they are doing, that being, adhering to the tenets of the Rebellion and Default. And that it’s actually the soulmate truth they are having to deny and downplay, because if they said it was true then they’d have to disclose the Heavenly Mother, Mary M, The Evil Ones partners, all the way down the line; and including how a soul then expresses two personalities, so a soul is real and exists and is more then they are letting on, all of which is going completely against how the Rebellion has been. And even though certain truths about the soul and soulmates have obviously filtered down to humanity, still to fully disclose it in a major way like TUB, which is being presented by the higher spiritual authorities as an epochal revelation, means going against the whole mind control over feelings as we have been forced to live, with the soul being closer to the feelings and the real source of truth, than any other part of the mind.
So to put the whole focus on the adjuster, with it being ones soulmate, completely denies the loving personality interaction we are to have with our soulmate. So what better way to keep denying such love - the truth of such love possibly coming our way, all to stop us yearning for it. Those people on the TUB forum who believe that, will they ever yearn to be at-one with their soulmate, to feel the real human and spirit love between the two who are one? Or will they just be happy to live in their mind with their indwelling spirit and all the so-called love they feel in that mind level? Is mind-love enough for us, compared to feeling-love, and I guess that’s about what it comes down do. Because in the Rebellion and Default we are not allowed to feel and love feeling-love, we have to be content with mind-love, and that’s how I was parented and made to believe it was, and that I had to be happy and satisfied with that as there was nothing else, nothing greater or better or deeper or more satisfying love for me, just all the love I could muster between two thinking minds - all devoid of feelings! And can you relate to your adjuster on the feelings level anyway? And it with you through feelings - what it is feeling? And does it feel?
Bob, do you feel? I feel what you feel James, I don’t have feelings as such of my own, I’m not plugged into your feeling circuits. So I can only relate to you with love through the mind? Yes, there is a certain level of mind-love as you are saying, that which we can share, but it’s nothing what you can share on the feelings level between yourself and another person, spirit or creature. You can feel more feeling-love for your beloved pet than you can for me. Still, we can share a very deep and pure and true mind-love.
And as Jesus and Mary didn’t go against it, by not declaring Mary to the world and Jesus saying they are soulmates, then TUB certainly won’t go against the Creator Pair. And so it’s back to the question - well why didn’t they declare it? And so it’s what they’ve said to me which is the only thing that makes sense, it wasn’t their place to take over and change and disrupt the Rebellion and Default on our world. All because they were perfect and true and so couldn’t and didn’t as neither does the Father and Mother who are perfect and true, tell us how to be and what we should do. So we being in rebellion and default are left in it, with our supposed saviours coming and not telling us how to get out of it other than just to keep longing for the Divine Love.
So TUB was in a pickle about the soulmate thing, just as I see the spirits and Jesus in the PM unable to actually come clean and speak about our feelings and how they are the way to the truth. Which all seems so bizarre that Jesus of anyone can’t and won’t tell us the very truths we need to heal ourselves, but if that’s how it is, then it’s all up to the Avonals, for how else can humanity find out?
And I am so sick and tried of all this shit, of feeling like I have to work it all out to the nth degree, and yet who is say that I am right. I might be full of shit how I see it, TUB might be right, but I can’t change myself and can’t see it how they see it; but I’m so angry about it all having to be such a fuck-up. I mean, to give us a supposed epochal revelation, something that is such a big deal, and yet to have to screw up the key parts to it... but then I think, well Jesus came and only partially revealed to us the truths we need, and as you said Sam, you can sort of read between the lines or deeper into some of the Padgett Messages, particularly Ann Rollins and some of Luke’s messages I think, and see there is more they are not letting on about, and that it is to do with our healing and feelings. So again, if Jesus hasn’t come right out with it, a book supposedly from higher spirits certainly is not going to.
So I just go around in a fucking circle, over and over trying to nut-out all these bits, and how does this fit and why doesn’t that add up; and Marion’s not interested, she doesn’t want to know about it, doesn’t care, she just feels she’s right how she sees it and that’s that, but she’s also happy if no else ever sees it how she does, saying everyone is on their own path and so have to do what they will; she’s not me thinking she has to do it for the whole world so I have to get it right, and that I want everyone in the world to do as I say and believe what I do, and only then will I be happy.
Marion reckons TUB is the work of the Evil Ones, so the Caligastia’s and Daligastia’s, as the others Jesus dealt with. And on my walk this afternoon thinking it over with Bob I could see that perhaps she is right. I can build an argument for it, especially in light of all Bonita is doing with my post about the soul on the UB forum.
Bonita is systematically picking apart all I understand about the soul and soulmates, pointing out where I differ from TUB, and really it’s most enlightening, even though my puny brain can only understand very little of what she says. But I get the drift, and for me it seems like the book it’s a crafted work - which I do think even purposefully contains a lot of truth and good information - to appeal to those people who want to move deeper into their mind control up to the sixth world mind spirit level. Something that I could image the Evil Ones wanted, so as to maintain their tenuous grip on the Rebellion and Default, and particularly in light of the fact that Jesus came to James Padgett some years before TUB, and TUB doesn’t mention anything about longing for the Divine Love or anything else the Padgett Messages say. And I have wondered, why not?
So to look at TUB in the light of yet another book to go along with all the other religious books humanity has to deal with that keep the Rebellion and Default going, another ‘higher revelation’, something sounding very important - the fifth epochal revelation, and something that seems to support and adore and worship Jesus, shedding no doubt lots of good information about him and his life on Earth, yet like the Bible, it just doesn’t do it, it doesn’t gel, it doesn’t speak about longing for the Divine Love and how to uncover the truth through your feelings, the main things Jesus and Mary do speak about. And all it does is a celebration of the mind, the mind is king, the adjuster and mind create and evolve the soul, the adjuster holds the pattern of ones life, but don’t worry, being a good adjuster it will never interfere with the creature mind; still, if you don’t do as the adjuster says, you won’t live God’s Will and so won’t evolve your soul and will never link up with your soulmate at fusion which is with your adjuster, who it turns out, is your perfect partner.
So much of it sounds appealing, all very authoritative, and possibly a great deal of it is true and very helpful, but all the main parts about the soul and soulmates and all the personal stuff about personality interaction is missing, there is no ‘human’ element, no emotion, no feelings - all too much the mind. Facts and information and thought-food.
So now I see we have on the one side all the Eastern mind stuff - the gurus . In the middle the religious stuff with the Christians being dominant. And then on the other side, the Western mind stuff - TUB. So we have the mind mansion world side of things more or less well represented. Then countering this we have the Padgett Messages, and my stuff. And really I can see, if my stuff is to remain, that this will possibly be the set up going into the next age, so ultimately with the all that’s in the mansion worlds being manifest on Earth. So all the mind thought world stuff, and the healing Divine Love feeling world stuff.
And all that waits to be seen is whether or not the religions all go to town on each other and fight it out, thereby lessening their influence. Which I think has to happen, all part of throwing off the heavy control over peoples lives they assert. I think people will want to be freer in their minds, so the likes of spiritual systems and even religions that support the mind and feelings will be more to peoples liking rather than being told what to do by some cleric or priest or someone who doesn’t really know much more than the average person.
I still love TUB although seeing in this light does tarnish it a bit, making me more circumspect about it. And possibly in time like with the Bible and other spiritual and religious books people will pick the eyes out of it keeping the good stuff that does resonate with their feelings when they are healed and true, and discarding the rest. But I’m not going to try and do that. So I am happy to live with it as it is, use what I will from it, see what others like Bonita on TUB forum say should I need to have my mind stretched and messed around with, but basically just get on with the truth that comes to light from my feelings and see what I think, and more importantly - feel about it, as time moves on.
I just read your post Sam - great! Yes, I too hated school and feel a dumbo intellectually, but the most important thing you said is that if a child can’t understand it, forget it. And what could be easier than just expressing your feelings and longing for the truth of them - and longing for the Divine Love. How simple, and a child naturally does it, or would if it were allowed to; and as you say, all else will come as it’s required.
And all that TUB information can wait, most of it doesn’t do us any good in life anyway, and there will me more than enough time to find out about it in spirit; and as you said, it only leads us further astray into our minds. Yes, I hate all the mind stuff, I just can’t do it, I can’t read most of what Bonita and the other Clever ones say, I find myself skimming it, I can’t apply my mind to even begin to understand what they are going on about, just as I can’t read most of the Bible either.
So thank you for your post, it comes as a good support, interesting that we’ve come to the same conclusion all thanks to the Clever ones on TUB showing it up for what it is.
God it’s been such a stressful couple of week, what with Anonymous, and TUB stuff, and Marion’s been pushing me hard to go and see mum, to confront her - and how do I feel about that? And with all the conflicting feelings, the mental confusion, I’ve had so many aches and pain in my head. All that strange head pain business I’ve mentioned that had been going on for months - about a year? - all went away just before all this latest lot of stress, suddenly I could bend over without my head feeling like it was going to burst; but then this week and yet more head pains, god I thought I was being done in.
But today I felt at peace, no head pain! I just stuffed in a block of Aldi’s milk chocolate with hazelnuts - I’m hooked on the bloody stuff - more bad feelings!, and relaxed with my mind at ease having finally slotted TUB into place. And then with all the stuff affirming it more in the afternoon, and now with all you’ve said in your post, I feel like I’m ready for retirement! I feel like I’ve finally resolved all there is to resolve, that everything is in its right place in my mind - yet my soul and Bob and the Mother and Father probably feel otherwise, however for a few moments at least, I’m enjoying the peace. And the sea was perfectly calm too, so beautiful and mild weather, the sun setting through the thin grey-orange clouds, all the birds on the beach, it was lovely.
Thank you again Sam, and I want to re-read your last posts during the next few days, as I’d rather stay with you and all you say than be going off roaming about the Internet looking for other things to stress me out.
PS... And then I thought: You said Sam: “A huge awakening has occurred in me today...” and went to write about. A HUGE AWAKENING for god’s sake. I’ve never read anyone on the Divine Love forums or TUB forums, or another other spiritual forums for that matter, who’s said anything like that, and then gone on to show the truth and understanding that’s come to it, and all so much on a personal level, all with so many feelings involved. So that says it all as far as I’m concerned. The thing I hate, is when asked, no one on these other forums ever comes forward with one personal awakening or truth or huge spiritual experience about the very thing they are all supposedly there on the forum to talk about - or what I think should be talked about. They all go on about how incredible their spiritual lives are, all sort of, nod nod wink wink - you know how it is, but no one ever actually says how it is. I love all you say Sam, and all the huge insights and awakenings you’ve had have been incredible.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
Following on form all that with Bonita and TUB forum I’ve been feeling even more at ease about it all. I still have some things I don’t understand, but I don’t care so much about that. I’ve been feeling more like I’m finished with the mind stuff, that I am happy with it how I see it, it suits me well, and if I could, I’d like to put it to bed and move on to simply being with my feelings, spending all my time working on them. All through my healing years so much of my time has been in my mind trying to work out the meaning of it all in the mind level. Now I want to concentrate on the feelings of it all, being able to feel how I want my feelings respected and then how I want to be considerate of other peoples feelings.
So again Sam I feel like it’s just you and I. I am happy to keep ticking the forum along, but as I said, I don’t feel like doing anything else. One part of me would like to even quit it all, just delete everything, pull in, and just get on looking to trying to finish my own healing.
I’ve realised that my whole thrust to ‘help’ others has really just been Gran telling mum where she is wrong and what she should do to do the right thing. So I’ve wanted to work it out and tell mum - the whole world - how to be; and if mum, the world, listened to me, and did as I said, my having found out what is right, then we’ll all be happier and no more yelling. More of what I’ve said before, but now I feel I am giving up trying to convince mum - the world - that she is wrong and she should be as I am. It’s never going to work Gran, mum will never listen to me - did she ever listen to you? No, she didn’t listen to anyone, no one could make her calm down and be a normal rational person - mother; she was rebelling against that, all of which ended up making me feel so unloved. I think the whole ‘Bonita’ thing, which seems to be right through everything that says life is not meant to be for you, we’re meant to be selfless and so serve everyone else other than being self-serving, is just more bollocks, for I can’t see why you can’t be fully true to yourself, so looking after, attending to and serving your own feelings, whilst then if you feel to, doing the same with and for other people if you want to. It’s all once again too much mind control, all to keep us away from our feelings. So instead of my working my butt of believing I’m being helpful and doing the right thing by trying to put my stuff out there, I’m giving up, for look where it’s got me. You and a couple of other people came, but that’s all, so I wasn’t very successful, all of which is leading me back to being with myself and my true feelings which are not wanting to do it that way anyway.
And then I was thinking, really if there had been a book I could have read that had all my stuff and all you’ve come up with and all what Marion saya and PM and even some of the good UB stuff, all based around how to spiritually grow through your feelings, then I could have read that, got the message, and then just got on with dealing with my feelings. Marion isn’t interested in all the mind stuff, yet she’s worked it out enough for herself, whilst she is all only about her feelings and mine and anyone else in her life. And really I think that’s how it will be for most people, they won’t want or need to know all the mind stuff, just enough to get the general idea, get on with their feelings, with all the rest coming to them through their healing. So really I’ve just had to write my own book for myself to read. And now I feel like I’ve read it, got the idea, and just want to work more with my feelings. And if it happens, it will be relief to just stay true to them, deal with them, express them, concentrate on them, instead of always having half of myself - my mind, off thinking about the latest thing I’m trying to work out.
My mind feels like it want’s to go into retirement, to have a decent rest, put its feet up and take time out and not have to think about any of it. If anyone comes to the forum of course I deal with that then, but probably no one will come.
And I just keep thinking about the incredible experiences you’ve written about Sam, and that as I said the other day how no one talks about their spiritual experiences on TUB or the Divine Love forums, not to any degree, not like you; so I wonder if they actually have any, and have any real healing and truth-insight and major awakenings and realisations. They must have little bits of slotting into place in their mind, more understanding, even feeling better within themselves as to how they might conduct their lives being more ‘loving’, but nothing with any real amazingness, at least enough to share on a forum. It’s almost as if there’s some unwritten rule that says you’re not allowed to share your real personal thrilling spiritual experiences, that they all just agree that they have them, but it’s all kept under the table - weird! Or, they simply don’t have them; and what they do have I can’t relate to at all as they never say what they are.
And for me life is all about sorting out how you express yourself and have relationships, it’s all about interacting, even as TUB says, but it’s about trying to have perfect relationships because surely that’s when we’ll feel loved and be loving. And so sorting out and trying to heal and perfect all that’s wrong in ourselves so as to connect properly - truly. With the ultimate relationship with our soulmate; and not just with our adjuster and the Father, that is a separate and personal loving thing of it’s own, and which will only flourish and benefit anyway from true and loving relationships with have with ourselves, each other and our perfect partner. I can’t see that we are meant to forsake all other relationships and ONLY have one with God through and with our adjuster. None of that makes any sense.
Because the whole thing about personality interaction, as in how to do it so both involved feel loved and good and true, is through feelings, attending to them properly, respecting them, not just all on a mind level.
So it’s back to feelings; I can’t escape them because we FEEL love, we don’t think it. So we have to attend to our feelings or else we’ll never feel loved and feel how good it feels being loving. So how you can think you can sort out your feelings and feel loved and loving all by looking to your mind. By making your mind control your feelings so as to make yourself be loving and caring, is beyond me, it doesn’t make sense.
So increasingly I’m grateful for Bonita. By reading her work, by trying to gain some insight into how she operates, is looking at a mind trying to do it all, like how I imagine possibly a sixth world spirit to be.
Oh yes, I asked Jesus about TUB, and he was still a little reticent about answering my questions as no doubt there’ll be more for me to see myself, however he did concede that the higher spirits helped the Caligastia’s to organise the book and bring it through, all in keeping with what the Caligastia’s wanted to achieve. That they had to make is sound very special, even including a lot of true information, but work it subtly to fit the agenda of the Rebellion and Default. So I don’t believe it is humanity’s fifth epochal revelation like it claims, they just made that up.
Jesus also said in speaking about people doing their healing like Helen Padgett and how she seemed to do it so fast, that not everyone will need to heal all the negative circuits. That really a soulgroup consists of the totality of the Rebellion and Default that’s been healed, with each of the twenty-four members (twelve soulpairs) doing their part of it. So Helen only needed to do her part, and as she obviously had a good upbringing, so didn’t need to do that much.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
I’m still thinking about TUB, reading some of what’s written on TUB forum. And my mind is slowly accepting, and coming around to the possibility, that it is ALL the work of the Evil Ones. And that craftily so much good stuff has been included in it, even about the Rebellion and Default, things one would think the Evil Ones might not want to talk so openly about; yet then again, why not, it’s a perfect ploy to seduce and suck one in, taking you in along certain lines but then once in, looking to lead you astray and deeper into the rebellious and feeling-dominating and controlling mind.
So many of the quotes Bonita uses on TUB forum I can’t understand having absolutely no idea about them, and I’ve realised that, I, like we all do, just took what I could understand from the book, and all those bits that obviously resonate so well with her and her way of looking at life according to TUB, I disregarded, because I couldn’t understand them. So for me TUB was wonderful, full of inspirational stuff, and helped me understand so many things like about the Rebellion and Default and the indwelling spirit, Creation and Paradise and the angelic realms, but then I dismissed all the stuff about the soul being experiential and alluding to the fact that the adjuster is our soulmate, all with such a heavy focus on the mind.
I can’t help but feel TUB is like a book that’s been chopped in half, so with half of it unrevealed - missing. And then again the thought comes to mind: We are still in Mary’s and Jesus’ age, which is still an age within the Rebellion and Default - especially the Default as they officially terminated the Rebellion. So anything that’s come to light, like TUB and even the PM, are still contained within the Default and so can’t actually help one heal it. We can long for the Divine Love - that being part of Mary’s and Jesus’ age, understand lots of cosmology and interesting facts in TUB, but still can’t actually heal ourselves, for that truth can and will only be made available by the Avonal Pair, as they will end Jesus’ and Mary’s age and start a new one, and one that contains the truth of how we can heal our evilness.
And how do you actually live allowing the adjuster to guide you, thereby living God’s Will? How do you choose in each and every moment to carry out the adjusters plan for you instead of going off on your own track? Are we in each experience to say - ah, now which way do I choose here, should I do this or that, what is it that they adjuster wants me to do? It’s too hard, and all to much of the mind. How do the ‘Divine Love people’ reckon they are living God’s Will, and TUB people, and the Christians, and... and everyone has a different understanding about it, which surely is not how it’s meant to be. We’re all of the same type of creation, so should work the same way, so what is that way? And for me it’s what Marion says she’s doing: if you can live true to your feelings, then you’ll be true to yourself, and being true yourself you’re also being true to the One who created you. And you become true to yourself and true to your feelings simply by honouring them all, expressing them, and looking for their truth. And as I’ve said it before lots of times, that’s how is for me, I can feel it, and really I feel that I’m being true to my soul, not true to my adjuster. I believe that the adjuster comes with our soul pattern in ‘mind’, meaning, it knows the pattern that’s in our soul and works with our soul in helping our personality express itself all so we can uncover the truth we are to see about ourselves - our personality, our relationships with other personalities, including our soulmate, and also our relationships with our adjuster, God and our own soul. I feel my soul is leading me through life through my feelings and my adjuster is responsive to that. And it’s my own choice as to whether or not I honour and express my feelings, being able to use my mind to go against them, so not express them. And as I’ve been trained to live against my feelings, so against my true feeling-self, so I’ve got to work extra hard at honouring and expressing and seeking the truth of them. But once I’ve healed all my feeling denial, then my personality will be perfectly and truly self-expressive, so it will be how I live, being second nature just to express all I feel whilst longing for the truth and the Divine Love. And then I’ll be perfectly living my soul’s will, God’s will, and in harmony with my adjusters leadings. All through my feelings.
And the more I read TUB forum and think about the soul being experiential and morontial, the more I think they are not saying it all. I can understand that within the soul is an evolving part, in that although it’s existential, it is bringing its two personalities into being, and so is engaged in the ongoing evolution of that whole process, of expressing itself in Creation. And as the personality and soul are really linked as one, so the evolving part is a part of the existential part, if that makes any sense. So although I feel the soul is existential, I also have no problems with saying it’s also experiential, as in experiencing its personalities through its personalities as they are expressing themselves in life. And that it is the soul that is growing and evolving in truth, even though on the existential side of things it’s all already all truth, as it’s all already all things. And I can see that our soul and personality relationship with our indwelling spirit is of course very significant, and itself, as with all relationships, is evolving, hence giving rise to the notion of the ‘evolving soul’.
Anyway I’m still thinking about it, but not too much as I still feel like it’s all finished for me. I now understand where everything fits in, I’m more than happy with how I see things, it all makes sense and feels right to me, and I don’t care if no else ever reads my stuff or thinks and feels as I do. So from going from wishing and wanting the whole world to be as I am, now I don’t care, not wanting anyone to think and feel the same way about such things as I do. If someone does think my stuff has something to offer them, fine, but still it’s all only my opinion.
And more and more I feel I am now waiting for the Avonal stuff to happen, should it happen during my life, for I see no other way to start the complete ending of the Rebellion and Default and for humanity to heal itself, other than through the liberation of the Avonal’s Spirits of Truth. And all I want to do is complete the seven psychic circles as TUB says we have to do, which involves my becoming, so far as I understand it, aware of my personality - being fully personality conscious; so aware of all that’s wrong with my self-expression and fully aware of my inability to have loving relationships - so all that my evilness consists of; all of which effectively means I have to finish my healing; and then once healed, becoming fully personality-self-aware of my good, true and beautiful aspects. So we have to fully understand our negative yuk unloving self, before we can then understand our positive loving self.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
TUB says: 110:6.1 The sum total of personality realization on a material world is contained within the successive conquest of the seven psychic circles of mortal potentiality. Entrance upon the seventh circle marks the beginning of true human personality function. Completion of the first circle denotes the relative maturity of the mortal being. Though the traversal of the seven circles of cosmic growth does not equal fusion with the Adjuster, the mastery of these circles marks the attainment of those steps which are preliminary to Adjuster fusion.
And: 110:6.3 The psychic circles are not exclusively intellectual, neither are they wholly morontial; they have to do with personality status, mind attainment, soul growth, and Adjuster attunement. The successful traversal of these levels demands the harmonious functioning of the entire personality, not merely of some one phase thereof. The growth of the parts does not equal the true maturation of the whole; the parts really grow in proportion to the expansion of the entire self — the whole self — material, intellectual, and spiritual.
Increasingly this I feel is what so much of our healing is doing for us. Other than healing our Rebellion and Default and growing in truth, equivalent to working up through the mansion worlds toward the higher perfect Celestial spheres, it is also working us up through the seven psychic levels. And I can see within my own healing the two are often working hand in hand, although at times I am specifically focused on one or the other. Although as to what is what, really I don’t have much of a clue at all, and not that that matters anyway as it doesn’t effect my growth.
I have been mostly focused on trying to understand what is the truth - that to do with our relationship with nature, myself (my soul), other people, other beings in creation like the angels and nature spirits, the adjuster and God. And yet now I can also see there’s been this other thing going on, which I can relate to as my working up through the psychic circles as TUB talks about them.
What we call self-realisation I now think is personality realisation, coming to understand just what personality is, the truth of it, and more importantly, what I am as a personality. What is my personality - what does it specifically consist of? What are my personality attributes, traits and characteristics, and how I use them to relate to myself, other people, creatures and God. And who being self-aware, am I? Am I simply wrapped up in my own self shut out and impervious to the sensitivities of others, and even to my real deeper needs? Am I like a robot that went through my childhood coming out the other end and forevermore just reacting to stimuli and situations without ever questioning my feelings, thoughts and behaviour? Am I interested in understanding the ins and outs of myself, and then other people, and how I relate to them and them to me? What goes on in my interactions with other people, creatures and God - and do I care, do I want to know; and why do I anyway; and will knowing do any good for me - what is it that I hope to achieve?; and should I care: am I meant to be sensitive to myself and other people, or just blockheading my way through life not giving a shit about either? Am I to have a relationship in which I say: this is me, take me or leave me. And if you take me, don’t expect me to change, don’t expect me to compromise, if you’ve got any complaints about me, tell them to someone who cares because I don’t, and I don’t want to hear them - I’M NOT GOING TO CHANGE! Or is having a relationship about endless change trying to fit in with the other person, being submissive and subservient to them? Or is it about trying to be true to myself, and so true in every situation, not trying to be anyone other than myself. And, is there a perfect way for me to be, and if I am that perfect way and then with another perfect person, we’ll be harmoniously living expressing ourselves without any friction. And should I even be with someone in a relationship that is full of friction so as to help myself become more self-aware, because surely I will need a lot of feedback to help me do that, as I doubt it’s just going to happen of its own accord.
Marion, I can see now, is hugely focused on becoming self or personality aware. In each interaction she wants to know what’s going on; first, how she is feeling and why she’s feeling that feeling, then what it’s all about. She wants to be able to perfectly express herself, hence her desire to live true to her feelings, believing that will get her there. And inclusive in perfectly expressing herself is being fully aware of herself, of her personality, how she is relating to herself and the other person - what effect she’s having on them, and what effect they are having on her - and why and what is she feeling, and even to a small degree, what is the other person feeling. But her main focus is on herself.
So in our relationship when I do anything that makes her feel bad, she expresses her bad feelings, first to understand why she’s feeling bad, and then she confronts me on my behaviour trying to help me understand what I am doing, why, and what I feel about it all - what buried feelings are driving me. She wants to perfect herself first, and then wants to be with someone else who is wanting to the same thing. And if we can be perfectly together great. And she believes that one day she will be with her perfect partner, her soulmate, so both perfectly expressing themselves to each other and being perfectly - fully - aware of what’s going on: within herself with the other person, and even in her partner because he’ll be fully expressing all his feelings and all that’s going on in him.
I grew up having no interest in trying to perfect my self-expression, didn’t understand that you could or should do it. I had a vague and small interest in getting to know myself and becoming personality aware. And as far as relationships went, I just tried to be nice and expected the same from everyone else, and in my intimate relationships wanted to hide away from life with my girlfriend, all with the focus on sex and good physical feelings, all without wanting to be bothered too much, so without too much criticism, self-examination, no bad feeling stuff, just being liked for being as I was. All of this self-awareness, focusing on my bad feelings so as to uncover the horrible truth of myself, and then trying to work out how badly I am relating and expressing myself in relationships, how insensitive and unaware I am of the other person and even myself, was news to me, and frankly, something I didn’t really care for. I’d have never chosen it myself because it wasn’t part of my early life, my upbringing was about disregarding any of that, and I came to it through the spiritual stuff, apart of which was meeting Marion.
So I’ve been drawn into it believing I have to do it, because what Marion said made sense and I was ready for something else because how I believed one spiritually grew wasn’t making me feel good and wasn’t turning out to go the way I thought it should. And only lately have I started to actually catch up with myself understanding that all Marion has been saying all these years is what I do want, so taking on my becoming personality aware more myself rather than constantly needing her to keep prodding me along.
And now my understanding this part in TUB and it making sense and being able to see it’s what I’ve been doing, gradually because of Marion’s help becoming more aware of myself and all I feel and think and why and of my good and bad behaviour and how I express myself in the bad and good ways, is apart of my taking myself more seriously, my becoming more sensitive to myself, and wanting to perfect my self-expression as part of healing my rebellion and default.
We are to get to fully know ourselves in life - surely it’s what life is all about, and we can only do that through our feelings. So even more I think Marion’s insistence and focus on the bad feelings is right, because we have to get to know the bad stuff as well as the good. So all this business about only focusing on the good feelings and thoughts and not dwelling on the bad will mean you are trying to artificially move up through the psychic circles by using your mind, becoming a completely contrived mind-focused person, completely with your feelings under control making sure you only feel what you want to feel, complete mind-domination of feelings, which those people on TUB and DL forums want and believe life to be, all so you can pretend you are all-loving, contriving your love feelings and expression by using your mind.
My self-awareness is very retarded, I am on the bottom of the psychic circles rung, at least that’s how it feels every time Marion points out another immature thing I do or say. My behaviour is so retarded to do with feelings, so being completely insensitive to myself or her or anyone else. And I hate how I am, but I have to keep focusing on being as I am and expressing all I feel about it, so I can see the truth of it. I am it, there’s no escape, so I have to own up and admit that I’m immature and a silly boy when compared to someone as mature as Marion.
And Sam, I can see from your posts how you’re maturing so fast becoming so aware of yourself through your bad feelings, and then with those people about you not wanting to advance in their personality awareness, also helping you to look more to yourself.
And it’s what I love about the Celestials. Every one of them seems so mature, so capable in their self-expression, so aware, so knowing what’s going on. And now I understand more why I feel that way, as they have all fully matured in their personality awareness, together with living such higher levels of truth. I feel compared to them that I’m just a stupid silly little kid who only wants to run around farting and laughing and carrying on with other silly little kids just like I did with my silly little-kid immature farting and joking father. And I don’t want to be ‘all grown up’ because what’s the fun in that, you can’t laugh and carry on and be silly anymore. I don’t want to be responsible and the destroyer of all ‘fun’, because that’s how my grandparents were. So I want to stay in my retarded personality awareness, delighting in having none, in not giving a fuck about anyone else, being able to yell and scream and run around without fear of being told off. All retarded. And I’m sure loved children would not want to do that, let alone do it for the rest of their adult lives, possibly growing up and being fully self and personality aware at a very young age, having fully ascended the psychic circles as they come into adulthood and not having to ascend them at the age of fifty-five.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
Marion was saying how it is all about acceptance of each other. The child comes into being expressing itself wanting to be accepted as it is by its parents. And were they to, then it would naturally express all of its personality in life. It would love interacting and having relationships, understanding by feeling they were the most important part of life. For within them is love, and all the good feelings associated with love. And the more intimate your relationship, the more you are able to express all of your personality, all of your thoughts and feelings, knowing all the way along you are thoroughly accepted by the other person. All of which makes you feel good. (We need the loving positive feedback. It helps us to define ourselves.) With being with your soulmate the ultimate relationship and loving experience one can have intimately with another person. It’s mad to think as TUB seems to say that your soulmate is your adjuster, so you have this wonderful experience with it whilst you also live in a relationship with someone else: or, are you to no longer need intimate and very personal relationships because of the growing union and intimacy with your indwelling spirit. Somehow I don’t think so, it seems absurd. But understandable I guess when Jesus and the Father are always spoken of as being by themselves, so not needing a partner; so if they don’t need a partner, then neither do we. And yet if that were so, then they’d be severely limiting their relationship experiences and so not getting the most of life, which also doesn’t make sense. And when you bring in Mary M and the Mother, then there are many more good feelings, loving feelings being expressed and explored between the soulpairs, the same surely being for us with our soulmates.
It’s interesting having understood from TUB forum their definition of soulmate, and rejected it, that Marion has started to feel an ever growing longing to be with her soulmate. She’s been working out exactly how she’d like him to be based on her needs, and feels she is now waiting for him to come. She can’t do anything about going out to try and find him, and she understands that she’ll possibly be waiting a long time and even into her spirit life, however she feels very good being able to say all she wants in another person all based on what she feels. And for me to not feel rejected, to just accept her, and wish her good luck. I used to hate her talking about being with someone else because I wasn’t good enough with all my inability to express what I felt and converse through feelings, but I’ve healed all that, so I’m now supporting her in all she thinks and feels. And if we do end up being soulmates, we will both change accordingly so as to want to be together because of feeling soulmate love for each other; something that can only come, so far as I’m concerned, when we’ve both finished our healing.
Bob was saying to me today that Marion’s and my relationship is about fully accepting each other in our worst, evil, fully yuk, states. It’s not about love. Not love between two perfect people, but possibly love of a sort for surely acceptance of any sort requires some element of love? However it’s true what he said, our relationship has moved us deeper and deeper into expressing the wrongness that we are and all the bad feelings resulting from that, and with time fully accepting each other for being our horrible selves. So we can comfortably be together in our no-love states, understanding what we don’t feel any real love for each other, all because our early lives didn’t contain any.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
Marion reminds me: It’s about bringing out all the bad feelings that are in you, that’s the first priority. Seeing and understanding what it’s all about is secondary, that will come because you want to understand as you bring out all the bad feelings. But you’ve got to want to bring out ALL of your bad feelings, all the ones that are within you that have not been expressed. Which as we know, means all the ones from our early childhood; and when they come out so they will bring the truth and understanding with them.
And doing this, when you connect with and express your feelings wanting to know the truth of them, is when the Spirit of Truth can function. If you just want to advance your mind with facts and understanding - ‘knowledge’ - then that’s what you’ll do, but you won’t be actually growing in truth.
This morning in the car I suddenly realised that the Urantia Book is written wholly for the mind. So its notion of the soul is what a mind would understand the soul as, so an experiential part of the mind, and naturally a part that’s evolving between the mind of the person and the ‘mind’ of the indwelling spirit, or the ‘Mind of God’, which really is the Infinite Spirit in UB language, and with nothing to do with the Eternal Son who is all about feelings and the truth and the Spirit of Truth.
So now I see the book completely as an expression of the Rebellion and Default, all of which has severed us from looking to our feelings for the truth of ourselves and God and instead put the whole focus of life and spiritual advancement on the mind. So TUB complies with the mandate of the Rebellion and Default as I’ve said, even though it does contain a wealth of valuable, and even applicable in some circumstances, information. It really is a book of facts, statements of facts for the mind, all of which serves to keep your mind busy with its own self-importance enabling you to further deny your repressed feelings which are screaming out to be heard. Because all those terrible feelings of hurt, misery and pain, all that anger, fear and suffering, is all you, the you back in your early life that felt unloved. And if you are still that person, still trying your best to override all such horrible feelings by using your mind, using the UB that way can be a great help.
So people wanting to use the book to further run away from their bad feelings will find it very appealing, whereas those people who do want to honour and express and uncover the truth of all their bad feelings, will wrestle with it, taking from it what they need, but also feeling it distinctly lacking in any feelings to connect with, so with nothing really personally that you can relate to.
And as much as one might love the book, and any book for that matter, it is people we are meant to love and feel loved by. And if we don’t feel love for and by people, then we have to find out why. And even if you know the reasons why you don’t feel loved, that is still only using your mind, you have to BE all those bad unloved feelings in each moment through the day so you can feel and fully connect and relate to all of yourself feeling unloved, disconnected, untrue, along with all the other bad feelings. We are the ‘living truth’, which means we have to live the truth of our state, so whilst we’re unloving, we have to live and fully feel all the aspects of it, all of which gradually become revealed as we move along in our Healing.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
I see even more clearly how The Urantia Book is presenting yet another untrue way to live following Jesus. The book doesn’t actually say this is how you should or can live if you want to live as Jesus did, but that’s what people read into it. So they are trying to use it to create a New Religion of Jesus as the book talks about happening one day. But it doesn’t say the book itself is to be the basis for this new religion. So once again it’s another untrue mind-deluded version of what Jesus is like, what he taught, how he lived. And as we understand, you can’t live or follow Jesus truly whilst you’re in a rebellious state of mind, the two states of being are mutually exclusive. Being rebellious together with the Default means you are doing all you can to reject and deny Jesus, even if you believe you are following him in the right way and being as he said you are to be. You are rejecting his Spirit of Truth, not embracing it. So a million new religions of Jesus can spring up, yet whilst people have not fully Healed themselves, then they will only be more of the same untruth. And this also includes the ‘Divine Love people’, believing they too are living as Jesus said one is to live. Yet it is all the same, all with ones mind in control of ones feelings, and that is not how you truly grow in truth.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
I've been asked what are the papers in TUB that I think are important. I’ve tried to keep it as simple as possible. These are what I think are the most important papers in TUB in relation to the basics of my work and what I think is relevant to our Healing and soul growth.
As you may know, TUB is written like something of a puzzle, the more you read the more you find little bits which slot into other little bits. This is great if you like such an intellectual challenge and have a great memory and enjoy having a ‘superior mind’ which I think appeals to so many who read it, however I find it a pain in the arse because I can never remember where that little crucial bit was.
And it’s far from being complete, annoyingly incomplete if you ask me, and it leaves out the feminine aspects and soul-partners of the Sons, and nothing about a Heavenly Mother. It’s highly ‘male’ orientated, which it has to be so as to be in keeping with the mandates of the Rebellion, just like the PM.
In speaking the other day with my Indwelling spirit whom I affectionately call ‘Bob’ about the ‘style in which the book was written’, he summarised it as: “It was written in keeping with and for those people who want to advance their mind - their minds control over their feelings; it was not written for people who want to look to their feelings for the truth of themselves, life, the universe, and God.” Overall I love the book, but don’t dwell too long on it or in it, and it also frustrates me because I’ve got to add the feminine and sift out the stuff about the ‘evolving morontial soul’ that I don’t completely agree with.
Anyway, there is enough that I think is good and true, as true as we can know anything, including my work.
These papers are interesting for the Bigger Picture, but not essential - hence the brackets. (the papers in pink are essential reading.) I refer in some of my writings to the Infinite Spirit as the Infinite Daughter Spirit. I prefer seeing ‘Her’ as the ‘Mother of the Mind - Thoughts’; whereas the Eternal Son is the ‘Father of the Truth - Feelings’. They being the Deity ‘Children’ of our Paradise Parents, our Heavenly Mother and Father. Together they make up the Paradise Trinity: the Father (and Mother), Eternal Son and Infinite Daughter. Not to be confused with the local universal trinity: Jesus (and Mary M), the Holy Spirit - from the Divine Minister, and ourselves - ascending mortals. (Paper 6 - The Eternal Son) (Paper 7 - Relation of the Eternal Son to the Universe) (Paper 8 - The Infinite Spirit) (Paper 9 - Relation of the Infinite Spirit to the Universe) (Paper 10 - The Paradise Trinity)
This is where we are all heading to - Paradise, the Centre and wellspring of Creation and home of our Heavenly Parents - a real place and world. Paper 11 The Eternal Isle of Paradise
This is about Jesus (and Mary M) and the other descending Paradise Sons (and Daughters) I believe all the Sons have soulmates; so there are Daughters, beginning within our local universe of Nebadon - Mary Magdalene, and others who have remained hidden from us because of the Rebellion, and yet who I think have had a huge unseen impact on humanity helping to keep the feminine, as in women and feelings and emotions, suppressed through the dominance of the masculine and the mind. TUB speculates that some time soon an Avonal Son (and Avonal Daughter) will appear on earth on a magisterial mission so as to end Mary’s and Jesus’ age and start the next one. And here again I disagree believing that what is needed is a full Avonal pair bestowal, something TUB sort of says doesn’t happen in the universe particularly because Mary and Jesus came here, and yet also leaves the backdoor open by saying because Jesus (and Mary) came here, Urantia is a special case and by their say so, anything is possible. And as you’ll read in my writings, I think we need an Avonal bestowal pair to reveal the truth of our Healing so their Spirits of Truth upon their death will be liberated containing such truth for everyone to use who wants to do their Healing. Even going to far as to say, you can’t do your Healing without the Avonal pairs help, either in person or via their Spirits of Truth. And so this is my own self-imposed test as to the veracity of truth of my work, for if no Avonal bestowal pair show up, them I’m way off track and I’ll have to make some major adjustments. So the die is cast! Paper 20 - The Paradise Sons of God Paper 21 - The Paradise Creator Sons
These papers about the Rebellion are essential in understanding what is wrong with us, and I wish every person were made to read and understand them from a young age. Humanity, even with the help of TUB, still has no idea about the severity of the Rebellion and its impact and influences on us - what the so-called Evil Ones (the higher spirits that should have been looking after us) have done to us. And how it has been orchestrated from the higher rebellious spirits and fallen angels up until Jesus (and Mary M) technically ended it. But still its influences are very real and are the reasons why we’re in rebellion against love, truth, beauty and all that is good, Mary and Jesus, and our Mother and Father. Paper 53 - The Lucifer Rebellion Paper 54 - Problems of the Lucifer Rebellion
More about the Rebellion and Caligastia’s betrayal. He (and his partner) who ruled Urantia from spirit and Daligastia (and his partner) who were materialised and present on Earth carried out Mr and Mrs Satan’s and Mr and Mrs Lucifer’s evilness. Paper 66 - The Planetary Prince of Urantia Paper 67 - The Planetary Rebellion
These papers are about the Default. Earth is suffering from a Rebellion and Default, the two aspects that again every person should be taught about from childhood. What it amounts to is, we are living the Rebellion by Default; which means, we don’t really understand that we’re rebellious, it’s been thrust upon us by default. If humanity has one redeeming feature, it’s that we’re not completely rebellious. Our Eve and Adam only defaulted, they didn’t join the Rebellion outright. However the default complicates things even more so than if we were a ‘double rebellion’. Most of our Healing involves the default aspect within us as represented by the ‘Eve and Adam’ in us all, that being, how we’ve screwed up the relationship between the feminine and masculine in ourselves and with each other. In my spiritual writings I have tried to make a picture that embraces both the aspects of the Default and Rebellion we all need to heal within ourselves. The Divine Love fits into part of the healing of the Rebellion. But neither TUB nor Jesus could reveal much about how we can heal the Default within us, and that’s where our Soul-Healing and Feeling-Healing comes in. And I have no difficulty believing that these higher spirit personalities such as Eve and Adam, the Daligastia’s and Machiventa lived on earth as revealed by TUB. Paper 73 - The Garden of Eden Paper 74 - Adam and Eve Paper 75 - The Default of Adam and Eve Paper 76 - The Second Garden
Machiventa (and his partner) took over the governance of Urantia when the Caligastias rebelled. I don’t know if his partner materialised as well (I’ve not asked them). (Paper 93 - Machiventa Melchizedek)
Again essential reading to understand the Indwelling Spirit which I think is about the most important thing TUB has given us. Some people have active relationships in their mind with their ‘inner god-voice’ speaking freely to them; other people don’t require such mental inner communication. Fusion with ones indwelling spirit equates to achieving a Celestial level of truth, so can’t happen until one has finished ones Healing with the Divine Love; and once done that person/spirit is officially deemed an ascending son or daughter and on their way to Paradise. I understand people currently and for the next spiritual age will be able to complete their Healing and attain a Celestial level of truth whilst on Earth, however their translation upon fusion with their Indwelling spirit will be held off until they are in spirit. Translation will happen for people much further in the future when the ages of Light and Life begin. Humanity has to first finish its Healing of the Rebellion and Default for such an incredible experience of inner love to happen. Also it might be in these papers where it says the adjuster is ones soulmate, which I disagree with. TUB also talks about ‘our evolving soul’, that which evolves out of the relationship between our personality and adjuster, which again I disagree with. Paper 107 - Origin and Nature of Thought Adjusters Paper 108 - Mission and Ministry of Thought Adjusters Paper 109 - Relation of Adjusters to Universe Creatures Paper 110 - Relation of Adjusters to Individual Mortals Paper 111 - The Adjuster and The Soul
A fantastic account of Jesus’ life, but it’s a pity Mary M’s wasn’t included. It puts many events in the Bible into their true context. The only drawback is it’s from a very mind-specific perspective... and it’s very long. Part IV. The Life and Teachings of Jesus Papers 120 - 196
TUB is not everyone’s cup of tea. I wouldn’t stress if it’s not to your liking. You don’t need to understand anything in it other than we’re in Rebellion and Default against love and truth, which is why we’re fucked. And that we all have within us an Indwelling spirit which is the ‘god within’. And we’re ascending in love and truth through our feelings to Paradise, there to meet one day with the ‘god without’ our Heavenly Mother and Father. And to assist us in our soul growth we can long for and receive from Them Their Divine Love (from the Padgett Messages.) And the way to heal our Rebellion and Default is to do our Healing - looking to our feelings for their truth so as to end our rebellion against ourselves, to end using our mind to deny so many of our feelings limiting the full expression of the personality of our soul (my stuff.)
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
Thinking about The Urantia Book, again, there’s still a few bits I haven’t quite ‘put to bed yet’. However I feel like I’m getting very near now.
To me it’s interesting that the book doesn’t relate to anything that I experience in what I’d call my spirituality, for example: perceptions about my existential soul and how I’m an expression of it; talking with spirits; talking with my indwelling spirit; auras, chakras, will-line etc; anything to do with Childhood Repression and the Healing of such trauma through feeling expression - no mention really about feelings and emotions and their importance, and in fact, downplaying them and writing them off as something that gets in the way of ones mind, not mentioning any of the feminine aspects related to feelings or our Heavenly Mother; longing directly for the Divine Love so as to have a personal, real, direct and tangible loving experience with the Father (and Mother). So all hands on interactive and experiential things that help me move more personally through life are negated or simply neglected, so why is that?
And all that is within the book is just facts, with the only real experience other than saying generally you can experience certain things spiritually, is the experience of reading the book. So very masterfully the book outlines facts that don’t actually lead to other spiritual experiences. Those people who love and only follow the book would probably disagree with what I’m saying, saying the book has given them masses of experiences, but I would argue that if you looked into those experiences, and even if they involved lots of feelings, they’ll still all be to do with increasing ones mind control over ones feelings so limiting ones true feelings and true spiritual growth.
So the book can’t talk about speaking with spirits, speaking directly with ones indwelling spirit, speaking with angels, speaking with nature spirits, speaking with your soulmate (because it doesn’t say we have a soulmate other than it being our indwelling spirit), nor can it talk directly about our existential soul because then that too would lead us off into other feelings and questions based on those feelings, all of which would take us away from the book making us have to look elsewhere for such truth.
And all these things I’ve mentioned I love doing, they are all part of my spiritual experience and they all involve personality interaction, and they all bring up feelings in me which I can long for and seek the truth of, all of which constitutes my spiritual growth, with my feeling focus and expression and seeking of truth all based on healing myself of all my pain and suffering.
So the book has provided me with a lot of good information that I agree with, some I find a bit dodgy and needs adjusting and a little I disagree with, but I can see it has to be that way if it’s designed to be fully in keeping with the Rebellion. It can shed light on the Rebellion, talk all about it, introduce a picture and understanding of it that’s vital to our Healing, yet it doesn’t cross the line into revealing anything or even suggesting there is anything we need to do that involves our Healing. So it doesn’t interfere with our wrongness, helping if anything to keep people firmly cemented in it.
And the last little bit I’d like to understand is really why was it written, and who wrote it, or who orchestrated it - was it in part of the Evil Ones doing as yet another ploy to subvert humanity and hook it yet more into the mind; or was it genuine Higher spirits who had been authorised to give us such ‘up to date information’ yet without in any way interfering with the Rebellion or Default?
Anyway, all in all I see the book specifically staying on the side of the mind, so all to help people evolve their minds control over themselves as can be seen by those spirits living in the mind mansion worlds. The book would fit perfectly into those mind worlds, giving such spirits a picture well beyond their limited view and understanding of the universe, yet at the same time not giving them the truth or ‘true way’ to attain Paradise by doing their Healing and longing for and receiving the Divine Love. So I guess such higher mind spirits would end up being frustrated with it, or simply convincing themselves like Bonita and friends on the TUB forum that they are progressing to Paradise.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!
This morning Marion was talking about her feeling of feeling more connected each day now to her soul and the Father, and it occurred to me in light of what TUB says about our soul being existential starting its existence when our indwelling spirit arrives, so when we’re about seven years old, that if that’s so, then our soul would already be full of yuk and only yuk as we’re completely established in our unloving state by then. So all we’d be able to feel regarding our soul or coming from our soul would be our unloving pain and suffering, which of itself is okay, however the further I go in my Healing, it being the same with Marion, we are becoming more aware of the purity of our soul ‘underneath’ or ‘before’ our incarnation stated and our being subjected to our parents unlovingness. So if you take the TUB’s take on it, then what about all the pre-adjuster time, from conception to seven when you’re being crushed and turned into a false unloving person, what do you do about all that, and how can you sense that if you're evolving soul only begins at seven? So that would effectively mean those early years are of no real value, you’re not a fully formed person still coming into being, so there’s no need to bother with them, which is about how the people on the UB forums talk about that part of their life and any bad feelings that might arise from it. Just right it off, push it aside, block it out, as it’s not important, when ironically, it is so extremely important because as you come to understand through your Healing, those early pre-adjuster patterns set in you like concrete and are impossible to divest yourself unless you do your Healing. And they don’t just go away, nor at they magically and mysteriously transformed by the Divine Love, or if they are, then that will only happen ONCE you’ve fully embraced them, fully allowed them to be, fully feeling all they make you feel - how powerless you feel in them and powerless to change and do anything about them, so just fully accepting these unloving imperfect aspects about yourself. And when the truth is fully felt and so known by being fully aware of your pre-adjuster state, then the Mother and Father through your soul will remove such wrongness and imperfection - such sin and error, then such things will be transformed out of your soul as you’ll no longer need to be wrong, for we only need to be wrong so as to see and know and feel and understand of that wrongness. We are, thankfully, not to remain unloving for eternity and our true state, as underpinned and defined by our perfect existential soul is love, and we’ve only been made to be unloving because of the unloving influences thrush upon us, so when we’ve uncovered the truth of our wrongness through our feelings, the we can ‘resort’ back to our true soul state of love.
And as Marion says, the key to it all is BRINGING IT OUT OF YOU. If it remains within you then nothing will change. If you bring it out - all your bad feelings, then they are out of you, so they are no longer of you, no longer part of you, they are gone and you are left being the true, real and loving you. But we’ve got to bring them all out FIRST.
What I do understand about what TUB is saying about the evolving soul and it beginning when the adjuster arrives is that this is when the person becomes a fully fledged up and running self-aware individual, someone who is able to think for himself and make his own decisions about life. It is the point of separation from being just a part of nature into being a true human, hence the beginning of the evolving soul. And so that person is now a fully functional mind, which means in effect he or she can choose to live in harmony with God or against God, so, as the book says, choose, by using ones mind, to live the will of God or not. And if you live the will of God, then you’re good, if you live only the will of yourself, then you’re wrong, evil, and rebellious, this being what a lot of philosophises believe.
However that’s all very well when one is only concerned with the workings of the mind, and so ‘choosing’ to live God’s will is a mental choice, and it’s not with the mind we are to live, that is all part of our wrongness. I was caught in this choosing to live God’s will for years, and am I doing it, and how do I know for sure as I might be kidding myself with my mind, and it’s all such a mess and so confusing and so on and so forth.
But now having given up trying to live life through the mind and moving to my feelings, it’s so much simpler and it makes more sense: if I live true to my feelings, then I AM LIVING THE WILL OF MYSELF AND THE WILL OF GOD. If I’m living untrue to my real and true feelings, if I’m living feelings that are influenced and controlled and brought about by the patterns of my unloving controlling mind, then I’m not living true to myself or true to my soul or true to God.
So by doing our Healing we are working ourselves back to being in a state of expressing and so living our true feelings, so when our Healing is complete, we’ll naturally be doing our will truly along with God’s will because they two are one, you can’t live your will truly and God’s untruly, or God’s will truly and yours untruly, it’s not like that.
So living the ‘will of my feelings’ is living true to myself, true to my soul and true to God. And living that way makes me feel better because I only have to attend to my feelings, and it takes me out the constant battle in my mind of trying to work out in each experience, in each decision, is this right, I am making the right choice, does God want me to do and think and say this... and that’s too hard, too laborious, too much of the mind, whereas just getting on expressing your feelings spontaneously as you feel them you do as a child without the need for any thought. And we’re ‘children’ of God, so we’re feelings first just as you see with children. The child doesn’t think from conception: is what I’m doing the right thing to do in this moment, and will God be pleased with me? It just acts assuming everyone will be and is pleased with it, getting such a shock and feel so hurt when it’s parents say they aren’t making it feel rejected by them.
So according to TUB, those people and spirits caught up in their minds would have to sort out the goings on in their evolving soul, and all from a mind level, whereas when you don’t do that and living instead true to your feelings, any bad stuff that needs sorting out will come up through your feelings, you feel it’s bad, you express it and long for its truth, and when the truth comes you know its all been expressed out of you and your true soul evolvement has occurred all within your existential soul.
As I’ve said before, but understand better myself now, we’re not doing our Healing so as to give us a stronger will to stop those things within us we don’t like. Or to be able to stop outside happening to us that make us feel bad.
We are doing our Healing so as to remove as we identify, express and release all the cause that is causing the bad things that we are or that happen to us. So once we’ve ‘Healed’ ourselves, then without the underlying cause those things simply won’t be an issue because we won’t need to keep being or doing or having them happen to us.
Most of the therapies and counselling and psychological help we are used to getting is designed to remove obstacles or blocks that we believe are thwarting our will. We are not a ‘success’ in life because our will is not firing at the right strength and in the right way. So unblock or release or clear away to blocks and your will is free to be as you want and so make you feel good, happy and succeed, it still all being under your control and in answer to your say so, so still all your mind in the drivers seat.
To look to your feelings expressing all the bad ones until there are simply no more to express, and to uncover and see and understand all the truth pertaining to such bad feelings, once all gone then you are not the same person as you was, so your needs will be different, what you believed and thought you needed or wanted to be will be different. So your uninterfered with will, will be willing you along, and all through your feelings, to bring the real true you into being. So your success will be different for how you see yourself and your life will be different, and what were your blocks or bad points will be irrelevant because they no longer exist.
It’s TOTAL Healing we want to achieve, which in turn is total will healing. So when you are healed your will will be willing the Divine Love into your soul, willing your feeling expression and seeking of truth, willing your relationship being focused in every moment on the Mother and Father, all as natural as breathing. But until we get to that point, we need to apply all the will we can muster to keep expressing our feelings whilst longing for their truth.
Uncover the truth through your feelings, and you're FREE!