Helping another person
Oct 13, 2015 17:26:08 GMT 10
Post by James on Oct 13, 2015 17:26:08 GMT 10
Helping another person
I’ve been talking with Marion about my possibly helping other people with their healing, and as I can’t help, not personally as in what Marion and I do with each other, so what help can I offer other than just writing about all I come to understand and sharing some of my experiences; and should I want to help people anyway, or is it just something I think we should all do; and perhaps it’s not even possible to really help anyone as we have to help ourselves.
I am understanding more about how needy I am, how I want a friend - friends, how I want to feel loved, be approved of, be needed and wanted, be the great one, the one everyone looks to for help and even salvation. And how I don’t want anyone to think I’m bad, I don’t want them to accuse me of being wrong, nor do I want anyone telling me what I should do and how I should do it. I want to have it - everyone - be how I want them to be, all to suit me, the whole world to do as I say. I want to be the master controller, the all-powerful one, and I want everyone to love me for being that way. I want to be god and loved for being god.
With the forum I hoped it might be a place that people would come and share their healing experiences, discuss truth and their problems, ask questions that would illicit more insight and understanding for us all. And ideally, we’d then take what we would away from the forum using it to help us feel and think what we do within our private lives, it all helping us get on with our healing, our healing that we’re all doing with the people in our lives, and not looking for such direct healing help from people on the forum. So that no one on the forum becomes the ‘healer’ being able to tell everyone what they need to do (I don’t want to do that), and that we all just somehow manage to work out how we are to do our healing for ourselves by talking about the various bits of it, as we apply them to our lives and the people in them.
And upon discussing this with Marion, I’ve been able to see that with you Sam and Wes, to some degree, how I’ve wanted it is happening, with neither of you wanting me to help you personally in your healing. So you’re not putting me in the position of needing me to be your ‘healer’, ‘teacher’ person, the one who can help you do your healing and solve all your problems.
And I can see with Desire that it got messy because she was wanting me to give her something I was incapable of, just as I was wanting her to give me things she couldn’t give me. So it came to a head, and instead of being able to fight and talk it out, which Marion and I do all the time as we accuse each other of this and that all based on our outstanding and unrealistic needs, wanting the other person to give us what our parents should have given us, she had, for whatever reasons, to go away, saying that it’s always the same, as soon as the teacher doesn’t get what he wants, he turns on the pupil - or something to that effect. But this I know understand is just the dynamics of personal relationships, as we all know, and in our personal relationships we can try and sort it out, as we’re all projecting our yuk onto each other, demanding the other person be as we think they should be, getting upset when they aren’t, and so on.
So I wonder how much I should put into the relationship with each person that comes to the forum. Should I encourage a personal relationship, and will that lead to a mess, to all the complications, especially as people who will come are needy and wanting help; or should I try to hang back, just keep it all more formal and impersonal, but then with the forum being a place where people if they can be bothered just post their latest healing experience with little interaction.
Everything is so bloody difficult. Half the time I feel like an insensitive meathead blundering along unaware of my feelings, unaware of other peoples feelings, unaware of my impact on people, and it all gets too much... and then what, throw it all out or keep blundering along? It’s so difficult when you’re fucked in so much of your self-expression and don’t know if how you are is true or are you being false, and... and then it goes around and who cares, we’re all stuffed anyway, so what does it matter if we stuff each other around a bit more. We can only do the best we can, and we can only keep attending to our own feelings for their truth. And we have to keep having the interactions to keep making us feel bad so we can work on those feelings. And as there is no way out of it, no way to avoid it - ARRRGGHHH!... what to do?
Sam and Wes, having been at it for some time and been on the forum for over a year, I was wondering if you would mind writing how the forum has helped you - what you’ve got out of it, and would you like anything else from it?
I’ve been talking with Marion about my possibly helping other people with their healing, and as I can’t help, not personally as in what Marion and I do with each other, so what help can I offer other than just writing about all I come to understand and sharing some of my experiences; and should I want to help people anyway, or is it just something I think we should all do; and perhaps it’s not even possible to really help anyone as we have to help ourselves.
I am understanding more about how needy I am, how I want a friend - friends, how I want to feel loved, be approved of, be needed and wanted, be the great one, the one everyone looks to for help and even salvation. And how I don’t want anyone to think I’m bad, I don’t want them to accuse me of being wrong, nor do I want anyone telling me what I should do and how I should do it. I want to have it - everyone - be how I want them to be, all to suit me, the whole world to do as I say. I want to be the master controller, the all-powerful one, and I want everyone to love me for being that way. I want to be god and loved for being god.
With the forum I hoped it might be a place that people would come and share their healing experiences, discuss truth and their problems, ask questions that would illicit more insight and understanding for us all. And ideally, we’d then take what we would away from the forum using it to help us feel and think what we do within our private lives, it all helping us get on with our healing, our healing that we’re all doing with the people in our lives, and not looking for such direct healing help from people on the forum. So that no one on the forum becomes the ‘healer’ being able to tell everyone what they need to do (I don’t want to do that), and that we all just somehow manage to work out how we are to do our healing for ourselves by talking about the various bits of it, as we apply them to our lives and the people in them.
And upon discussing this with Marion, I’ve been able to see that with you Sam and Wes, to some degree, how I’ve wanted it is happening, with neither of you wanting me to help you personally in your healing. So you’re not putting me in the position of needing me to be your ‘healer’, ‘teacher’ person, the one who can help you do your healing and solve all your problems.
And I can see with Desire that it got messy because she was wanting me to give her something I was incapable of, just as I was wanting her to give me things she couldn’t give me. So it came to a head, and instead of being able to fight and talk it out, which Marion and I do all the time as we accuse each other of this and that all based on our outstanding and unrealistic needs, wanting the other person to give us what our parents should have given us, she had, for whatever reasons, to go away, saying that it’s always the same, as soon as the teacher doesn’t get what he wants, he turns on the pupil - or something to that effect. But this I know understand is just the dynamics of personal relationships, as we all know, and in our personal relationships we can try and sort it out, as we’re all projecting our yuk onto each other, demanding the other person be as we think they should be, getting upset when they aren’t, and so on.
So I wonder how much I should put into the relationship with each person that comes to the forum. Should I encourage a personal relationship, and will that lead to a mess, to all the complications, especially as people who will come are needy and wanting help; or should I try to hang back, just keep it all more formal and impersonal, but then with the forum being a place where people if they can be bothered just post their latest healing experience with little interaction.
Everything is so bloody difficult. Half the time I feel like an insensitive meathead blundering along unaware of my feelings, unaware of other peoples feelings, unaware of my impact on people, and it all gets too much... and then what, throw it all out or keep blundering along? It’s so difficult when you’re fucked in so much of your self-expression and don’t know if how you are is true or are you being false, and... and then it goes around and who cares, we’re all stuffed anyway, so what does it matter if we stuff each other around a bit more. We can only do the best we can, and we can only keep attending to our own feelings for their truth. And we have to keep having the interactions to keep making us feel bad so we can work on those feelings. And as there is no way out of it, no way to avoid it - ARRRGGHHH!... what to do?
Sam and Wes, having been at it for some time and been on the forum for over a year, I was wondering if you would mind writing how the forum has helped you - what you’ve got out of it, and would you like anything else from it?
